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cadence-talle · 3 years

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Moonlight Burst Into the Room

Pairing: Marella Redek/Linh Song

Wordcount: 2,203

TW: mentions of transphobia

Notes: For @marellinh-week-2020! Doesn’t totally fit any of the prompts besides First Kiss/Confession so let’s just pretend I posted it then instead of several days late

Taglist: @everyonehasthoughts, @clearlykeefitz, @loverofallthingssmart, @a-lonely-tatertot, @enbies-and-felonies, @molly-sencen, @lemontarto, @appalyneinstitute1, @ruewen-and-rising, @silver-snow, @linhamon-roll, @hyperlollypop, @never-ever-too-many-fandoms, @keeper-of-the-lost-queers, @impostertamsong, @vibing-in-the-void, @yeetersofthelostcities, @mistythegirlfluxmess, @diamond-dreamerr, @we-have-no-bananas-today, @an-absolute-travesty, @callas-starkflower-stew

Linh has never had a nickname.

When she was younger, still living with her parents, names were a point of frustration. Her parents never used pet names, which meant they always referred to her by her given name- the wrong name. Always the wrong name, until Linh had to tell them to stop.

(That conversation was quiet, hushed, like her parents couldn’t quite believe it. They had simply stared at her when she said I’m a girl and then shared a long look.)

Her parents had called her Linh from then on, but it still felt strictly impersonal. As if a wall of water had sprung up between them and drowned any hope of parental affection.

Once they were banished, names were hardly ever used. Elves at Exillium weren’t considered to have names; they were referred to in a group or not at all. So Linh grew accustomed to turning at a simple shout, to only hearing her name spoken by her brother. Lonely? Sure, but at least she didn’t have to hear that disappointed sigh of Linh whenever she messed up.

(The way Tam said her name wasn’t disappointed, not ever. But it was resigned, like he knew he was the only one who would ever say it. Like he had come to terms with the fact that they were going to fade into oblivion.)

Then Sophie turned up and ushered them into her friend group, into warmth and belonging and people talking to Linh. People saying her name.

Sophie’s group didn’t use nicknames much- besides Keefe, of course, who seemed to be in a competition against himself to come up with the most ridiculous titles for Sophie- but just hearing her name said in a way that told Linh people wanted her here was enough.

And then Marella Redek becomes a bigger part of Linh’s life, her fiery temper charging into arguments and her endless vocabulary of pet names filling the air, and Linh doesn’t know what to do with herself.

-/-

“Hey, sweetheart, could you grab me that box?”

Linh turns just in time to see Dex hand Marella the small wooden box in question with a confused look. The blond girl grins at him and opens the box, digging through its contents. “Ooh, a necklace! And… Prattles?”

She holds up the package for all to see. The three of them are the only kids at Havenfield today- the others are all off on various errands. Even Sophie’s out in Atlantis, shopping with Biana. Linh doesn’t mind much, though, even as they embark on the laborious task of sorting through the stuff in Edaline’s cluttered office. She’s still marveling at the fact that she has friends now.

“They’re probably really stale by now,” Dex says. Marella shrugs, ripping off the top and popping a candy into her mouth. She makes a face.

“Oh, ew. Why did you two let me eat that?”

Linh giggles and Marella smiles at her. There’s a strange flush on the other girl’s cheeks, and Linh wonders if you can get sick from eating old Prattles. She hopes not.

“He did warn you,” Linh points out. Marella puts a hand over her heart in mock insult.

“Betrayal! I thought we were friends, sweetie.”

Linh shrugs nonchalantly, trying to hide the warmth she can feel creeping up her neck. Marella does this all the time, she reminds herself, and Linh just needs to get used to it. “Sorry. All’s fair in lov- in war and stale Prattles.”

Dex snorts, shooting Linh a knowing look. Linh blinks and he shakes his head. “We should get back to cleaning. Marella, put the Prattles down.”

Marella, who is apparently a three-year-old in the body of a fifteen-year-old, shoves two more Prattles into her mouth and pockets the drawstring bag that holds the pin. Dex rolls his eyes and turns to a huge green chest. Marella nudges Linh’s ankle with her foot.

“You know, hon, this stuff really isn’t bad. You wanna try?” She holds out the box.

Linh shakes her head and Marella puts the package away. Linh’s thoughts, though, can’t be dislodged so easily, and the word hon echoes in her mind for the rest of the day.

-/-

The transition from Exillium to Foxfire was a hurried one, a few busy days of reading schedules and getting used to being around normal people again. It felt almost too fast in the moment, too quick for even the little they were leaving behind.

Linh has left a lot of things behind in her life. She doesn’t miss them most of the time, but on days like this- days where it’s quiet and cool and the winds whipping past her sound eerily like the whispers in her head- it’s hard not to remember.

She wanders outside of Solreef, settling down under a tree where she won’t be directly visible from the house. The grass around her is still slightly damp with dew, and Linh tugs a few blades out of the ground to fiddle with.

Tiergan’s house is very different from anywhere she’s ever lived. The rooms are large and sprawling but still cozy, perhaps made so by the various pillows and classified scrolls that are scattered across nearly every surface. It’s not the rugged landscape of Wildwood nor the smoothed edges of Choralmere, and Linh is glad. Things are calm here, but not so calm she’s afraid to walk on anything but tiptoe.

She broke a vase, once. One of her mother’s heirlooms. Tam had been chasing her through the house and Linh hadn’t had a chance to slow down in time. Quan had shouted louder than she had ever heard, too angry to even call Linh by the right name.

It’s been years since that event, but the disappointment still presses on Linh’s skin. Covers her like a heavy blanket woven from sad sighs and ignorant comments and constant dissatisfied looks. The idea that Linh would never be enough.

Will never be enough, no matter what she does.

(There have been too many conversations for her to ever disprove that.)

“Linh?”

Abruptly, Linh realizes she hasn’t been breathing. She breaks away from the fixed point she’s been staring at and pastes a smile on her face.

“Marella! Hey, sorry, I must have forgotten you were coming today.”

“You didn’t,” the blond girl responds, sinking down next to Linh. “I wanted to surprise you. Are you okay?”

“What? I’m fine. Why?”

Marella gives her an utterly unimpressed look.

“Hon. You looked about five seconds away from crying when I showed up. And that’s not a bad thing,” she hurries to add when Linh opens her mouth to apologize. “I just want to help, if I can.”

“I-” Linh trails off, staring at the ground. “I was just thinking. About… stuff. Names. Memories.”

“Huh.” Marella doesn’t press, which Linh is thankful for. “Names can be weird sometimes,” she says carefully, turning to face Linh. “My mom- on her better days, she calls me Ella.”

Linh blinks. “I thought you didn’t like being called Ella.” Marella had almost taken Keefe’s head off when he had called her that once. Marella shrugs.

