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eerythingisshaka · 5 years

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Wakanda Got Y’all Pt. 8

[Black Panther x Insecure Mashup]

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Word Count: 4.6K

Issa can’t keep her composure if it was handed to her. “Lawrence, I didn’t know you were doing waiter work...food service...I mean I didn’t know you worked here!” Issa stammers, like occupation political correctness is most important right now.

Lawrence adjusts his black bowtie before, tapping his pen in his notepad. “Yeah, it’s kind of a side gig I got going right now until I get Woot Woot off the ground.”

“You’re still trying to make that happen? That’s what made you lose your job in the first place.”

Lawrence scoffs. “”No, the company not believing in something good before everyone else was doing it got me LAID OFF, not fired. But yeah, thanks for reminding me in front of your...date?”

T’Challa noisily slurps his water, bringing the glass down a little too hard on the table to bring Issa’s attention back to him.

Issa shakes her head in embarrassment. “Right, this is T’Challa. I’m working with him at We Got Y’all in an international collab kind of thing.”

Lawrence checks him out suspiciously. “Yeah I think I heard about it online on some gossip site. You’re from Africa, right?”

“Wakanda, yes. Small country that I’m the King of. It’s actually on BBC, CNN, many cable news networks almost everyday since I’ve been here.” T’Challa says matter of factly.

“And T’Challa, this is Lawrence, my...ex.” Issa adds hesitantly.

T’Challa offers a hand. “I’m sorry for your loss, Lawrence.”

Lawrence peers at T’Challa with a slight attitude. “Will I go to jail for doing something else with my hand besides shaking yours?”

“Well I doubt you could lose your job again, so....” Issa snipes.

T’Challa laughs genuinely. “It’s ok Lawrence, I understand. I come to you in good faith.”

“So is this a business meeting or…” Lawrence says, getting nosy.

*Issa’s inner conscience* ‘Nah nigga this is nunya meeting; as in NUNYA BUSINESS! Like how the bank teller bitch you fucked on my futon wasn’t my business. Or maybe like how your unemployed ass left a permanent dent in the couch next to Frank Ocean was none of my business! When you said you were focused on getting bread who knew it came with butter, bitch?! But what is my business is how I got a new nigga who’s rejuvenating my pussy one stroke at a time. Best be leave the royal penis STAYS clean, ya brokeness! I oughta Remember the Time your ass to a pile of dust, which ya dusty ass, Radio Shack ass, ‘may I refill your glass, sir?’ head ass-’

“Well right now we’re just trying to order food, so,” Issa looks intently at her menu. “If you wanna grab someone else to help us, that’s fine.”

“No, this is good. Got a King who’s paying the bill, might as well earn the tip.” Lawrence smile at Issa while nodding towards T’Challa.

“Well, did you jot down what I told you before?” T’Challa asks reviewing the menu once more.

“Yup, the shrimp dinner and the chicken marsala.”

“Good. Have you had experience as a waiter before?” T’Challa hands him the menu.

“Long time ago, but I’m really more into technology.” Lawrence says.

“Oh, so is that what Wot Woot was from? What is it exactly?’ T’Challa asks.

“We don’t have to get into it tonight, especially since I’m hungry and the order isn’t in yet.” Issa reminds them through her teeth.

Lawrence waves her off. “Don’t worry, this’ll be quick. So Woot Woot is an app that’s a social media app that keeps track of your friends locations. So when you’re near one, it goes-”

“Woot Woot?” T’Challa says.

Lawrence snaps excitedly. “That’s it man, or your highness! Sounds cool, right?”

T’Challa rocks back and forth. “It’s a bit out of date, is it not? So many things have location trackers, and to have an app solely based on that, is like having holo-air boards with an incandescent headlight and a bell.”

“A what now?” Issa asks.

Lawrence purses his mouth. “Yeah, it was in development for a couple years and corporate politics kept shelving it so…”

“I do have some family that are into tech. I would help myself but I’ve been busy…” T’Challa takes Issa’s hand for emphasis on the subject in his sentence! “But here’s a card with their info. Give them your pitch and maybe they can help tweak it for you.”

Lawrence takes it, thinking it over. “I...think I’m good, but thanks anyway. I’ll get your bread and drinks.”

As Lawrence walked away Issa spoke under at a whisper. “I’m sorry about that.”

T’Challa smiles sweetly. “It’s ok. I’m not surprised you have broken some hearts along the way. I just hope it doesn’t affect our dining experience.”

Issa sighs. “You don’t know the half. I wasn’t very...good to him. He didn’t try, but neither was I….I don’t wanna get into it.”

“You don’t have to, that’s not what tonight should be about. Whatever the case was, I have only known you as woman who does things with intention. You have a heart for the community that has made me even more excited for the start of the center here than I could’ve been before. And then I just so happen to work with someone who resembles the the core of a vibranium mineral being struck with pick axe.”

“What does that look like?”

“It’s beautiful, creates sparks that twinkle like a falling star….but explosive and volatile.” T’Challa pauses a moment. “Maybe that wasn’t as poetic as I thought it would be.”

Issa laughs. “No, it’s nice. Thank you.”

T’Challa kisses her hand as Issa looks back towards the kitchen area where Lawrence and a couple other waiters juggle orders.

“I’ll be right back.” Issa excuses herself making her way to Lawrence, who barely notices her standing by.

“Hey. How are you?” Issa asks awkwardly.

Lawrence looks at her with an unreadable expression. “We got the introductions out at the table, we good.”

Issa’s chin collapses in her neck. “I know you’re not mad, are you? You moved on, I did too.”

“So if you know we’re good, why are you over here now?: Lawrence chastises.

“Why are you being like this? “

“You come up in here with your new boyfriend, the King of Africa and shit and I’m supposed to just sit back and serve y’all? You know what that feels like?”

“I thought you were good! It’s not like that though.”

“It’s automatically like that. I felt low before but now you puttin me under your foot with this new nigga Issa, I’m not tryna be a witness to that.”

