#the society that wounded you is profiting off the psychological dysfunction (fawn response) its cruelty gave you

[clavainov]

[i'm tired of waiting for the world to be beautiful] 2022-02-24 14:47

let's talk about the loving eyes of an old dog staring down a shotgun barrel, the death of this author, and other things common in my workplace.

what greater harm than supplication? the third drop of water falling on your forehead, not yet a sledgehammer, more an irritant. you are feeling excessively baptized. so tired of rivers and heads on platters you mistook the stryx for the lethe and, in an ageless hunger for absolution, walked into the water until your head went under

—you can live with that? —yes, but you will never stop wanting what you can't have

the person with arrogance to think i could survive this unchanged died and they left me behind, an unlucky echo-child born of productivity. the other shining me: backfacing angel of history cast a hurricane: all hungry mouth and mass homelessness so that's what they made me and that's what i am.

—i thought it would be different this time —why? —i thought you would be different —(pained laughter)

the deathly afraid butterfly cannot crawl back into the cocoon not even if it prefers familiarity to growth, suffers from vertigo, and would rather be loved than be free.

#this one's about capitalism #and how you think you can get a job and stay how you are which is a radical queer contradiction #you think you can work and not be consumed you think you can avoid becoming a part of the machine that wounds and kills people like you #but you can't and it makes you someone else and you can't go back because it is giving you this illusion of safety you now need to survive #the society that wounded you is profiting off the psychological dysfunction (fawn response) its cruelty gave you #and the version of you that thought it could do that watches in horror as you simper at the feet of the people who would see you dead #clavain writes #poetry #poets on tumblr #walter benjamin's text on the angel of history (paul klee) is underpinning this piece