#the ui here still sucks like the last time i remembered LOL

[bontenten]

METAMORPHOSES 01 || A Zenin Wife

Pairings: Zenin Naoya x f!reader, Gojo Satoru x f!reader (unrequited) WC: 2.3k General Genre/Warnings: smut, noncon/dubcon, emotional/physical abuse, yandere, Naoya, sexism, arranged marriage, pregnancy, miscarriage, birth, lactation...it’s dark, and manga spoilers yupyup  Note: hi i’m back lol Series Masterlist 

The sun shone gently through the blanket of blooming cherry blossoms. You stepped out of the black limousine in your shiromuku. The pure white silks were embroidered with the most intricate patterns that glistened under the sunlight as you took small yet life-altering steps towards your husband, Zenin Naoya.

Murmurs could be heard from the small crowd of clansmen in awe of how beautiful the bride was, about how lucky the groom must be. Naoya stood near the main doors of the Zenin complex in a crisp, black hakama with the clan crest proudly on the back of the collar. You stopped your footsteps next to him and waited for the directions for the next part of the ceremony.

"You look very beautiful." 

His compliment wasn't out of place for a groom, but still caught you off guard at a loss for words. It didn't seem like something Naoya would say, and the gentle vibration of his voice certainly would've had you wondering if the man in front of you was an imposter. You stared at the palm of Naoya's hand, now extended to you, and then shifted your gaze to his encouraging expression. The moment Naoya felt your soft hands touch his palms, he enclosed his hand over yours. It was just like what he had imagined.

--   

It was around dusk when Naoya slowly stalked towards where Ogi's two twin daughters ran off to. It wasn't his choice to go out to fetch his very much insignificant younger cousins. What about their mother or the other servants? How did this menial task fall upon him, instead? Practically speaking, he was closest to where the girls had wandered off to, but the real reason was a cursed spirit on the loose that required the expertise of a Grade 1 sorcerer. If it weren't for the need to accumulate more merit points in order to successfully advance to Special Grade 1, Naoya couldn't be bothered if two useless girls were gone.

Meanwhile, you were also taking a walk in the vicinity, trying to get some air from the stuffy clan meeting. Your clan was meeting with the Gojos to discuss some of the increased security needed in one of the wards. It wasn't anything you were particularly interested in, considering that you had little cursed energy nor much talent with cursed weapons. The summer night was still warm as dusk stretched on for a long time. Past the tall grass where butterflies hovered, you saw two children huddled together in quiet sobs.

"Mai, don't cry. Don't cry." One of the girls was comforting her twin.

"Maki, I'm so scared," Mai bawled, burying her face in Maki's clothes. "It's right there! Maki!"

The child, Mai, pointed towards a grotesque figure hiding in the grass field. A cursed spirit. From the looks of it, it was far from weak. Despair rained out from its eyes in black globules as it wheezed out twisting, wiry words. WWhy? Whhhyyou do this? FfforrrrrWhat? AreArrreAre youHahhaappy nooow Hurrrtinggg? It looked as though the curse was crying over heartbreak, but your training told you that you should know better than to sympathize.

"Get out of here," you told them, placing yourself between their small, huddled figures and the source of threat. Realistically, this spirit was not something you could take on, but there wasn't any time left. Between you and the children, it had to be you. You had to do everything in your power to stall this spirit until they could get away.

"Mai. Maki. There you are, wenches," a harsh voice interrupted. It made you turn your head towards the owner of said voice. Before you could get a good look, he disappeared in a blur. By the time your senses came back, the cursed spirit was exorcised, and the man, who you now saw right in front of you, was looking at you with annoyance.

You blinked and gave a small nod of acknowledgement. "Um. Thanks."

It seemed as though the frown on his face grew into a full scowl. "Did you think you could've defeated that spirit? You're not just weak, you're also stupid."

You bit the inside of your cheek and inhaled sharply. You had thought that politeness would be returned likewise, but you realized at the moment, that was just naivety on your part.

Mai and Maki bowed deeply to the man, who you later learned was called Zenin Naoya. Your clan already had entanglements with the Gojo clan, so you knew not to trifle with the Zenins—especially the son of the current clan head.

Naoya did not have a gentle personality. It sounded like a bad joke when you even put his name and "nice" in the same sentence. It didn't surprise you in the least when Mai and Maki held onto you tightly and were very reluctant to follow Naoya. At their request and your own desire to make sure the girls got home safely, you decided to go with them to the complex.

You chatted with Mai, who held onto your left hand, and Maki, who softly grasped your right. They seemed to be a lot shyer than other girls their age, but you found them to be so adorable. When Mai quietly called you "big sister," it made your heart loop around with joy. If you noticed the glaring judgment shooting daggers from behind you, you only ignored it.