Issa scoffs. “Then don’t! Get your tip and we can part!”

“You think Imma lower myself to taking his tip? First he throws his resources in my face, downing Woot Woot, now I’m supposed to hand him a bill with a smile for 20%, you buggin!”

“Lawrence, this is the reason you aren’t getting nowhere. You think you can do all of this by yourself, but you can’t! You need help but you won’t ask for it! It doesn’t matter if it’s a stranger or who I’m dating, you can’t take criticism.”

“That’s why you went behind my back with ole boy instead of talking to me right?”

“I DID TALK TO YOU! I tried sooo many times, and yeah, I shoulda talked to you then to but we were so past that at that point-”

“And I’m past this Issa. I’m good.” Lawrence says.

T’Challa comes up behind Issa. “Are you ok? It sounded loud over here.”

“Yeah that’s the cooks man, they get noisy with orders and shit. Don’t worry bout it, yours coming out soon.”

“T’Challa, I think I’m ready to go, actually.” Issa says walking away.

Oh ok. Don’t worry bout it. Have a good night!” Lawrence yells after her. T’Challa and Lawrence stare at each other for a beat before Lawrence shrugs and goes back to his tickets for the night.

----

Molly checked her playlist on her phone to pick the perfect category curated for a twockin good time. Pressing play, Molly oohs at the beat dropping on Janet Jackson’s ‘Go Deep’ on her 90s queue. She twirls in her living space as the aroma of buffalo wings snakes around her nostrils tempting her to take another taste test just to make SURE sure that the meat was cooked to perfection. Before she could go for it, her phone rang: picking it up she sees Erik’s name light up. Luckily for her, fucking him on the first date didn’t wind up in a ghosting situation. They’ve been quietly inseparable for a minute now.

“Whatchu doin callin me boy? You know this Girls Night!” Molly asks in an accusatory manner, jokingly on her FaceTime

Erik laughs slow, looking like he just took a break from a smoke session. “I’m just tryna have a night with MY girl, you hear me?”

Molly smiles leaning on her counter. “Whatever man, you better not be interrupting shit. They should be here any minute.”

“That’s cool. I’m just tryna figure out the next time you wantin to hit the mile high club? I can get my hands on a jet that’ll take care of the work so you ain’t gotta wait for me to land and jump my bones like you crazy.”

“That was a one time thing, I do not trust you on any aircraft. Damn near killed me with your tricks!” Molly scolds him while turning off her oven.

“Shiiiit, you got your revenge on me there, in the car…”

Molly leans on the counter. “And it coulda been at your spot too if you wasn’t actin all tired.”

A knock on the door interrupted the list of their future indiscretions.

“I gotta go! I’ll talk to you later old man.”

“Pssh, aight. Big talk, Mol.”

Molly bounces over to the door, pausing before swinging the door open with a squeal.

“Ahh!! Oh! You’re early!” Molly says, excitement slightly diminishing as Tiffany puts a stank face on in her direction.

“Uhh, fix your energy. I lugged four bottles of Moet and some Fiji for me, up your long ass flight of steps, me and my baby will fight you for the blatant disrespect.”

Molly takes the bags out her hands. “I didn’t mean it like that, thanks Tiffany. Have a seat, you’re the first one here.”

Tiffany whips her blonde hair back with a quickness. “First? These heffas pulling a fashionably late move on us?”

Molly shrugs. “You already know what time it is.”

Tiffany goes to the kitchen to pick up a wing. “I do, and it’s past my bedtime! These wings are going to bring me closer to that!” Tiffany smacks loudly on a her morsel of chicken, enjoying the salty, spicy sauce off her fingers.

“There’s napkins in there too ma’am.” Molly calls from the couch, flipping through channels.

“Speaking of things that need to be wiped down, how’s you and Erik doing?” Tiffany asks, waddling over to join her.

Molly laughs a little too loudly. “Whatchu mean? We’re having fun, and it’s….really been fun too.”

Tiffany cocks her head to the side. “I can tell, you’ve loosened up a little bit more since meeting him, putting spring in your step.”

“And he keeps me hopping!” Molly chuckles. “I don’t know what it is, but he brought out a side of me I barely remember having anymore. With work and all these lame niggas, I forget what a real cool one is even like.”

Tiffany licks her fingers. “Well, ‘cool’ doesn’t last a lifetime, like the weather. And he sounds like a seasonal nigga to me.”

Molly rolls her eyes, pouring some wine for herself. “Good thing your opinion doesn’t run my life.”

A knock at the door brings a wave of relief over the both of them as Molly trots to open the door.

Molly brings out a big smile for it to drop just as quickly. “Oh, hey, are you….Issa’s co-worker?”

Nakia smiles politely. “I am, Nakia. Nice to meet you.”

Nakia holds out her hand for Molly to take while she gains her bearings.

“Yeah, of course! Nice to meet you! Wow, you’re gorgeous. Come on in! Not everyone is here just yet.” Molly closes the door behind Nakia. Tiffany waves from the couch.

“How are you! I’m Tiffany Dubois, one of Issa’s friends.”

Nakia offers waves back. “Yes, nice to meet you as well. This is a lovely place you have.”

Tiffany scoffs, twirling her honey blonde hair. “Oh no, this isn’t up to my code of residential requirements. This is Molly’s bachelorette pad.”

“Tiffany, you recommended me this place!” Molly exclaims.

“I brought some sweets I hope you all will like.” Nakia offers a container that was too fancy to be plain tupperware..

Tiffany perks up. “Ooh, where are they from?”

“I made them actually. I had some spare ingredients and a craving so I figured this was the perfect time to whip something up.”

Molly thanks her. “You can put it on the counter in the kitchen. Grab a glass of something to drink while you’re at it.”

“No! Grab a whole bottle! We have plenty!” Tiffany insists.

Nakia does so, setting her tray opposite the hot wings. “So, how long have you and Issa been friends?”

Molly starts. “For a loooong time. Almost half our lives now.”

