#there was janmashtmi celebration in our building and the guys they fell like 3 baar but they got back up again and again with even more

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

so

i want to be a part of a big group of people who love each other SO BAD i want to have a friend group i want to care and love many people at once i want to belong feel a sense of community but i am so isolated i don't even have one single friend and am i just going to die alone probably yes right im already 20 years old and this 19 year old guy at office was like we were both waiting counting down the minutes till 4 pm so we could go home and we were like yaar kal parso bhi aana padega sunday kitna door hai but then he was like yaar do yk it's already been a month here and time is passing so fast and im not doing anything that people my age do im sitting in a locked office my whole day and aise hi sunday ka wait karte karte 2 saal ho jayenge fir job main bhi aise hi lagega and yaar aise tog puri zindagi hi nikal jayegi and i was like what the fuck shut up you're so right and im already 20 and i feel so lonely and other people are so fucking normal and happy and enjoy festivals while im sitting here worrying about how to finish my backlog watch lectures my life is so small limited to 10 books one course and i feel so on the outside of everything what the fuck man how do i live like this 🧍

#there was janmashtmi celebration in our building and the guys they fell like 3 baar but they got back up again and again with even more #energy and finally did it and everyone was so fucking happy and the music was so loud that go go go govinda song and i remember loving this #song loving the dance in it since when do i feel so distant from it i don't understand why but everyone was celebrating and i felt like #crying and and i was being so irritatble with everyone and i asked my sis if is it okay if i eat maggi bc i think im hungry and it's d #driving me crazy and she said ofcourse it is okay and do you want to go and eat ice cream EVEN THO SHE DOESN'T LIKE GOING OUT AT NIGHT AND #LIKES FASTING SO SHE WOULDNT EVEN HAVE ONE SHE WAS JJST ASKING FOR ME 😭😭😭 #and this fucking icai they sent a whole ass laminated certificate that i saw just now my mom gave me printef on thick paper #my name in times roman saying i passed inter level???? i had no idea they did something like this marksheet already aa chuki thi😭 #it fucking feels like god is sending a sign that this is what you're getting for sacricing your happiness hang in there I DON'T KNOW #EVERYTHING IS MAKING ME CRY IS THIE EVEN WORTH IT AND I BLAME IT SO MUCH BUT WOULD I EVEN BE HAPPY WITHOUT IT WOUKD I EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE #happy