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wondernus · 3 years

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12: We're on a boat!

pairing: professor!seungcheol x baker!reader sm au

chapter genre: fluff

chapter warnings: cursing, mentions of food and TONS of alcohol (it’s new year’s eve)

wc: 2.1k

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“Minghao, that was disgusting,” you grimaced at the aftertaste the alcohol left in your mouth, passing your empty shot glass back to your friend. The ten of you were crowded around Seungkwan’s car in the parking lot by the dock, pregaming before heading onto the yacht for the New Year’s celebration event. Vernon and Chan dropped some of you off earlier and immediately drove away after seeing Minghao’s usually calm aura change into a rather sinister one. The World Literature professor had somehow been able to sneak a bottle of kaoliang liquor and some shot glasses in the inner pocket of his blazer and was currently getting everybody in your group to finish the entire bottle before going in.

All of you were at least three drinks in, and you didn’t know if it was the alcohol talking or the fact that you were surrounded by the people you loved, but you were having a great time. The boys were clumped together on the dancefloor, Seungkwan and DK having an intense dance battle while Wonwoo laughed and clapped from behind. The rest of the boys had their arms around each other and swayed to the beat of the music, singing at the top of their lungs. You and Hoshi were sitting at the bar within eye distance of the boys, both harboring a glass of iced water in your hands. Seungkwan’s motherly instincts immediately went into full effect after his drunk radar went off after seeing you and Hoshi try to leave your group a few times hand-in-hand to dance battle strangers around you. He decided to put you two in “time-out” for the next few minutes. However, when a familiar beat came on, Seungkwan and Seokmin started shouting for Hoshi to join them, the “time-out” rule completely forgotten. The man sitting beside you hesitated for a minute before turning to you with pleading eyes and a pout. You nodded for him to go, and he immediately jumped off of his barstool to run to the group, not before hugging you and shouting, “You know where to find us, right?” to which you shouted back it was pretty hard to lose the group when the three tallest men in the club belonged to your group. Soon the trio was screaming the lyrics to their favorite song while an all familiar “Go Soonyoung. Go Soonyoung. Go Soonyoung” filled the air. You sat and smiled at the rowdy group.

Unfortunately, the water wasn’t working because the longer you sat on the barstool, the drunker you got. You winced at the brightness of your phone screen and immediately regretted not setting your phone to night mode. Vernon was updating you on his pancake adventure with Chan and the baby. Your stomach growled at the sight of the stacks of pancakes, and you suddenly had an urge to buy the overpriced food they were selling above deck. Just then, someone tapped you on your shoulder, and you turned around to see a very familiar face you haven’t seen in a while.

“Dr. Yoon?” you were definitely drunk. There was no way he was here. Have you manifested the image of him for so long that he would literally show up when you least expected?

“Oh yn!” he was grinning while holding two paper trays filled with fries. “You want some fries?”

It turned out Dr. Yoon, who reintroduced himself as Jeonghan, lost his friend a while back while buying fries and spent the last few minutes walking around, trying to convince the random people around him to take his extra tray of fries. It never really occurred to him that people usually wouldn’t accept food from strangers, especially at clubs, until you told him. The two of you managed to drunkenly run to one of the booths at the side and snag it immediately after it cleared up. Even more so, Jeonghan spent the last few minutes catching up with you and feeding you the greasy fries while you desperately tried to sober up - your whole upper half leaned against him like he was your life support. He repeatedly reassured you and said that he found it cute, but you only felt more embarrassed. You were never going to pregame with Minghao ever again. Kaoliang liquor was dangerous.

-----

“Dude, I can’t believe we lost yn,” Seungcheol was going to have a mental breakdown, which, by the way, was definitely not a good feeling to have when drunk. He recalled sitting you and Hoshi down at the bar and keeping an eye on you two before blacking out after Minghao and Jun returned to the group with another round of shots. The next thing he knew, he was sitting on one of the sofas on the deck of the yacht, the other boys sprawled out next to him, the cold ocean breeze cool against his skin.

“Did we miss the countdown?” Jun rubbed his eyes and shoved Hoshi’s sleeping body off of his. Wonwoo shook his head letting him know that they didn’t miss the countdown.

Woozi approached the group with a grin on his face. There was a man walking alongside him who seemed to be his acquaintance. “Guys,” Woozi addressed the group, causing the men to groan and look up at him, “This is my coworker, Joshua.”

His friend waved at the group and his eyes widened in excitement after realizing who was in front of him, “Dude, you never told me you were friends with the Twitter dilfs.”

Accepting Joshua into the group was fairly easy. He also lost his friend who came with him and spent the last half hour wandering around the yacht before he bumped into Woozi who was in line for the restroom. He reassured Seungcheol that his yn friend he was continuously calling for was going to be fine because everybody in their friend group had yn’s location and what was yn going to do? Swim? Luckily, yn texted Mingyu earlier and told him that they were fine, and Seungcheol sighed in relief. The boys quickly accepted Joshua into the group after Woozi told him to buy them all a round of shots to which Joshua replied, “Who do you think I am? The next three rounds are on me,” garnering an eruption of cheers from his new friends.

Just like that, they were back on the dancefloor ten minutes before the countdown, blackouts and hangovers completely forgotten, drunker than ever. They made a last-minute plan to ditch the dancefloor and celebrate the new year on the ship's deck after being pushed by a mob of people in all directions. They were practically a fresh and unbroken set of pool balls waiting for someone to start the match at that point. The fresh air they felt was a great complement to their sweaty skin, and it was nice to not need to shout at others while the bass from the speakers constantly reverberated in their ears. There were still a few minutes left until the countdown. Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung were still gone after previously stating that they needed to use the restroom together. In the distance, Mingyu, Jun, and Joshua, who left to take pictures, all let out a collective scream and jumped up and down in excitement.

“I can’t believe it finally happened.”

“You too? We’ve been rooting for them since the first pineapple bun.”

Before Seungcheol could turn around to look at what caused the commotion, Jihoon made a joke about daring Soonyoung to jump overboard and was immediately lectured by Wonwoo who dragged Seungcheol along with him. An announcement blared through the speakers that the countdown would start in a minute and the bakery boys yelled at the rest of the group to join them.

-----

10! Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung managed to return to the group just in time, but not without a tray of free tequila shots from the different patrons around them. Apparently, the people around them really enjoyed their company, whether it was when they were tearing it up on the dance floor or whether it was when they were joking with those waiting in the long line for the restroom. Jun looked at the shots with so much fear in his eyes while Minghao patted him on his back.

9! Jeonghan and you also spent the last hour receiving free drinks from those around you left and right.

“People must be very generous tonight,” you thought out loud.

“Yeah, I definitely haven’t been telling them that we’re newly engaged,” Jeonghan winked at you.

The both of you were standing on the deck of the superyacht, leaning against the railing. The captain dropped the yacht's anchor a while back when the yacht reached a place where one could turn back to see the twinkling lights coming from docks and piers from the ocean. The yacht gently rocked with the waves, and you were happily wrapped in Jeonghan’s arms, your drunkness a now numb and tingly sensation. The two of you were staring at the ocean and admiring how pretty the night sky was on that particular day. You didn’t see it, but he was smiling at you like you were the greatest thing in the world – like the feeling of biting into a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie, the edges crispy and the center gooey, both the chocolate and dough melting into one.

8! Seokmin handed Seungcheol a shot.

7! Mingyu complained about there being no lime and salt.

6! Seungcheol heard a familiar laugh that made him forget about his surroundings for a split second.

5! Wonwoo put his arm around Seungcheol’s shoulder.

4! Jeonghan spun you around to face him.

3! Seokmin accidentally took his shot early.

2! Seungkwan quickly slipped his shot into the older boy’s hand and took the empty glass before the rest of the group took notice to what happened. It was fine. He was the designated driver after all.

1! The crowd erupted in cheers, and the group clinked their glasses and tilted their heads back to take their shots. Fireworks lit up the sky in a multitude of vibrant colors. Jun was busy yelling, “Chase with a smile. Chase with a smile,” at those who were complaining about the lack of lime and salt. Soonyoung was trying to hug Jihoon, who kept pushing him away until he finally gave in. It was a new year; he would allow it just once. Seungkwan was in the middle of recording a video of the group with his flash on which resulted in him accidentally blinding Seungcheol for a split second. This caused Seungcheol to turn away from the group to try to blink the dizziness away. When he finally recuperated, he couldn’t help but stare at the scene in front of him.