“I don’t know. It’s different when Mom does it. It tells me… she’s there, I guess. She’s there and she loves me.” Marella worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “It’s hard to see, sometimes. What she’s going to do. What I’m supposed to do when she gets frantic or starts crying.”

“I get that. Well. Not the ‘frantic and crying’ part, but I get not knowing what to do.”

Marella smiles, a tiny, crooked thing. “I thought you would, sweetie.”

Linh turns back to the landscape, staring out at it. Next to her, Marella shifts so she’s facing the same direction. Her eyes are still fixed on Linh, though. Maybe it’s that, or maybe it’s the sweetie, but Linh speaks up a few moments later.

“My parents… didn’t always remember to call me Linh.” She says, testing the waters. Marella’s head inclines a tiny bit, encouraging her to go on.

So Linh does. She tells the whole story, all those lonely years in Choralmere and then the too-free years in Wildwood. She’s never had to tell anyone that before- Tam has always known, and neither of them needed to say it out loud.

When she finishes, Marella is silent. Linh worries she’s made a huge mistake.

“Sorry,” she says quietly. “You don’t have to- I mean, I know this changes-”

“Hey, darling.” Marella shifts to sit on her knees in front of Linh, leaning forward and grabbing her hands. “This doesn’t change anything, okay. I mean, obviously it does,” she says thoughtfully, “but you’re still Linh, okay? You’re still Linh and you’re still beautiful. And I totally understand if you don’t want me to make a big deal out of this, but if you do, I happen to throw legendary parties.”

Linh laughs, a half-choked sound of relief. Marella settles back against the tree with a grin and they stare at the horizon again.

“Thanks,” Linh says after a moment. Marella gives her a thumbs-up.

“What are friends for, right?”

“Yeah.” Yeah, Linh reminds herself. Friends.

-/-

“Whoa. Hon, look at this.” Marella pulls a tiny marble out of a box, glittering pale yellow and about the size of her thumbnail. Linh would almost mistake it for a Councillor’s cache if it weren’t for the absence of tiny jewels inside.

They’re back in Edaline’s office, digging through piles of junk, but this time it’s just the two of them. Linh is halfway sure that’s intentional, actually- even Grady and Edaline suddenly decided to take an impromptu trip to Mysterium today. They have Havenfield all to themselves.

(That sentence seems to fill Linh’s stomach with the mechanical butterflies they accidentally unleashed earlier. She doesn’t think about that too hard.)

(If she does, she knows she’ll find out something very odd about why she always feels warm when Marella calls her a pet name.)

“What is it?” She asks Marella. The other girl lifts one shoulder.

“I don’t know, but it’s pretty. Let’s see...”

She taps the marble with two fingers and the lights cut out. They come back a few seconds later, Marella grinning sheepishly.

“Whoops. Sorry, sweetheart-”

“Stop calling me that.”

The words are out before Linh can stop them, and she flounders. “I mean- I just-” She shakes her head. “I can’t. Not when I know…” You don’t mean them, she finishes mentally. It hurts too much to hear you throw them out that easily.

Marella’s expression shutters and she looks away. “Right,” she says, sounding oddly defeated. “Of course.”

She turns around, muttering “of course you would have figured it out” under her breath. Linh frowns and, since her mouth and her brain seem to be operating on different planes of existence today, says,

“What? Figured out what?” Her tone is almost challenging, but even Linh isn’t entirely sure why. Marella turns back around, arms crossed defensively.

“Really. You’re really gonna make me say it?”

“Say what?”

Marella throws up her hands. “Fine. I like you, okay? Is that what you wanted?” Her voice drops lower, less frustrated and more finished. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be weird. I’ll get over it.”

“You. You like me?”

Marella doesn’t respond, already sorting through another pile. Linh takes a deep breath and uses what’s left of her courage.

“I didn’t know that. I wanted you to stop calling me pet names because I thought they didn’t mean anything to you.”

Marella pauses. Straightens up.

“They did,” she says, so softly it’s almost imperceptible. “They all did.”

“They meant something to me too.”

Edaline’s office is quiet. Linh doesn’t move, doesn’t blink, tries not to even think until Marella turns her head.

“I hear there’s a really good restaurant in downtown Atlantis,” she says. It’s a question, an outstretched hand. Linh smiles and takes it.

“That sounds amazing,” she responds. “Honey.”

The marble slips from Marella’s fingers and the lights turn off again. Marella’s smile, though, is enough to brighten the room.

-/-

When she was little, Linh never had a nickname.

They were too frivolous for her parents, too unnecessary for the people who sometimes forgot to even call her Linh. Nicknames weren’t needed for someone who barely had a name at all.

Nicknames are never really needed, but they’re used here.

“Mare,” she calls across their small kitchen, “we need to go.”

“I’m here! I’m ready,” Marella responds breathlessly, pecking Linh on the cheek as she rushes to pull her coat on.

“Bi is going skin us alive if we’re late to Sophie’s party.”

“Good thing we’re not late then, sweetie.” Marella grins at her and moves out of the door. They are late, actually, but neither of them really care.

It hits Linh sometimes, how very different her life is now. She has friends, and family, and a wonderful wife who deserves the world.

(The ring on her finger seems to shine. That conversation was feather-light and delighted, a gasped yes and cheers from all their friends.)

“Hon, come on!”

She has a nickname now. Dozens, in fact. But she also has a name.

Linh Redek steps out the door.

#kotlc #marellinh #marellinh week 2020 #marella redek #dex dizznee #linh song #my writing #lynn rambles

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catflorist · 4 years

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Markings (ao3 / ffn) catflorist Summary: After the war, Sakura steals the hearts of Team Taka. Sasuke doesn’t know how to feel about this. All about healing and friendship for Sakura and Sasuke (and Team Taka/Team Seven). SasuSaku Month 2020, Day 14: Battle Scars @ssmonth 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

Markings Chapter 1 A sprawling mass of canvas tents at the edge of a plateau formed the armed forces encampment. After the final battle, shinobi returned there to rest and recover. It was a village in its own right, existing because war needed time to transition into peace.

Sakura knew her way around the encampment like she knew how to recite the bones in a human body. She could tell the urgency of a request by what kind of sound a tent flap made when a medic rustled it open. She knew which boulder at the edge of camp provided the best view of the sunset. But Sakura didn’t have time to watch sunsets anymore. The war had wounded many, and she spent most of her time tending to patients and working shifts in the infirmary.

“Medic,” Sakura called, then entered the tent housing the members of Taka, the last stop on her daily rounds.

Suigetsu looked up and smiled.

Jugo stood. Once Sakura had taken up assignment as their medic, he started bringing her the wounded animals that crossed his path. In thanks for her service, he awarded small gifts—smooth stones, curved twigs. This time he presented her a speckled blue eggshell.

