#so sam attempts to mold himself into a normal shape stuff his self into a cardboard cutout of what he THINKS is correct

[bisaster-energy]

literally don't listen to the oh hellos valley album if thinking about sam winchester makes u feel anything because those songs are so fucking samcoded it'll tear ur heart out

#listening to second child restless child like 😐😶 #IN MEMORIAM BUT INSTEAD OF A SON RETURNING TO A FATHER. #it's well. you know. #I actually related some of them to cas but those two are like 🤞 #WISHING WELL??? OUGHHHH #i made mistakes do i even need to delve #that entire album can go into a Sam playlist unedited #if u can't tell I'm currently crying listening to this album ATM #i don't talk about sam enough but if i cared about him less i could talk about him more #but srsly the thing about sam and cas is that they do both want salvation. some forgiveness. #assurance that they're not some broken evil thing meant for nothing more than proving time and time again that that's all they'll ever be #and that assurance hinges on dean wayyyyy too much but that's another conversation #monstrous. other. that's THEM and they ache with want to repent but. how can u repent unless u change? #so sam attempts to mold himself into a normal shape stuff his self into a cardboard cutout of what he THINKS is correct #and we know cas is like is a drawing is done and then someone hit the erase all button over and over #but once he escapes the lobotomies he is still trying to be something else to some extent. he couldn't be a good angel #so he tries to be a good human but he can't even achieve that much so he's left looking in from the outside and #tells himself it's not that cold out anyway that this suits him better #does dean know why cas lingers at the doorway. does he know that sam is scraping at his walls fit to burst. #anyway the whole world would benefit from a more fleshed out sastiel relationship regardless of what kind #im in my feelings rn sorry for spn posting do u still think im hot :/ #cee's bullshit