“I came around later, but I like to think I really elevated the class in us all.” Tiffany adds.

“Bitch, what?” Molly looks over at Tiffany, who doubles down.

“You all were eating 2 for $20 appetizers and $5 hurricane slushies and the Trops Bar for fun. But with me, we have tasteful dinner, sipping wine in art galleries, all kinds of high class activities.”

“You do remember partying at the Dunes with them gang bangers almost setting her place on fire and you got so high off their supply, you and your husband conceived that night, right? Also, I’m a lawyer in this expensive ass loft, don’t tell me I ain’t high class, that’s Kelli and Issa’s trapping asses.”

Just then some raps start banging on the door to the beat of Grinding by Clipse, extra loud making Nakia jump slightly.

Molly gets up. “Speak of the devils.” As she goes to open the door, Kelli is bent over twerking her ass in the air Issa keeps the beat on her door, smiling with her whole teeth.

“Get the hell off my door with this shit y’all, DAMN!” Molly scolds. Issa ends her concert, smacking Kelli’s ass to cut her ass performance short.

Kelli straightens up, walking on through the door. “Ain’t my fault, I stand for my national anthem and that means face down, ass up!”

Issa walks in behind her scanning the room. “Hey Tiffany and oh Nakia, I didn’t know you’d be so on time, I would’ve came earlier.”

“No you wouldn’t’ve. Cuz I asked you to help me cook these damn wings but all I heard was drool and snoring on your side of things.” Molly says, heading to the kitchen.

“You know I take nap before girl’s night cuz alcohol makes me crash fast…” Issa mutters. “Anyway I brought the hot Cheetos and ranch to snack on!”

“How many bags?” Molly asks.

Issa looks around her feet, behind her back, checking her pockets. “One, duh!”

“Is! How the fuck are we supposed to snack on one bag of Cheetos between five bitches?” Molly exclaims.

“Tiffany don’t eat them! Kelli been getting heartburn bad lately, so she don’t fuck with the spice, Nakia? You had these before?”

Nakia studies the bag. “ I haven’t, no.”

“It’s nothing but cayenne and cancer, it would be tragic to ruin that good immune system of yours with this American fuckery.” Molly quips.

“Why are you fighting over it then?” Nakia asks.

“Because they are delicious! I grew up with these, and I’m not dead yet so I’m good!”

Kelli pops her tongue from the Moet bottle tickling her tastebuds. “And bitch, don’t think I can’t still go in on some hot Cheetos. I just gotta pop a calcium tablet, don’t get it twisted.” She turns to Nakia. “So, are you the princess we have heard so much about?”

Nakia smiles humbly. “No, not at all. That would require a marriage to the King, which is not happening.”

Molly walks in with the wings on the coffee table, Issa has plates and napkins.

“And T’Challa is...a king right?” Tiffany asks slowly.

Nakia sips her drink and nods. “Yes, and that ship sailed a long time ago.”

Issa almost choked on a flat hanging out of her mouth. “It got that serious between you two?”

Nakia shrugs, shifting in her seat. “We’ve known each other all of our lives, so when things changed to a romantic relationship, it was always taken seriously. But I have my own life that I want to live that does not fit in the traditional queen setting.”

Kelli stutters. “Oh shit, you….you can do that? Just telling the King no?”

Nakia laughs. “It’s not a dictatorship! I can tell him no when I want to, I can come and go from the country as I please, plus he knows better than to try me on most things anyway.”

“Oh so you got a hold on him good?” Molly asks, her eyes whipping back to Issa for a cosign.

Nakia finishes her drink. “It’s not just me particularly. The women in our country are held in an equal and in most cases higher regard than the man. It hurts me to see these women in other lands I’ve visited being treated unfairly and violently because they are seen as second class. It was an eye opening experience. That’s why I know T’Challa enjoys Issa’s company so much. She is a strong personality, not a people please, and intelligent. Of course very beautiful.”

Molly pushes Issa a little with her shoulder as she tries to hold back a smile. “Oh stop. I don’t even do a lot. Plus my makeup routine been so nonexistent, I need to get back on it.”

“Ok bitch, this ain’t your birthday, so I won’t sit for all this overcomplimentary foolishness.” Tiffany says pouring a small glass of the Moet for herself.

“But at least that means this wine is kicking in, y’all feeling all extra happy and loving. Don’t go kissing each other now.” Kelli snorts as she polishes off a wing.

Issa rolls her eyes. “But Nakia, really thank you for that. I was feeling really insecure about T’Challa and you, that I thought I don’t stand a chance.”

Nakia reaches across to tap Issa on the knee. “You don’t have a chance. You have an open and unadulterated opportunity to get to know a great man. I would never stand in his way, nor would I stand in yours.”

Issa smiles at her genuinely, squeezing her hand and sharing a moment with Nakia. She couldn’t believe how supportive Nakia was being but maybe it helped that T’Challa and her are friends first. And T’Challa showed no inkling of being back and forth between them so maybe she was just being extra paranoid. He even took running into an ex of hers as better than she would. All this made the possibilities with T’Challa that much more difficult for her to imagine.

“Now that we all waited to exhale, let me get some dirt on m’boyfriend M’Baku! My mm-mm good to the last drop! He got any spare hoes running around the States?”

Nakia pauses to think. “No, but I know he’s had a harem of choices back home.”

Kelli gasps, looking horrified.

Tiffany touches her back. “Kelli? You ok?”

Molly joins in. “Yeah? Were you getting serious with him?”

Kelli swallows hard. “So...he’s got a gang of women over in Wakansas?”

“Wakanda, yes.” Nakia says curtly. “But he’s not a bad man either, it’s just his custom.”

“So...I got somebody that is able to maintain that level of sexual prowess. To keep multiple women and new ones on a regular happy with that shaft?” Kelli shouts, clapping her hands as the other women look around in confusion. “Bitch, bring them brownies in. We are celebrating today!”

The ladies share a laugh as Nakia goes to bring her container of delicious looking brownies.