“It’s beautiful!” Sakura said. “Will you keep it for me until I go?”

Jugo bowed his head. A bird landed on his shoulder—Sakura’s most recent patient.

“How’s our favorite medic?” Suigetsu called, smiling wide.

Sakura nursed a secret curiosity for the people Sasuke had hand-picked as his teammates. There was Suigetsu, with his laidback speech and flirtatious smile. Jugo, the wild killer, the gentle giant who comforted injured animals. Karin, with her mess of red hair, whose tired eyes glazed over whenever someone mentioned Sasuke’s name.

Sasuke himself was a simple patient. They had exchanged few words since their reunion. Since his apology.

Jugo’s bird chirped, bringing Sakura back from her thoughts.

“I’m fine, thank you,” Sakura replied, bright and professional. “How are you all feeling?”

“I am well,” Jugo said. “As is my friend.”

“Suigetsu? How’s the sprain treating you?”

“Better every day.” He spun his chair around and straddled the seat backwards. His sprained ankle failed to diminish his level of swagger.

“Karin?” Sakura prompted.

Karin sighed and shifted in her cot. She had never said so, but it was clear she was less than enthusiastic about Sakura’s visits.

Today the red-haired kunoichi wore a cropped shirt, exposing the thick knot of scar tissue on her stomach. Sakura had not seen this injury since she had healed it herself.

Karin followed Sakura’s gaze and looked away.

Sakura had healed thousands of injuries in thousands of circumstances. She would never forget this one. The edges of Sakura’s vision blurred, and she slipped back to that day: a chidori aimed at her skull, electricity standing up the hair on her arms, the air red and thick with the scent of blood. Sasuke with the intent to kill in his eyes.

Sasuke had pierced clean through Karin’s body in his attack on Danzo. As if she were no more than a layer of clothing.

Sakura still had nightmares, but she did not wear Sasuke’s betrayal on her body as scar tissue.

“Everything is fine,” Karin reported, adjusting her glasses. “I don’t need you to look me over.”

Sakura pulled a chair next to Karin’s bedside. She rubbed the sleeve of her white coat. “How’s the old wound?” she asked softly.

Karin’s eyes widened, then she crossed her arms. “It’s fine.”

“If you like…” Sakura began, “I might be able to heal this scar away.”

To Sakura’s surprise, Karin’s lip trembled.

Jugo silenced a squeak from his bird. Even Suigetsu didn’t speak.

Two stubborn tears slipped down Karin’s cheeks. Sakura’s throat grew tight.

“No,” Karin said. “I don’t want to forget.”

Sakura understood Karin a little better then. “You’re strong,” she said.

Karin raised her head, not hiding her tears.

A pang of kinship struck Sakura’s heart. She squeezed Karin’s hand. Karin squeezed back.

“Has he apologized to you?” Sakura asked.

Karin sniffed. “I can tell he’s sorry. In his own way.”

Sakura could not hold back a scoff. “Idiot.”

The two kunoichi exchanged a look. They both knew him.

Karin mumbled, “Idiot.”

Smiles broke out on their faces. Karin wiped her eyes.

“You knew Sasuke. Before,” Suigetsu said. It was not a question.

Sakura thought, And you knew Sasuke. After.

Sasuke was the kind of person who split the landscape of time into before and after, leaving a deep chasm between. On one side, Sakura, before, stared at the members of Taka, after.

She sighed. “Yes. We were teammates.”

The faces in the room grew soft, contemplative. This was the first time they all acknowledged their mutual connection to Sasuke. Sakura felt a door open, a weight lift. They had slung a rope across the chasm.

“Well,” Suigetsu resolved, “you can heal my old scars.” Forgoing all modesty, he lifted his shirt over his head. A long white scar marred his stomach. “I got this a few years back. It messes with my look.”

Karin snapped, “You’re so fucking vain.”

“You’re jealous I’m prettier than you.” Suigetsu balled up his shirt and tossed it into her lap. Karin bristled like a cat.

Sakura could not fight her smile. She gestured for Suigetsu to approach. He sat on the edge of Karin’s cot.

“You’re both very pretty,” Sakura granted, and pooled healing chakra into her palms.

Both Suigetsu and Karin beamed at her.

“I like her,” Suigetsu said to Karin, bobbing his finger towards Sakura’s face.

“She’s out of your league,” Karin snorted.

Suigetsu sputtered, shifting under Sakura’s touch. Then he added, snide, “Sasuke’s really the one who needs a touch-up. He looks like a cat’s scratch-post.”

Karin smirked. “He would never want that.” She glanced at Sakura.

Sakura rolled her eyes. She confirmed, “Too much pride.”

“Can I call you Sakura-chan?” Suigetsu asked.

“Whatever helps you heal faster,” Sakura said.

Jugo chimed in from the corner. “Next time, I will bring you a bird’s nest.”

Once it was all over, and Sasuke lay bleeding on the ground next to Naruto, he felt himself floating away. The sound of skittering rocks and urgent footsteps reached him through a thick haze. Then a gentle warmth spread throughout his body. The feeling returned to his limbs in a rush. He could not help gasping in pain, everything heavy and hurting.

He concentrated on the warmth. It was soft, precious, like the first glimmer of light on a cold morning.

Sasuke blinked his eyes open and understood why the sensation felt so familiar.

“Leave me,” Sasuke mumbled.

Sakura chewed her lower lip as she worked, eyebrows drawn. The green light of her healing chakra danced across her face. She gave no sign that she had heard.

Sasuke tried to roll away. His body obeyed with the slightest twitch. At this, Sakura glared at him. “Don’t distract me,” she ordered. “I’m trying to concentrate.”

“Sakura.” Breathing was easier now. “I’m sorry.”

Her mouth curled. “For what?”

Sasuke did not have the right words. There were too many things for which he was sorry. He muttered, “For everything until now.”

“Good,” she said. “I hope you’re sorry.”

Slow tears spilled down Sakura’s cheeks, tracing the same paths over and over.

“You fucking asshole,” she added.

The flow of chakra never wavered. Sakura did not hesitate to save him yet again.

To keep himself from drifting, Sasuke watched the green glow on her face.

Afterwards, Sasuke spent his days in the medic encampment. He relearned the balance of his body, feeling the air where his left arm once existed. He discovered new patches of scar tissue on his skin. At night, he could not sleep.

Sasuke’s visitors bombarded him with questions and urgent topics of discussion.

Naruto limped in on crutches, asking Sasuke, “Aren’t you excited to finally come home?”

Kakashi touched a thoughtful finger to his masked mouth and asked, “Let’s talk about what will happen next. It’s possible you’ll be branded a criminal.”

Tsunade charged into his tent demanding, “Tell me why I should convince the council not to brand you a criminal.”