“Oh my god,” Seungcheol groaned, “I’m so glad we made the sexiling rule. They were literally sucking each other’s faces off. It was disgusting.”

Joshua raised his eyebrow at him. He also saw what happened. “Dude are you ok?” he questioned. “All they did was kiss once.”

The rest of the group quickly turned to see what Seungcheol was talking about and immediately burst into excitement when they realized who they were looking at. You broke away from Jeonghan and buried your face in his chest to hide in embarrassment when you recognized the group of voices calling your name. The man beside you jokingly covered you with his blazer to hide you when he realized you were flustered. It was a really cute and sweet sight, and it was custom to kiss someone on New Year’s. So why did seeing you kiss someone else make Seungcheol feel so annoyed?

the kids are going to be alright

synopsis: life as we know it (2010 film) au | when an unexpected accident leaves you and your blind date from five years ago to become caretakers of your mutual goddaughter, you are forced to learn how to navigate parenthood all while trying to balance work and social life.

a/n: join the taglist!

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taglist: @seokcalibur, @skylions-den, @semicolorn, @boowanie, @niikipuff, @serenadesvt, @tfmingyu, @jeonjungkaka, @shiningstar-byulxx, @onigiriyuki, @justasoftstan, @fr0gluver, @fairyjius, @happyvitamin, @noniesgirl, @hanniewife, @amymoonl, @melkwhore

unable to tag: @fairyjius, @hanniewife

#seventeen social media au #seventeen sm au #svt smau #scoups x reader #seungcheol x reader #scoups fluff #scoups angst #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fake texts

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chuuyasnumber1simp · 4 years

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All I Ever Wanted- Karma x shy! Reader

ask: Heyyy can you do a oneshot with an karma x shy! Reader please

@anime-allover

a/n: hello! thank you for being my first request! this was fun to write, I had a lot of fun with it, as someone who was labeled ‘shy’ for most of my childhood, I think I got a lil carried away hehe

sorry this is so long! it's more like a mini fic now :/

if this isn’t what you had in mind or want something shorter let me know!

Warnings: A bit of violence at the end, like two curse words

also, this is highkey inspired by the song “Me and My Husband” by Mitski Mitski

People were often confused by your attitude.

Much to their confusion, you didn’t hate people- others often thought you did.

No, you hated the thought of all the stares, all the eye’s on you.

The thought of all those people judging your every movement, you’re very being, that's what scared you.

You never wanted to downplay your emotions, but the thought of being disliked for who you were was terrifying.

Whenever you entered a room, your skin would crawl with how the people there seemed to size you up, like lions looking for a meal. Unfortunately, you were the poor gazelle.

By no means were you helpless. No, you were far from it. It was simply a matter of finding someone who would accept you for who you were, for all your quirks and flaws.

The search for that person was what put you in the dreaded class 3-E in the first place.

Unable to click with anyone in your class, you became discouraged, causing your grades to slip. Going to a class where nobody liked you made you nauseous, and that was your breaking point.

So here you were. Three months into the first semester and you already dropped this low. You couldn’t even muster up the courage to go to the mandatory meeting where the teachers were supposed to brief you on your life in this class. You didn’t see the point of going to a meeting where all they would do was berate you for falling behind, so you simply did not attend.

That was your first mistake.

Mentally preparing for seeing all eyes on you, you opened the door.

You had prepared for a classroom full of kids staring at you.

You hadn’t however, prepared for a yellow octopus looking thing to look at you as well.

“Good morning Y/N! Welcome to Class 3-E, I am your new teacher Koro-sensei!”

Oh my god, it talks why is it saying it’s my teacher what the hell is going on wow I think the floor is coming to me wait no thAT’S ME FALLING TO THE FLOOR-

If you were conscious, you would have been absolutely mortified at the thought of fainting in front of the class, but alas, you were not. For now.

Unbeknownst to you, a certain redhead had doubled over laughing in the back row.

“She didn’t even scream! Just plop face down on the floor!”

The blue-haired boy he was acquainted with yelled at him.

“Karma! Leave her alone!” though, his reply went unheard over the uproar of laughter resulting from Karma’s comment.

Shaking his head, Nagisa walked up to the front of the classroom where you were still passed out, and lightly shook your shoulder.

“Y/N? Hey um, are you okay?”

Slowly regaining consciousness, you tried to look u and see who roused you from your slumber.

“Mom? What time is it-” The face you saw was that of your mother, but one of the kids in your class.

“Oh um I guess you don’t remember, but you just fainted after seeing Koro-sensei. I'm Nagisa Shiota, and uh-oh,” Nagisa paused before fishing a hanker-chief out of his pocket. “Your nose is bleeding,”

Nagisa seemed to sense that you were still in shock about the quick succession of events in such a short amount of time, so he gently took your hand and placed the white cloth in it.

“Your seat is in the back row, next to the boy with the red hair. His name is Karma,”

“And I’m your best friend, right Nagisa?” the boy -Karama- shouted back.

“More like my worst nightmare,” Nagisa grumbled, though from the look in his eyes you could tell he didn’t really mean it.

On shaky legs, you stood up and walked to your seat beside Karma, tears brimming in your eyes at how some of the kids snickered at your earlier display. Fainting had been the absolute worst way to meet your new class, and though Nagisa at least seemed very kind, you still had no idea what the octopus thing -Koro-sensei- was doing here.

Setting your bag down, you sat in your seat, folded your arms, and rested your head in them, hoping to block everything out, even for just a moment.

Something poking your arm roused you from your small mental breakdown, and you lifted your head to see Karma poking you with the end of his pencil.

Looking around the classroom, it was like your worst fear had come true.

Every single pair of eyes in the room was on you, some even pointing.

“Y/N? Were you listening?” Koro-sensei asked from the front.

You swore everyone could hear your heart by now, you ran your hands together in an attempt to calm yourself down.

“I-I’m sorry sir, could y-you repeat that?” At this point, the only thing that could make this day worse is if he made you introduce yourself to the class.

“I was asking if you would mind introducing yourself to the class?”

motherfu-

“O-oh okay, um, my name is Y/N L/N, and if I'm being completely honest, I have absolutely no idea what's going on,”

“Oh? Did you not attend the teacher’s briefing?”

It seemed that had indeed been a bad choice on your part.

“Um no? I didn’t want any more people to yell at me about my grades, so I didn’t go I guess. I'm sorry,” You cringed internally, hearing your voice get quieter the longer you spoke. You swore, whenever you didn’t know somebody it was like some weird nervous person took over and you turned into a stuttering mess.

“It is quite alright Y/N! It was actually required by the government for you to attend, as it explained my presence and your mission here in 3-E, but I’ll tell them you were sick and couldn’t attend,”

You were taken aback by Koro-sensei’s forgiving attitude, expecting a much harsher rebuke.

“T-thank you very much, sir,”

“You may sit down now, I’ll have Karma and Nagisa explain everything after class, they are the most knowledgeable on the subject. This will also give you the opportunity to meet your new classmates!”

You merely nodded from your seat, unable to will your voice to make a single sound.

The class passed fairly quickly, and you were quite surprised at how well Koro-sensei taught. You never excelled in math, but the way he explained things seemed to click in your brain. It was a pleasant change from the fast-passed, stressful lessons you were accustomed to before.

Light tapping on your desk roused you from your thoughts.

“Hey, it’s Nagisa again. Me and Karma are supposed to explain things to you. Do you mind if we do it while we eat?”

You nodded your head vigorously, eating always calmed you down.

“Alright, I’ll pull up a chair and we can share a desk if you don’t mind?”

You shook your head no, and turned to Karma, wondering what his lunch was.

You’re eyes practically leapt out of your head at the four bento’s filled with extravagant food he pulled out of his bag. You practically started drooling at the thought of eating all that delicious food, and you were tempted to steal one while he wasn’t looking. All you had was a sandwich, and suddenly the thought of eating it didn’t seem so appealing.

“Do you want one?”

The sudden question surprised you, you hadn’t known Karma for very long, but he didn’t seem like the type to share.

“Oh I'm sorry I didn’t mean to stare it just looked really good and you had a lot more than I thoughtandimsorryimtalkingwaytoomuchillshutupnow,”

Karma whistled at the sheer speed at which you spoke, and you tuned your now warm face towards your desk, hoping he wouldn’t notice just how embarrassed you were.

The view of the desk seemed very appealing, but what was more appealing was the bento that was slid across your desk.

