#that ayan is scared of letting akk go without some kind of promise or resolution that he's not going to do this again

[casualavocados]

okay at first i was like, why is ayan threatening to tell people akk's the one bringing the curse back when he already said he wouldnt. ayan also claimed he didnt believe akk anymore about not stealing the notebook bc of what he’s "now" seen akk do - but he’s known akk was behind things since the beginning. and actually the only motive i can come up with is that he was worried about what akk would do if he was left alone that night, because akk kept trying to get away from him, and not letting ayan help him. so ayan threatened to tell people that akk was bringing the curse back if he didnt stop.

and i realized that... something huge about ayan's past is that he witnessed his uncle’s suicide. and IF im interpreting this episode correctly, you have to consider that aspect of trauma alongside the way he acts towards akk, & the reactions he gets from akk.

akk pushes ayan away when ayan says he needs to think of himself first. akk leans into ayan’s hug at first but then pushes him away again and tries to leave. so ayan follows and does what he’s done in the past. he threatens. he gets a rise out of akk, a confrontation akk can't back out of rather than an attempt to escape. and maybe ayan only does that because he’s scared. maybe he’s scared of leaving akk alone, not knowing what akk will do - whether it be continue the curse or something worse. he needs to make sure akk will stop.

so throughout the rest of the episode, as ayan drags akk back to the school to search for his notebook, it’s possible that what he’s really doing is just keeping akk busy. and it works because they settle back into the same teasing/exasperated relationship they had before. it smooths things between them. but the balance doesn’t truly tip into where it needs to be until ayan has his nightmare, and akk hurries to comfort him. after their conversation on the beach, things couldn't go back to the way they were before, but couldnt move forward either. akk isn’t the only one who needed to show weakness in this ep, ayan needed to as well. especially since while they were searching for the notebook he avoided akk’s question abt why it was important again. they both needed to lean on each other this ep. they both need to learn to trust each other. so i can’t wait to see what comes next, and how ayan eventually opens up about the truth of his relationship with dika and what happened to him.

#the eclipse #suicide mention #suicide tw #ive been thinking abt this all day trying to figure out why those scenes felt off and why this ep was written that way #and then i was like oh wait its the trauma. #i mean i HOPE thats what it is otherwise the writing doesnt add up #so hm. im thinking. #everything that follows the beach scene makes more sense if you work it under the idea #that ayan is scared of letting akk go without some kind of promise or resolution that he's not going to do this again #*because people could get hurt* #*because dika DID get hurt* #and he uses the only tactic he has that has so far worked against akk's need for control over a situation #me watching the dialogue in front of the bushes over and over and over trying to analyze everything abt it #their expressions akk's tension ayan's tone of voice #its gotta mean something more than what their words are saying and i think THIS is what its saying #but i could just be making shit up to compensate idk! #im trying so hard here bc they nailed the first and last emotional scenes but how they got from one to the other left me so stumped #and idk if THIS is what the writers meant to do or if its what im imagining to make myself feel better #the eclipse the series