#sorry for venting on here‚ I'm at the library right now. bc if i go home‚ she's going to start telling me her conspiracy theories | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yelenapines · 11 months

Text

vent bcs i am abt to commit murder what the fuck

cw: swearing, homophobia, vent

oh my fucking GOD. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL GODDAMNED FUCK. I AM. WHAT.

so i'm minding my business, going on about my day. it's lunch time, i'm eating with my "friends" and then they suddenly go, all concerned "Ines. (thts my name). 😐We saw a pin saved on your pinterest😐. saying that everyone should be gay.🥺 something about god saying eveyone should be gay.🥺" (for context, i think they're talking abt a video of a girl obviously JOKING saying that you should be gay because then you don't have to abort. (was satire on "Christian" logic. She was so obviously joking i can't omfg)) anyways. so internally i'm like here we fucking go. bcs ik my "friends" and i know where these convos usually go "wHy DoN't YoU lIkE gUyS" and shit like that. Obvi at first i'm like calm. I tell them it's a joke. then friend to my right goes super serious and shaking her head like "It wasn't a joke. it wasn't" (again, it was a joke). so i'm like for your own sake i'm gonna stop you from continuing right there. So then i'm kinda bothered by this as i continue eating bcs like. IT'S A FUCKING JOKE HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE. so I get up and✨leave✨ to the library. and then for the rest of the day they're MAD AT ME and IGNORE ME. I'm sorry but do you realize how fucking stupid you're acting? Like bbg. I'm sorry a gay joke offended you🥺 next time i won't have gay jokes saved to my pinterest only HETEROSEXUALITY ND THE GOOD FAITH IN OUR LORD AMEN FUCK GAY PEOPLE (/sar!) ok aside from that. why were you stalking me weirdos?? i find it hilarious that this whole conversation got to exist because it must have been something like this. "Ahhhh I'm bored what should we do?" "Hey let's stalk Ines's pinterest😄" "Great idea! We definitely don't act liike toddlers!!😆😆" *sees video. everything in life crashes down. the world turns dark. there is only despair, dishonnor and betrayal. life is over and joy is no more* "😰😰😰" "*tearing up* we need to talk to her. this is such a serious matter and concern worthy 🥺. we have to rid her from this DEMON. to the extortion room!" and then sat down at lunch looked me dead in the eye and asked about it. I'm actually lmfao right now i- Bae. (not my bae) I. I am speechless. I am FLABBERGASTED. HOW- how would you see a joke abt how everyone should be gay and take it so seriously😭. do you genuinely think that we're actually gonna convert everyone to be gay and cause extinction?? 💀 HOW. they took it so to heart i'm dead 😭😭. dk why you were so concerned and later on deathstaring and ignoring me but have fun at being mad ig. you sound ridiculous and like a 5 year old. also do you know how fucking ANNOYING it is that my ONE friend who's not homophobic or makes weird comments or questions is the one friend who keeps hurting me and I need to cut off. And guess what? I would rather be her friend ANYTIME. if i had to choose, she would be first choice, without question. i am sick and tired and would be better off without any of you bitch ass motherfuckers.

I hope you enjoyed our friendship and when i was there for you. Have a nice life.

#i want to scream out my lungs #and commit murder #how are online friends so much BETTER than irls #i am so done #it is EXHAUSTING to have ppl you care abt ask you shit like why you don't like guys or things abt gay behaviour #i shoul have never comed out. stupid fuckiung 6 grade me.#now i know i will stay closeted at my next school #honestly. wtf is wrong with you.#vent #yelenaposts #homophobia

4 notes · View notes

amerasdreams · 2 years

Note

I totally get that because I am also facing the same thing, so to see you struggling with it makes me sad. We're both the same age too. Fatigue can really affect your thinking and make everything automatically worse. One thing that I've found effective in combating negative feelings about myself is addressing each one of them and seeing them as problems to solve rather than absolutes. You are worried about wanting people to like you, which is totally fine and honestly also very normal. Who doesn't want to be liked? Just don't forget to love things about yourself. Being an empath isn't actually bad and I don't know where people are even getting this idea from and also, I don't really have the time or energy to invest in something that's also likely to slow my own personal growth and healing. Perhaps a similar mindset is also needed? Because if it's not helping you heal and grow, what's the point in wasting your valuable time, energy, and positivity on it? If you want to vent your feelings on Tumblr, do so. Yeah there's always a chance that someone will attack you for it, but don't let that stop you. Wouldn't it be better to be true to yourself than cater to a bunch of avatars and usernames of people that aren't actually part of your life? I also hope you don't feel like I was attacking you because if that's how I came across, I am really sorry. I only wish to show you support and encouragement. <3

Thank you for your message.

t def wasn't seemig like attacking. ♡ I got an attacking message earlier and I blocked them right away. It's true i have limited energy and i don't want to waste it on someone i don't know and who doesn't care about me. Especially on social media. There are too many people on here, I cant cater to all of them. (Idk is this what you mean by not wasting energy on things that hinder growth etc?)

