#taking a big risk with that quote lmao wish me luck | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jawnjendes · 4 years

Text

bonus: why is their luck in a deeply sad moment? | shawn mendes

some type of au idk man, shawn x goth ex gf

WARNING: there is talk of death and suicide in this chapter. read at your own risk.

AN: i cant squeeze this into the next big fic nor can i fit it into shawn meets bc everyone hated it so its a bonus in the gg story lmao also im starying the Next Big Fic in a few days :)

masterlist | annalise’s playlist

2026.

"Sometimes I think about the what ifs," Ann said, “but I like where I am. I like what I’ve made for myself.”

Shawn had to invite her over to his house a second time, because the first time left him with many questions unanswered. He couldn’t be mad at what she said, though. He was in the same boat; he liked the life he made. You know, without the crushing loss and run in with the supernatural.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” he told her, and he really meant it. “I’m glad we were able to successfully do our own things straight after breaking up.”

“Nothing like filling the void in your heart with work!” Ann replied with a giggle. She moved a strand of hair behind her ear, and that’s when Shawn noticed something.

He took her hand and noticed a tattoo on the side of her middle finger: The Triforce.

“You got inked?” he asked, impressed.

“Oh, that’s nothing,” she replied, grabbing her sleeve to roll it up.

There was a sword on her inner arm. It was varying in shades of blue, and it also had the Triforce on it. Shawn recognized it as the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda games.

“All this is is proof that I’m a nerd,” Ann said as she rolled her sleeve back down. “I notice you have some more ink also… and that you still wear shirts half buttoned.” She pointed to his chest.

Her finger poked the exposed skin. It shouldn’t have been as tingly as it was. Shawn smiled and placed his hand over his chest.

“More than just that,” he told her. “But I can’t show you all of them.”

Maybe it was a little risky to say that. Shawn would have taken it back if Ann’s cheeks hadn’t gone a shade of pink.

“I could say the same thing…”

Shawn quickly came to learn just how many tattoos Ann had gotten over the years. A snake and tombstones on her other arm. Feather on her collarbone, roses on her shoulder. A quote reading, “...but I’m not anymore” with stars around it on her ribcage. Something on her wrist that Shawn didn’t catch because he was busy pressing his lips to her hips and taking off her pants, where he found another tattoo. “Lucky you.” He certainly felt it.

Everything about their time together was so familiar, so easy and almost home-like. Ann’s skin touching his. Her lips perfectly molding over his. The quiet, needy gasps they both released into the bedroom. It was like going back in time, and they were in Shawn’s Toronto apartment instead of his multimillion dollar condo in LA. It was soft and slow, despite Shawn pinning Ann’s arms above her head. He didn’t outgrow that particular move, and she still seemed to like it.

Shawn had never been happier to have been on a break more than now. Most one night stands in the past began and ended very quickly, because he was on tour or in between interviews or on a break for one day. This was one person that he didn’t want to leave behind. They lied down, sweaty and dazed, facing each other. It was silent, but not awkward. Everything had a nice haze around it.

That was also when Shawn finally made out what the tattoo on Ann’s wrist was. He picked his head up in confusion.

“Is… are those torches?” he asked. “Upside down? Just like mine… and are those my initials?”

It was simple line art, less intricate than his own. Torches in an X, with “SM” right below them. Shawn has been floored many times, and this was no exception.

Ann picked her head up as well. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Shawn looked down at his chest, his torches were exactly the same, sans the initials. He wanted to give Ann the benefit of the doubt, that this wasn’t some creepy fangirl thing. Some of his one night stands ended up like that, and it wasn’t exactly easy to forget.

“It’s for a friend of mine,” Ann explained, sitting up and covering her front with the blanket. She took note of the look on Shawn’s face. “Keeping someone’s light on beyond death, remember? I assume yours is for someone too.”

They were both sitting up now, and Shawn relaxed. However, he only relaxed a little bit because now it was time to get deep.

“Mine’s for Brian. He died last year.”

Ann’s face fell. “No. Brian, your best friend? Brian, the one who constantly took the piss outta me?”

He nodded. “He was… there was an accident. Flight of stairs. Instantly killed.” It was all lies, but no human would understand.

A hand went over his, squeezing. “I’m so sorry. He just, he just fell down some stairs?”

