#the diversity thing really fucking bugged me too like they wont shut up about diversity but

[marklikely]

a while ago you said you hated the movie the eternals so I was wondering what you didn’t like about it? just bc I’m vindictive about marvel lol

god they just literally didnt do even a single thing right.

the acting was really bad from just about everyone (except maybe kumail nanjiani who was the only person who decided he would try to play an actual character), like everyone was just phoning it in. im going to chalk it up to bad directing because people also seemed like they had no idea what they were supposed to be doing on set, plus some of these people are decorated actors that have proven they were good at their job in other movies.

it could also be because the writing was just a mess on every level. like, how good could the acting be when no characters were given any solid motivations or personality traits (any motivations or traits that they DID bother to put in the movie were either told with 0 evidence, or just changed whenever it suited a plot twist to try and create some tepid and meaningless conflict within the team). the lore was tedious and nonsensical, there were no stakes because absolutely nothing felt earned or consequential at all, the overall goal of the plot changed like 8 different times as well as constantly being interrupted by flashbacks with no rhyme or reason as to when we would see a flashback or what we would flash back to, which led to a pacing nightmare.

and the tone was too dour and serious to be able to ignore any of this for the camp or fun either!! because there was absolutely no fun!!!!! it's like they wanted to make a Prestige Drama out of a movie that's 75% exposition dumps and half-assed sci fi lore and 0% actual character moments that make dramas work.

ok im typing too much so let's just rapid fire the rest: the color pallet was atrocious, just concrete and mud. the costumes looked like absolute garbage, cheaply made and extremely bland even just on a design level (i'm talking specifically about the hero uniforms here. the civilian clothes for every character were also boring and pointless, though). the effects were literally laughably bad, the object designs (like for the spaceship and other alien stuff, i'm not sure what to call this category) were ridiculous and never fully came together into something interesting or otherworldly. the score was trash and the needledrops were distracting. the diversity was shallow and insulting, you can't just constantly brag about diversity when you couldn't be bothered write those diverse characters to be actual, yknow, characters.

anyway if you want a well-made superhero movie about ancient heroes who have a deep love for humanity, that has diverse characters who are actually fleshed out and treated like characters instead of an Inclusivity Checklist, that has serious moments with emotional impact but is also capable of being fun, that has clear intra-team conflicts and morally grey characters that you can actually understand, that doesn't look like total garbage, then literally just watch The Old Guard. just watch The Old Guard im literally begging you. if you liked eternals just watch The Old Guard and see what it looks like when a movie actually does what eternals pretends it's doing.

#sorry anyway i decided a while ago that eternals is the new number one worst movie ive ever seen xoxo #if i could say one nice thing about it uh. again kumail nanjiani hard carried and he wasn't even that good. #its just that the bar was literally so low that him deciding to actually try and play a character was still leagues above everyone else. #uh. the opening song was by pink floyd and i like those guys. #although the song they chose was time which is like. completely antithetical to the entire movie so idk. #i guess they were just like oh its about time and these guys are eternal it must be perfect *does not actually listen to the song* #asks #the diversity thing really fucking bugged me too like they wont shut up about diversity but #then when we watched the making-of documentary to try and see what we missed that would make this movie make sense #like there was this one section where they all listed a bunch of personality traits for each of the characters #(and for most of the characters they either listed things that are not actually a personality or were things that were NOT in the movie) #and for one girl literally all they could come up with was that shes fast and Deaf and she taught them asl. #which is like. so fucking insulting. you couldnt think of a single personality trait? shes just fast?? #shes just fast and she taught the hearing people some asl because as we all know thats the only role a Deaf person can have right? #we dont need to give her an actual character we just need someone to fill the Deaf Marvel Character quota. #idk. if it were me and i realized that i couldnt name a trait for this character besides 'knows asl' and 'has super speed' id like #stop patting myself on the back for my Great Deaf Representation. because thats not good representation at all its just pathetic. #and the other characters were all similarly shallow but she's just. the best example of it bc they couldnt even PRETEND that she was deep. #movie diary #and again if the movie was even slightly able to have fun id be a lot less hard on it but it took itself so fucking seriously #and patted itself on the back so much for being like this Highbrow Next Level version of a marvel movie #and like. no. this is the worst marvel movie by a nautical mile even if youre judging by really strict standards of Art.