Also I want to be true to myself and not censor myself just for some random people. I like tumblr bc I can be myself here. (I want to be able to be myself everywhere... for one thing, it takes too much energy I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not) It's just occasionally people attack me which really affects me. Words really affect me whether good or bad.

I did feel better later in the day so maybe your message helped :)

Hm problems to solve seem like absolutes bc to me they seem insurmountable.

I dont want to want to be liked. Don't want to need to be liked. I suppose everyone has this in some degree tho. But I dont want it to control me in any way esp to do things I don't like or want. It's hard to control these feelings tho. Before I didn't think I cared. Then I wrote fanfic and I got some good comments. Now I like crave them. Before I didn't know what I was missing. Now I know what positive attention from people can be like and I realize I was starved for it. Esp with things that I care about, people actually liking what I liked and put work into. Now there is this vacuum, or at least I'm aware of it... and more so after tumblr and I got some positive attention and people who seemed to be friends online. Who know me (I put more personal things on here than anywhere even to family... when I try to talk to mom about feelings she gets mad) and somehow they still like me and don't want to go away? Sounds fake.

But at the same time I'm aware of the time j lost and how I can't get it back. And can never catch up to other socially bc they had all this time I didn't. And really.... this panic started after college ...when before I seemed to at least have pretty good self esteem if not confidence. But after college it slammed into me how ill prepared I was to face the real world. Even more do when I tried to get jobs. Could only get menial basic ones. Rejected from library job bc it was too fast paced for me. Fired from my internship bc I just could not do it no matter how hard I tried. Etc. It's a problem... I don't know the solution

Well, I'm working on what I want. Bc I dont want to worry about what others think and I want to build a life that suits me not one that others impose on me. Do what is from my heart which is what I want more than anything. But that's easier said than done and I'm really running out of time (dad will be retiring soon, I should not be here... panic bc I'm not nearly ready... if i ever can be). I want my own business, and I have it, pet sitting, I could get more pets. I should. More clients. I just... don't really want to do it that much. I want to do something else. I've been doing this 10 years. I could do it on the side, supporting what I really want to do, and that's the plan. I just.. it's not easy, time gets away from you, and you have things that get in the way like covid taking most of my business away, my arm pain getting really bad last year so I could barely function, now I'm losing so much sleep so I can't function.... etc..

Was that a tangent, probably, bc my mind isnt working right.

I reallt need to try to find things to love about myself. Just saying that sounds wrong so I have some issue there... like I'm not supposed to see anything good about myself. If that's from upbringing or what. But I dont want to have to be reliant on others for self esteem, always needing reassurance bc I have none of my own.... that crash after college was a severe blow, isk how I can get it back when I see what the world is and how inadequate I am in it. But I dont want to please the world anyway bc there are a lot of dumb thigs in it I don't care for anyway. So... there is this weird conflict. Somehow resolve....

I came across some things that said empathy is actually bad and then googled empath bad and a whole nunch of articles came up so I panicked. But I dont want to dwell on things that bother me.... even tho they pop up when I'm trying to sleep and i can't shut them down no matter how hard I try....

#also helped i didn't see any other attackers #or i ate some lunch #or i did some stuff that helped #or all ...#u tend to see thr vent posts not when i feel happy lol. tho i trrying #also i have som sort of anxiety #i dont want to say bc i hate it hate hate #should go to someone but i dont want to #thrn that whole debacle with the zoo committee #shudder #how many times i crashed my car by accident #incl the day i heard about the librart job #also the war #took priority... wsnting to help #like for over a month i followd it instead of doing most things

2 notes · View notes

xnchxntmxnt · 3 years

Note

OMG HAPPY 2OO LUV!! ILYSM, AND YOU DEFINITELY DESERVE MORE!! AS EXPECTED I'M HERE FOR THE MATCHUP EVENT AND I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE KSDJFHSDF

1 | name : amie 2 | pronouns : s/her 3 | preferred gender : doesn't really matter 4 | self-description :

— it's ya clown sho <3 anyway, i'm an ambivert but more inclined towards the introvert side. my MBTI is INFJ and i'm a Gemini. i'd describe myself as someone who's very observant? yea, i guess. i'm awkward and you know it. My favorite color is blue, specifically sapphire, but i love all pastel colors. My fav show is Chicago Medical and all the psychological and crime thrillers out there are my favorite ( silent patient is my #1 though ) I love painting, playing piano and basketball!