“A lot of stairs. I don’t know I guess he was running or something. There was no way to save him. People in the house heard the crash, but by the time they found him - when I found him - it was too late.” He had told this version many times, enough times to where he could almost believe it himself.

“Fuck, man. That’s… that’s fucking terrible,” Ann said sympathetically. “But I seriously can’t believe you just told me that.”

“Why?”

“Because now I have to tell you that mine is for Stella. Those are her initials.”

Stella Martinez. Now Shawn felt a little stupid… but surprised, and he was met with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t believe it for a second, but it fully processed in his head, and his heart began to break.

“Stella from college? Stella, who was your literal opposite and also your best friend?”

Ann solemnly nodded. Then she looked down. “She… she killed herself.”

Shawn was stunned into silence, the tightness in his chest only intensifying. The entire time he knew Stella, she was always so positive and bubbly. She was the opposite of suicidal. That’s why it was such a shock… and so sad. Oh god, who was going to tell Camila?

“When did Brian go to the other side?” Ann asked after a moment.

“A year ago last month,” Shawn replied. “And Stella?”

Ann raised an eyebrow. “Two years ago last month...”

It was a strange coincidence, but still upsetting. Both Shawn and Ann lost their best friends at the same time of the year. The urge to spill everything was thick in the air. Still, neither of them said anything for a while.

Instead, Ann reached down to the floor to pick up her clothes. Shawn’s eyes were stuck on her and that was when he spotted another word on her back. Nightmare. Small font, right shoulder blade, surrounded by a cluster of skulls. Then, he realized what she was doing.

“Are you leaving?”

She looked up, bra in hand. She was quiet as she put it back on.

“No. No, I’m not going anywhere.”

And she crawled back into bed. She made the point to keep a distance from Shawn, who was still naked. He was on his side, looking at the woman before him. Only Ann could have sex with him and bring up the subject of death. That brought a new point to mind.

“How do you enjoy death?” he asked. “I think I’ve asked you this before, but after losing someone and attending their funeral, I’m having a hard time understanding your perspective.”

Ann took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t enjoy the act of dying. People die every day in horrible ways. People mourn and fall into depression because of death. That’s not something to enjoy.”

“So what’s your deal with it?”

“I’m just embracing the face that it’s inevitable. I do that for myself. I will die eventually, or tomorrow-”

Shawn made a face; he didn’t like that thought.

“It doesn’t make it any easier when someone I know goes,” Ann continued. “You’d think with all the research I’ve done it would be. The ones we love leave this mortal plane, and all they leave is their absence. And that alone is a lot to process.”

“What’s the hardest part?”

“The what if’s.”

Shawn asked because he really wanted to know more about what happened to Stella. He had to know the things that led up to the tragedy, mostly because he knew Camila would ask for details, even if they were hard to hear.

He figured he should spill his side first.

“The last thing I said to Brian was to get the hell out of my room,” he began. “We were fighting, fighting over something so fucking stupid, and I was so pissed at him. That was our last interaction. He fell down the stairs because he was trying to find me in this big huge mansion…”

Ann sat up a little bit, hand over her chest. “Here?”

“Oh no, not here. I was staying at a friend’s house in London for a work thing. Place was huge, easy to get lost in,” Shawn clarified. “Brian, Andrew, all of them were leaving back to Toronto and I didn’t want to go just yet. Part of it was because I was still pissed. Maybe if I had run into him first before he fell… If I hadn’t kicked him out of my room a few nights prior… If I was less of an asshole…”

“Maybe you would have slipped on the stairs,” Ann told him. “Maybe you guys would have had an even bigger argument later that would have ended your friendship. There’s no way to tell, and sometimes that’s what sucks the most.”

Huh. Most people tell him not to dwell on it. No wonder Ann was a shrink now.

“Losing someone is one of the hardest things we, as humans, have to face,” she said. “It’s not easy in the slightest. Besides, the grieving period takes about three to five years, so you - we - are still in the beginning stages of it. Thinking about the what ifs, what you want to change, what you wish you could say to Brian - all of that is normal.”

The two of them let those words settle for a moment. Shawn’s eyes were a little misty, and redirecting the topic was probably not going to help. But he laid his stuff out on the table.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Me?”

“Your what ifs?”

Ann paused, looking around the room. “What if I had put my Master’s to use and noticed the goddamn signs?”

Shawn watched her, hoping she would at least return the eye contact.