Naoya was walking behind the three of you, observing your movements carefully. His eyes were fixated on your hands that seemed to cradle, gently and securely, Mai and Maki's much smaller ones. He wasn't sure what he was expecting from you at this point. A surprise attack? That would be stupid. A hostage situation? He'd just let you take the girls. It made his inwards twist uncomfortably seeing you beam happily when Maki told you about the cat she saw the other day. He scorned those who were feeble, but still wanted to play hero, taking care of people and whatnot. Weaklings should just keep their head down, but your head was held high and your laughter rang clearly in his ears like a summer wind chime. Disgusting.

When the four of you arrived at the Zenin clan's main entrance, Naoya relished that you were finally going to be gone. You were an uninvited pest, a guest that had no business in front of such a proud family's gates. He snapped at Mai and Maki to get back inside and go receive punishments for causing trouble. You looked troubled, peering through the main gate to look at the girls wandering in, offering that expression of worry and concern Naoya rolled his eyes at.

"Hey," he leaned against the side of the door frame, crossing his arms in front. "If you want to come inside so badly, you'd have to be a Zenin. I have yet to choose a bride."

A pleased grin stretched across his face when he saw bewilderment flash across yours, followed by a flustered expression that contorted into embarrassment.

"You flatter yourself too much," you muttered, before turning on your heels and briskly walking away.

So uncute. If he knew you were going to run so soon, he should have teased you a bit further, played around with your expressions for a while longer. Make it so that your knees would be so weak that running wasn’t even an option. Naoya watched your form grow smaller and disappear around the corner, before he closed the front gate and went back to his corner of the large clan complex, mood completely lifted. There were no challenges that he, Zenin Naoya, couldn’t overcome. Nothing that a bit of time, money, and power couldn’t achieve.

--

He finally got to hold your hand—today, tomorrow, forever. Naoya accepted the small cup from you and took the final sip of the shared wine. The ceremony was now over, and you were now a Zenin.

Celebrations continued far into the night. Your clan bestowed their final blessings on you before their departure. The other affiliated clans of the Zenins came to offer their congratulations and refortified inter-clan relations. As the new daughter-in-law in the main branch, your wedding would mark the beginning of your entrance into the web of clan politics and leadership. Everything you said, each time you bat your eyelashes, even an accidental side-eye would be interpreted and used. You and Naoya thanked every guest for their presence and saw them off, and finally you were joined by your husband in some privacy.

Naoya came out of the shower and took a seat next to you on the bed. The smell of his body wash still clung to his damp skin. He asked you how you were feeling and a few other questions about the events of the day. There were so many details, it all seemed fuzzy to you already.

"You know, when you finally accepted the proposal, it made me very pleased."

His admittance made you tense up momentarily, eyes meeting him in alarm, before you let your shoulders relax again.

"Do you love me?" Naoya asked, caressing your cheeks with the back of his hand.

Was it important? You thought it was all politics. Your gaze met his and bit back the tinge of guilt that threatened to crack on your face. Naoya’s eyes seemed to be filled with an emotion that you had yearned for another to grant you, but never did.

"I'm grateful for all you have done for my clan," you spoke carefully. For many years, even before your birth, the clan had been struggling to train its sorcerers and pass-on its special techniques. The situation never got better. Unprecedented casualties from dangerous curses plagued the wards your family watched over. Widespread panic and distrust ate away at the stability of the main branch. Partnerships with the Gojo never manifested and calls for help fell on deaf ears. There were talks of deposing your father and even the dissolution of the entire clan.

You were forbidden from leaving clan compounds for your own safety. But everything started to recover when Zenin Naoya paid a visit one day and graciously offered to assist. The newly appointed leader of the Zenin's Hei unit, youngest in its history, led successful raids and exorcisms in the majorly affected zones. It was thus only reasonable when the Zenins sent a marriage proposal to your clan that you would accept. It was only right that the clan-head's daughter devoted the remainder of her life to the man who saved her clan members. 

"Your clan used to be respectable enough yet generations of cowardice has made you all weak. But it doesn't matter. One day when I am clan head and you, the mother of my sons, the status of your clan will improve as well."

You were a bit taken back by Naoya’s ambition. His father was alive and well; unless Naobito truly had reason to surrender his position, it wouldn't be for many more years until the question of the next Zenin head would come up. Moreover Naoya had older brothers. And children. The thought that you would become the mother of his children—you were more surprised than offended by his harsh commentary about your clan.

"Don't be so scared of me, I am your husband and you are my wife. I will treat you well."

For such a dangerous man, his voice was soaked in honey. This was the man you scorned at during your first meeting and were now bound to. You held your breath as he cupped your face towards him, his eyes low and fixated on your softly parted lips. You grasped the fabric of his sleeves, steadying yourself when his presence washed over you, lips pressed against yours. Heat followed every inch of your skin that his fingers traveled over. His words and breath beckoned you to accept him in your entirety. Entangled within the faint smoky wisps of snuffed candles, two heartbeats chased one another.

