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forethan21 · 3 years

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18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way.

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this?

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

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buildingmylife1-blog · 7 years

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Same as before

Here an Imagina dedicated to @thegirlwiththestories Sorry for the delay

My English is not the best

Letter in dark black are the names

Letter in cursive are feelings, thoughts or situation at the moment..

Miss A /N And De La Cruz to my office - Mr. Porter addressing us.

The cause? A typical discussion in the empty hallways.

Still my head does not react like someone like him was your friend at some point but we end when I found my first boyfriend.

He act like a idiot since that time.

Montgomery De La Cruz Arrogant, selfish and cold, just looking at his eyes could see the darkness that was in his soul. Some time ago they were the cutest eyes I ever saw, some time ago… tiempo atrás eran los ojos mas lindos que vi, alguna vez…

Mr Porter: May I now know what the cause of your fight is?

A /N: He is always hindering and disturbing me.

Mont: he smiling - Only misunderstandings Mr. Porter, will not happen again.

Mr. Porter: I hope so, because the next time I have an obligation to suspend them both.

A /N: I promise it will not happen again. I got up from the chair, took my bag and headed to the Biology class.

Jess: Hey, is everything okay?

A /N : Yes, just problems with Mont, you know, nothing out of the ordinary,

Jess: Until when will you and him? They should talk … I do not know what moment you two started to get that way

A /N :Maybe someday.

Mont: Excuse me, I was with Mr. Portter.

Teacher: Okay, have a seat. As you know the dance is approaching so we will leave a corner with an envelope with our names where each left letters anonymously towards a companion.

A /N: This is ridiculous. I find myself looking at my piles of letters. Emotion of love- You say it sarcastically to Jess.

Jess: Put some emotion A /N you can not go on like that forever. You cut a long time ago with Matt, you must meet someone else.

A /N: I do not care Jess. I feel good alone.

At the end of the class they leave their cards and retire. The recess had begun and they headed for the cafe, where Justin Zach, Bryce, Monti, and Jeff were.

Jess: Look at this Zach, I think you should try something with him. They would look good together.

A /N: Jess dont try nothing. With Zach pass something that night because we were drunk, it will not happen again.

Zach: Heey A, Jess, how’s it going? He hugged you and saw Monti glaring at his situation. Are they already counting the letters they will receive?

A /N: Hello Zach. We do not think we will receive any letters unless that letters come from you and the guys haha. You will get many of your girls.

When the end of school came, you left the class minutes before everyone could leave because you received a call from your mother crying again. The situation between your parents at the moment was not very good and it made it bad to listen to your mother bad. On the way out you hit someone… and that someone are Montgomery

Mont: Hey, you dont see where you’re walking? Be more careful next time.

A /N: You ignored his words because your eyes were full of tears.

Mont: Are you okay? You need something? he stopped walking for see you.

You kept walking towards the end of the class where Zach was waiting for you. he hugged you and take you home. Your condition was extremely bad. Monti stared at the situation, he felt angry for see Zach with you every moment.

You and Zach spent a lot of time together and know that between the two there was the possibility of being something more than a friend. That posibilities make he feel jealous and angry with himself.

A /N: Thank you for being here for my Zach. You are a great person and a great friend. I feel happy to have someone like you by my side and always available to me.

Zach: I’ll always be for you. You are my friend and I do not want you to find yourself that way. Anything and at any time you need to call me. It’s okay?

A /N: You got out of the car, you faced the problems of your house and at nightfall you fell asleep.

Upon waking you checked your cell phone and you had a message from Mont.

A /N: You could not believe what your eyes were seeing.

Text: I saw you leave with Zach bad … Did something happen?

A /N :You ignored his message. You dont need to explain nothing to someone who makes you feel bad very often.

It was Friday, the last day of the week, Justin’s birthday, that meant party at Bryce’s house, pool and lots of alcohol.

Jess: You need to get out, I know things in your house are not right. Stay with me at home today.

A /N :Thanks Jess. I do not know what I would do without you and without Zach.

The day went slow, at the time of recess you saw Zach and Monti arguing about all the topics that were spoken at the table, this was rare. They were very friendly and never quarreled.

At the time of the party we arrived early due to Justin and Jess leaving for a while and promised to arrive early to collaborate. As we sorted things out the doorbell rang and when I opened it there was Montg.

A /N: Did not they warn you that the children’s party was next house? You said extremely sarcastic as was common in your comments.

Mont: very funny Miss tears. Let me in.

A /N: You’re an arrogant. If you do not know what happens to me you do not have to make fun of my feelings.

Mont: You did not want to tell me when I asked you. You leave with Zach like he was your boyfriend or something more that friend. You ignored me.

A /N: Are you jealous because me and zach are very close friends? You annoy me all the time, I do not have to tell you my stuff. I do not understand how you could change so much.

Jess: Stop fighting. It’s early and they both need a sip of beer.

At this moment you felt a connection with his gaze. There were words to be said. You did not know if they would be for good, for bad but there were things to say.

At night you and Monti took a lot, you are out about yourself. You there again flirting with Zach but when your eyes turned and saw Mont. with a girl you feel something like jealous about that situation.

You approached them and said:

A /N: Are you looking to fall in love? You’re with the guy indicated - you said sarcastically to the girl and you walked away.

Monty followed you with his eyes.

You served a glass of beer and there you had it next to you. He took your arm.

A /N: What are you doing? Who do you think you are? he take you to an empty room with a dim light .

Monty: What was that? You are jealous to see me talking to a girl?

He said it laughing and with the fragrance of alcohol, they were very close to almost touching his skin.

A /N You could not deny that he was attractive and you are drunk and you tell him- As you may think I be jealous of you Monti… or are you jealous that I am with Zach?

