#the only reason he got out of that building was bc of wilson. thats pretty obvious. what happens after isnt important! not really!

[unplanned-parenthood]

cw lots of mentions/discussion of suicide/death, etc (house md has ruined me. shows made to torture ME in particular)

been marinating this since i saw a poll abt it + a fic i read a couple days ago but re: what will house do once wilson is gone. after watching it play off i had like, no doubt the only possibility was for him to off himself...which does sound very awful but. i don't think it really is? not for house anyway.

the only reason he got off the bus was because of wilson (always thinking abt this. it doesn't hurt here. get off the bus house. but he hates me. you have to get off the bus) he has lived so long in pain, it feels more cruel to ask him to live without wilson. and while i get where the people who say wilson would try to talk him out of it are coming from (obviously wilson is wilson and he will always worry, so like, sooner or later he will start thinking about the after) it makes me wonder, what is on itself more selfish: asking him to continue living with pain, except he doesn't have one of the few things that made things easier—or asking him to die for him, like he has done before?

i would like to remain hopeful that maybe if house kept on living he would maybe get a prosthetic and try to continue doing what he loves with a fake id or something. still grieving, but for wilson now, not his leg. but at the same time that sounds like, a little too hopeful, and i don't think wilson has that kind of faith on house, faith that he would be able to go on without being even More Miserable. so maybe in his head he knows it's the right thing to say, to ask him to "continue living", but i don't think he would be able to actually do it, and neither would he straight up ask house to Die (he already did that, and i think twice might be too much for wilson's conscience, this time it would be 100% guaranteed that house would die) because it's selfish. right? and just how fucked up is it to ask someone to die for you (again, because it really wasn't about amber was it, house didn't do it because of amber, he did it for wilson.)

one of the traits you can stamp on wilson's forehead is that he is the opposite of selfish, you look up selfless and there's a picture of him next to the definition, but he also kinda sucks. he's selfish in the most unexpected of ways, so i think he would probably do nothing. not bring up the topic at all. just let time pass. leave it unsaid. because he's not asking house to die for him, but he's also not stopping him from doing so.

i think house would notice, because of course he would notice, it's a conversation he probably expected to have with wilson as soon as they checked in inside their first motel. a whole sermon and everything. but like! it did not happen, and it will never happen.

it's both selfish and selfless, which i think sums up their relationship a little too well. because it's easy to say it's all about house, but it's also about wilson, and how wilson likes feeling needed, likes enabling him. he surely must have noticed years ago how unhealthy being so codependent is but he didn't stop it, because he likes it! because he has fun with house! they don't know how to exist without the other anymore, so, isn't it only logical they die together? asking house to kill himself when he dies seems cruel, since he would technically be doing it because of wilson, but also—isn't it kinder, in a way, to finally let him stay on the bus?

#house md #house + wilson #greg house #james wilson #um. this is embarrassingly long. sorry #but i have really been thinking about it a lot. and maybe it's because i'm suicidal that i don't find house killing himself after #wilson dies to be depressing. because i dont think its supposed to be. i have weird thoughts about death and suicide in general but i do #think its...sweet. in a way. because house technically is dead. he technically already 'killed himself' for wilson. legally speaking #the only reason he got out of that building was bc of wilson. thats pretty obvious. what happens after isnt important! not really! #because he already both threw his life away for wilson and also kept going for wilson. its a constant in the show not exclusive to S8 #so like. while i do wish house could be happy. maybe try Living. i still think its unlikely. but that doesnt mean it has to be depressing #i dont think he would think it to be depressing. not really. i dont think he would do it immediately though i do agree w this fic #i have been reading that he would try to do his awful Last Goodbye Tour lmao. probably talk with thirteen #because although its not euthanasia it does feel an awful lot like it doesnt it. it /is/ like a mercy kill #but yeah if he told anyone it would be thirteen. just to let her know he's not going to be able to keep his promise to her #main tagging ONLY bc. i think this is a good thinkpiece. and i need more ppl to share my insanity with <3 #mine