“I hope you like them. They are custom for parties, especially meeting new people.”

She cuts some pieces, and serves them around the group as everyone specifies their preferred pieces: corner, center, edge. They are an instant hit as the girls whoop over the moist and rich density of the baked good. Their laughs bounce off of the walls as they open up to each other more and more about themselves. If anyone were to witness them, they would appear like long life friends with Nakia. After their dessert, the wings went even quicker.

“Damn, you know I wanted to fuck y’all up for bringing nothing but a bag of hot Cheetos to this dinner party with ya cheap asses, but this shit is hitting!” Molly says in a relaxed manner, leaning over her plate to take a healthy bite of her wing, chasing it down with a chip.

Kelli is leaned back with Tiffany drifting off on her shoulder. “That’s cuz...the hot Cheetos are the appetizer to every meal. Think about it. Cheetos. It starts with ‘cheat’. That means, it’s the cheat code to every meal. It unlocks the flavor….of whatever you bout to eat!”

Issa slowly turns from her lean on the arm of the couch. “Kelli that has to be the smartest shit I ever heard you say.”

Kelli nods emphatically in agreeance.

“So, Nakia….first of all, you the MVP for this dessert.” Molly starts. “But you gave the scoop on Issa and Kelli’s flames, what about mine? Wassup with Erik?”

Nakia sits back in thought, clearly the most lucid of the group. “Well, we have not known him as long. He’s long lost family of T’Challa’s, first cousin.”

Issa smacks Molly’s leg a little too hard making her wince. “Damn girl, the fuck was that for!”

“Shit, my bad. But we would like double date or something. Girl, our children would practically be siblings. That shit mad cute!”

“No they would not, but I appreciate the sentiment.” Molly says. “So not much to say other than that?”

Nakia picks up her wine glass. “I didn’t say that. There’s plenty to get into, just a shorter span of time he became acquainted.”

“Tell us!” Kellie bellows to the ceiling out of the blue.

“Him and T’Challa didn’t get along too great when they first met.”

“Oooh, cousins fighting! That’s some Black shit.” Issa says.

“And of course Erik wanted to kill T’Challa, so when he didn’t succeed, T’Challa almost killed Erik but gave him another chance and started trying to rehabilitate him since then. I think it’s going well since Molly seems taken by him.”

Molly stops to stare at Nakia. Issa squints, raising her hand like a child in class. “When you says Erik tried to kill T’Challa, you mean like kill you like fuck you up real bad or kill you like first degree, capital felony offense type shit?”

Nakia purses her mouth. “The latter.”

Molly begins to breathe in and out deeply and frequently.

Kelli’s head pops up, stirring Tiffany awake. “Molly fuckin a murder? Oh shit!”

“He didn’t murder him! He didn’t do it, T’Challa’s alive!”

“Nah bitch, he didn’t SUCCEED. Which means he meant to fully end Issa’s dudes life. Girl, did he choke you when y’all fucked, cuz that could be him testing the waters-”

“Molly, I’m sorry if this upsets you. I thought that this may have been brought up by now.”

“Well, we’ve only been on like a date and a half so it’s still fresh.” Molly says. “But they are good now? Even after all that?”

Nakia nods. “Yes. T’Challa has a kind heart, and respect for the son of his father’s brother, especially with all he has been through. Erik is Wakandan but never group up knowing this side of his family, so he understood Erik’s anger.”

Molly relaxes a little. “I guess, that’s a happy ending. I still gotta talk to him about this, no way I can let this go without his side of it.”

Issa nods. “That’s right, you doin great sweetie. Hear him out.”

Tiffany stretches and yawns. “I told you girl. Seasonal ass nigga.”

Nakia reasons with Molly.. “It would be noble of you to talk to him about it. I’m so surprised you didn’t know. What did he tell you the scars were for?’

“What scars?” Molly asks.

“The scars covering his torso. They represent….maybe I should let him explain it.” Nakia’s voice trails off.

“Are they scars from his fight with T’Challa?” Molly asks.

“Girl, how you not know he got scars on him? Y’all fucked right?” Kelli asks.

“Yeah, but it was quick and we didn’t even get our clothes off for real...Nakia, where are they from?”

Nakia looks down. “I should go. I can’t tell you without giving away his past. He should be the one to tell you.”

Nakia gathers the leftovers of her dessert and issues goodbye with the group. Tiffany and Kelli follow next.

“Hey girl. If you need pointers on a prison pen pal relationship. I won’t say I know about how to sneak shit in for him but…” Kelli makes motions with her head and winks so boldy she might as well have said what she meant.

Molly’s eyes widen impatiently. “I hear you. I won’t need your services tonight so thank you, buh bye!” Molly leads them out the door, leaving her with Issa.

“Hey, how are you?” Issa asks.

Molly puffs out her cheeks. “I don’t know girl. I haven’t dealt with this before!”

Issa nods. “Well I know you have your standards on guys so if he doesn’t fit, just make it a quick cut while you can.”

Molly makes a face. “What do you mean I have standards with guys? Like I’m nitpicking or judgy?

“No! But I mean, if you can’t make it work with a guy that made less money than you or experimented with a guy once years ago, but give your key to a married man, I think you should put your standards under review at least in this case.”

Molly walks away from Issa. She could never take blunt criticism outside of the law firm well, and from her best friend is even worse.

“So I guess I’m that big of a mess huh? Now I let a murder fuck and what, I’m gonna be his next notch in his belt?” Molly hisses with contempt.

Issa sighs exasperatedly. “He hasn’t hurt you now! Just meet him in a well lit, well populated area and ask him upfront what’s good.”

“You sure have all the answers. What about you? T’Challa is a part of this conversation too.”

Issa scratches her neck. “I mean, I wasn’t going too…”

“Huh?”

“I said….I wasn’t going to BUT, maybe I will.”

Molly nods. I think you should. If y’all go the distance, he could run into shit like this on a regular. Assassination attempts, missions that call for him to fight. You really tryna be the right hand of a man in all of that?”