Monty: Yes. It bothers me a lot- At this moment he took your waist gently and attracted you at him, you didnt offer resistance and put your hand on his neck and kissed. The kiss was deep, slow and flavored with alcohol as you two were both somewhat drunk. The kiss ended when someone knocked on the door

A /N: You walked away from him looking at him in a confused way - we should go back to the party.

Monty: Yes, we should or maybe we can go for a walk. His eyes locked on you.

A /N: I must go home to Mont. You went out the door and told Jess you would go home.

The weekend was slow, you could not get Montgomery out of your head, his kiss, they needed to talk about that on Monday. Still when touching your lips you could remember the kiss.

Monday morning he was at the entrance as if waiting for someone.

A /N: Can we talk? You looked at it

Mont: Yes, let’s go- you two drove to their car, and drove to a quiet, pleasant place.

A /N: What happened on the party was strange. You know I never imagined us kissing. You hate me so.. im confussed

Mont: I dont hate you know, there’s something I want to talk to you about-

A /N: Montgomery are you nervius? You looked surprised but he played with his hands. At the moment your cell phone rings. It was zach

Call:

Zach: are you all right? You did not come to school and I thought you might need something.

A /N: I’m fine Zach, I just slept, I did not set the alarm last night. Thanks You.

You see Montg’s face change when you are talking with Zach.

Zach: well, I have to hang up. I start the class.

A /N: Why that face?

Mont: Nothing, I try to explain something to you and you are talking to Zach as if they were boyfriends.

A /N: Sorry, you did not know you are jealous that Zach talk to me.

Mont: you do not really understand anything A /N. Every relationship that I ruin you I did because I do not want to see anyone next to you other than me. I do not want you to be with Zach because you are mine. You were always mine, Friday’s kiss was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I always act like an idiot with you but it’s the only way I find to get your attention because you’re always with Zach. And here is the truth. He looked at his hands as he finished saying these words.

A /N: you did not know what to say. You did not expect them to come from Mont’s mouth. I also liked being with you on Friday. You looked like the one before, I felt safe. Zach does not have to be a problem for you, he is not with me in a loving way, he is my friend. Now look at me and answer something.

He looked up as I waited for your question. Are you sure we could try something?

Mont: We could try. I caress your cheek and I am glad to think that Montgomery of the cross was still that attentive and affectionate boy.

A /N: Let’s do it. Let’s try. They joined in a kiss.

#13 reasons why #13rw #13rw imagine

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bananacookies1 · 7 years

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i'm just going to apologize in advance. i am so deeply sorry for my word vomit i'm about to do. okay so here i go. i just came here to recommend a fic that i've been reading and feeling all these emotions about and then i scroll through what i have missed. i never really get on tumblr all that much and i think karma (would you even call it that?) just whupped me in the butt bc of that. i learn that there will be SEVEN children in cherry. i learn that there is going to be a vminkook hp fic | p.1

p.2 | a flippin vminkook and it's gonna be a hp au! i'm just. i. i'm just a little lost soul floatin about and suddenly it's like i'm getting pushed about by a ceiling fan. i see all these replies you're giving to people that have all these "not spoiling" answers but are giving me these answers that i've needed! and i also learn that you're reading swamp magic aka one of my all time fav fics i've had the pleasure of reading and that you're enjoying it! i also recommend their other works! they'rep.3 | amazing!! i love basically all the things they write and i've read some of their bookmarks (god, i hope i don't sound too creepy) and they are also really good fics! but the thing i came here to do in the first place is recommend the fic i've been reading and idk if you'll like it bc you like the ship jikook and vminkook and this fic is just taekook or vkook. but it kinda reminded me of cherry bc it started out with their childhood and went up all the way to them in college but it was sop.4 (im sorry) | good and i just had to recommend it to someone bc i liked it so much and no one i know like kpop or reads fics. i'm sorry for all this word vomit but i really just had to get it out of my system and i'm sorry for wasting your time!! good luck with anything and everything! idk what to say so i'm just gonna stop! :)OMG EAIT I JSUT REALIZED I DIDNT EVEN TELL YOU THE NAME OF RHE FIC! okay ummmm. i'm sorry..! it's called You're So Special by miniimin~*~Nonnie I love word vomit (haha that sounds so weird) but seriously you could send me a thousand messages and I'd still feel grateful!If I'm off Tumblr for a day so much stuff happens and it's hard to keep up! But Jikook is going to have seven little munchkins and my Vminkook is going very well! I haven't introduced Jimin yet and it's a little heavy on the Taekook at the moment but it's going along nicely~ I'm aiming for 15k words and today I hit 5k!It's funny because I'm forcing myself not to read the rest of Swamp Magic until I finish my Vminkook. Swamp Magic gave me all of my inspiration that I needed to write a polygamous relationship, and it keeps me motivated to write my Vminkook because honestly Swamp Magic is the best. I know that doesn't sound too convincing but it's one of those stories that kept me up late at night, longing for something, and only goooood stories make me get all sentimental. Lowkey I'm a hoe for Taekook and I've read a few stories about them (they have the best stories oml) but I looked up the one you suggested and IT STARTS OFF KINDA LIKE CHERRY and I was shook for a moment, but it looks so good and I'll definitely give it a read! I love fluff and growing up au's ❤️(also there's this porn star au that looks rlly good, it's super popular so perhaps you've read it? I saw it while looking for this story lol)But please don't feel like you're wasting my time because??? I love stuff like this. I love it when you reach out, and honestly I'd love to talk to everyone off anon someday, so I always treasure these messages.Really you're so cute, thank you for your messages! Feel free to word vomit whenever~! ❤️💕💕

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