“Just eat it. I highly doubt that little sandwich is going to keep you going all day. You looked so pale when I offered I thought you were going to face plant again,”

“You’re right I'm so hungrythankyousomuch,”

You ate the food with fervor, relishing how the flavors danced on your tongue.

You hadn’t expected fainting and being given a bento box to be the start of a friendship, but here you were.

It had been two weeks since you fainted in front of everyone, and you were finally started to warm up to everyone.

They were all honestly very nice, though a bit annoying sometimes, they didn’t seem like bad kids.

And ever since that first day, Karma had brought a bento, just for you.

It was different every day, but the fact that he cared about you from the small interaction to bring you food warmed your heart.

Now, you were animatedly discussing assassination tactics with Nagisa, Karma sipping on strawberry milk- like usual.

“You know,” Karma said, putting down his strawberry milk. “You do this thing whenever you get excited Y/N. Your eyes light up and you talk like a million miles an hour,”

You shrunk inside of yourself at his comment, thinking he was making fun of your habit.

“It’s cute,”

You snapped your face up to his, surprised. No one had ever referred to you as cute before. Sure, there was the occasional creepy guy that would catcall you or the pervy boys in your old class that tried to look up your skirt, but that was about it. Usually, it was always you’re such a weirdo, or you can’t even talk right, you must be stupid.

That thought played on loop in your head for days. Just that single comment.

Karma thought you were cute.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had avoided it for long enough, faking illness, ‘accidentally’ rolling your ankle, conveniently getting a migraine, but you could avoid it no longer.

P.E.

It’s not that you were bad at it- quite the opposite actually.

You just didn’t want your classmates to think you were showing off, and you still weren't a hundred percent comfortable with the thought of killing Koro-sensei. Your parents stopped talking to you after you were transferred to 3-E, so he was the most supportive adult figure in your life right now.

But unfortunately, he had also seen right through your attempt and falling ill today, so here you were, lined up with everyone else, ready wishing this was over.

“Alright everyone, today we’ll be going over flexibility and acrobatics. Both are key aspects of assassination, especially for getting yourself out of sticky situations,”

Great. Now everyone will definitely think your showing off.

“We have bars, a trampoline, and mats to test your skills in these areas. Please begin stretching to prepare,”

Karma leaned over to whisper in your ear: “Dude, you look constipated. What’s up?”

You gritted your teeth in dread, completely ignoring Karma’s comment about your face. “I’m good at this,”

“What?”

“I’m good at this stuff. That’s the problem,”

“I think you need to go to the nurse's office because that doesn’t make any sense. If your good at it, then what’s there to worry about?”

Oh how you wished you had Karma’s attitude, but your brain simply did not work like that.

He sighed next to you, then reached out a hand to ruffle your hair. The action caused your brain to short-circuit, and while you previously were imagining all the different ways this could go wrong, the only thing you were able to process was Karma’s hand on your head.

“Whatever you're overthinking in that pretty little head of yours, I promise it’s not going to be as bad as you think it is, so stop worrying. You make an ugly face when you think too hard,”

“Y/N. It’s your turn,”

Karma retracted his hand at Karasuma’s voice, leaving your an anxiety-filled blushing mess.

You breathed slowly and stepped up to the mats, flexibility being the first test.

Looking back into the crowd, you noticed Nagisa giving you a thumbs up and Karma smiling at you. Seeing them silently root for you gave you a bit of courage, so you slid into the splits with ease, stood back up, the bent into a back-bend. Next was a kick over, then a handstand, all executed to perfection.

Not giving yourself time to overthink and panic, you turned to the bars and performed your moves with grace, just as you did at gymnastics practice.

Lastly was your specialty- the trampoline.

Usually, the trampoline was a tumbling mat, but you would just have to make do.

The trampoline was long, spanning about 20 feet. Longer than your usual routine, but that was nothing you couldn’t handle.

Getting a running start, you front flipped, then, using your momentum, did a front handspring. Jumping up once more you did four back handsprings in a row, backflipped, then as a final move, an aerial. You cursed internally, as your hands flew up in the air in the judges salute, something you did on instinct after doing gymnastics for so long.

Shocked to hear shouts and clapping, you turned to the crowd of students who rushed at you.

“That was amazing Y/N!”

“Who knew you were secretly talented!”

“Could you teach me how to do that no hands front flip thingy?”

“Alright alright, let the poor girl breathe,” Karasuma shooed the class away, then turned back to you. “That was very impressive Y/N. If you could coordinate that into assassination, I'm sure you could go far.”

You gave him a real, genuine smile. “Thank you very much, sir!”

Karma’s POV:

Karma didn’t quite understand the feeling in his chest. It wasn’t like the feeling he got when he attempted to assassinate Koro-sensei, or how it felt to break someone’s nose.

No, this was different. Something he had never felt before you.

The way his heart fluttered in his chest at how graceful you looked. Or how he wished it was him you had given that shining smile too.

And it wouldn’t go away.

He started to notice that after you came out of your shell, you smiled a lot more. Your eyes lit up, and he adored the way you chewed your lip when you were worrying about something.

Karma Akabane never thought he’d used the word adored to describe something he felt, but here he was, adoring a new aspect of you each day.

He would lay awake at night, inside his cold, empty mansion, thinking it would be better if you were in it.

Wondering if you felt the same way about him.

He couldn’t bear to think that you didn’t. This new feeling, one he’d never felt before, was both exhilarating and terrifying.

And he had no idea what to do.

Nagisa’s POV:

Nagisa had genuinely never seen Karma liked this before.

It was almost unnerving at first, the way he looked at you like he was stranded in the desert, and you were an oasis, calm and beautiful.

In all his time, Nagisa had never seen Karma in love before.

To someone who hadn’t known Karma along as he had, the way his eye’s got soft when he looked at you, or the way you could always bring him out of a bad mood would go unnoticed.

But Nagisa noticed.

The perceptive boy had also picked up on how you opened up when Karma was around, how you looked at him like he was the only person in the room. The way that whenever you bumped into each other, both of you would linger just a little bit longer than necessary. How when you dropped your pencil last Thursday, and Karma’s fingers grazed yours, both of your faces turned red.

It was almost hard to watch you both pining so obviously over each other, and then do absolutely nothing about it.

What he did not know, was that his annoyance would be short-lived, because no one was expecting what would happen the following week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was all because of those Class B jerks.

They had been your old classmates, and you were just trying to walk to the bus, Karma and Nagisa in tow when they had to show up.

“Hey look! The freak finally found her place, among the other freaks!”

“It’s fitting for her. I mean, you can’t be that weird and not get put in 3-E. Forget about grades, they should have chucked her into that dump the second she arrived!”

To say you snapped would be an understatement.

Nagisa had looked over to you, hoping to provide comfort, but the look on your face would put Karma’s to shame.

You flew towards the two boys, faster than Nagisa thought was possible, and punched the first one straight in the face.

Nagisa flinched internally, watching the blood spurt from his nose, as he actually flew backward from the force of your fist.

The second one was already trying to get a hit in on you, and Nagisa could see Karma was about to step in, but he stopped when he saw you grab the second guy's face, and slam it into your awaiting knee.

“Shut up,” He collapsed on the ground, and you crouched down so you were eye-level with him.

“Listen. I’m in 3-E now. I cannot sink any lower than this, so there’s nothing for me to lose right? So I suggest you tell all your little friends that I will not hesitate to do to them what I just did to you. Got it?”

Both shook their heads, then scrambled away from you, clutching their respective faces.

Your POV:

Your knuckles hurt. Punching someone with that much force was much more painful than they showed in movies.

And, deep down, you were scared what the boys said was true.

You were quiet and reserved, and your interests never matched those around you, and now here you were, blood dripping off your knuckles, tights ripped, hair disheveled, and they were right.

You were a freak.

Karma probably only hung out with you out of pity, why else would he?

And Nagisa only did out of obligation, after all, he couldn’t be Karma’s friend and then not yours, right?

You weren’t even aware you were crying until the tears dripped onto the pavement below your face.

“Y/N? are you okay?”

It was quiet for once inside your head. Too quiet.

“It’s okay Karma. You don’t have to feel pity for me anymore. You can ignore me, and go back to how things were before. I’m okay with being alone,” Despite your words, your voice wobbled and more tears sprung from your eyes.