Issa hadn’t thought of that. He is a King after all, and political figures are constantly in need of protection and close watch, but he is so active that’s hard for anyone to keep up with. And America really doesn’t give a shit, so if he died could she handle? Would she be tapped to lead? Would he ask her to live in Wakanda with him?

“Thank Molly, now I’m paranoid. How can I see him with all that on my brain?”

Molly scoffs. “Join the club girl.”

Masterlist

RagTag

@hbicprettyprincess @theunsweetenedtruth

@kimianostalgia @airis-paris14

@afraiddreamingandloving

@chaneajoyyy

@myfavemarvelfanfics

@nys30

@blkintrovert

@allhailnjadaka @cutewylie @bidibidibombaclaat@muse-of-mbaku @wakanda-inspired @klaine15689

#insecure fanfic #black panther fanfic #black panther x insecure #mashup fic #shakafic

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junker-town · 5 years

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A Halloween candy draft, because we are a sports website

Photo by: Jeffrey Greenberg/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

Eight GMs. 24 picks. 1 ultimate candy haul.

Halloween is for everyone. Kids who want to trick-or-treat. Adults who want an excuse to wear costumes outside of Comic-Con. But especially for the candy lovers.

While children trade cuteness for the primary currency of their adolescent world, the childless among us must wait an extra 12 hours to profit. There’s no sweeter day in this world than November 1, where the racks and racks of sugary sweetness at grocery stores across the world become a distressed asset. All Saint’s Day is America’s gift to the gluttons, the beginning of a one week period where, if you play your cards right, you can purchase your body weight in Milky Ways for $15.

But which candy truly reigns supreme? That’s too big a question for just one person.

[Related: 17 last-minute Halloween costumes for sports fans in 2019]

About two weeks ago, a handful of SB Nation staffers threw down the gauntlet on breakfast cereals. A raging debate between honey vs. fruit vs. chocolate eventually exploded into a three-round draft where the world saw James Brady reign supreme with a lineup of Honey Nut Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Reese’s Puffs.

Brady, oat-loving coward that he is, decided to retire with his mantle intact. In his place, eight other SB Nation writers stepped into the void to create their three-candy roster. Now it’s time to dive back into that sugar mine for Halloween season. Here’s how it turned out.

Round 1

1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups — Whitney Medworth

It’s Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Do I really have to explain it?

David (Fooch) Fucillo: How am I supposed to shit talk peanut butter cups? Who would NOT have this atop their big board?

Tom Ziller: Easiest No. 1 overall pick since Zion. Disks over novelty shapes.

2. Skittles — Matt Ellentuck

Best fruity candy. It’s obvious.

Fooch: Y’all will trash me for candy corn, but as Eric Stephen put it, taste the lame-bow. Skittles are a perfectly fine candy, but who the hell takes it No. 2 overall? I feel like this will turn into the Ryan Leaf of #2 picks. If you had to go with “fruit” candy, Mike & Ikes would have been my preferred choice, but even Starburst feels like a better choice.

James Dator: Skittles are so overrated it’s scary. They’re way too sweet and literally dissolve into sugar crystals.

Ziller: Jabari Parker went No. 2 over Joel Embiid and Skittles went No. 2 over Snickers. Wow.

3. Snickers — Caroline Darney

Look, I didn’t think Reese’s would fall to three, so I’m happy going with Snickers. Snickers is one of the few candy bars that doesn’t loose that...je ne sais quoi...when it’s fun sized, but it’s a grand slam if you get a full sized one of these bad boys in whatever plastic pumpkin/pillow case you’re carrying through the neighborhood. This is a classic, and sure, I’ll build a team around it.

Christian D’Andrea: Regular Snickers aren’t even the best candy in their own brand extension. Crispers. Almond. Peanut butter. ALL SUPERIOR

Ziller: Both a delicious candy and a workout for your jaw muscles. Win-win.

4. 100 Grand — Tom Ziller

100 Grand is a classic candy that is best served in fun size (hence why full-sized bars are split in half). A lot of different textures happening here. A lot of complexity.

D’Andrea: Ziller, in either an act of hubris or just not being on Slack for draft day, missed his picks in the first two rounds and played catchup later. His first pick was a brick of mud dipped in rice. Nestle Crunch and Milky Way were both still available. This was a terrible idea.

5. Kit Kat — Christian D’Andrea

The chocolate is pretty great, especially if you can get your hands on the European version. The wafers don’t taste like anything, they’re just there for wonderful texture and to provide something to break apart with your teeth if you’re a nervous weirdo like me. Bonus points if you can break the candy down to its basic components like a Hershey Park diagram before eating it.

Eric Stephen: Gimme a break!

D’Andrea: God dammit, Eric.

6. Candy corn — David Fucillo

I get dumped on for picking Candy Corn in the first round and you’d think I was the Jets drafting a fullback. Most of y’all will argue I reached in a big way, but it only takes one other person to ruin my Halloween. I don’t eat candy corn outside of October 1 to October 31, but for that one month, it is truly a delight. The only opinion that matters is that of my taste buds, and they demand candy corn every October.

Darney: This pick has big “took a kicker in the first round” energy.

Ellentuck: Candy corn is good and I’m here to stan it actually.

James Dator: Yeah, I thought Fooch was tanking the draft like @boring_as_heck used to ruin NFL mock drafts. I still think he might have. I refuse to believe that in the pantheon of candy any reasonable adult with their faculties would look at a list of confection delights and say “why yes, I would like this honey-flavored wax please.” While the overall abuse of candy corn has gone a little far and is the cool thing to do (like trashing pineapple on pizza) this is still an absolutely garbage pick that would have been a UDFA. This is a worthless, awful, horrible pick that absolutely nobody should applaud Fooch for. I still love you dude, and I’m not mad. I’m not even disappointed. I’m just bewildered.

Ziller: What are we doing here? Is Fooch taking edible vampire fangs in the second round? Is he actually going to pick something like raisins?