"Finally a Zenin now...wife..."

You were still awake in the hours of early morning, unable to fall asleep. You glanced at the sleeping figure of your husband next to you. The arm slung over your waist and the rhythmic breathing reminded you of his existence every passing second. Your body felt so heavy, still tingling with fizzed out excitement from earlier. Naoya had coaxed out unimaginable sounds from you and peppered you with the sweetest praise. You wondered if you would get used to sharing a pillow with him—a life. 

The day your father had announced that he accepted a generous bridal gift from the Zenins, the first thought that fluttered across your mind was a man with hair white as winter’s first snow. Surely, you had foolishly thought, Gojo Satoru would stop you from becoming someone else’s bride. But all of the calls you had dialed only lead to his chirpy voicemail greeting. It was his larger-than-life energy that initially drew you in. It had really just been a one-sided, fevered dream of a young girl—a first crush, a naive pining love. You couldn't complain either. Satoru never promised anything. Maybe he hadn’t known how much his teasing grins pulled at your heartstrings, or how sweet the desserts he had brought back from his travels tasted to you when he snuck them to you at midnight. To the girl who grew up within the walls of her home, Gojo Satoru seemed like the world. But if his clan never answered yours, what made you think he would grant you any attention?

Your clan owed the Zenins. They were indebted to Naoya.

Faced with your current reality, you didn't know why Naoya seemed so fixated and intent on choosing you as his bride; after all, you were sure that there were plenty of other potential candidates. Growing up, you were constantly reminded of all of your shortcomings. Even on the day of your wedding, just this morning, your mother preached the virtues you must exhibit. But, Naoya chose you. You tucked yourself perfectly against him, taking in his scent. He promised that he would treat you well. You had an unwavering place, deep within his heart. Irreplaceable and exclusive. That thought made your heart swell.

#naoya x reader #zenin naoya x reader #naoya smut #tw naoya #emi.freshtea #jjk x reader #yandere jjk #yandere naoya #the ui here still sucks like the last time i remembered LOL

[jesuscrab]

Disco Elysium: Final Cut first impressions

Well, im only two hours in at this point, but i wanted to share my thoughts with others, mainly about the new voices. Don’t worry, this post will be spoiler free. Putting this under a read more becuse its fairly long and i dont wanna fill the whole tag with my bullshit lmao.

So, first and foremost: new content.

I haven’t gotten to those new quests yet at this point (obviously), but i’ve seen a lot of changes already. There are smaller animations for character added here and there, some misc UI changes and tweaks. It’s all very good. They are just small additions, but were instantly noticable and add a lot of flavlour to the world and conversations. I especially like the UI animations, they seem a lot smoother then they used to be. Really cool.

Now, the elepthant in the room: voice acting.

I was sceptical about voice acting, but after playing i think its a very fun and nice addition. Dont think it really adds anything to the experience, but its cool that its there i guess.

But... the voice actors...

As you may be aware, due to covid and other stuff za/um unfortunatlly had to replace some voices. And i gotta say, the replacments are kinda bad sometimes. Let’s start with Cuno: new Cuno is actually cool imo. He doesn’t sound like a weird crackhead anymore and just sounds like a child. Some think its bad, but i feel that the voice actor is very good. The new voice just gives you a different perspective and presentation of the character. Its not bad, just, yknow. Different. 

New Garte is alright. Took some time to get used to, but its okay. He gives the same infelcion and accent.

Lena has a slight southern accent now? I guess it kinda fits but it’s still weird. And she doesnt even sound like a grandma anymore. I think it works but i personally dont like it. Maybe it’ll grow on me in time - we’ll see. Wonder if they changed Morell too? Hope not, love his wierd accent.

René and Gaston - holy fuck, these suck lol. Dont think if i can explain it but i’ll try.  René had this very distinc voice, he sounded like he was constantly angry, which fits his character as a jaded old facist, He doesnt have that anymore! The new voice sounds like he is just reciting words, very small emotion, sounds very bored, at least to me. Thank god that the voice still has that french accent or i would flip. Gaston sucks, but in a different way - he sounds normal. He just sounds like the most generic dude ever. I wont say his og voice was some sort of marvel of voice acting, but it was something reconacible and fitting. The new guy, whoever he is, doesnt do anything - just normally talks into the mic. It’s bad becuse its boring.

Oh, i almost forgot the SCAB LEADER. Remember his constant yelling, his furoious anger? Its not there anymore! it’s funny when the dialouge says that you feel a very “violet and savage feel from his tone” and the voice actor conveys nothing on this. Not a feel of deep hatred or disgust from him. His voice isint bad per say, but it doesnt convey the same character, it just doesnt fit at all! No spoilers, but im just worried how this change will affect his later apperence in the story - pepole who played the game know what im talking about.

Klasse has a new voice too, but i didint hear enough of it to form an opinion.