“Hey. Look at me,” Karma cupped your face with his hands, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

“I hang out with you because I want to. Those guys didn’t know what they were talking about. You’re beautiful and smart, and so devoted. I’ve always loved that about you,”

He said ‘loved”

“You looked badass just now. Don’t think you going crazy on those jerks is going to make me change the way I see you. If you think I’m that shallow, then you’re stupid.

I love the way you chew your lip when your worried, and I love the way you always try so hard in math even though you’re not that good at it. I love the way that you adore the weirdest things, like snakes and old music, and I love how you smile at me when you think I’m not looking,”

Crap he noticed-

“And finally, I love you Y/N. Will you be my girlfriend?”

You beamed at him, hearing the words you had always dreamed of hearing.

“Yes. Please,”

He hugged you close to his body, as he could protect you from all the bad in the world, and you relished the way his arms wrapped around you.

“Can I kiss you?”

Instead of giving him an answer, you leaned up and tilted your head so it fit perfectly against his.

Despite all the strawberry milk he drinks, he tasted like cinnamon sugar, an almost bittersweet flavor. He melted into your touch, and his breath tickled your nose when he pulled away.

A light cough from ten feet away reminded you that Nagisa was still here, and you instantly withdrew from Karma’s embrace, smoothing down your uniform.

“Nagisa~ Look who just got a girlfriend,”

“Shut up,” You lightly punched his arm, but you also let your hand entwine with his.

And this was all you ever wanted.

a/n: i read somewhere that Karma’s parents r like super rich so he lives in a mansion????

#karma #karma akabane #karma x reader #karma akabane x reader #assassination classroom #lol i got really carried away #sorry about that

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fictionplumis · 3 years

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A Lambert/Aiden Thing

Okay, bear with me here, this might be long. And maybe at one point I'm gonna try to RP this but unfortunately there's no one on the Lambert/Aiden RP tags on the site I use. So I'm just gonna put this here for now. And if anyone wants to, oh I don't know, write a fic or whatever based on this, PLEASE link me 'cause I wanna read it but anyway.

Set after the Wild Hunt, one of those rare AUs where Aiden genuinely did not survive.

While traveling together as super cool witchers, Geralt ends up telling Ciri all about helping Lambert get revenge for his Cat friend, right?

Time passes, and Ciri starts trying to really solidify her control with her ability. Geralt ends up spending more and more time at Corvo Bianco and Ciri is out on the Path, but every so often a girl needs a break, y'know? So sometimes she'll disappear for a couple days, maybe a few weeks, just off in another world. It's a good way to practice.

In one world, she ends up running into this man named Aiden. (This world being our world. Not a modern Continent thing, not some point in the future, I mean OUR world.) They talk, and he ends up mentioning his roommate Lambert, and the more he says about Lambert, the more it becomes obvious that it's LAMBERT.

Now Ciri has absolutely no intention of doing anything about this. It's not her place, telling Lambert would be an AWFUL idea, and going to meet that world's version of her uncle just seems like a bad idea. But she is curious about what kind of man can inspire such a strong sense of friendship in Lambert, so she decides to pop into that world every so often, "accidentally" find Aiden, and just kind of get to know him a little bit. Plus it's another way to practice her abilities, not just pin-pointing and traveling to a specific world, but to where a specific person is.

She does that on and off a few times, enough where her and Aiden are sort of acquaintances.

Now in this world Aiden isn't a saint, okay? This boy pretty much grew up on the streets. He has a past that he's trying to get away from. He knows his way around a knife fight, has ample experience running from the cops, and has been through so much therapy. (I don’t get into detail here but any kind of modern Aiden I usually have some kind of neurotypical. Might be something as simple as ADHD, though I do love bipolar!Aiden and psychotic!Aiden as well. I’d imagine at this point he’s good at managing it, with the help of therapy and medication. Now the therapy wouldn’t be all that accessible with where this is going, but Ciri could help him make sure he has his medications. Hell, if wanted to have him keep things consistent with his therapy too, he could move down to appointments maybe once a month and Ciri could make sure he could get to them, the same way she helps attain other things later on in this snippet. I absolutely support positive and accurate depictions of mental illness, I’m not just using the terms bipolar or psychotic lightly.) And unfortunately his past ends up catching up with him.

Ciri happens to get there just in time. Before Aiden can end up with a bullet in his eye, she's teleporting him to the first safe place that comes to her mind: Corvo Bianca.

Now poor Aiden has no fucking idea what happened. One second his old "friends" have him backed into a corner with a gun to his face and the next he's experiencing the worst motion sickness of his life and throwing up in a pot that smells like shit. He spends the next two days sleeping off some major jet lag and when he comes to, he had no fucking idea where he is.

Then comes Geralt and Ciri having to awkwardly explain the whole witcher thing to him, the Continent in general, the time period, the fact that monsters and sorceresses and magic exists in this world, all that happy shit. And it's a lot to process. Before they can even get to the whole "do you want to go back to your world and handle the deal with people trying to kill you thing" Lambert shows up.

At first Aiden doesn't even think, he's just like oh thank fuck a familiar face, I know you hate hugs but I think this can be forgiven because I've had the weirdest most stressful week of my life.

And then he's like, wait a second. Lambert is... Thicker.

Like Lambert's always been a very physically active guy, he's a mechanic or whatever you want a modern day Lambert to do, but his shoulders weren't THAT broad before and under those spiky metal arm things are some impressive biceps. Also what are those spiky metal arm things? Lambert, what are you wearing? How the fuck did you get here? Holy shit your eyes--

He puts two and two together. Right, the name Geralt sounded familiar because Lambert's mentioned the name. That's his adopted brother. So if this Geralt is a witcher, then Lambert in this world is a witcher. And Lambert is also having a minor breakdown because, y'know, AIDEN.

Let's just say Geralt warned him. Explained the whole situation and asked Lambert to come back to help with this, and Lambert was very torn because it's not HIS Aiden. It'll hurt too much, to see someone so much like Aiden but just slightly to the left. He knew it would. He just didn’t expect this Aiden to be SO MUCH like his Aiden. By this point Aiden has had to change his clothes into some of Geralt's trousers with a belt to hold them up and a loose tunic, but it's fucking him.

They all talk a bit. Aiden pretty much admits that yeah, there are people after him. And they probably won't stop until he's dead. That's how gangs work, y'know? You can't really... Get out. He tried, he really fucking did, but even if it's not the ones that cornered him before, it'll be someone else. So yeah, Ciri saved his life and going back is probably not the best idea.

Now I absolutely don't want to fuck over another world's Lambert just to make Continent!Lambert happy, so we're gonna say the two were really good friends. They were roommates, they were close, Lambert was pretty much Aiden's only friend, but they weren't lovers. Lambert was with a woman named Keira. A doctor. They were good for each other, y'know? When Lambert first started dating her, Aiden thought she was kind of a bitch but as time went on she kind of mellowed out. It wasn't that she became less full of herself, but more that she actually felt confident enough that she didn't feel the need to try to take on the world anymore. And Lambert's happy with her. So leaving Lambert behind in that world kind of sucks, yeah, but he'll be okay. And this Lambert is so similar that to Aiden, it doesn't feel like he's losing someone.

Now we have Aiden getting to experience the Continent for the first time. Getting to experience witchers for the first time.

Lambert. Sword fighting.

And that's so fucking cool. Can you please teach me that?

Which of course has Lambert a little iffy, because this Aiden is human and no fucking away is he letting this Aiden anywhere near a monster, but Aiden is like, nah, relax, I just want to learn because sword fighting is really cool. Look, I'm really good with a knife, teach me some cool sword stuff.

So Lambert gets to teach Aiden some cool sword stuff. And how to make bombs, which Aiden LOVES. And maybe some alchemy, too, because Aiden asks about the potions and Lambert is very adamant that he never drinks any but Aiden likes at least knowing how to make them. It's fascinating. You all fucking know you would love to make potions out of gross monster parts and herbs if you had the chance, don't even lie. Lambert even shows off some signs and Aiden is delighted.

This eventually leads to one of those serious conversations about what it takes to become a witcher, and what all Lambert went through, and how people view witchers. And Aiden gets it, maybe not completely, but he gets the just of it. Because he knows about the other Lambert's past, and his shitty father, and all that stuff. And Aiden's brown, and people don't like that. And he's gay, and people don't like that either. Lambert's whole thing kind of reminds him of the X-men.

And Lambert doesn't know what the fuck that is so Aiden explains comics and superheroes and the X-men to him.