7. Twix — Eric Stephen

I was worried that with such a low pick that I would have to draft a lesser treat in the first round, but instead I was fortunate enough to have a Mount Rushmore candy fall into my lap. Twix provides a perfect crunch with the inner biscuit, coated with the best combination of caramel and chocolate in the candy universe. It usually gets dark earlier around Halloween, but houses that give out Twix are beacons of hope.

Darney: I’ll say it. Caramel Twix are trash. TEAM PB TWIX FOR LIFE.

Ziller: Good value pick.

8. Reese’s Pieces — James Dator

Thanks to someone picking Candy Corn in the first round I got a sleeper here. I’m not going to say something ludicrous like “Reece’s Pieces are better than Reece’s Cups,” but the drop off really isn’t that far. This is a No. 1 pick adjacent candy I’m thrilled to get with the 8th pick.

Fooch: I don’t hate Reese’s Pieces, but the peanut butter aspect of them is missing something. They’re the M&M version of the cups, but frankly it just doesn’t go together as well. M&M type candies are best as plain chocolate (down with peanut M&Ms!), and going PB with them, I just am not a fan.

Round 2

1. Starburst — James Dator

I was a little shook at this pick, to be honest. I was sure I was going to be able to go Twix-Reece’s Pieces with my back-to-back selections and walk away knowing I owned these noobs. Good pick by Eric, so I had to pivot.

Starburst was my top fruit candy on the board and paired nicely with my Pieces pickup. Every flavor of Starburst is good. They are the perfect size and have a good tail end for medium-length enjoyability.

D’Andrea: All the flavor of Fruit Stripe gum, only with an added 3 percent chance of pulling out a filling with each lemon piece you bite into.

Ziller: Half the flavors low-key suck. So in the fun-size two-candy edition, you have a decent chance of coming up empty. Decent overall candy, bad Halloween candy.

2. Peanut M&Ms — Eric Stephen

A tried and true classic, M&Ms in the fun-sized bag is the perfect amount. I chose the peanut variety over regular because I love the combo of peanuts and chocolate, and each M is a perfect bite. Though who are we kidding, I’m not putting just one of these in my mouth at a time.

Fooch: Outside of peanut butter, peanuts are just bad. Why ruin a good little piece of chocolate with them? Frankly, any candy with a peanut in it has just been ruined.

Ziller: Fooch’s comment here explains a lot about his draft.

D’Andrea: I think we all came away from this pick more worried about Fooch’s wellbeing than Eric’s actual selection.

3. Nestle Crunch — David Fucillo

I pondered a Hershey’s special dark bar here, but that ricey chocolate mix of the Crunch bar has been a favorite of mine all the way back to a childhood. A Hershey bar is great on its own, but the “crunch” of a Crunch bar is unmatched amongst chocolate bars. Outside of candy corn and Reese’s peanut butter cups, this was #3 on my big board.

Dator: I’m supposed to shit talk you, but I’m subverting our structure just to tell you that I’m proud you made a good choice here.

4. Crispy M&Ms— Christian D’Andrea

By far the superior breed of M&M. I don’t know why they don’t sell these in five gallon drums.

Ziller: M&Ms aren’t great, but at least they are versatile (add them to cookies, popcorn, ice cream sundae). You can’t really do that with Crispy M&Ms.

5. Hershey’s Special Dark — Tom Ziller

This was a panic pick after missing the live draft, but to justify it: these always go first in that variety bag with Hershey’s, Mr. Goodbar, and Krackel, right? There’s a reason: dark chocolate is delicious. Even Hershey’s dark chocolate.

D’Andrea: Were baking morsels unavailable? There’s a certain brand of old man strength here, picking a chocolate bar that also sounds like a six dollar bottle of rum.

6. Tootsie Roll Pops — Caroline Darney

There’s going to be some sass on this pick, but 1. don’t tell me you don’t still search to see if you got a wrapper with the star on it and 2. any song related to these slaps. Don’t @ me.

D’Andrea: The taste of going to the doctor to get shots as a child, wrapped around the 20-year-old sweets eternally stuck to the bottom of your grandmother’s candy jar. Truly a winning combination.

Dator: Take a trash candy and put a stick in it so it’s even less enjoyable. Sounds like a winning combo.

Ziller: I haven’t eaten one of these in 25 years and I can still taste the cotton swab that stays stuck to the Tootsie Roll in the middle. Bleh.

7. Mike & Ike — Matt Ellentuck

Second-best fruity candy. It’s obvious.

D’Andrea: The perfect “my stepdad let me buy candy at the Dollar Tree” selection.

Ziller: Hot Tamales without any flavor. What’s not to like?

8. Butterfinger— Whitney Medworth

I can’t believe Butterfingers were still available at this point in the draft. There is nothing better than a fun size butterfinger in your trick or treat bag. Crispety, Crunchety, peanut-buttery chocolate bar perfection.

Stephen: Butterfinger has a rich history as one of Earth’s greatest candy bars, but since the flavor change last year it tastes like rancid cockroaches.

Ziller: I got so mad I left Butterfinger on the table. First-round talent. This is why sports teams “prepare” and “do research” and “make big boards.”

D’Andrea: Butterfinger is great. Especially the way it adheres to every crevice in your teeth so you keep tasting it for hours afterward.

Round 3

1. Wild Berry Skittles— Whitney Medworth

First off, my prior two picks were Reese’s Cups and Butterfinger so this pick is to round out my team and add that extra kick of flavor necessary. The combo is too strong: Berry punch, Strawberry, Melon berry, Wild cherry, and Raspberry. No weak links. No green. No yellow. Just good.

D’Andrea: Congratulations on selecting the fifth-best version of Skittles. Each one is a tiny trip to Smoothie King, only without the smug satisfaction of babysitting a 40oz jug of “vitamins” the rest of the day.

2. Cookies and Cream Hershey’s — Matt Ellentuck

Regular chocolate is basic as hell, but the cookies and cream version is not basic as hell. It’s actually the perfect complement to fruity candies like umm... Skittles. Or Mike & Ikes.

