#the same bruised desperate heart longing for purpose and overflowing with love but no vessel to put it in (at present)

[notmoreflippingelves]

It's dawned on me suddenly

And for no obvious reason

That I can't go on

Living as I am.

#esteban flores #elena of avalor #disneyedit #eoaedit #don't you hate it when you have a blorbo; a million song lyrics that suit them; and no photoshop skills to speak of? #esteban flores and pierre bezukov (specifically the version in great comet) would get along great tho #the same bruised desperate heart longing for purpose and overflowing with love but no vessel to put it in (at present) #the same intellectual snobbery as a faulty mask for profound and permanent self-loathing #the same...'survivor's guilt ' isn't even the right word...it's definitely that but it's also just 'existence' guilt #like 'yes; I failed to die alongside those I love on the battlefield. but even before that; I failed at being loved in the way I wanted to' #'which is like the one job we are supposed to have as humans: to love and be loved.' #'once I'd like to think I was worthy but now I know that I am not. I have wasted my chances and made too many mistakes' #of course they both Esteban and Pierre still ARE worthy of love but it takes time and effort and willingness to change to find it #am going to try to also do something with 'dust and ashes' at some point #not to mention like my million BATB broadway; Frozen broadway and JCS lyrics that suit Esteban #myedits #mygifs #obligatory ' I used to be butter; I used to be butter; I used to be butter' joke here