#so did i relax this weekend? well i didnt get much done so fml

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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#god. im so sorry. ive apparently dragged myself up enough that i can now be v annoying abt my problems on the internet #anyway. the thing abt me is that ppl just cant say things to me. like the casual way ppl do #like oh we should do X thing or u should do X thing. bc i just go. ok r u... r u actually saying this is a thing that has to heppen? #like??? is this someone i have to be wary of now? and if its u should do X thing i cant just let it go #like Thursday my boss was like: u should watch a movie or something this weekend bc she was telling me to chill for a sec #bc i can only imagine how fucking miserable i looked last week #and now im laying here like. i didnt watch a movie. i didnt watch a movie. i said i would and its the end of the weekend and i havent #watched a movie. but like i dont even want to watch one? #and like if u tell me to chill its like. ok so i have to not work this weekend. ok but i have all these things i have to do. but i cant do #them bc i have to chill. so i get stuck in this agony loop where im just laying here paralyzed #which ive basically been doing for the past 2hrs. like i have so much to do. but i have to relax but also i have personal projects that #need to get done. and if i just lay here it counts as relaxing right? despite the fact im spiralling #i just cant focus. i vascilate too much between too many tasks and therefore accomplish nothing #so did i relax this weekend? well i didnt get much done so fml #ugh. its so annoying. im just so bored. maybe i should just sleep #i dont think ive been sleeping well. ugh. i dont understand how ppl can just like shut off the part of their brain that goes #ding! u have a task to do. ding! u have a task to do. ding! ur wasting time. ding! just imagine everything u could be getting done! #and i have to work thru Thanksgiving and i might not get that much time off at Christmas bc theres a project that keeps getting pushed back #my boss is moving schools January 1 but she really wants to b there for this project thats gonna kill me so like maybe we could squeeze it #in before Christmas? maybe? if i dont take a fucking break. which is stupid bc its my choice i literally dont have to but i cant just #forget that she wants to see it so whatever. ive been such a fuck up recently that i feel like i should make it up somehow #but thats stupid bc i should just take a long break bc im v obviously not doing well. but at this point idk if that would fix anything #i just need to leave. but rationally i should stay until next August bc money. but god at what cost #ugh y have i dont this to myself? last year around this time i was doing 10hr days 6 days a week on part time pay. and now im like hm y am #i all used up now? why am i so bitter? bc actions have consequences mate #sigh... so annoying #unrelated