Sasuke’s answers didn’t satisfy any of them.

Sakura was his other regular visitor. She came each day to check his injuries. Only Sakura didn’t ask anything of him, though Sasuke felt she deserved his answers the most.

It started off small. Jugo fretted over an injured bird. The next day, the bird perched alert and unharmed on his shoulder.

“The medic healed him for me,” Jugo told Sasuke.

Sasuke hadn’t asked.

“The pink one,” he elaborated. Sasuke somehow already knew.

Then one day, Suigetsu could not stop smiling as he lounged in Sasuke’s tent.

“What are you so happy about?” Sasuke finally asked.

Suigetsu raised an eyebrow. “Sakura-chan is really something.”

Sakura-chan?

Sasuke’s stomach clenched.

“She’s cute,” Suigetsu said. “Tough. Nice smile. Interesting hair. And she healed up my old scar.”

With a flourish, Suigetsu pulled up his shirt to reveal his unmarred abdomen.

“What’s with the long face?” he protested. “She’d probably do the same for you if you asked.”

“I’m not interested,” Sasuke muttered.

Suigetsu’s smile transformed into a shit-eating grin. “You’re as predictable as they said,” he laughed.

Sasuke did not take the bait.

No fan of subtlety, Suigetsu elaborated on his own. “Karin and Sakura, I mean.”

Sasuke should not have been surprised, that with her warm smile and sweet disposition, Sakura had befriended his teammates.

The next time Sakura appeared at his tent, Sasuke was in a bad mood.

She paused in changing a bandage. “Are you feeling more pain than normal?”

“What?”

She frowned. “You seem upset.”

“I’m not.”

Sakura held his stare.

“You’ve been talking to my teammates,” Sasuke said.

Sakura blinked. “Well, they’re my patients. Just like you.”

Sasuke regretted speaking. “Never mind.”

“What does it matter if I’m talking to them?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

A shadow fell across her face. Sakura checked his injuries without another word, a green thundercloud of healing chakra.

She stood up the instant she finished. “I don’t know what’s bothering you today. But I suggest that instead, you should think about how you still owe Karin an apology.” Her mouth opened again, then shut.

Sasuke stared at his lap, because she was right.

Her jaw set. She stormed away.

Sasuke broke his bedrest early and apologized to Karin outside of the Taka tent. His throat was dry, and his words were too curt. He could not look her in the eye.

Karin nodded once. In a thick voice, she said, “Thank you.” After a while, she retreated inside. It was far more forgiveness than Sasuke deserved.

For the first time, Sakura did not leave right away after her next visit. She shrugged off her white coat, smoothed back her hair, and took a seat by Sasuke’s bedside. She peeled and sliced two apples, then arranged the fruit on a plate.

“Antioxidants,” she explained, dropping the plate on Sasuke’s lap. The apple slices jostled on impact.

“Thank you.” His voice was quiet.

Sakura didn’t blink. “You apologized to Karin.”

“Yes.”

“Good,” she said.

Sasuke opened his mouth, his face hot, yet another imperfect apology burning on his lips.

“I already know you’re sorry,” Sakura interrupted. “Just finish your fruit.” She hummed her approval when he lifted a slice to his lips.

Sasuke offered the plate to her. She paused, then picked a slice. They took turns until the plate was empty.

It was the best apple Sasuke had ever eaten.

Through messages relayed by Sakura, Naruto pestered Sasuke to stop by his tent. After a week of rest, Sasuke gave in one late afternoon and made his way through the lively encampment.

The encampment had grown in purpose beyond a location to house troops. Medics darted in and out of the infirmary tent, the tall landmark at the center of camp. Shinobi from each nation mixed and mingled together. They lined up for meals, called out to each other in greeting, or gathered to swap stories and spar. They transformed rows of tents into neighborhoods.

For its community of shinobi, the encampment served as a space to celebrate, mourn, and heal before returning home. For Sasuke, it was the unexpected reprieve of a clearing in the middle of a dark forest. But it only gave way to more uncharted forest.

Sasuke opened the flap to Naruto’s tent. Naruto dozed open-mouthed atop his futon. Next to him, Sakura lay coiled on her side, her loose hair strewn across a pillow, fingers curled up next to her cheek.

A gust of wind sent the entrance of the tent flapping. Sakura shot up at the noise, already reaching for her white coat.

When she saw Sasuke her shoulders dropped, and her sleepiness returned. “Naruto was supposed to wake me up,” Sakura murmured, rubbing her eyes.

Sasuke could not shake the image of their closeness. He said, “I’ll come back later.”

“You better stay. He’s been annoying me all day about you.”

Caught in her pleading gaze, Sasuke joined Sakura on the ground and crossed his legs. She gently shook Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto sat up and yawned with vigor.

“I love napping,” he announced, stretching, then grinned at Sasuke. “Look who finally showed up!”

“You’re keeping busy,” Sasuke said.

“Sleep is important, teme.”

“You were supposed to wake me up,” Sakura reminded him.

“Ah! Sorry Sakura!” Naruto offered a sheepish grin. “Do you need to run?”

Sakura waved a hand. “Shizune would have found me by now if they needed me.”

The three teammates regarded each other. They had not been alone together in a long time.

“Look at us. We’re old now.” Naruto beamed.

Sasuke scoffed under his breath.

“We aren’t old,” Sakura said. “But we are veterans.”

Her words weren’t bitter. But it was a candid acknowledgement of their reality. They were young, and already fighting so hard.

Sasuke examined the slight shock he felt at her introspection. For a long time, Sasuke had convinced himself that Sakura was nothing more than a weak and silly girl. She never had been, but Sasuke rewrote his memories of her until it became true. He did this to make leaving easier. To make being her enemy easier. It was time to let go of this falsehood.

“Only four arms between the three of us,” Naruto joked.

Sakura didn’t respond. Then she drew a shaky breath.

“You idiots,” she whispered. “You could’ve killed each other.” Her eyes shone with unshed tears.

Naruto’s face fell. He rubbed her back. “We’re sorry, Sakura-chan. We really are idiots.”

As Sakura cried, Sasuke froze. He did not know how to match the comfort Naruto so easily offered. He reached out, faltered, and withdrew his hand. After all this time, after all he had done, would his words, his touch, mean anything?

Naruto caught Sasuke’s hesitation. With the smallest movement of his chin, he gestured, get over here.

Sasuke touched a thumb to her knuckles. “Thank you, Sakura.”

He didn’t know what he was thanking her for. He only knew that he would never get to the bottom of everything he owed her.

“You saved us. Again,” Naruto said.

Sakura took a deep breath and threatened, “Next time, I’ll kill you both myself.”

She gripped Sasuke’s hand and squeezed.

“I don’t doubt it,” Naruto said with a nervous chuckle. “But it won’t happen again. Eh, Sasuke?”

