#theres nothing going on in my life so i stay deep in the wrestle hyperfixation because the alternate?

[doctapuella]

i took the biggest fattest couch nap today like a middle aged dad. and do i feel like i wasted my whole day? yes. but do i at least feel extremely rested? absolutely not.

#this move has been good in so many ways but also devastating in so many ways #ive become such a shitty friend and i hate myself constantly #i now fully understand adhd masking. mostly because i refuse to do so anymore. #which makes me absolutely wretched to interact with #theres nothing going on in my life so i stay deep in the wrestle hyperfixation because the alternate? #acknowledging reality? processing emotions? changing my life for the better? #those things are good but unfortunately cause me to have full complete mental breakdowns or shutdowns #ive never felt so confronted by my mental illnesses before and its horrible #not that i can do anything bc i live in the us and have no health insurance and cant afford therapy #i hate therapy anyway. or at least my 3 prior experiences. #im fucking broken but why cant i just exist broken