As a last thing, i just wanna say: absolutley no hate towords ZA/UM or these voice actors. The studio sadly had to replace the voices, and the actors did a good job. They are not bad pepole for not not feling right to me lol. Also again, these are my personall opinions. Im sure there are some who love the new voices and think im stupid. Everyone has their own tastes.

So thats it for now. I will eventually make an update when i play some more, but dont expect it too soon. I’ll probablly write it after finish the game, or at least meeting at the characters. Hope you enjoyed reading my random thouths!

Now get out there, detectives!

#Disco Elysium

[shytiff]

Small Nov Wins

1 - cant bring myself to study, got out of bed 10:30-ish am. While lazing around i read royal servant and do random internet stuff and watched romee's vlogs. Ate breakfast and i somehow has no appetite?? This is rare. e, cicil kompre began at 15:30 pm (i know, i waste my time a lot). Pengumuman wahana mpi wow yay kalideres makara and budi asih

2 - the weather was pleasantly cloudy. poli anestesi anak, simul. went to what used to be calais, its called flavola now. at this point i quite need some calories because i only ate bubur ayam and its like 2-3 pm ish. Eventually the hunger is gone, arrived home at about 4-ish, drank protein to curb my hunger (nanggung dinner). dad said sumn that annoyed me so after maghrib i just lazed in bed, not feeling like doing anything (even though there’s lots of exams and hw lmao), fell asleep

3 - woke up at 2 am, prated, randomly searched for angel - chancellor and taeyeon’s lyrics and i basically wept at 4 am. i assumed the song was just like,,, a guy talking to a girl, his angel, you know. EXCEPT,,,,,,,,. the 2 MVs was also rly222 beautiful 🥺. Poli geriatri today, didnt even see patient because there was no more at that time (status salin nadia). ate ichiban salad (surprisingly quite good) at dm bcs i rly do be functioning better outdoors, made matcha latte with full cream milk ((powder)), cicil PT

4 - can finally wake up late. finished 1 sitasi pt, made ikk ppt, bujing lina called about diarrhea and nausea meds, laddered the leader for tomorrow’s exam and it,, was,,, me,, group call with shiko. frantically studied for EA

5 - PT (finished in 45 mins), simul as a leader, with STEMI, VF and hypoglycemia case. somehow made it through. i suck at dosages omggg. PP by car with mom (not rly that tired) but i SLEPT after i got home and had no mood to study helpppp

6 - did my first swab test today. i pushed the doctors hand when she’s doing oropharyngeal swab im sorryyyy 😂. slept. matcha. cicil kompre

7 - still havent finished ikk (deadline: today), and still havent studied for geri and ikk AND i still managed to take a nap. why. Read a bit of kompre. Not sleepy after matcha, but insted i reread bj alex and tsubaki chou lonely planet until 2 am the next day #rippriorities

8 - im having matcha latte seven days in a row as of today :))))) woke up at 10:30 am, went to flavola with atikah and got strawberry yakult (tasted like es mony), arrived home at abt 7-ish am and there no dinner, so i drank protein and ate japota honey butter. My breakfast was chicken porridge, so my diet is sooo liquid today. Rip proper nutrition (ate buryam, lumpia, japota for the whole day and drank 3 beverage). Cicil kompre and studied geri

9 - suma geri, slept, cicil kompre, ny head kind of hurts

10 - my head still hurts, suma ikk with dr herqu and dr retno, didnt take swab result by car because the TRAFFIC in soetta so my brother took it. Thankfully negative.

11 - lulus kompre alhamdulillah, the examiner were Prof Saptawati and dr. Dani from THT. Dr dani still remembered me :"") they were very kind. Went to tamel for first wahana: klinik makara UI. Picked up masker first at mahmudas place, and then went to depok. On the way i was interviewed by maba 2020 wtf im so old. Cleaned up my room with the fam, printed sumn in barel (its quite empty there)

12 - first day at klinik makara ui. i WALKED. such wow. fixed my shoes in kutek. had breakfast in barel and bahari for lunch-dinner. somehow i felt very drained. bought Dapur Alya (nutella and regal) and 2 salads from Salad Point since there was 11.11 promo. Put all of them in the fridge. Read Fools and its sooo good omg

13 - had salad and left over bahari rice for brekkie. went to clinic by grabbike :)))), had my first teleconsultation experience today, a chemical trauma case. suma ea with the help of shiko

14 - woke up at 5:20 ish and i jogged a bit at ui lmaoo. fisip - ft - fisip. By 6:30 im already back at my room. 1 hour can be spent a lot of different ways, it turns out. Washed my clothes. Ate monstercheese pizza. Slept a bit. Went to blok m with ara (she was late as always, surprised her with koi milk tea), ate futago ya (greasy cheesy milky goodness, enak tapi eneg afterwards), bought red bean bread at la mouette, bought discounted onigiri bento box at papaya. We went to m bloc space, looked around, ate gelato at kebunide (blueberry: yum, fresh, kiiinda feels artificial, salted caramel: delicious but makes me thirsty) and did photobox at connectoon. Walked to mrt asean but turns out!! for weekends mrt is closed at 8pm. Took grabbike to sudirman, seeing the pretty city and people just hanging out, playing skateboards on the wide sidewalks.

