#something something abt making gideons life miserable bc she wished she was dead

[babydarkstar]

i just. i just…FUCK. i just really want harrowhark to go sicko mode when she realizes john has the power to resurrect whoever he wants he just chooses not to and even after learning about his own blood daughter he still doesn’t resurrect her he just makes her a construct. i would be alecto-levels of grief-stricken-enraged if my childhood nemesis/guard dog/whipping girl/codependent lesbian situationship that i lobotomized over/suicide-pact soulmate/only friend was suddenly here but not here haunting her own dead body and the only reason she’s present is because she was made into a fascist killing machine for a man with a power kink, and she’s not even happy about it but she’s going through the motions because all she knows of love is to be useful. (forever your sword.) and if i was harrow and i died and then came back to myself after switching bodies with the human cage holding the earth’s soul and realized all of this, i think i too would be accompanying the earth’s soul on her shoulder to go kill a man with eclipse-eyes and criminal levels of nonchalance. y’know. the one who guarded g1deon but not me, lord. the one who was so sure i had never seen that which lies insensate and with stilled mind, lord, who did not realize i was a lock and there was a key in the shape of a girl, lord. the one who looked me dead in the eye and told me i could never have my cavalier back, lord. the cavalier who came back haunted and empty and incomplete by your hand, lord.

i’m so team ‘harrowhark saves gideon for real this time not because she wants her cav but because she wants her other half’ i might lose my mind about it

#the locked tomb #griddlehark #im going crazy if im being honest #like sorry if this doesnt make sense im losing my mind #also i think so much about kiriona’s jealousy when alecto swears her fealty to harrow #and so many people talk about how theres a chance harrow chooses alecto over kiri/gideon #and yeah. she probably will choose alecto. but not as a supplement to gideon #bc once harrow realized the price to pay she never wanted it to happen to gideon #which is why she was so so upset she literally threw up every day for like a month about it #and lobotomized to stop the soul-bleed from being finalized. #she couldnt swallow one more soul as sacrifice for her own life #let alone gideon?????? she said it all in the pool scene ok. and then the iron fence scene #‘i can’t conceive of a universe without you’ #something something abt making gideons life miserable bc she wished she was dead #and would mever forgive herself for it #etc etc etc #ultimately i think harrow wants gideon. not as a cav or a servant. just as herself #one can dream