Because in his world they don't have witchers or magic, so they make up stories that have people like witchers, that have magic, and in those stories, those people sometimes face very similar prejudices. So to Aiden, Lambert is a lot like a superhero.

And Lambert's like uh huh, no way, definitely not any kind of hero, that's pretty boy's job.

To which Aiden responds, no, I definitely think you're a hero, even if you don't, so suck it up.

And they probably kiss and stuff.

Eventually Aiden gets restless and he's curious about the rest of the Continent, and he's tired of wearing Geralt's ill-fitting clothes because he's used to skinny jeans and shit so he gets Lambert to take him into Beauclaire for clothes.

And Beauclaire is fucking beautiful, he loves it.

The clothes are okay. Eventually he just asks Lambert what he used to wear and they go see the armorer instead. Aiden's not entirely sure about it, because Lambert looks like he's swallowed a mouthful of tacks when he sees Aiden in the Cat armor, even without the chest piece or the gauntlets, but Lambert assures him that he's fine.

It just doesn't quite ease the restlessness. So the next time Ciri pops in, Aiden asks for her help and together they scheme. The next day, Aiden tells Lambert to go find something to entertain himself with for awhile because he needs to spend some quality time with his BFF.

A few hours later they find Lambert sulking out in the vineyard, Aiden looking fine and fresh in a brand new pair of skinny jeans that show off his very nice ass, and some well-fitting combat boots that aren't nearly as durable as actual leather boots on the Continent but they have studs and buckles and look really cool.

Lambert is torn between thinking Aiden looks like a fucking idiot and thinking that he's never wanted to fuck Aiden more in his life.

Then Aiden drops the news that he also put together an outfit for Lambert because in his world, when you're interested in courting someone, the first thing you do is take them on a date. And he wants to take Lambert on the most stereotypical first date. What's that? Why the movies, of course! There's an X-men movie that just came out (I don't know which one, okay? I don't watch the X-men. You figure it out.) and he thought, maybe, he could show Lambert a little bit of the world he came from. They wouldn't be there for long, and they wouldn't be going to a theater anywhere near where Aiden's old gang would be. Nothing would be tied to Aiden's name, and he would be with Lambert, so he would be safe.

It's a big change from the Continent.

Lambert's never seen so many fucking people in his LIFE. Aiden had warned him about cars and technology and Lambert is pretty quick witted so while he's absolutely amazed, he manages to take it in stride pretty well. The thing that throws him off the most is when they go to buy popcorn and the girl at the counter goes, "Oh my god, I love your contacts! Where did you get them? They look so real!"

Lambert doesn't know what the fuck contacts are, but Aiden steps in all smooth-like, "Fuck, Lamb, you've had those forever, haven't you? I think he got 'em off some cosplay site."

Then he has to explain later that sometimes people put these little discs in their eye to help them see better or to change the color of their eyes for costume purposes. To which Lambert has the understandable reaction of, "Who in their right fucking mind would CHOOSE to do this to their fucking eyes?"

Well, y'know, they can take contacts out whenever they want. It's a cosmetic thing. They don't know what you had to go through to get your eyes to look like that. You'll probably have some old conservative people eyeing you weird, thinking you're some Satanist or whatever, but most other people will just think it's a cool choice you made, to put those in to go to the movies.

The world is weird. Lambert can't decide if he likes it or hates it.

He definitely likes the movie, though. And the popcorn. Probably finds the soda to be a little too sweet for his taste. There's still a lot of people, which makes him a bit on edge, but they came to the theater at an off time and not many people are actually in the room with them. They sit at the back and hold hands and Lambert decides he loves it. Ciri picks them up like a proud parent driving her kid and her kid's date home, only instead of driving she's teleporting and neither of them are her kids but whatever.

But Aiden isn't done scheming. When they get back he tells Lambert to stay put and gets Ciri to take him back for one more little errand.

A couple hours later they clang back into Corvo Bianco. CLANG back because each of them has a weird metal cart piled high with items and they're laughing their asses off.

So you might be wondering, how did Ciri and Aiden afford clothes? They stole them. How did Aiden afford movie tickets and popcorn? He pick pocketed. Boy grew up on the streets. He knows how to steal wallets. And now they performed the greatest "run out the doors of Walmart with carts full of shit" EVER. Because as soon as they were out of sight, they teleported, no one the wiser.

Aiden is thrilled with his non-purchases. Firstly, he has about a year's worth of toilet paper. he throws a package at Lambert, who's like, what the fuck is this. Toilet paper. What do you use it for? To wipe your ass after you shit, Lambert. Trust me. Once you use it, you'll never go back. It's a blessing, you'll thank me for it. There might not be indoor plumbing here, but god dammit, I want toilet paper.

He then hands Ciri two boxes of pads. Yeah, she was there shopping with him, but he just kind of dumped stuff in carts without explaining anything, and while Ciri knows what most of the things are, do you really think she's thought about how other worlds deal with menstruation? Because I menstruate, and the thought would genuinely not cross my mind. I would continue using whatever method I used back in my original world. So Aiden leans in to whisper what they are, because he's polite, and he becomes her favorite uncle just like that. And when Geralt and Lambert are like, uh, what? She tells them it's for menstruating and, "Oh, don't make that face at me, Geralt. I bleed, it happens."

Aiden admits that most of the other purchases are for Lambert, and when Lambert tires to protest Aiden makes it very clear that everything he bought is NORMAL in his world. Not even luxury, just NORMAL, so Lambert just needs to shut up and let Aiden make his life a little easier.

First up, sunglasses. Because Lambert mentioned how painful it can be to take Cat and then step out into sunlight before the potion has run out. He tosses a pair at Lambert, who tries them on with a frown and is like, "Oh. Huh. Alright. These might actually be pretty useful." Aiden got himself a pair too. They match. There's also a tent. It folds up pretty small, but witchers travel, right? And Lambert mentioned how shit it is to camp in the rain, so here's a tent that’s better than the shit you can buy on the Continent. You lay out your bedroll in it, and you don't have to worry about bugs, and it helps protect you against the weather. It's small, but it looks kind of easy to put up, should be durable enough.

And maybe just big enough for two, because Aiden isn't stupid. Eventually Lambert will need to take to the Path again, and Aiden wants to comes too. He wants to see the Continent. He can't help with the monsters, he knows, but maybe he can do something else to help them earn money. Who knows, right? This world isn't run by capitalism. He could make a living doing nearly anything. He can figure something out.

He even got a water filter, and a couple filter replacements because witchers can probably drink any kind of stagnant water they want but he would rather not die of dysentery, thanks. And he got himself a sleeping bag. And he got Lambert a very, very soft fleece blanket just because he thought Lambert would like it. (He does.) Oh, also, Lambert, smell this soap. And this shampoo. Using a bar of soap has not done Aiden's hair any favors, he got actual fucking shampoo. The BIG bottle. And now Lambert has some nice pomade to use in his hair instead of bear fat. Won't make his hair greasy plus it smells better. Also there's bubble bath, just because. And beard oil for Lambert. Some moisturizer. Here, Lambert, put on some chap stick. Trust me, you'll love it.

They set out on the Path and it's not always easy because Aiden worries CONSTANTLY. But Lambert is good at what he does. The few times they're ambushed, Lambert always keeps Aiden safe, because in this household everyone fucking survives.

Aiden likes seeing Lambert in action. He swoons and calls Lambert his hero.

There are some stunning places to visit on the Continent. Aiden's favorite are the elven ruins they sometimes come across. Only after Lambert deals with the wraiths, though.

Aiden learns how to play Gwent. He's not that good at it. Aiden learns how to cheat at Gwent. He's VERY good at it. Lambert teaches him how to fish with bombs. Aiden is fucking delighted.

Eventually he realizes how he can make money. He copywrites Disney.

He's no bard. He can't sing or play an instrument. But he CAN tell stories, and no matter how much you hate Disney, there are probably a lot of Disney movies everyone can quote by heart, and they're either already time-period approved, or they can easily be adapted into something time period approved. Lambert comes back from a hunt to find the entire tavern listening to Aiden with rapt attention while he's in the front of the room putting on a one man performance of the whole, "I am Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die," while jumping back and forth to play each part. He's clearly having a blast with it, because who doesn't love telling other people every little detail about their favorite movie?

As he's heading upstairs with Lambert, he just keeps raving about how he can't believe he actually made money with that. He hands Lambert a handful of coins, just like, "I don't know how much money this is, but look, it's money!"

