#than 3 weeks in a month 🙃 but its not less painful at all!

[forbiddennhoney]

i know it doesnt have to be "as bad" as it used to be for it to still be impacting me severely. i know others suffering doesnt make my pain any less real. and yet i am sitting here feeling severe guilt over smthn thats supposed to be "natural" bc it causes such excessive pain (even when i am medicated & take pain meds to help it) that i may have to completely rearrange my Saturday bc i am in no condition to do what i had planned and if the pain doesn't stop I'll have to cancel and ik its important to prioritize my health but also i wish i could just grit through the pain bc i feel so guilty cancelling 🙃

#personal #being intersex is fun (': #<< heavy sarcasm rn if u cant tell #and b4 anyone says 'oh everyones periods are lainful just do xyz' pls consider i have been experiencing this for 12 years now #and Do know medically that i am intersex and that my condition impacts the function of my body and puts me in a level of pain that is so big #that at its peak when on my period my body starts mimicking labor bc it thinks smthn is trying to leave #and if you have never experienced a labor pain level cramp pls look it up or get one of those electric box thingies that let u feel it #bc my cramps are a solid 8-9 on those every time this happens #the sad thing is i say its “not as bad as it used to be” too but the reality is it is Just as painful #i have just been living with this long enough and have just enough hormones in my body from getting an implant to make it less frequent #than 3 weeks in a month 🙃 but its not less painful at all! #(yes i used to have my period for 3 weeks at a time) #im also worried bc like. it seems like my period is coming more often than when i first started this version of hormone treatment #I've already blown through pills being effective and my junk is the wrong shape inside for an IUD to fit properly #(like i could but it would likely cause other pains and worse side effects) #so im already at my second to last resort (BC implant for continuous hormone release) and it works to a point but its getting less effective #the longer im using it and im so scared bc i think im already at a point where i have to get my stuff removed w/in the next 5 years #and i already knew i would and i want to really #but there's a large part of me that is still devastated by that and grieves this bc its a Requirement for me after a certain point to be in #less pain ): and like... idk i didnt want kids ever but also now as an adult ive experienced multiple miscarriages #(bc my condition makes my body hostile essentially) #and so its like..... extra grief. #idk im rambling in these tags