“Never,” Sasuke promised, dazed by the sudden warmth of her small hand in his. Her hand was illogical to Sasuke. A rough, calloused palm met slender fingers and a graceful wrist. Her hands promised both to break bones and to mend flesh.

Sakura tilted her head back. She closed her eyes and smiled.

A thought entered Sasuke’s mind as he sat next to his old teammates, listening to Naruto coax a laugh out of Sakura.

So this is what I missed.

. Note: thank you to @diwatafolk for beta-ing! up next: Taka banter, healing lessons, sparring, and Sasuke builds a table.

#ssm20 #ssm20d14 #sasusaku fanfiction #sasusaku fanfic #sasusaku #catflorist #my fic #my ss #my ssm20 #markings #ss fic

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1248

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? I feel like I’ve answered a similar situation recently, but I would assume it was a drunk text or wrong text, inform them about it, and move on.

Do you play video games? Nah. I do feel a sort of connection of video games since I grew up surrounded by them, though; but I’m more of a watcher than anything. I like watching playthroughs of video games I’ll never play. Do you spend a lot of time with family? No. We used to, back when the quarantine was still a relatively new thing – we hung out in the living room all the time. But now that we’ve settled in this new normal, we’re back to our normal routines and I usually like staying in my room.

Is your house more than two stories tall? Technically, yes. We have a rooftop that serves as the ‘third’ floor.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? My ex and I never hit one another; that’s a gigantic red flag even I would notice, considering I ignored most of the ones I saw hahaha.

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) I’m not sure if I’ll be able to answer this question directly, but I like my generosity. I’m not sure if I can call it attractive, though. But if we were focusing on physical features, I like my smile.

What color is your hairbrush/comb? Pink.

What snacks do you have available in your household atm? My dad splurged on chips in his last grocery run so we actually have quite a lot of junk food in the pantry at the moment. He also bought several packs of cookie sandwiches, wafers, sunflower seeds, and garlic-flavored peanuts.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? Neither.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? No, she’s just a good friend of mine.

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? I guess I don’t, because I’m not even aware of them.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? Guy. It was another reporter, so I just ignored it and luckily he didn’t PM me just to ask to add him back, which others have already done. I really hate when work people try to make their way into my personal accounts.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My parents, especially when they are rude to service crew. Gen X-ers are impeccably talented at that, apparently.

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? Around two or three weeks ago when I had dinner at Angela’s. Her dad gave me a bar of Crunch so I can have something sweet after our meal.

Do you play any games on Facebook? No, I never did hop on that trend.

What would you like to get a degree in? I wanted a degree in journalism, and graduated with such. At the end of my college stint I didn’t want to pursue it anymore, but I pushed through with it anyway because it was too much of a hassle to shift and start all over.

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Technically not, because I stay up until the middle of the night anyway. It’s been a while since I fell asleep anywhere between 8 to 10 PM.

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Watch a show.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? I don’t like either; I get fries instead.

What genre of films do you like the best? Drama.

How many bank accounts do you have? Two but I haven’t been using the other one in months. That was the bank account I initially opened when I first started ~adulting~ but when I got employed I was required to enroll in this other specific bank, so that’s what I mainly use now.

Have you ever had the flu? Not really. I just get the occasional fever that pop out of nowhere.

What is your goal for the next few months? Start saving FOR REAL, and also prioritizing furniture over merch for a while so I can finally fix up my room, which is quickly starting to look and feel like just a warehouse and not very homey at all.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? Nope.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. Yeah, it was from barbecue that apparently went bad, even though it tasted nothing of the sort. I woke up at 3 AM sweating profusely and with the most excruciating stomachache; I was feeling hot, cold, and nauseous all at the same time, and it probably lasted for like an hour or so.

What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for? Sealed albums and my pets’ vet expenses.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. Charming and smart.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? It felt nice to help people.

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? Good question; I’ve never encountered this before. I would let her live a more comfortable, privileged life, where she didn’t have to staple her shoes to keep them closed or have to choose between eating at a fast food restaurant or being able to commute back home.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I’m not sure, actually. Everyone’s always slightly taller than me.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? I haven’t.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? Tumblr, I guess? My survey blog isn’t for any irls to see.

Which is worse: dusting or mopping? I don’t really do either often, but I’ll go with mopping.

Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? Not for me.

Did you pull a senior prank? No, that’s not a thing here. Did you graduate? Yeah, elementary, high school, and college.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope.

What was the last song you listened to? It’s a song called Epiphany.

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? Not ever since I was like 9 lol.

Is fashion one of your interests? I’m way more interested in it now for sure, mostly because the celebrities I’m into these days put a lot of effort when it comes to their style; so it makes me more aware of the trends that come and go, as well.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? I’m keeping it as a possibility, but it’s not a priority for me now.

Do you care what people think? To an extent, I would say. My life doesn’t depend on it, though.

Is acting something you enjoy? Never been.

What was the last thing you broke/sprained? Do you mean a thing or a body part? Anyway, I’ll answer both. The last thing I broke was my BTS Mic Drop pen of V looooooooooool the figurine came off the pen :(( It was pretty cheap though so I’m fine with it; I can always get another one. Last body part I sprained was my ankle, when I had a bad fall a couple of years ago.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? Either hasn’t happened.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? I don’t think so.

Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at? Angela’s. Also JM’s, just because their family doesn’t hover and that vibe can sometimes be nice whenever I’m at someone else’s place.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? Never.

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? Not as a very young kid, but I took up table tennis starting when I was 12. Did you ever watch the show Full House? Nope.

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? Now that’s just delusional haha. I’m pretty obsessed with some celebrities, that much I can admit; but thinking of them in the context of marriage is so many steps overboard.

Have you ever burned someone’s picture? No. I could, but I am scared of fire and will probably just think of other ways to express my anger, like tearing up the photograph. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? Total length was probably like 3 hours. I haven’t gone too far when it comes to hiking.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo? Not interested.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Hans.

Do your parents smoke cigarettes? My mom tried it once in her life, I think. My dad has never smoked.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? “Hope right here!”

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Anything that’s supposed to roam freely in the wild, like squirrels.

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Taller, since I’m already quite pint-sized to begin with lol.

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. < Agree, especially with the eras. Childhood photos are always fun to look at, but I have had to delete a CHUNK of photos from years ranging from 2014 to 2020 because I’ve lost a handful of friends from that period.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? It’s hard to for the most part, but I’ve noticed very few people people really don’t. Most of the time it’s bullshit though.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? That it’s pretty close to the metro.

What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during? Hmm, I prefer TV shows if I’m craving comedy.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? Life Is Beautiful.

What’s your favorite restaurant? Omakase for my sushi fix; School Tteokbokki if I want Korean; Yabu if I’m looking for a generous rice meal.