Which probably leads to some conversation about capitalism and how easy it was in his world to feel insignificant, to feel like everything is pointless, and how much happier he is with Lambert. How it's even given him a new outlook on the world he came from. He doesn't want to go back, per se, but he doesn't want to completely leave either. He wants to show Lambert the best parts of it, to re-experience his world through Lambert, to really feel the amazement of it all the way he's supposed to, the way that's so easy to stop doing when you're actually living there. It's so easy to take it all for granted, but when you're showing it to someone who's experiencing it for the first time, you can really appreciate it all.

So every winter they head back to Toussaint and Ciri takes them back long enough for them to do something FUN. They play laser tag. They rope Geralt, Eskel, and Ciri into doing an escape room with them. They go kayaking. They do one of those rope courses and zip-line things. They go to an amusement park. A water park. They walk around a nature trail. They go to a comic convention. (Lambert wears his armor and so many people want pictures with him. He's just sad Aiden wouldn't let him bring his swords, the kids would have fucking loved to see a sword.) They have so much fun. And Aiden stocks up on modern supplies for the year while he's there. Another year's worth of toilet paper, a new tent, another fuzzy blanket, a few pairs of sunglasses because Lambert always ends up breaking his, a nice backpack because Lambert really likes having a bunch of different pockets in his bag for organizing things.

And you know what? Give it ten years, Aiden's bordering on his forties, and he finds some way to make himself functionally immortal. Magic, fairies, a curse, a blessing, I don't know, I don't care. Their plan becomes to live until one of them dies of something--probably Lambert, because he's the one Aiden always has to patch up (he now always buys a very large, well stocked first-aid kit from his world too) what with fighting monsters and all, and the other will follow. It's morbid, sure, but it works for them. With the way things are going, neither of them thinks they'll need to do that anytime soon anyway.

Basically, they live happily ever after, okay?

HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

#laiden #lambden #lamden #the witcher #lambert aiden

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jalapeno-princess · 3 years

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Coffee For Your Head

(He’s so pretty)

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst with some fluff and a happy ending

Word Count: 7.1K

Summary: After an exhausting and frustrating day at work, all you want to do is go home and fall apart in your boyfriend’s arms. However, a comment that is meant to be a joke turns in to a full blown argument between you and Mark; causing you to storm out of your shared apartment.

A/N: Hey guys, so this week has been pretty shitty. I had to pay $700 to get my car fixed only to have someone steal my muffler (Hawaii is not the paradise everyone paints it out to be) but I’m not letting it get in the way of my life. Anyways, this imagine was inspired by that deathbed coffee for your head song but literally just the first verse (the song is actually so sad). I also have a couple of surprises for you all! The last and final chapter of crazy little thing called love is in the works, and I’ve decided to make a part 2 to “nobody compares to you” by popular request, so stay tuned. I’m also a few followers away from 700 that’s crazy!! Anyways, happy reading!

Never in the four years of your relationship has Mark ever felt like he didn’t want to look at you. Hell, there was never a time he wasn’t looking at you. From the moment Mark first laid his eyes on you, he was captivated by your beauty in ways he has never experienced before.

Some days, he had to force himself to stop admiring your breathtaking looks so that you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. After what took weeks of building up the courage to ask you out on a date, it didn’t take him long to realize that you were just as beautiful on the inside as you were on the outside. He honestly felt as if he was the luckiest man on earth to be the one who was extremely blessed to love you.

Unfortunately, the two of you had your first actual fight just a few hours prior and he honestly wishes he could go back in time and keep his mouth shut so that the two of you wouldn’t have been in this disheartening situation. Although there were a few times the two of you would disagree and have a couple quarrels here and there, this was the first time you actually stormed out of your shared apartment out of anger and frustration.

He was well aware that he went too far tonight; Mark knew you like the back of his hand. Just by your posture and the way you slammed your bag down on the counter, he had a feeling something bad must have happened at work. You were a registered nurse at your local hospital and as much as you wish you could say being a nurse was everything you could ever hope and pray it would be; it was quite the opposite.

Sure, you had the honor of witnessing many miracles such as pregnancies, watching patients win their battles against cancer—just being able to help anyone in need were a few perks that came with being a nurse. However, being a nurse also came with great responsibility. There were lives on the line and just the simplest mistake; giving a patient the wrong medication, scheduling the wrong surgery or assigning the wrong diet could really affect the lives of those you were in charge of.

Being a nurse was very exhausting; you were constantly on your feet for eight to ten hours a day and there were many people, either the patients or family members of the patients who always felt the need to take out their stress and worry on you. Tonight had been one of the most tiring and stressful days at work and there was nothing more you wanted to do than to change in to your pajamas and fall asleep in your boyfriend’s warm embrace. It was obvious Mark had other plans.

Normally, whenever you came home so distraught and obviously shaken up, Mark would do whatever he could to comfort you and make you feel better. He didn’t understand what got over him tonight though—what started as a joke about you leaving the dirty dishes from earlier that morning in the sink as his way to cheer you up turned in to hours of yelling at each other and getting at each other’s throats.

You told him he was a selfish, egotistical asshole who didn’t care about anyone but himself and he called you an aggressive bitch who takes things too seriously. As soon as he saw tears falling from your cheeks while you yanked at your purse and your keys that were still on the kitchen counter before storming outside, Mark was well aware that he fucked up. You weren’t a sensitive person; you did cry occasionally when work could be too much for you to handle, when you felt home sick being 3,000 miles away from your family or if there was a sad scene in a movie the two of you watched together then yeah—you would shed some tears, but it was only natural.

When you guys did argue—if ever—you did tear up out of irritation; but you never allowed Mark to see how much your little disputes would hurt you because you didn’t want to feel vulnerable. He may have been your boyfriend, but you didn’t want him—or anyone for that matter, taking advantage of how timorous and fragile you were as a person. It took him a while to process that you actually left. He was too focused on the fight; there were so many things he believed he wanted to say to you in the heat of the moment, but he knew it was best that he didn’t.

Now that he was all alone in the apartment, he felt like complete and utter shit. He knew the entire fight could have been prevented if he had just kept his mouth shut. What came over him that he felt the need to make such a stupid comment? You weren’t all that familiar when it came to California seeing as how you would only go out for work, with friends or with Mark.

California was different at night; it’s was more dangerous and scarier, even for your boyfriend who has been living there his entire life. Seeing as how your family lived in New York and you hardly made any friends in the couple years of living in the relatively sunny state other than a couple coworkers, he had no idea where you could have run off to. For all he knew, you were at a bar getting drunk off of your ass and someone could have been taking advantage of you—or worse, you could have been driving and got in to a car accident because of how frustrated you were.

From what he experienced with being in the passenger seat while you drove, he had to admit you weren’t exactly the best driver. You had two of the worst qualities a driver could have—impatience and anger. Normally, you were calm and collective. Even if life as a nurse could get very hectic and frantic at times, not once in your three years of working at the hospital did you show that you were on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Mark never understood how you did it—but you were very good at managing your time and completing your tasks while under pressure. Your driving however was a completely different story. As much as he could only hope and pray you were somewhere safe, it wasn’t enough to stop the many negative thoughts and scenarios that his conscience came up with. Out of force of habit, he turned on the news to make sure nothing bad happened to you—God, why didn’t he just keep his mouth shut? If he just gave up his pride and took in to consideration the stress you were under, you’d be cuddling in his arms right now while the two of you watch reruns of Cake Boss—but instead, you were out driving in the freezing cold, alone and angry. He had no idea what he should do; even if he were to give in and admit his faults first, what good would it do? You were just as stubborn as he was.

Knowing your headstrong tendencies, there was a big chance you would leave his messages unread and let his calls go to voicemail. He couldn’t blame you though, if it were the other way around and you were the one trying to get in touch with him, Mark would’ve ignored your attempts entirely. His guilty conscience got the best of him only after ten minutes; he knew there was no way he’d be able to go to sleep without finding out your whereabouts.

Mark: Hey. 11:56 p.m.

Mark: I’m sure you’re still mad at me and my apologies probably mean jack shit to you right now but just know that I am really fucking sorry. 11:56 p.m.

Mark: You don’t have to return my calls, but do you think you could at least let me know that you’re safe? 11:58 p.m.

Mark: I didn’t mean anything I said—you know me better than I know myself baby. I would never do or say anything to purposely hurt you. Fuck, the last thing I ever want to do is upset you y/n. I’m sorry I’ve made you so sad. 12:03 p.m.