15 - planned to go jogging with salemba frens but i woke up late (06:45), so i just lazed around. Ate onigiri bento (super worth it for 25k for the proteins), fell asleep again 10ish to 14:30 lmaoo. The doms from yesterday was present even on the right side of my lower back 🙂 the red bean bread made me feel full, and the red bean was not too sweet, which i love. Reviewed some meshwork materials i missed. Fianti called and we talked abt her and hari

16 - had mujigae for sahur and fish bite for iftar. The fish was not as soft as fish streat, but the flour was definitely better and crunchy. But it doesnt have the seasoning micin like fish streat do. The pasta was quite a lot im in food coma afterwards. Fell asleep, and my stomach was so gassy that i woke up in the middle with a headache that does not play around. Fortunately it dissapeared in the morning

17 - breakfast is rice kimchi and abon lmaoo just pretend it makes sense. The scrubs i ordered finally arrived. I fell asleep AGAIN, WHYYYY. Lost my streak in DL, i guess i can stop using it for now.

18 - finished reading blood link, girlll i thought the human died at the end. Did not buy food today wow. Took a nap and cicil kompre.

19 - brekkie at barel. Helped measuring antropometry today at clinic, and also measured my own. The fucked up thing was that i THOUGHT my body fat is still at 28% compared to the past (dr rina's research). So i looked at the old paper AND. I USED TO HAVE. 35% FAT 🙂 even my memories are in denial and are fooling me. All this time i thought i was at 28 🙂 did swab at rsui. The one swabbing was from fkui 2012 and we had small talk. It hurted more than lmk :( now this does feel like drowning in water (cause before i said "nah its not like water in nose"). Took angkot back to tamel, bought piscok lumer pocin and its soooo gooood ugh

20 - i feel like if i have breakfast with leftover rice and abon and sozzis i get hungry faster lmaoo. Ordered ken karaage from kukusan, yaa okela for 25k with ongkir. Did online posbindu education through wa. BTS BE COMEBACK 🥺 i maximized my wifi time (no wifi at tamel) so i listened to the whole album. My mobile data is at 200MB lol. Read a good longreads from the atlantic, about down synd and genetic screening. The writing is so so good im just blown away. And teary eyed.

21 - ran a bit, solid class (gastro, rheum, infection), embryo, webinar about sleep by dr Gita Anindyajati, SpKJ, bought ayam geprek gold chick (lotsss of oil since i ordered tempe, jamur, egg, bought pop cookies. matcha cheese was actually better than i expected (the combination somehow fits), dark chocolate and marshmallow is very chocolatey like mom’s brownies, and vegan strawberry cookie with a hint of mint. i wonder how they replace the egg. I wonder why after i run i dont feel hungry for a moment. bloating just gooes away

22 - joined kris' healthy weekly event (lmao) in tamsur. They went to epiwalk first. Its difficult for me to run w mask, ngl. Went back to tamel, embryo, ate leftover meal from gold and chick, felt somehow drained to the bone so i just laid in bed and lazed and lazed. Theres no soreness, but the weakness was generalized lmao. Ordered bbq chicken almond salad from salad point, it was actually quite fulfilling and delishhh (added chili sauce to the dressing). Literally laid in bed from 7 until i fell asleep and woke up at 6 the next day. Finished readin shame application lmao

23 - i still feel tired ckckck. No doms, but i feel like i just want to lay down. got DV patient today at clinic, its most likely derm numularis??? Ate salad and dark choco marshmallow cookies in the evening and that cookie. Is so damn sweet im just thinking about the increase in my blood sugar. And i like sweets so!!! Never thought id find sumn too sweet. Washed my clothes and cicil ukmppd (i put things about studying ukmppd in habitica now)

24 - ate tanoshi sushi and ufo ramen for bfast, ate the sushi again for lunch and after waking up from my sleep i tried kokku ramen (so so, but the egg yolk's good)

25 - bfast: superbubur, protein shake and cookies. (did not make me feel full long enough). Ordered burger from EATG (so so, burger bener is better) for lunch. Last day at makara ui. Ara arrived coz shes staying here in tamel. Waiting for mom to arrive from cibubur, she arrived at about 20:30. I passed out at home

26 - first day in pkm kalideres, i volunteered to be pj to avoid RSUD. my room is a mess, i feel tired after i go back. maybe its the physical withdrawal (?) because i dont walk like when im on klinik makara. came to pkm thinking i wont do anything (orientation only) but the 6 of us ended up going. i was at igd. i saw nail extraction and injected ats for another patient 

27 - talked for almost an hour with the doctor at poli lansia. went home, felt sooo tired, i slept and actually showered after maghrib. originally planned to go to sbux but i was just tired af. my mood was horrible at home. 