Ziller: “Want a cookie? Too bad, here’s a piece of chocolate with fake cookie inside it.”

3. Nerds — Caroline Darney

Nerds are the perfect Halloween candy because it’s not one that you’d really ever buy for yourself. October 31 is like the only night you accumulate these little crunchy nubs of sugar, and eating them straight out of the tiny little box is truly one of life’s delights.

Ziller: Pop Rocks without fizz. Why not just drink corn syrup straight from the bottle?

4. Whoppers — Tom Ziller

Obviously, based on my draft, I like chocolate and chewy candy. Whoppers hits both marks! Also, my daughters hate them so this is free money for me on Halloween. I’ll be rich in Whoppers on Friday and I can’t wait.

D’Andrea: I can’t say anything bad about a candy they package in old milk cartons. Whoppers are ...fine. Better than 80 percent of the selections available? Nope.

5. Sour Patch Kids — Christian D’Andrea

Because some days my tongue can just go to hell. Midnight Milky Way and Baby Ruth were strongly under consideration here, but a strict sugary diet of only chocolate would be a wasted opportunity. Throw about 20 of these little guys into a cup, microwave it for about 10 seconds, and then to go work on the softened mess moments later. And then ignore the filmy coating of corn syrup that lasts on your teeth for days afterward.

Ziller: Make a meal of it with Cap’n Crunch and just completely destroy your mouth for a week. Sadist candy.

6. Sun Maid raisins — David Fucillo

Halloween may be about indulging, but why not have a sugary treat that offers excellent fiber?! I was that kid who loved a box of raisins and am perfectly comfortable with it. There was no way any of these heathens was taking raisins, and since we did not have a UDFA option, it made sense to ride it to the last round of the draft. It gives me a well-rounded Halloween bag of waxy, chocolate, and fruity — the perfect Halloween for me!

D’Andrea: I swear to god this pick was emailed to me in all caps from [email protected]. Which one of your grandchildren showed you how to use the internet, Fooch?

Dator: I take it back. I hate you so much, Fooch.

Ziller: Unbelievable. So like Werther’s Originals and peppermint candies were a little too adventurous for you? Love to eat a box full of the worst part of basic trail mix.

7. Krackel — Eric Stephen

Halloween is Krackel’s time to shine, since it’s just about the only time you can find the crispy deliciousness in regular stores. Don’t listen to the heathens: Krackel is wonderful, a Nestle Crunch with even more crunch. Krackel is the highlight of those Hershey variety packs.

D’Andrea: Exactly like Nestle Crunch, only worse! I’ve never seen this bar in non-mini form.

Ziller: Almost always the last chocolate candy remaining in any modern Halloween basket. It’s the mid-November desperation chocolate when all the good stuff is gone.

8. Baby Ruth — James Dator

I will get down on some Baby Ruth. You know what a Baby Ruth is? A Snickers for an adult. Instead of some pressed peanut sweepings you get whole-ass peanuts and its makeup is essentially identical. If someone says “I like Snickers, but I hate Baby Ruth” they’re either pedantic, a liar or a sleeper agent.

Also its wrapper is silver and I like shiny things because I am actually a bird.

Darney: It’s no surprise the candy bar that is used as a euphemism for a turd went last in the draft. Good pick, James.

Ziller: Good pick, though inferior to its close, more exotic cousin Almond Joy, which I can’t believe I didn’t pick in retrospect.

The final results?

So who had the best draft? Vote below so we can mercilessly mock the loser, who will almost certainly be Fooch.

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momvsson · 7 years

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10 Things You Should Know to Maintain Your Computer

Everybody cherishes PCs when they work. Everybody shouts at them when they don't. Here's ten approaches to keep your PC running easily into its seniority. While I can't guarantee that these tips will keep your PC from always having issues, it will in any event help anticipate them, and make recuperation less demanding when they do happen.

1. Go down your information

At the point when was the last time that you went down your information? Not 'when was the last time you pondered it', or 'when was the last time you told somebody how essential it is', however when was the last time you really moved down your information? Furthermore, what amount of will you lose if your current hard drive bombs at this moment and you need to depend on that reinforcement?

Consider that for a moment. Presently, go make a reinforcement. On the off chance that you don't know how, don't have a consistent arrangement, or simply need to perceive what's new in the field, Consumer Reports has a decent diagram of the most widely recognized alternatives. Actually, I have almost no media on my PC, so I copy my records to CD once per year or something like that, and duplicate documents to a glimmer drive in the middle. It's brisk, economical, and sufficiently secure for my requirements.

Another tolerable arrangement is to utilize a program like Foldershare to synchronize your documents between two PCs (surprisingly better, two areas).

In the event that you have the open door, make a full plate picture (a "depiction" of your whole hard drive) quickly in the wake of reloading the OS and every one of your projects. This gives you a perfect beginning stage to backpedal to in the event that you have to reload everything once more, and will be significantly speedier than re-trying everything physically. Acronis True Image 11 is useful for the occupation.

2. Clean tidy from your PC

PCs are the absolute most effective clean gatherers known to man. Beside looking gross and potentially being a hypersensitivity danger, a dusty PC will trap warm, which can lessen its execution and life expectancy. The simplest approach to clean it is with compacted air - open up the case, take it outside, and blow the tidy out. The outside of the case can be wiped down with a sodden fabric. Be watchful about utilizing family unit cleaners, as they can undoubtedly obliterate circuit sheets. For most PCs, cleaning once consistently or eighteen months ought to be satisfactory.

Past simply getting the tidy out, here are some different strides to consider: Dust frequently gathers inside the CPU and video card heatsinks, consider dismantling and cleaning them in case you're open to doing as such, or if nothing else utilizing compacted air to explicitly blow them out. While the case is open, connect to the PC and turn it on sufficiently long to ensure every one of the fans are as yet turning. Supplant any that are dead or uproarious (a typical indication of a ragged out fan). In the event that there is sticky deposit or earth on the circuit sheets, it can be evacuated with a cotton swab plunged in rubbing liquor, which will dissipate neatly. (Ensure the PC is unplugged first!) If you're not happy with working inside your PC or suspect your PC has ceaseless overheating issues, Puget Systems or another expert repair administration can bail you out.