Mark: I love you so much y/n. Please come home soon. 12:03 p.m.

He tossed his phone somewhere on the floor before releasing a frustrating groan—where could you have gone? A lot of places were closed at this time of hour and he decided that since you were driving, there was no way you could be drinking. Any club or bar was immediately crossed off of his list. There was also no way you’d go back to the hospital; it was painfully obvious that something occurred during your shift that made your mood sour—so you probably didn’t want to get near the establishment until you had to return back to work in the morning.

Shit, that’s right.

You had another shift in less than eight hours, God, Mark really felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. Knowing that there was a huge chance he wouldn’t be hearing from you any time soon, he decided to set up camp in the living room just in case you came back home and wanted to go straight to bed. He was also secretly hoping that you read his messages and forgave him; or at least felt a little less infuriated with him.

No matter how much he tried to take his mind off of you, there was nothing that could distract him. None of the many video games he owned nor the new unsolved mysteries series Netflix had to offer could ease his unsettling nerves. Something inside of Mark was telling him to go out and look for you, but he knew that wasn’t a good idea. Honestly, he wouldn’t even know where to start. California was huge—he’d probably drive in circles for hours.

The idea of getting in contact with his friends also popped in to his mind; you’ve grown close to his group of friends over the course of your relationship to the point where you could consider them all family. However, you were the kind of person who hated being a burden to others. You also didn’t want to involve anyone in your personal business unless you really had to.

All he could do was lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling; growing more and more irritated with himself as the minutes went by. Your disheartened facial expression was imprinted in the back of his mind—this was the first time you looked at him in a way other than lovingly and with so much adoration in your eyes. He hated it; hated himself even more.

He just really wanted you home safe.

Your boyfriend had no idea how long he was waiting for you; minutes felt like hours as he continued to lie on the couch, doing nothing. As soon as he heard the click of the door sound off, he abruptly sat up; not caring if he seemed too eager. He sincerely meant everything he said over text message—your health and your safety meant more to him than his stupid ego.

His heart began to race watching you walk in; there was nothing more he wanted to do than to run over to you and pull you in to his embrace while he repeatedly apologized for everything that he said and all the hurt he made you suffer through. For his inconsiderate actions, for not running after you, for allowing his pride and wanting to be the winner of the argument get in the way. But you looked so exhausted—so tired. Your body language spoke for you; it was evident that you were probably still hurt from his words and from what he learned with past experiences, you probably just wanted to go to sleep. He was curious if you got around to reading his messages or if you listened to his many voicemails.

His heart was begging him to get up and make his way over to you, but his mind didn’t want to make matters worse. Although he wanted to fix things immediately, he was going to wait for you to take control of the situation. You slowly took off your sandals and made your way in to the kitchen. The battle going on between his mind and his heart was currently consuming his thoughts; as much as he knew it would’ve been better to continue giving you his space, his heart had other plans.

You looked as though you saw a ghost when you heard him make his presence known and only then did Mark realize it was 2:15 in the morning. His chest hurt when he saw you tense up; he began regretting his decision. You obviously weren’t ready for reconciliation.

“What are you still doing up?”

You still had your back faced toward him, but he was going to take whatever he could get. Instead of continuing to ignore him, which is honestly what he felt he deserved, you actually responded to him. It had to be a good thing—right?

“I know you’re well aware that there was no way I’d be able to go to sleep knowing you were out all by yourself this late in a city you’re not all that familiar with. Especially because I was the reason. I—I was so worried.”

The tension in the room was thick; he was practically walking on eggshells while thinking about what to say next. You were the definition of a sensitive person and it was a trait of yours that Mark was still getting used to. It was the truth though—Mark cared about you more than he did anyone else on this hell forsaken earth. If something were to happen to you, he didn’t know what he would do with himself. You were his person. That man would die for you if he had to. He found himself reaching out to you as a force of habit, but he retracted his hand as soon as he realized what he was doing.

“Can we—can we talk?”

You took in a deep breath and finally allowed yourself to turn around and face him. There was no way around this—you knew as you drove around that he would want to talk sooner or later. When you saw that he was still awake, you weren’t surprised. Being with him for all these years, you’ve grown to learn that Mark never allowed you to go to bed angry. He was the type to want to solve your problems before you were to fall asleep.

The idea of you crying yourself to sleep because of something he said made his heart hurt. Only once in your entire relationship did you go to bed without listening to Mark’s apologies and it was because you didn’t want to deal with the drama any longer. He felt extremely bad that entire day though and when you arrived home that night, there was a bouquet of sunflowers, your favorite cake from your favorite bakery and a stuffed animal all sitting on the counter.

Mark was going to make sure you knew just how sorry he was, even if it meant having to sleep on the couch tonight. You were much more calm than you were when you first stormed out. Right after the fight, you went straight to your car and sat in it for a while; allowing yourself to breathe and come to your sense before driving away. Then, you decided to go drive around the city until you pulled up to a 24-hour coffee shop.

The exhaustion from your extremely stressful day was finally taking over you; and since you planned to stay out for at least another hour or two, you were going to need something that would keep you from falling asleep—and what better than a caramel macchiato with three shots of espresso? To your delight, you were the only customer there; you didn’t want anyone witnessing your breakdown as you cried quietly to yourself while remembering Mark’s harsh words that he directed towards you.

Mark was the only good thing going for you in your life at the moment; all you wanted to do was collapse in his arms and have him comfort you—you wanted him to run his fingers through your hair while you were perched up on his lap, hiding your face in the juncture of his neck. Every single time you had a rough day, whether it was because of work, or something else going on in your life; but your boyfriend was really good at taking your mind off of any problems, worries or negative thoughts that you had.

Coming home, only to hear him complain about how you didn’t wash your cereal bowl made your blood boil. You were scolded by your manager for almost giving a patient the wrong medication and it was the mistake of your colleague in training—yet you didn’t have the heart to confess that it wasn’t your fault. You understood how intimidating it was for first and second year residents; you’ve been there before, so you were fine taking the blame for something that you didn’t do. However, hearing your manager insult you and claim that you were inadequate and had no idea what you were doing made you feel as if it were true.

The last thing anyone in the medical field wanted to hear was that they weren’t good at their job. You didn’t go through so many years of crying over how hard clinicals were on top of pulling all-nighters every single week there was a test or exam just for someone to make you feel like you had no clue on how to complete the tasks given to you. This was the first time you were scolded for something that you didn’t think was all that bad; the medication the patient was meant to take helped with soothing a sore throat. The one that the medical resident gave them had to do with decreasing heartburn—it wasn’t like it was a life or death situation.

Mark never did anything to upset you purposely; sure, he had a tendency to leave the toilet seat up every now and then and sometimes he would get crumbs all over the couch, but that was as bad as it would get. When he called you a bitch, it genuinely felt like a slap to the face. It physically hurt and you couldn’t stop thinking about the way his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched in anger as he continued to say such hurtful things to you. At one point while you were drinking your coffee, it became bitter—which was odd considering how sweet it actually was and you found yourself no longer wanting to finish it.

Your argument with Mark was just taking up the entirety of your thought process that you were growing agitated with anything and everything. After reading his text messages and listening to a few of his voicemails, you didn’t know how to react. Mark Tuan was never the type to admit to his wrongdoings; he had so much pride and such a big ego—but not once did he ever use it towards you. You’ve watched the way he became ruthless while playing video games and said some things to his friends that you considered to be a joke; something he said to throw them off while being focused on winning.

Even at work, if he did something wrong, he’d never admit to his faults. That’s just who he was; so for him to say that he was wrong—that he didn’t mean a thing that he said and he shouldn’t have upset you at all gently pulled on your heartstrings and you found yourself throwing away the remainder of your beverage and making your way back to the apartment.

You weren’t sure what was going to happen once you were to walk in the door; he might have apologized, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he was going to talk to you or apologize again in person. Your mind would not let you get any rest; it was currently in a battle with your heart—your stupid, stupid heart that belonged to the man that made you feel like you were wrong for having a bad day.

That—you had no right to lash out on him. You wished he would have heard you out first before attacking you for something so small and unnecessary; he could’ve washed the damn dishes himself if he was so bothered. But your heart wouldn’t stop telling you to forgive him. His job could get extremely frustrating sometimes. It might not have been as time consuming or energy draining as yours, but there were times where he would need you to hold him every now and then because his executives expected so much out of him.