28 - turns out i started my period today. i havent studied at all during pkm kalideres era. embryo. slept again. read some manga by nishin something with the psychological and BL genre. 

29 - embryo. cut my hair, showered, and felt better. fell asleep on dr gita's lecture. Drank cimory banana milk with a bit of matcha powder. I dont know if its the sleep, or a bit of caffeine, but my mood feels better and im more awake. Cicil ukmppd with a slow pace. Read itasaku ff. Slept at about 2 am

30 - surprisingly, i dont feel sleepy when i wake up. poli anak today, surprisingly i got perinatology case (jaundice). presented it on pleno. for bfast i ate 3 slice of bread (2 with meat and cheese, 1 choco and cheese) and protein shake, lunch: a slice of choco cheese bread and a banana, fell asleep, dinner: 1 bakwan, a banana and nextar. i can feel that the calories i got today is even less than what i usually got (and usually i already try to limit calories that i am counting the intake amout and made sure im not too far from my bmr lmaoo (~1100)

[tthe-last-timee]

2019 Recap

January 

1/18: Bought my plane ticket back home to the motherland! 

Binge watched You season 1 — thanks, Kayla, for recommending it to me! 

Worked full-time during winter break because my work was severely understaffed (more $$$ yaasss)

As a result of working full-time, I also drank coffee on the daily. 🙃

Also binge watched The Hookup Plan on Netflix. 

First and only time my class was cancelled because of a snowstorm. 

The start of my second semester as a junior. 

Restarted watching Game of Thrones. 

February

Identity crisis. 

Bought tickets to see BLACKPINK in April. 

Obsessed with skin care, spent a lot of money at Sephora. 

Uni kept me busy for the most part. 

Wasn’t able to watch GoT as much. :(

Hello, dean’s list! 

March

Started my weekly professional practice experience (PPE) at UI Health. Every Friday for 8 weeks. Made me realize how crazy expensive parking downtown is. 

Binge watched GoT so I can watch the last season when it came out. Season 7 is my favorite! 

Discovered SHY Martin and omfg I love her music. 

Had a fight with one of the closest people in my life, and it opened my eyes to many things. I learned a lot like for example: no matter how close you are to a human being, there will be times where your opinions and views won’t align and I guess that’s okay. Try not to take things personally.

Also discovered L Devine from a YouTuber and I love her music too!! 

I was finally able to use my Twitter account on the actual app. I was locked out for months and had to use a third party app. 

April

Saw BLACKPINK with my sister and two of my cousins. First concert attended for 2019! 

Finally caught up with GoT and was able to watch s8 as it came out every Sunday. 

Uni kept me busy (lol when does it not???)

I was awarded, along with two other classmates, the Chancellor’s Student Service Award. 

Became a ninang to my first ever inaanak, Miah. 💗

May

Watched “Someone Great” on Netflix and bawled my eyes out towards the end. Nicely incorporated music throughout the whole movie. 👍🏼

Started to get disappointed with how GoT was going. 

A classmate & I did a joint report on our PPE experience at UI Health to end the semester. 

Started to watch Kdramas again! I watched Touch Your Heart and I had the biggest crush on Lee Dong Wook for a couple of weeks lol. 

Watched Aladdin with my sister at AMC Oakbrook and wore an all white outfit when it was pouring rain lmao. I still feel sad about how my continental 80s were soaking wet. 😢

June

Started watching Lucifer. I fell in love with Tom Ellis. 

Worked the weekends only because my boss didn’t give me as much hours as I wanted. :( I need money for my vacation :(

Warriors lost the finals, and with many injuries to their star players. I am a sad potato :(

WHEN THEY SEE US. Omfg this show stirred up so many feelings in me that I didn’t know I was capable of. I still highly recommend this mini series. This show also replaced my crush from Tom Ellis to Jharrel Jerome. 

So many books and conferences for senior year. I cry :c

Spoiled by coworkers (bought me coffee almost every weekend) <3

New crush alert: #15 USWNT. 

July 

Hello birth month! Kicked it off by travelling to Florida with my grandparents to visit my tita & tito who live there. Very hot and humid omg. First time my eyes were ever dry that I needed to use eye drops. 

Also, Southwest lost my luggage so we were stuck at home the first day in FL to wait for it to get dropped off. 

 A lot happened this month...

Had to fly to PH early because of a family emergency. 

CULTURE SHOCK. I haven’t been home in 6 years. 

So grateful for my longtime bff, Johan, for staying with me at home while my grandparents were in Bohol sorting some things out. 

7/23: LANY concert at MOA Arena with Johan. Second  and last concert for 2019. #thefeels. Manila traffic is insane. Flew back home early the next day because..

