#theres also some stuff with my ex and her relapsing and me wanting to reach out and help her but not knowing how

[prismuffin]

OwO Anon, we need to stop sharing the same brain cell. I had it before my shift, did you take it??

Anyways, I noticed some of your tags and stuff about your snake and how crazy things have been for you. I'm not stalking your blog, I swear... I just have notifications on..

Please use this ask box message, to rant/ vent about what you are okay with sharing!

Because, you seem like the type to not bring up shit in conversation, snice you'll feel like an asshole if you took up space in a convo.

- Crow

CROW LMFAO not you calling me out perfectly with that last sentence-

yeah I practically have no one to talk to because of my current situation and I feel bad for ranting whenever but I'll take the invite and rant a bit- so with that in mind, you can ignore everything under the cut but thank you for this vent ask!

But yeah there's just a lot happening right now and it's all making me feel really bad which in turn is making me feel worse because I feel like I have no right to feel bad??

Things are pretty wild with my family right now- for some context my family is pretty big with my parents having 10 kids in total- my mom didn't have all 10 and all of my siblings are half siblings so growing up I was the only one with both of my parents present- the rest of my siblings were only related to my dad or mom. Now that mostly everyone has moved out or is living with their mom/dad they're trying to go into their retirement plan and the only problem with that is I'm still here!

my parents are trying to live in the US for certain parts of the year and in Mexico for the other parts which is totally fine but it's completely uprooting my life and I have no idea what to do. I already dropped out of my school because my depression was worsening (like it got real bad) and I couldn't take it anymore so I left it for college prep (which is online and allows me to control my hours and how much work I do) so I lost contact with most of my friends then and I'm losing time with all my other ones because I'm in a different country for half of the year- and in said country I also have no friends and the one friend I did make is leaving for Portugal so I can't hang out with them anymore.

Me moving countries/traveling often means that I have to sell most of my stuff since I won't always be in a place for too long. I already had to give away my dog and now I'm gonna have to sell my snake as well and it's terrible because I'm very attached to both of my pets. I also have to get rid of all of my clothes and throw practically everything in my room away to make moving easier and once again I'm very attached to all my stuff so it's really stressful.

I don't like to complain about all of this though because I think I sound ungrateful. Like- Wow, you get to travel the world often and at such a young age without having to worry about school? That sounds soooo hard, you're struggling sooo much. I feel like shit for hating the traveling because I know there's people that would do anything to be in my position and to see some super cool places that my parents are planning on living in for a while but the whole thing is really uprooting the comfortable life I built for myself within the comfort of my room with my snake and dog and classes that I could control. In a way it's like they're taking all of my control. I feel like I have none of it and in a way I kinda don't.

The whole thing is making my depression come back in full force- I was going to therapy for a bit but then that stopped.

Then there's the one time I was literally crying at a huge birthday dinner for one of my parents friends and no one noticed at all and at the end of the night I got yelled at in the middle of the street because I just wanted to walk home after the dinner instead of walking to the hosts house to continue the party. Random tangent I know but I think that's the night my depression fully came back and hit in the face.

Writing is a safe thing for me, I enjoy it and I enjoy making content for others and writing for myself even, at times. Recently I haven't been able to do much of that though not only because of school but also my motivation is dropping bit by bit which is why after these requests I might take break from writing while things sort themselves out in my life. I'll still be active on Tumblr and doing asks and such but writing full fics for others might take me some time!

But yeah, that's some of the things that are happening that I'm comfortable talking about. I feel like this post is too long already so I won't get into the other stuff that actually led to my depression worsening but-

thanks Crow! Even if you didn't read this I suppose it's a bit better to get this off of my chest.

#what can I say #Pris got Probs #thanks crow #personal rant #just some extra btw: #I was on my own for a bit and it was fine but then my parents got back and now it's all “get rid of the snake” “have you sold your pc yet?” #theres also some stuff with my ex and her relapsing and me wanting to reach out and help her but not knowing how #the way we ended things make them kinda complicated but hopefully I can get her a gift or smth for when she's out of the ward