Is there a dessert you don’t like? Anything with fruits.

Favorite album? After Laughter by Paramore.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? I can name authors instead of books – John Green and Haruki Murakami.

Underwater or outer space? Outer space.

Dogs or cats? Dogs.

Kittens or puppies? Puppies.

Bird watching or whale watching? Whale watching. I don’t get to be in the water as much, so I would jump at the opportunity.

What is your spirit animal? I dunno if I have one but let’s just go with dog and elephant, I guess? They’re my favorites.

What was your best subject in school? History.

What was your worst subject in school? Chemistry.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? Don’t waste your time.

Who is your fashion icon? Audrey Hepburn.

Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds.

What color dress did you wear to prom? For my own prom it was cream-colored/beige. When I went to Mike’s ball, I went with a royal blue gown.

What’s your favorite plot-twist? I don’t think I’ve found my favorite yet.

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Not actively.

Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? I dunno...road rage, maybe?

Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad? It’s very likely.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Sometime in the last week.

Ever pop someone else’s pimple? No thanks.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? Nope.

Who are you closest to? Angela.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No, all the ones I’ve been to have been amazing experiences.

Are you currently sad about anything? Not really. I can’t complain.

Have you had any form of exercise today? Nah.

Can you handle blood? Nope, I will feel faint if I see it 100%.

Has any place hired you underage for a job? No.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? I haven’t.

Are you currently searching for a job? No, I like the one I have.

Does eating breakfast make you sick? No?

#survey #surveys

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noblechaton · 3 years

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happy new years dudes!

this post is a sort of run down of my last year or so and rlly it’s just me rambling about my (sometimes gross, warning to all gross-haters out there (like me)) health issues so feel free to look past this

2020 was probably the single hardest most stressful year of my entire life so far and while some reasons are uh. kinda obvious. it sort of especially crunched down on me as it was the first year of my life where I had a persistent health problem for the entire duration

back near the end of 2019 (october 19th I think) I noticed this weird pain in my chest and it scared the heck outta me when it didn’t go away after a few days so I managed to get to go to the doctor for the first time in maybe an actual decade? to try and sort it out bc like on one hand my habits were(/are) bad and the day beforehand I’d been running on a horrid amount of sleep and my only food was bad fast food stuff for breakfast and dinner

anyway the appointments started coming after that as test after test cleared me of. well. anything. there wasn’t really anything weird found after a stress test or uh. this one test where they ran a wand over my body with some goo on it. idk what its called

so naturally I was really just totally lost bc the pain was still there up until around late january?? I think? my memory gets a bit hazy here bc so much had happened but I’m pretty sure that shortly after it faded away (mid february-ish?) I felt normal-ish but then had this awful headache that just straight up wouldn’t go away that lasted a month or so that got so bad I broke down and begged for a hospital despite knowing my bill was outrageous already but I managed to go anyway and got a CAT scan then and an MRI a few days later that turned up nothing again. legit nothing (aside from a kidney stone lol) and just like the chest stuff it faded

some time after that I got really shaky aches and pain sin my wrists and ankles that hurt super bad that I sort of didn’t talk about but at that point at least it was something I could sort of cope with and it eventually stopped after a while (I think this was bc of an antidepressant I was on that I just. immediately stopped taking as a result of the pain)

but eventually that gave way to what was the worst of it where I spent around 2 months being entirely unable to eat or drink /anything/. I mean anything at all. water of any sort, crackers, it all came back up and. really really sucked. I lost a lot of weight and struggled a lot and I still struggle to talk about this one bc it was so traumatic and I’m terrified of it coming back to this day (I still don’t eat or drink all the stuff I used to eat or drink and maybe never will. I almost entirely avoid dairy of all kinds now which might tie into my current problem??)

obviously I got multiple tests for this. two cameras down my tummy and an emptying study and all of which turned up.............nothing. nothing I didn’t already have anyway. nothing that could be causing it and then of course shortly after the last test, the one that I thought would definitively answer what was wrong with me,(the emptying one), I was so desperate for food that late one night I devoured some awful fried chicken from the grocery store in the middle of the night and fell asleep and the next day I could finally, thankfully sort of eat again. my dad cooked up salmon for me since it’d been in the freezer and I tried it and it mostly stayed down and then from there it stopped happening all together

this one still stresses me out and again I’m fucking terrified of it bc I still have no indication on what it is or was

but that brings me to the last month or two? (which is a good ~4-5 months? from that last thing I think. my perception of time is fucked and filled with me being pricked with fluids and stuff bleugh) which has been mostly this weird discomfort/pain in my left side that’s almost always there (but has faded sometimes) with the occasional awful discomfort uh. between my legs back there. and this awful burping habit where I taste the last thing I ate for a while

this one’s hard to pin down and I haven’t been to a doc for it (yet, I wanna go and get a colonoscopy and even asked about a stool test that one doc said no to?? and plus it’ll probably be even harder now than it was before) and I’ve been on various laxatives (started back when I wasn’t eating as not eating meant getting anything out was uh. difficult) that all sort of dipped in usefulness. lately I’ve been drinking a glass of prune juice every day or two and it seems to do the most help but it’s still there

now this is odd for me bc I’m not even sure I’ve been constipated or anything and there’s a few theories I’ve had that range from me having IBS to it being tied to my body recovering from 2-3 months of not eating or uh. removing waste. to suddenly doing it a lot (this is also my theory on the belching since my neck/throat used to hurt a shitload on account of all the acid and stuff coming back up but it’s sort of slowly felt less bad?). I also sometimes feel super zoned out and foggy but that might just be my bad sleeping

lately I’m sort of wondering if this is maybe all a neurological thing?? or maybe some sort of mental snap caused by stress from my life. it’s been hard for me to consider much else beyond a deep mental issue after so many tests ended up with good results

I’m not smart enough to know for sure but. idk. a year of nearly nonstop bodily pain no matter what I did (exercise, no exercise. eating better, eating worse, etc.) with every single possible test done beyond a select few providing no results has sort of left me as a terrified wreck without anywhere to turn and it just sucks. I’m tired of being so scared of my own body

and all of that on top of. y’know. everything going on in the world. it fucking sucks

last year was real fuckin bad man and I can only try and hope that this year gives myself and everyone else a reprieve at least. a moment to breathe and be consistently happy again. thank u guys for still hanging around me and enjoying the piddly amount of original content I put out.

I wanna do more for this acc since it, and you guys, got me thru a lot of this last year or so (I even got to see Glaciator in the hospital once lol) and I intend to start streaming myself playing video games over on twitch more often but I can’t make any promises rn. all I can do is hope to continue putting out even the dumbest of posts that y’all might get even a tiny laugh out of

#I needed to vent this post out I haven't talked about any of this in this much depth at all lol #a therapist would be a really nice thing to have. tbh.#till then I'll just keep typing into the blue site ig

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planeis · 3 years

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Athletic Truth Group / Knees Over Toes Guy program Review: Week 1

A week by week, hopefully, review of this mobility program and updates on how its affecting me. Hopefully for the better.