— what i look in a partner you ask, uh, someone who can tolerate my silence. there are times when i go quiet for a whole day, i'll barely speak, no interaction nothing. i want someone who'd not exactly 'deal with it' but 'understand it.' also, i want someone who i can talk to without any hesitation. i have a hard time opening up so i don't do it but when i do, i spill almost everything. i might cry, might have anxiety attack, i might even shout. i know it's not very healthy but i want someone who can help me with those. plus someone who i can read with please <3 cheating and not having any respect for personal space would be the major deal breaker for me

5 | gen. aesthetic : my fashion sense starts from sweats and ends in sweats. i'm a big fan of those oversized hoodies and shirts, like something really comfy. however, i do have a collection of formal wears like blazers and dress.

6 | color/s to describe myself : red, actually. if not read then blue. it switchers but red 90% of the times.

7 | fav song/s : literally everything by Chase Atlantic and The Neighborhood. However, my absolute favorites are some of the famous classical pieces like Experience by Ludovico Einaudi and Chopin's Ballade No. 1 Op 23.

8 | fav genre of music : classical music ( Beethoven, Einaudi and Chopin own my heart )

Lol this is very lengthy I'm sorry, btw congrats again!

I looked into MBTI, I looked into zodiacs, I went off of what you said

Here he is, the man, Seijoh’s do-it-all guy

HANAMAKI TAKAHIRO ur new boyfriend

There is not enough content for him, anyway

How You Met

Bear with me here

Think about this

Artist!hanamaki

You love painting? Art club.

Idk if youre actually in any art club but shhh

Anyway, it was probably some sort of community thing full of tons of different age artists (bc you’d have basketball or something after school and he had volleyball)

So like once a week on thursday afternoons everyone gets together and does all sorts of artsy stuff

Everyone listens to lo fi music (or you can bring headphones) and chit chat and just paint for a couple hours

Its in the back section of a library (bc the library near me does stuff like this its awesome) so if you want you can go read a book while you wait for things to dry

One day the person that ran it suggested you talked to the new guy

He was about your age, it was his first day, they didn't know what all he was good at, and tbh they thought you two would look cute together

Just the vibes yk

So you set up your canvas and stuff next to him and introduced yourself

And you guys just vibe to the playlist

He’s REALLY good

Compliments you a lot too

Which is fun because he’s cute so it makes you a little flustered

You find out you guys go to the same school and he’s on the VB team

And says he has a (practice) game that weekend and asks you to come if you can

Which you do

And they win! So its fun!

Matsukawa basically asks you out for him though

He’s heard all about you already

“You don't get it issei! She’s so pretty!! God, she touched my hand and I thought I was gonna die!!!!!” “the enthusiasm is new for you” “shut up asshole” (conversation from the night before)

So he walks up to you after the game and is like “Hey so,,, we’re going out to get some lunch, you wanna come?”

Makki thinks HES flirting with you and is pissed off about it

Until you all sit down for lunch and oh, the only open spot for him is next to you (since when is matsukawa willing to sit between iwaizumi and oikawa??)

He asked you out after art club that week (Mattsun threatened not to give him any more monster for the rest of the month if he didn't get the guts to do it)

General Headcanons

You date hanamaki, you're also dating matsukawa

There’s no separating them (good thing ur MBTIs work together too, especially for strong friendships)

This was literally my first thought

Good luck with both these trolls

More on that later

Of course he’s going to be worried if you go radio silent for a while, but he'll understand

There are some days he’s not gonna wanna talk either

He’s really supportive on your bad days of course

Expect a random text in the middle of the evening from him

“Hiya sweetheart, just wanted to remind you that you’re beautiful, I love you, and I hope your day is going well.”

When he’s having a bad day, the same thing is all he needs from you to keep moving

He’s a really honest person. If you want to talk to him, be prepared not to get any sugar coating. If you tell him to shut up because you don’t want advice, he will. But if you expect advice from him, expect brutally honest advice. Subtlety is not his strong suit, so when it comes to advice, he’s going to tell it like it is. He's just trying to help, yknow?

However, he’s pretty good with people, so will know how to comfort you when something is bothering you. Tea and cuddles? Gotcha. Dancing at 11pm because neither of you want to sleep yet? On it. You want him to hold you? Perfect.

