#still debating the endgame ship but!!! have some soaproach crumbs

[wow-thisismylifeiguess]

part 1

hanahaki soapghost part 2

the team is off assignment for a month to give roach time to adjust to being back, being part of a new task force, and getting to know everyone. it’s a blessing and a curse for soap, means he’s not out on assignment while taking care of his little….problem, but it also means having to see his lieutenant and the new sergeant spending almost every second of time together.

gods, soap feels sick, and it’s not even just because of the flowers growing in his lungs.

it had taken nearly fighting gaz to the ground for soap to convince his best friend to not run to either price or ghost with what’s happening. gaz doesn’t leave his side for the next week, and soap can’t say that he’s upset about the whole thing, even if it’s embarrassing to wake the man up in the middle of the night because of a sudden coughing fit. all gaz does is get up and rub soap’s back, telling him he’ll be alright.

eventually, soap has to call to make the appointment. he’ll have to talk to medical, explain what’s going on, fill out forms, and then make up an excuse to price about why he’ll be gone for a bit. can he even make up an excuse? what does he tell the captain? lie about a family emergency?

soap sits alone for the first time in several days in the base’s kitchen. he’d managed to wake up and slip away without disturbing gaz and he drinks from a mug of lukewarm coffee while scrubbing at his eyes. he scrolls on his phone, looking at reviews from a doctor he’s been considering for a bit. all of the reviews are good, talking about how afterwards, people felt /so/ much better no longer being tied down by love for someone who wasn’t worth it.

/fuck/, ghost is worth it. ghost is so absolutely worth it. that’s not the issue. the issue is that soap /isn’t/.

“Oh! Soap! Wasn’t expecting to see you here….”

soap nearly jolts in his seat. he’d been so out of it, he failed to notice footsteps getting closer and when he looks up, he meets roach’s eyes. they’re a bright green even in the shitty lighting of the kitchen and the corners of his eyes are wrinkled as he smiles. the lines are etched so deep, he must smile like that often.

“Ah, couldn’t sleep.” soap says, and he forces a smile on his own lips but the way roach’s expression droops, it must not look super convincing.

“I….hope it’s not my fault.” roach says, and his voice is quiet. soap’s eyes go wide and roach looks away like he hadn’t meant to say that. “That came out wrong. I mean- you- We haven’t gotten a chance to talk, not really. Ghost tells me I’m being stupid, but I’ve gotten it in my head that you don’t…seem to like me…very much.”

oh….

soap blinks at him without saying anything and roach only seems to get more anxious before soap recovers and he’s waving his hands in the air. “No! No, it’s not like that at all!”

this time, roach looks startled, but he relaxes quickly. gives soap a soft smile that has something glittering in soap’s chest.

/what/?

he pushes the feeling away.

“Really? I- Yeah. I know, I was being stupid. But, well. Ghost’s told me a lot about you. So I wanted us to be friends.”

the fact that ghost talks about soap, and in such a positive way that roach actively sought out his company, soap feels ridiculously warm, but it’s quickly followed by a spike of pain. he tries to push it down but it’s so much worse than it’s been before. this is- he can’t-

it’s through sheer willpower that soap doesn’t spit out a whole goddamn fucking bouquet. there’s blood in the back of his throat and it feels like something sharp has ripped it up to bits, but he forces himself to speak through the pain.

“Yeah, of course,” he chokes out. “But we can hang out better once we’ve gotten some sleep, yeah?”

roach seems too happy by the fact that soap doesn’t hate him to notice that anything is wrong.

2/?

tbc

#the end for this is a bit rushed but it’s like….8am and I haven’t slept and for some reason I was determined to finish this /right now/ #still debating the endgame ship but!!! have some soaproach crumbs #they’re minuscule rn but they’re there! #soap’s suffering fr #soapghost #ghostsoap #soapghostroach #cod #my post