7/25: stayed at davao overnight. Had dinner with friends. I was wasted af. Early flight next day to Cebu. 

7/26 - 7/30: Spent 5 days with my close gal pals Johan, Hannah, Cara, Arvel, and Auleve at Cebu and Bohol. Spent my 22nd birthday with them and it was the best. ❤️❤️❤️

7/27: At Simala Church and I prayed to God about you. (He really listens!!)

He made me a playlist because I asked for song recommendations. That was really sweet of him. 

7/31: Instead of closure, we started something new. We decided to try again. Probably the first and last time I’d let someone read what I wrote on my private blogs. Also, everything happens for a reason haha. 

For the record, I’ve drank the most in this month than I ever had in my entire life. Hangovers can suck it. 

August

08/04: Davao house party with our closest friends!! Love how supportive they are of us. Didn’t get much sleep, took care of my wasted friends lol. 

Frances made a video of the house party linked here: https://youtu.be/t_AATf2fCg8 

08/09: 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

08/10: Date at davao, then had dinner with Dan (one of his closest friends and our high school classmate) and his girlfriend, Alyssa. 

Started to get texts and emails again from work and uni. :(

Meant so much to me that one of my favorite high school teachers supports us. ❤️

Awarded some $$$ from uni because I had the highest GPA in the HIM program. 

Attended the junior orientation at school. Glad to see it’s getting more diverse each year. 

Lover!!! 💗💗💗

Officially a senior! One. More. Year. #HIM2020

Impulsively upgraded my phone from 8+ to the XS. 😬

September

My lover’s birth month. 

Honeymoon phase. 

Part of UIC’s Jeopardy team at the AHIMA Conference and we won!!! YAY TEAM!

One of my high school friends, Paolo, and his friend Riz, visited me here in Chicago for 2 days. Going out with them was a nice break from my monotonous schedule. 

And because I had visitors, it was the first time I had to drive on the highway for a long time. Finally conquered my fear of driving on the highway because I had no choice. *pats self on the back*

October

Sad month. Lost another classmate. 

Back to drinking Starbucks on the daily. My debit card is crying. 

Baby fever is real!

And who would’ve thought... my bff is pregnant!! I tagged Johan on a tweet that said “baby fever but like in an aunt way” and she called me a few days later telling me the good news. I thought she was messing with me at first hahaha. I have a new inaanak coming soon!

Mama’s birthday. Had lunch at our favorite place Joy Yee. 

My mom’s brother who she hasn’t seen in 8 years visited us here in Chicago. 

November

Friends thought I’m getting engaged or married when I told them I’m going back home after graduation. Love how supportive they are haha.

I was invited to be a panelist for an event at uni. Great experience, although I would not do it again because parking downtown is expensive. 

“Not everything about your relationship has to be shared with others.”

Mental health spiral. (I pulled through after disappearing for a few days)

Cut my hair short, but not that short. 

December

Senior In-Service done!  

Starbucks discontinued my fav Chestnut Praline Latte and I am the saddest bean ever. :( </3

Impulsively upgraded my phone to 11, hated the quality (reminded me of android phones). So after four days, I upgraded it to the 11 Pro Max. No more spending this year! Lol. 

After all the struggles I went through with school this semester, I still managed to finish with straight A’s thanks to the extra credit points from completing the course evaluations. Summa cum laude = secured. 👩🏻‍🎓✨☝🏼

I tried Disney Plus and binge watched The Suite Life on Deck. I remembered I used to have the biggest crush on Cody since the first Suite Life lol. 

#2019 recap

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

i just read tobys tweet explaining things in deltarune, and here are my thoughts.

spoilers for deltarune

1) deltarune isnt undertale, and it isnt related in anyway (ie. if you did a pacifist route and had a good ending in UNDERTALE, those characters in that universe are still happy.) its neither a prequel, sequel, or reset as many have theorized. its its own thing. it just... is. i like that.

i like the idea that this is just a different scenario/set up for the characters seen thru a new lens, while still staying somewhat true to their character (fishy things, such as alphys hating mew mew 1, seemed to point to a reset of some sort, but shes still the same in that shes nervous a lot and can go into long tangents about her interests.)

this idea makes it easier to make deltarune a separate thing, as toby said later in the tweet that he cant bring you the same feeling you had in undertale, but he will instead give you a new game that will give you new feelings.

but since the story isnt released, i have no idea how far or deep it goes- it seems that chara (now kris) is mostly still chara (still kris) and im happy the story has him as the main character. i think its an interesting contrast from frisk and undertale, much more suspenseful and takes on darker themes. (no im not going to discuss gaster lol)

2. toby seemed to have a lot of reprehension of the games battle system. i thought it was great and fun, the bullet dodging making it active more so than most rpgs, and the idea that blocking creates more TP in battle rather than TP being a distinguishable thing that you deplete and often cant restore until later, this was also a great idea. also the left over TP becomes more money. you cant lose in this scenario.

