#somehow Jake fell into the category of my OCs that can be described as

[yellowocaballero]

6, 7, 18 :V

What is your darkest fear about writing?

Oh god uh uh uh

I worry my stuff is bad, like literally everybody else. I get stressed out when I feel like I just can't make the story work, when it just has way too many flaws, or when I feel like I just can't reach the level that I want to reach. It frustrates me and I definitely vent to friends that I'll never be good enough for myself and my own standards.

But that's just frustration. That's my shit self-esteem and my bad habit of wanting things to be perfect without putting the effort in. I WISH I was a perfectionist. That's a huge part of my psyche that I have to manage in every aspect of my life.

That's not fear. Fear is anticipation of negative consequences. Fear is 'I'm terrified this'll happen, because then X Y and Z will happen'. These consequences can be physical - I'll flunk, I'll get rejected, I'll crash the car - or they can be emotional - she'll hate me, he'll be disappointed in me, they'll dump me, I'll hate myself. There's, like, stakes.

There's no stakes in my writing? If I post a fic and it gets no hits, then I've lost exactly nothing in this process. If I write a fic and it's terrible, then I'll get really frustrated and go cool off and then go back to writing something better. Worst case scenario with my writing is...?!...my friends will think it's bad..?!...I don't know. That I'll never be good enough...? I will never, ever be good enough for myself, this is a me problem that has little to do with my writing. This is why I write to destress. Everything's made up and the points don't matter?

(This is why I'll never be a professional writer, for what it's worth - hugely rooting for your success in that aspect).

What is your deepest joy about writing?

I sometimes get extremely nice comments about how much a story meant to them. That is always so wonderful, they are very meaningful to me. I also sometimes get comments that I have made somebody realize that they are ace/trans/has made them quit their job, which are the ABSOLUTE BEST. I love talking about my writing and discussing it with other people, and I achieve this through writing stuff that is hopefully good enough that I can make other people care about it. It's hugely rewarding and feels wonderful & it makes me happy to know that I brighten days. The best part of fanfiction is the friends I make through fanfiction.

But my actual joy is - I don't know, just in the writing. When I'm wading through a scene and I just really love the scene, and I feel like a freaking genius, and I can't type fast enough to keep up with my brain. When the image is incredibly vivid in my mind and I'm feeling everything in the scene, and it's coming out even more beautiful than in my head. When I'm, like, ALMOST THERE. Writing a sentence and going 'that's the EXACT right sentence' or writing a line of dialogue that is so clever or writing a joke that is just so funny. When everything is just right and I'm just having a complete blast, and then I go brag to my friends about how smart I am. I just like doing it.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

This post is already pretty long, so I'll attempt to be laconic.

I like Wolverine , Khonshu said wistfully. 

“Damn, then go staple yourself to his adamantium skeleton. Their crusade’s a waste of time. This ain’t a team-up issue, it’s a multiversal mistake.” Jake snorted softly, flexing his hands inside his hoodie pockets. “Mark my words, Boss. Day after tomorrow my knife’s going to find that kid’s heart. He’s going to die because our little justice system’s fucked up, because he made the shit choices a shit situation gave him, and because the keepers of the peace like us care more about justice than what’s right. And the same thing’s gonna happen next month, and the next month, and the next month. ‘Cuz there’s nothing cruel or unusual about state-sanctioned serial killing. How’s that for your piping hot pie of justice?”

The entire process of trying to make Jake was complicated enough, and he changed a tremendous amount through conceptualizing him. I hadn't intended to have him in the scene - I actually never intended to do a Jake POV until the final scene - and him becoming a major character actually fucked some stuff up. But I just liked my brand new OC so much he started eating up word count (The joy of Jake Dialogue is real). He was going to be a bit more unhinged until I wrote the passage, really loved it, and swerved hard in this direction.

This passage is to blame for a lot of that, because it cemented Jake as: an astute outside observer of the situation, a mouthpiece for the justice-themed moral, keenly intelligent, a kinda spicy fourth wall breaker, pretty hilarious, uncontrollable, pettily cruel, and bugfuck insane.

Anyway I actually just bring up this passage because I read The New Jim Crow in prep for this story and somehow Jake became the character in universe who's read The New Jim Crow. I also re-read all of She-Hulk 1989, and although Shulk was always gonna be 4th-walley it somehow became INCREDIBLY funny to have Jake be the only other 4th wall breaker just because he is bugfuck. I also watched many telenovela recaps and none of them made it in except for the general vibe of extreme drama.

Thanks for the ask!

#I'VE ACED SEXUALITIES WHICH IS WHY GOD PUT ME ON THIS EARTH #my writing #somehow Jake fell into the category of my OCs that can be described as #The Rich #and if you know then you know #or I could just do the jake in mk fanfics which is #*frantically reads notes* #speaks spanish? he speaks spanish? Spanish?