He’s not like...the most touchy person? There are some things he’s really indifferent on, and other things he’s stubborn as hell with. Whatever you wanna do, though

His weakness though

⚠️this part is slightly little bit suggestive⚠️

He will randomly walk up to you and pull you against him, give you a really deep kiss, smirk and walk away like nothing happened

Like hands in hair probably almost making out and then just

Walk away

Because that’s how he kisses and it’s breathtaking every time

It’s either little temple kisses or forehead or cheek pecks or something

Or that

And probably leaves you flustered and it’s funny (to him) (and to me if I was there with you) (bc that would be funny)

Hmm I’m thinking

I’m thinking hair dye dates

He needs help doing his hair from time to time Y’know (he doesn’t he just likes spending time with you) and he wants to make it pink again

So he teaches you how to do his hair and even offers to dye yours one day

Either just a strand or the ends or everything, up to you

Imagine having twinning hair dye with makki isn’t that cute

I think it’s cute

I said ur platonically dating mattsun right

Yes you are now

He absolutely adores you and loves how much makki loves you

Probably would have asked you out if makki didn’t but he was really pushing for makki to because he was just all over you in the beginning

He wasn’t overly attached to you romantically so being friends? Perfect. Sounds great

You two get along wonderfully though like you act like siblings once you warm up to each other

Again, very brutally honest person, but a little more awkward so doesn’t know what he’s saying might come off as he’s acting like a dick

He doesn’t try to though and he does really care about you

Flat out told makki if he breaks up with you and breaks your heart he’s gonna kick his ass (makki doesn’t know he had the same (less aggressive) conversation with you)

Tbh all of the VBC at seijoh loves you

Oikawa loves talking to you he thinks you’re great for makki

Gets you in on he and makki and mattsun’s antics

Iwa thinks you’re good too he just doesn’t know you as well

I think that kunimi would like you (he was almost a runner up--)

Kindaichi too

The first years just think you’re cool even if they won’t say it out loud

Seijoh VBC loves you

You got mattsun’s approval

And hanamaki loves you with literally everything in his life

You’re pretty set with your strawberry baby huh

Date Night!

SLEEPOVERS

I was waiting for some matchup to come along that gave me sleepover vibes

In a perfect world where you could do sleepovers with your bf because most parents would,,,not let that happen

Imagine…

He shows up at like 7:00 after practice, pizza in hand because he picked up dinner

You two eat, chat about your day, he probably scarfs down half the pie bc it’s after practice ofc he’s hungry

So when you guys are done eating you head up to your room

And make pillow fort

It’s mandatory

Different design every time, but there’s a pillow fort nonetheless

And then when there’s just enough room for the both of you to climb in

You get a blanket and a couple pillows and one of your phones or laptops or whatever and watch a movie and cuddle

When the movie is over you guys break out the face masks

You ever wonder why he has such great skin? It’s thanks to you (or if you don’t have masks, he picks them up on the way home from practice)

But anyway you guys talk shit about people for a while and sit with the masks on (it’s usually him talking about how Oikawa is a bitch as much as he loves him) (or about whatever he and Mattsun were talking about lately)

You both get chances to vent while the masks sit on your face and you just vibe with music (usually that you pick) (he listens to like,,,meme songs and like CORPSE yk)

After masks you guys make/get some snacks and munch on those during another movie but this time you’re in comfy jammies and more relaxed Y’know

Less paying attention to the movie you’ve seen a million times and just vibing in each other’s presence and it’s just really sweet

Fall asleep on his chest

Let him fall asleep on yours

Either way, you’ve got him whipped for you he loves you

Not that he doesn’t already but that’s his favorite thing ever so please just let him do that

Always makes sure to tell you he loves you before you sleep too

If you fall asleep first he takes embarrassing pictures of you with your hair being a mess & you best bet he sends them to mattsun because “she’s so cute omfg” “dude” “dude what” “you’re so fuckin stupid” “?” “Whatever—good luck being whipped just tell me when you need to get a ring, k” “you’re such a jackass” “yeah yeah Gnight”

Zodiac/MBTI

Okay so I’m not doing a big long paragraph for all this BUT from what I understand, Gemini/Aquarius are really compatible, and ENTP and INFJ are known as “perfect matches” sO (I had a really hard time deciding between Atsumu and Makki because they're both ENTP)

Psst Gemini + Leo is compatible and so is INTP + INFJ,,,, so, again, asking you to marry me sho 💍💍

Aesthetic/Vibes

Playlist

Prelude and Fugue No. 1 in C major, BWV 846

Linus and Lucy by Vince Guaraldi Trio (meme song)

Sky Full Of Stars by The Piano Guys

Someone To You by The Piano Guys

Shut Up And Dance - Simply Three

Runners Up

Miya Atsumu, Tsukishima Kei

#sho — 💍#//ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴜᴘꜱ

16 notes · View notes