“I’m an expert in this shit,” she said. “I have the years of school, the degrees, and the licenses for detecting things like this. I only figured it out the moment her dad called me.”

“How do you detect when someone is suicidal?”

“In her case, she was elated. When someone makes that decision, they reach a state of euphoria because they know their pain is about to end.”

“But Stella was always-”

“Believe me, I know. I hadn’t talked to her since graduating in Toronto, so I thought she hadn’t changed at all. But I would see on her social media, she just moved back to her parents’ house in Florida, and she hinted that she wasn’t happy about it.”

As if Shawn couldn’t take another blow. Come to think of it, he never heard much about Stella’s home life. He didn’t even think that it could be a negative place for her.

“I was in Jacksonville for work,” Ann continued, “so I hit her up, and we met up for lunch. We talked for about an hour, and she said that I was always a good friend and college wife and that she’ll always love me. And my stone hearted ass just said ‘cool, you don’t suck’ and that was that. A month later, she’s as blue as the pills she took.”

“Ooo…” Shawn sighed, cringing at that mental image. Sweet, warm hearted Stella cold and lifeless. Call it morbid, awful thinking, but Shawn wished Brian looked like that in death instead of the bloody mess he turned out to be.

“Yeah. And her parents had her embalmed and put in an airtight casket, but that’s a whole other rant.” Ann waved it off and lied back down.

Shawn didn’t know what else to do except lie down as well. While sharing the stories of how their friends died, he couldn’t help but feel just a little bit closer to Ann. The first time they met, it took fighting tooth and nail to get her to open up. Now, Shawn felt okay silently reached for her hand, and tenderly holding it in his.

Both of them winded up at the same awards show. Both lost their best friends. Both got the same type of tattoo to honor them. Neither of them anticipated meeting again. This couldn’t be a coincidence.

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @calyumthomas @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss @peruvian-bae @theprivatewritings

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x oc #shawn x goth gf #if yall r pissedt abt brian #it had already been establishedt #i made my bed imma fukin lie in it

43 notes · View notes

kissxng · 6 years

Text

11/13/17 about me

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? al i think? 2. Are you outgoing or shy? i’m somewhat outgoing but certain situations with lots of people that i don’t know make me feel shy and anxious 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my sister and parents for thanksgiving, but also molly and my buffalo girls this week! 4. Are you easy to get along with? sort of... haha 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? maybe if i were with them, they’re a good person so i’d hope so 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? tall white boys with long hair that like angry music and rough sex, but also snuggling and telling me i’m pretty. commitment issues are a bonus. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? no, but i wish i could be 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? uh jordan and drew 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? not at all 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? my roommate alesha 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “here’s a pic for proof” showing my parents my midterm grades lol 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Daylily-Movements, The Grey-Movements, Crash-You Me at Six, Pull Up n Wreck-Big Sean, and Ric Flair Drip-Offset & Metro boomin