TL/DR: Basically I was clued into who Ben Patrick (Knees Over Toes Guy) by the above video that was in my TikTok feed last week. Did a little digging and decided to take the plunge and pay for a membership to his online training program and coaching at Athletic Truth Group. Week 1 went fine. App works fine. Can’t really say I feel any difference so far, but its only the start.

https://www.atgonlinecoaching.com/

Knees Over Toes: A week by week review of Athletic Truth Group rehab training

My history of knee pain or discomfort has been going on for a long time. The first time I can remember really experiencing something that I knew was out of the ordinary was early in high school. I was not a very athletic kid, in the sense that I wasn’t one of these kids that was on a bunch of school teams or community teams, or whatever. But, I did engage in sports. I played sports in gym and would play games before and after school when available.

I can’t remember the exact circumstances, but to the best of my recollection when I was in 8th or 9th grade there was a period when several of us were playing basketball before school started because our homeroom was in the gym for some reason, and we were playing quite a bit of basketball during gym class, and I was playing a little after school. I was not good, but most people weren’t. But at some point, my knees started hurting. Like, it hurt to run, hurt to jump, I believe mostly centered in my left knee.

I remember it feeling pretty severe, like I felt like my left knee was just going to give out, a feeling I’ve since felt numerous times. But at the time, this pain was brand new to me and confusing. It was bad enough that I asked my mother to take me to a doctor, something I never did and still don’t like to do. I remember getting some X Rays and being examined and the doctor basically saying there was nothing wrong with me and recommended I use a knee brace. This was my first introduction to not only knee pain, but also knee braces.

This thing was monstrous. This was not a simple sleeve or even a thicker brace. This thing went from my mid thigh all the way down to my calf, had to giant straps and metal hinges. It looked like something someone would wear if broke their leg. I needed to wear this? I was a kid playing sports maybe a few hours a week, I wasn’t doing anything extreme, not in my opinion. Why did my knee hurt this way and why on earth did I need this ridiculous knee brace?

But, I started wearing it. It was weird to be asked why I needed this monstrosity, but it went find. It did help. I was able to keep playing, but once it was off I didn’t really feel better. My knee still hurt. And then my right knee started hurting. No doctors visit this time, but we did purchase another brace, this time one that was more like a stiff sleeve. No straps, no metal parts. So then I was wearing two at school, which caused a few more questions. Like, what is wrong with you? Nothing wrong with needed braces, if you need them, but why did I, as a seemingly healthy teenager need them? I don’t know. But I wore them for a while and eventually, I felt better and just stopped. Not sure if that’s because whatever the issue was went away, or because my overall activity level dropped some, or something in between. But I stopped wearing them and I felt fine. For a while….

Its been long enough that I can’t remember how I felt on a day to day or even a month to month basis. But I definitely started to feel like my knees were not as healthy or as good as most peoples. I felt slow, slightly immobile, couldn’t jump.

The next severe incident that I can remember was the summer before my junior or senior year, I think. I think it was before senior year. I met some friends and a teacher for a run. At the time, I felt fine. But, it was the summer. I was probably playing some, working some, but I was not playing any kind of organized sport or anything like that. Definitely was not running distances at all. So, it wasn’t smart in general to just get off the couch and go for a run. But I was 17, I wasn’t worried. What’s there to worry about a little run at 17?

So I met this small group and we went for a run. Nothing too fast. I��m slow and I had no trouble keeping up. No one was keeping track of the miles, but being familiar with the route, I know it was about 3 miles. It was strenuous, but didn’t really think much about it after it was over. Until the next day. I felt like a total wreck, which I know now was probably due mostly to running a pretty good distance and not having really been running at all. My feet hurt, my ankles hurt, my knees hurt. I felt awful, it hurt to walk. And then it didn’t go away. Weeks later this same group asked me to go for another run and I had to decline. My knees still hurt. Hurt right under my kneecap. It hurt to walk upstairs, and I wasn’t even doing anything. Finally, after what had to be two months later I started to feel somewhat normal. This was my first major lesson in being careful. From then on I knew if I ever wanted to run a long distance, I needed to spend sometime, weeks in fact, to get my ankles, knees, and joints of all sorts to get accustomed to it.

For years after this, there would be periods where I would start a routine of running, getting up to being comfortable with several miles comfortably, but if I ever had a break I knew I needed to spend some time, walking, jogging, running short distances to give myself time to get comfortable. Even then, I experienced numerous instances where my knees hurt and I would be forced to try various forms of knee sleeves, braces, wraps, straps, shoe insoles. I tried so many things to try and feel more comfortable running. I always wondered why this was necessary for me. I knew I wasn’t doing anything extreme. The most I would ever get up to was slowly, over periods of weeks and months, building up to running 10 miles at a time. Not that 10 miles is insignificant, but I always felt like considering how careful I was being, the knee pain I was experiencing sometimes was a little ridiculous.

And then there were times when I wasn’t really running at all. Months or years long stretches where I was just lifting weights or maybe spending some time on ellipticals or bikes, not really putting any kind of pounding on my knees at all, and I would still feel like there was something not right. Felt like I couldn’t bend my knees easily, just casually kneeling to look at something or to work on something. Occasionally I would see a doctor when it got severe and X-Rays or an MRI would always be negative. Sometimes they’d barely acknowledge that my knee was even swollen, which it often felt like it was.

Anyway, I struggled with this on and off. Knee pain, feeling like my knee was wing, occasionaly feeling like it would just give out, and always feeling like my knees are not nearly as mobile as others. Even when I would be feeling good there were times where, when it came to athletic things like jumping, playing basketball, doing a box jumps, where I would think to myself, “I’m healthy, these people are healthy, why are my knees clearly so much weaker than theirs?”

But, fast forward to my most recent issue and what has got me somewhat desperate for relief and hoping, praying, that the ATG program and the ideas recommended by Ben Patrick “the knees over toes guy” will work for me. In February 2020 I was doing normal stuff for me. Squatting, deadlifting, running a little (a mile every now and then). I was feeling healthy. Maybe I pushed it a little hard in the gym one day, I don’t know. But I woke up feeling like my knees hurt. Hurt to run, hurt to walk on stairs, hurt to sit down. Mostly my left knee. At first, I didn’t think much of it. I’ve felt this many many many times before. But then a week or two later not only was it not gone, but it was in both knees and had gotten worse.