doing pacifist route (though this phrase itself means just that: not hurting enemies. nothing changes.) i found this to be an extremely fun and useful mechanic when used correctly. for ex (SPOILER) when fighting jevil, where i suck at dodging his bullet patterns cause i havent really figured them out yet, having kris ACT while suzy and ralsei blocked made it so that when they got hurt, i could have ralsei heal them, and could continue playing. it made it very tense too, having to manage and know where your TP percentage is at all times.

i believe that while the battle system could be improved on, (perhaps more interactive ACTS like rearranging block man, or blowing on bunnies. more gear [it was a demo so there will obviously be more], idk. im not a dev im an art major.), it isnt inherently flawed. it is just that: a demo. a thought or concept that can be flushed out more.

i also loved the style of fight sequences, the flashiness of attacking and ACTing, and seeing characters interact with eachother in battle. it really was something i loved and will remember!

3) the in game bullet dodging, outside of battle sequences. this made walking around the world be more than walking around the world. i thought it did a great job at solidifying the concept of the soul/heart, and it was fun maneuvering around them. i love dodging bullets lol. i can see this becoming a big part of the game.

4) Puzzles. toby admitted that some things were lack luster compared to others, but i wouldnt necessarily say that grandeur = to value of its function. puzzles and their concepts repeated themselves, such as the symbol puzzle and button puzzles. the one exception being the eye puzzle. i thing that while these were simple, i had fun going through them. sure, they were easy (for the most part, getting the key was a pain in the ass 4 me cause i kept fucking up the door order). all in all, the puzzles were fun, but not an focal point in the game (Demo, btw.) im sure that when toby does bring puzzles into the next chapters, they'll play a bigger role. that brings me to

3.5) i added this after cause i remembered it but didnt want to change all the numbers cause lazy .... so.

NO multiple endings

this makes sense as it would take a long time to create multiple endings given everything else thats on the plate this time. im not disappointed or sad, i simply understand. it IS a different game, and i think it will be important to the lore (your choices dont matter).

also, like toby said, most games are already like this. i welcome it.

4) the development for the next chapters.

Toby making a game as great as undertale (i never played it but watched a walkthrough, an understood the plot as most of my friends loved it) by himself for the most part, with help from Temmie (of course!) and as well as help with the art, its an incredible feat. no wonder the whole theme of the game was determination. that being said, deltarune is an incredibly ambitious game, even more so than undertale, and it seems that hes had it in the vaults of his mind for a long time. maybe even before undertale.

it makes sense that a game of this scope will take much longer to create. with a much more complicated party system, battle system, increase in pixel art quality, more dynamic fight sequences and UI as well as like, a thousand things im forgetting, its a fucking miracle he had the determination to create and finish that. (if only i could start having that much motivation sadface).

i look forward to what he has in store for us, and i will be patient until then, considering these things take time, and toby is a human, depsite what people believe. many do have high expectations of him, but i think so long as he remembers this is about him giving his ideas and stories to the world, he'll be okay (hopefully).

5) the team

im not sure how, when, what, or uh whomst it will be obviously. point 7 was really funny. i think that toby wont have a hard time finding people wanting to work with him and on the team, but i think it will be difficult to find people who are motivated and determined enough.

6) last thoughts

i think that the world with darkeners being seperate from kris' real world is a very interesting and cool thing! it makes you wonder if its real or not. i think this will make future chapters SUPER interesting, seeing if actions in the darkener world change things in the lightener world? how it will play into the plot in the lightener world will be interesting.

also, asriel is alive in this game. hes in university, so hes an adult. im scared that something bad will happen to him and kris in the future. but also, theyre both alive! yay! i wonder if we'll see of hear about frisk again, either way i love it.

and last, the ending. what can i say? its like, really vague. i think the contrast between asriel and kris will be a big conflict in this game- asriels side of the room being filled with trophies and personal items, while kris' is empty excluding the mysterious birdcage. people in town bringing up and talking about their wonderful memories with asriel in the past, but im not sure if this is relevant or just toby letting us get more of an idea of his role. all in all he seems very loved and popular, while kris is... something else. i dont know what yet. i hope he gets a happy ending though.

and he seems like he was possessed, or not wholly himself at the end. his snappy walk and dragging himself was very unlike what we've seen throughout the game. i dont know what this means, if its more like his true nature or something else. did he know about his soul/heart before the events of the game? does he do this often, as at the beginning the desription of the birdcage and wagon depicted itcas heavily used? why the hell does he have a whole ass knife? he gonna kill someone?

also i think kris is in early highschool/late middleschool as his classmates seem to be working around town. i dont know what the work age there is tho. el oh el

all in all, i really wish him luck, i was SUPER, ULTRA satisfied with deltarune chap 1, and i cant wait to see what happens in the future. also, i loved the music