#that the thought of going through female puberty was so viscerally disturbing and painful and anxiety inducing to me?

[zapsoda]

i know im like predisposed to mental health issues. and this is entirely my own hubris. but i just cant imagine myself getting post op depression after top surgery

#i have wanted it since day one since i knew it existed. since before then honestly #every single aspect of it has been terrible and unpleasant with zero upsides #my mother insisted on me explaining my dysphoria to her in the beginning and she tried so hard to relate to it #“are you sure its not just the size‚ a lot of girls go through that” #YES. I AM SURE #ALWAYS HAVE BEEN #i was sure even before i hit puberty. isnt that insane? #that the thought of going through female puberty was so viscerally disturbing and painful and anxiety inducing to me? #i never even accepted that it would happen until it did. painfully (in the literal‚ physical sense) #can you believe i ever doubted that i was trans ahahhahaha #once when i was maybe 8 a friend i had tried to get me to stuff my shirt “just to see” and the thought was genuinely horrifying #i agreed to it because she kept asking and badgering me and i hated every milisecond i could not tolerate it for even one