I toned it down some. It still kept lingering. I started wearing knee braces again, which felt better when I was working out but didn’t really fix anything. Went to the doctor, got X Rays which were negative, which I expected, and got some anti-imflammatories and a recommendation to go to PT. I could have gone, but I just didn’t have any faith that would work. Then the Pandemic shut everything down and I really didn’t feel comfortable going to a PT office if I could even find one that was open.

I’m not completely insensible, so I started toning down what I was doing. Didn’t work. The COVID pandemic shut gyms down, so I toned down my exercise even more. I was still working, but I wasn’t running, wasn’t lifting heavy, nothing really close or so I thought. This knee pain kept lingering and lingering and lingering.

Finally, over the summer after having significantly toned down to almost nothing what I was asking of my knee other than just living my life, I started to feel better. So I tested them a little bit. That was three months ago, and ever since my little tests, they’ve been bothering me every day. It hurts to walk around, hurts to sit down, hurts to go on the stairs. People I work with keep asking me what a doctor thinks. Now, truth be told I haven’t gone since the late winter. I could go, but I don’t have any confidence they’ll be able to say anything. My knees generally feel exactly like they’ve felt before when I’ve had this issue. It’s just lingering far longer than ever before. Nothing has ever showed up on an X Ray or an MRI and I don’t feel like it would now. I never felt anything that felt like a tear and my range of motion is not limited physically, except by pain or discomfort. Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like if I tore something there would be other signs than just pain. Like I wouldn’t be able to run or squat with weight or something, all of which I can do, its just painful. Like I said, maybe I’m crazy, but I have felt like this off an on for decades. Just never quite to this extent. Plus, I don’t want surgery, so I’m not sure what I’d do even if a doctor found something.

Enter ATG and Ben Patrick “Knees Over Toes Guy.” Throughout this whole time, every now and then I will Google things about how my knee is feeling, trying to find any kind of answer. Which is, again, something I’ve done many many times in the past and sometimes I have found answers. Like, foam rolling, or a new kind of knee sleeve, etc. And sometimes that did work and I was able to find some relief. But so far, for this, nothing had really worked. I was starting to feel broken, like this is just how I’m going to have to live from now on. And maybe it is

Then Friday of last week, December 11, I was browsing Tik Tok and a post by Ben Patrick “@kneesovertoesguy” found its way to my feed. Why? I don’t know. I had never heard of him before, never searched for him before. Must be because his page is “fitness” related and I’ve liked some fitness things before on there, who knows how their algorithm works. But in this short video at the very top it say “How I Saved My Knees” and shows Ben doing some things with his knees, that appear to be EXTREME, like things that I would never even consider doing or have ever considering doing. Seemingly effortlessly putting his knees into positions that I know I’ve never ever been able to do, while at the same time talking about how he struggled with pain for years and had multiple surgeries.

Something about this post, spoke to me. It wasn’t that long, but it clicked with me. I started googling him, looking him up on youtube, trying to find out if he was legit or what. What I found were some genuine people on YouTube who seemed to be trying his program for similar issues as me, long term knee pain that wasn’t responding to usual methods, and were having some success. Not miracle success, afterall they hadn’t been doing it that long, but success enough that they felt much much better to than before. One video the guy spoke of having several days where he didn’t even THINK about his knees and I thought, “Man, if I could get to even that point I’d be so much happier.”

OK, so it definitely didn’t seem like bullshit, so I kept looking. Inevitable I found ATG’s and Ben’s YouTube channel where they show some of their thinking and some of the exercises they recommend and why and show more of his story and more of their customers’ success. These spoke to me even more. I almost felt like they were speaking directly to me. And these weren’t some kind of super slick marketing campaign. The stories from real people seemed genuinely self filmed and their real story told their way. Now granted, that could itself be produced, but it didn’t seem that way. One guy spoke of being athletic for years and then having to get knee surgery and the doctor basically telling him, “Oh, you’re never gonna feel good playing basketball again.” And he was still a relatively young man, and he spoke about starting with the beginner program “Knee Ability Zero” and how it completely changed his knee, after a long time and a lot of work, and that he feels basically completely normal and that he’s thriving now. That really spoke to me.

Alright, so it seemed legit. I watched more of this videos, checked out the site and found out its $50 a month for online coaching with the program. Whew! $50 a month. Not for a gym membership. Not for physical therapy. Just for access to his programs and online coaching.

This was kind of a big decision. A lot of the exercises he talks about doing, he talks about publicly and demonstrates on his YouTube channel, his Instagram, ATG’s channels, all of that. Not all of it, but especially the beginner stuff, which is what I’ll be doing, can be found for free. But, from everything I saw, ATG is promising answers to all questions online, video review of your form everyday, advice and critiquing on a daily basis. In addition to that, they have a promotion for $30 for the first month. But still, $500 basically for one year for online physical therapy basically.

But, I figured a couple things. Number one, because of COVID, I’ve had to suspend a gym membership and also a jiu jitsu membership. So my overall fees for physical training are still going to be much lower now and in the next few months than they were at this time last year, even including paying ATG $50 a month. In addition to that, I kept watching videos and saw a few people who say they basically completed recovered their mobility, if not surpassed anything they did before. And these people apparently have had much worse knee issues than me, including multiple surgeries. I figured, if it doesn’t work, yea I’ll have wasted some dough. But if it does, and I feel even moderately better, it will have been completely worth it.

So, I signed up, paid the first bill and started using their app. Did the first days of exercises. Now, I’m not going to reveal what they tell you to do for now. But, basically the beginnger program for people with knee pain, has 10 things to do Monday Wednesday and Friday. BUT, several of them you’re only supposed to progress to when you can only do the others pain free. So starting, I’m only doing three little exercises and some stretches. But these three little exercises are surprisingly strenuous and they’re designed, I think, to build up the muscles directly around your knee. We shall see I suppose.

So the first day I did it, the application was easy to use where you can log your work outs and post videos they request so they can check your form. Both were very good. I asked a few clarifying questions and got a response very quickly, either that night or the next morning. Saturday and Sunday are rest days, but they do have some stretches they suggest on off days which I did on Satruday. Monday was more of the same three exercises with some stretches. I received some feedback from the trainers on Monday and Wednesday and was told to go ahead and try an additional exercise (I think you can describe this as a reverse step up).

So far, so good. I can’t really say I feel any better or different, but its only been a week. Other reviews from normal folks like me talk about feeling better after a few months or longer and Ben Patrick himself talks about a multi-year journey he’s been on, but I’m not sure at what point he would say he started feeling healthy but I have gotten the impression from listening to a couple podcasts with him that it took him years to figure out what he wanted to do and then another year or so before he started feeling healthy. Not sure about that though.

I’m hopeful. Which is more than I can say about how I’ve been feeling since February.

#physical therapy #knees over toes guy #Ben Patrick #ATG #Knee Ability Zero

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