Click here to know more .

3. Tidy up your cabling, and everything else as well

There are most likely two things behind your PC: a wreck of links, and clean bunnies. In case you're moving your PC, accept the open door to clean your work area and floor too. While I can't assert that a spotless work territory will enhance your PC's execution or life expectancy, it will unquestionably enhance your significant serenity, and clean cabling will help avoid tangles and weights on your PC ports. On the off chance that you have a great deal of peripherals, consider utilizing link administration of some sort. Turn ties work fine, or make an excursion to any huge office supply store. You can utilize a full out link arrangement, yet even a five dollar link wrap can neaten up your work area significantly.

While you're wiping down your work area, wipe down the screen as well. CRT screens can be cleaned with any gentle glass cleaner, however LCD screens can't endure it. Utilize a hosed material or an item particularly made for LCD screens.

Consoles can be flipped around to dump out morsels and soil, or keys can be pried off and the entire gathering cleaned with compacted air. There are some great well ordered aides accessible on Lifehacker. Take a photo first so you can return the keys in the opportune place! In case you're feeling courageous (or simply have a truly disturbing console), a few people advocate running it through the dishwasher.

This is a decent time to investigate where your PC is found. Is there sufficient ventilation? Is the PC out of direct daylight, and far from warmth sources? What is it connected to? There's no reason for not having a decent surge defender (not only a plastic electrical extension!), and battery reinforcement units have turned out to be moderate for generally clients. This will influence the life expectancy of your PC.

Smoking will make a wreck of a PC quicker than whatever else I am aware of. While we at Puget Systems have never observed one very this awful, we can simply recognize a smoker's PC when we unpack it. Gadgets ingest the scent effectively, and even an all-metal case will hold the smell after every one of the parts have been evacuated. In addition, there's generally a layer of clean and tar on the hardware that has a tendency to be a giveaway too. If it's not too much trouble on the off chance that I can't persuade you to stop smoking all together, at any rate remove it some place from the PC!

4. Compose your establishment plates

Keep programming, fringe, and driver circles in a solitary area, ideally near the PC. A shoebox works fine. Ensure you have them helpful before endeavoring PC support or repairs - it's astonishing what can end up noticeably vital amidst a protracted investigating session, and it is normal to not comprehend what you're absent until you require it!

5. Run antivirus and spyware filters frequently

This thing ought to abandon saying, yet I'll say it in any case. Any PC that is associated with the web needs some kind of antivirus programming. There is a gigantic assortment accessible, everything from AVG Free to big business level arrangements. Utilize whichever you like best. Most antivirus programming will screen the framework for dangers progressively, so a full day by day examine presumably isn't vital, however do set aside a few minutes to run a full sweep each month in any event.

Some antivirus programs likewise secure against adware and spyware, however not all. In the event that yours doesn't, or on the off chance that you simply need an additional layer of security, AdAware and SpyBot are two of the best known (and free!) items accessible. While they may not be as dangerous as infections, adware and spyware will trade off protection and moderate your PC definitely. Run examines for them in the meantime as your antivirus.

6. Tidy up your product

At regular intervals, look through the 'Include or Remove Programs' interface that is found in the control board. On the off chance that there's product on there that you don't utilize any more, evacuate it. This goes triple for program toolbars, free amusements, and other asset eating bits of lighten. Be somewhat wary, however - some framework drivers show up in this rundown, and can make equipment quit working in the event that you evacuate them.

There's a great examining utility on Steffen Gerlach's site that gives a graphical portrayal of the information put away on your hard drive. This will give you a smart thought of exactly how much room your music accumulation truly takes, or how much space is going to old diversions.

7. Tidy up your OS

Windows is not the most productive working framework, and some of the time needs consideration itself. It spares a lot of superfluous data, for the most part as "transitory" records (which never get erased) arrangements of as of late performed looks, and so forth. There's a phenomenal program called CCleaner, which will get out the greater part of the unneeded information naturally. In case you're occupied with further upgrading your OS, there's an abundance of data accessible internet, including an article on enhancing XP execution accessible here on Puget's site.

8. Refresh everything

Check for updates for your equipment and programming. This incorporates running Windows Updates, checking for refreshed drivers, and checking for programming patches. The least demanding approach to discover these is to go to the producer's site, to their bolster segment, and after that search for a "downloads" segment or scan for your item's name. On the off chance that you've been having issues with a bit of equipment or programming, make certain to check for patches or updates - if other individuals have been having comparable issues, it's possible the maker has discharged a settle for it.

The special case to this is motherboard BIOS refreshes. Blazing a BIOS can be troublesome, and if it's done inaccurately you may need to send the PC for expert repair to make them work once more. In the event that the refresh was particularly discharged to address issues that you've been managing, it's most likely justified, despite all the trouble. Take after the producer's bearings precisely! Something else, allow it to sit unbothered.

9. Defragment

Once your hard drive has been tidied up, it's a decent time to defragment. This arranges your documents, prompting quicker circle get to times and enhanced framework execution. The Windows defragmenting device (Start > All Programs > Accessories > System Tools > Disk Defragmenter) functions admirably, or there's a rundown of open source and business defragmenting programming accessible on Wikipedia in the event that you'd rather utilize something else.

10. Perused more articles like this one

To wrap things up, keep on reading articles like this one, and whatever else PC related that gets your attention. The PC business is always showing signs of change - regardless of the possibility that you have a similar PC, there will be advancements that influence you. At any rate, you'll go into your next PC buy obviously better educated than you would be something else.

We at Puget Systems dependably urge our clients to find out about PCs when all is said in done and their framework specifically. Knowledgeable clients have a tendency to have less challenges with their framework, furthermore, we adore PCs and think every other person

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