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Only sometimes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes 15. What good thing happened this summer? I did a lot of really cool things with my friends, went to NYC with my best friend Kate, went to warped tour on Long Island, hiked with my family, and smoked a lot of weed with Alyssa and Tori <3 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yeah haha 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? It’s possible 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No omg 19. Do you like bubble baths? Yes 20. Do you like your neighbors? No the bitches that live in the suite next to me are always loud as fuck 21. What are you bad habits? Being LAZY, piling lots of clothes on my desk chair instead of putting them away, not making my bed 22. Where would you like to travel? Amsterdam, Colorado, California, the Grand Canyon and Yosemite National Park, Lake Tahoe 23. Do you have trust issues? Yes it’s very difficult for me to trust people 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Going to BED 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My thighs and my stomach 26. What do you do when you wake up? Check my phone and pee 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? In the summer I wish I could tan easier 28. Who are you most comfortable around? my sister 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no 30. Do you ever want to get married? someday 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Liam Payne and Zayn Malik LOL 33. Spell your name with your chin. - 34. Do you play sports? What sports? I ski and I used to dance 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes 37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing because i am Awkard 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? someone that can enjoy really sweet and simple things in life, but also likes to take risks and do things that push their comfort zone. Someone that is full of love and can love me as intensely as i want to love them. Someone with a creative soul and a logical mind lol. 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? I really like Zara and Urban Outfitters 40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m in college and plan to go to graduate school after 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? That i’m either very mad or uncomfortable or in a bad/upset mood 43. Do you smile at strangers? no 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? outer space, the bottom of the ocean sounds fucking terrifying 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? my alarm 46. What are you paranoid about? never finding love 47. Have you ever been high? yes LOL 48. Have you ever been drunk? uh yes 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? not that i can think of 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? medium blue 51. Ever wished you were someone else? yes 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? i wish i was 20lbs thinner 53. Favourite makeup brand? kat von d b/c her liquid lipsticks 54. Favourite store? urban outfitters 55. Favourite blog? mine 56. Favourite colour? black and purple 57. Favourite food? as of lately i’ve been a slut for a good burrito 58. Last thing you ate? mint chocolate cookies 59. First thing you ate this morning? water and a mint lol 60. Ever won a competition? For what? not that i can recall 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope 62. Been arrested? For what? not yet lol, i hope never 63. Ever been in love? no, but i did briefly feel like i was falling in love with someone 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? we got drunk in his dorm room off of cheap shit beer and were holding hands listening to the front bottoms and watching one of their music videos and we just started kissing. it was really nice. 65. Are you hungry right now? no 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i don’t have tumblr “friends” 67. Facebook or Twitter? twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr? twitter 69. Are you watching tv right now? no 70. Names of your bestfriends? Ashley, Vicki, Kate, Alyssa, Tori, Alexis, Alesha, Alex 71. Craving something? What? love 72. What colour are your towels? the towel i’m currently using is pink 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3 and a pillow pet 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? over 50 75. Favourite animal? french bulldogs 76. What colour is your underwear? green with limes on it 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? cherry garcia, ben and jerry’s 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? white 80. What colour pants? none 81. Favourite tv show? shameless or greys anatomy 82. Favourite movie? don’t have one 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? mean girls 1 OG 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? mean girls 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? regina 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? dory 87. First person you talked to today? someone in my first class 88. Last person you talked to today? alesha 89. Name a person you hate? garrett 90. Name a person you love? ashley 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? ellery 92. In a fight with someone? no 93. How many sweatpants do you have? like 5 pairs 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? prob like 20 or 30 lol 95. Last movie you watched? can’t recall 96. Favourite actress? don’t have one 97. Favourite actor? idk someone hot 98. Do you tan a lot? no 99. Have any pets? no i wish 100. How are you feeling? annoyed 101. Do you type fast? yes 102. Do you regret anything from your past? yes, i do stupid shit 103. Can you spell well? yes i love spelling lol 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yeah fuck 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes! 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? no 107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes when i was little 108. What should you be doing? my OB paper 109. Is something irritating you right now? my throat hurts 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes.. 111. Do you have trust issues? yes you already asked me this 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? honestly can’t remember but i think alexis 113. What was your childhood nickname? loooorrnnn 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes... 115. Do you play the Wii? yes i fuck w mario kart 116. Are you listening to music right now? yes, ghostface killers by 21 savage 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? no i don’t eat chicken but i used to like it 118. Do you like Chinese food? YES 119. Favourite book? the clique series was pretty dope 120. Are you afraid of the dark? yes.... 121. Are you mean? yeah lol 122. Is cheating ever okay? no 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? for a certain period of time 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? kinda 125. Do you believe in true love? yes 126. Are you currently bored? no 127. What makes you happy? feeling loved and being high 128. Would you change your name? probably not 129. What your zodiac sign? cancer 130. Do you like subway? yes it’s delish 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? i don’t really have a best guy friend but if i did idk what i would do 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? alesha you already asked this 133. Favourite lyrics right now? “you are the rustling of leaves and you are that honey suckle breeze” -movements 134. Can you count to one million? if i really wanted to i could 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk when i was like 15 i had cut myself (purposely) on my stomach and my mom saw and i tried to play it off by saying i fell in a bush at my friend lisa’s house but in hindsight i know she didn’t buy that lmao 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed always 137. How tall are you? 5′9″ 138. Curly or Straight hair? straight 139. Brunette or Blonde? blonde 140. Summer or Winter? summer 141. Night or Day? night 142. Favourite month? either october or december 143. Are you a vegetarian? yes! i have been for 3.5 years 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark chocolate 145. Tea or Coffee? iced coffee or mint tea 146. Was today a good day? it was okay 147. Mars or Snickers? snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? HE NEED SOME MILK -vine 149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes, spooky 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? nah im lazy

#about

0 notes