He probably had just as much of a hard day as you did—maybe he came home pissed off from something that happened at work and noticing that there was dishes in the sink that he knew were there from this morning got on his nerves. You felt like he could have handled it better though and you couldn’t help but think like he was growing tired of having to be your backbone; having to comfort you almost every single day on top of his own problems. Your mind wouldn’t stop coming up with all these thoughts and lies you knew weren’t true and you were well aware that it was best to start heading back to your place knowing that you had to be up again in less than five hours.

Seeing him practically leap at the sight of you walking through the door sent so many emotions to your chest. You hated any time spent away from him—there were occasions where your schedules would collide and the only time you would see him was right before bed or if you were coming home from a graveyard shift while he was getting ready to leave for his job.

The dried tears on his cheek confused you; he was the one who caused all of the drama and he had no problem making you feel like you were overreacting and being too sensitive. You were upset with yourself for wanting to walk over towards him and wrap your arms around him—but it was only natural for you to want to do so.

For the entire duration of your shift, he was all you could think about; the thought of Mark was what kept you sane throughout the entire day. No matter how upset he made you, he was still the love of your life—your best friend, your favorite person, your soulmate. One fight wasn’t going to tarnish or falter your feelings for him in any way.

Arguments were considered healthy in a relationship; sure, you could have done without the harsh words being thrown back and forth to one another, but you realized in the coffee shop that you would rather bicker and disagree with Mark every now and then for the rest of your life, then to have a relationship filled with constant joy and laughter with someone else.

It was obvious that he was probably just as tired as you were, but the thought of him staying up worrying about where you were and waiting for you to arrive back home filled your stomach with butterflies. You made your way towards the dining table and took a seat; you waited for him to make the first move because you didn’t know where to start.

“Did you—uh—happen to get my texts?”

You decided to keep your gaze on the cup of coffee he placed in front of you; you didn’t even notice him heating some up for you. Your boyfriend was very observant of the way that you practically lived on coffee; on the days you had morning shifts, he would set an alarm to wake up before you and prepared all the things you needed so that you had less to worry about—coffee being your number one necessity. If you were to look up at him, you were well aware that you would probably cry just at the thought of how considerate he was even under a negative circumstance.

“Yes. I didn’t have a chance to read them though.”

That was a lie. You read every single one of his messages; each message pulling on your heartstrings the more you continued scrolling through them. Although you no longer held any anger towards Mark, you didn’t want to give him the benefit of the doubt. A part of you also wanted to hear him apologize in person rather through messages—but you felt in your gut that he would sooner or later. Honestly, you wanted to wait until you were to come home from work tomorrow afternoon so that you were well rested enough to have the right mindset if another argument broke out.

“Oh. Well, I—For starters, I want to apologize for the way I acted towards you. I don’t know what made me say the things I did—I meant it as a joke but you obviously didn’t think it was funny and I don’t know why I expected you to. I’m so fucking sorry y/n. I was an asshole and you didn’t deserve it at all. I know I said some really cruel things in the heat of the moment, but I hope you know I didn’t mean any of it. You’re not a bitch nor are you over-emotional and you don’t get on my nerves. At all. I just—hearing you say those things about me sparked something inside that I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me. It took every bone in my body not to run after you. I’ll admit, sure—it was because I wanted to give you your space, but I was also very prideful and still so irritated with the entire ordeal. I regret every single thing I said and did tonight as soon as I realized just how scary it is being out late at night by yourself. I’ve never hated myself more than I did in these last two hours worrying about where you could have gone and what you were doing. I couldn’t stop thinking about your broken expression as you grabbed your things and stormed out the door.”

His voice quickly grew shaky; you knew he was on the verge of crying again just by the tone of his voice. For some reason, you found yourself giving in to him and finally looked up. It felt like a slap to the face; seeing him with the most heart wrenching frown—not once in your relationship did you ever question Mark’s love for you and right now, hearing that he beat himself up for the last few hours while he was going crazy thinking of the many possibilities that something bad happened to you made you come to the realization that the beautiful man in front of you loved you more than you could ever fathom in to words.

“I know you’re tired from work—I don’t know why I didn’t just keep my mouth shut. If I could, I’d go back and prevent this entire night from happening. I was so fucking scared y/n. You don’t know California all that well; you could have taken a wrong turn and ended up on your way to Las Vegas—your car could have broken down in the middle of nowhere and someone could have came and—I don’t even want to think about it. I’m sorry for hurting you—I know you’re well aware that I would rather sit and suffer through listening to Yugyeom and BamBam screaming while playing MarioKart than to hurt you in any possible way. You don’t have to forgive me. Hell, scream at me; yell at me, hit me, do whatever you want to me. Just know that I’m extremely sorry, and I’ll do whatever I have to in order to get you to trust me again.”

He hesitantly stood up and didn’t even spare a glance at you before making his way back into the living room. You were upset that he didn’t give you any time to respond, but at the same time—you were extremely grateful. Right after he left you all alone at the table, you allowed the tears to flow freely from your eyelids as his apology continuously replayed in your mind. Whatever exhaustion you felt from earlier that disappeared right after you abruptly left the apartment was quickly returning—though, you didn’t know if you were physically tired or just mentally drained at this point.

You gave yourself a couple of minutes alone just to plan out what you were going to do. Going to sleep sounded like the most rational decision to make; especially because you were meant to wake up in less than four hours to work another long, grueling and tiresome ten-hour shift. But you didn’t want to go to bed on bad terms with Mark. If he was willing to give up his pride and raise the white flag first just to make sure you were well aware that he was extremely regretful and apologetic of his actions, then it was only righteous of you to forgive him. You got up from your seat and put away the cup of coffee before taking in a deep breath and making your way in to the living room.

The lights were off; but the lights from the hallway were still dimly lit enough for you to notice that Mark was lying down on the couch with a pillow and a blanket wrapped around him. This was the first time since you moved in together that you found him outside on the couch. A small smirk raised on your face—your boyfriend was always so courteous and considerate.

He began tossing and turning in order to find a sleeping position he would be comfortable in. Your couch was pretty spacious and the two of you have slept on it countless times while watching movies together, but you were sure he was probably bummed by your response or lack thereof. You walked over to the end of the couch and gently tapped his thigh with your knee to get his attention.

“What are you doing?”

Although there was barely enough light to even see his figure, you were able to see him shrug nonchalantly at your question—as if you already knew the answer.

“You’re still mad at me. I don’t want to make matters even worse. I’m giving you your space—“ You surprised both yourself and your boyfriend by flopping on top of him, earning yourself a soft whimper. Nonetheless, his hands made their way down towards your lower back without hesitance. His heart was racing against your chest; you had a feeling he wasn’t expecting for you to forgive him tonight let alone throw yourself in top of him. The two of you sat in silence for a couple of minutes, the only sound that could be heard was your breaths and his fingers tapping lightly on your skin. He placed a couple of gentle kisses on your jaw and gripped at your chin; lifting it up to make eye contact with you.

“I lied. I did read the messages and I cried like a baby—you ass. Okay, I’m gonna start off by admitting that there were some things I also said that were out of line and that I did not mean. You are not a bad boyfriend at all Mark—you are the best boyfriend—hell, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. A lot of what I said was because I was so pissed off at you. I had such a terrible day at work. I was scolded by my manager twice for things I didn’t do, I had to work two extra hours to help out because three people called in sick, I was thrown up on and my break was cut short because we were so low staffed today and everyone in California all seemed to have kidney malfunctions on the same damn day. All I wanted to do was fall apart in your arms and have you comfort me like you always do—but then I come home and you make a comment about how lazy I am and I just—I cracked. Normally you’re always so good at picking up on the fact that I’ve had shit days; so, for you to make me feel even worse when all I wanted to do was find solace in you—it made me so fucking sad. And then I went out and drove for a while but I came to the realization that it wasn’t a good idea for me to roam around in a city I’m not familiar with while I was fuming so I went to a coffee shop and just thought about everything.”

Feeling his grip on your hips tighten only made it evident that your words had an effect on him. Sure, you were telling your side of the story and you had every right to—Mark deserved to hear what an asshole he was towards you—the last person in his life that he ever wanted to hurt. But he could just picture you sitting in your car; sobbing and blaming yourself like you’ve done multiple times in the past even if it wasn’t your fault. You were the kind of person who had a tendency to think you were the reason why things went wrong.

Usually, it was in situations at work; but he couldn’t help but feel as if you were beating yourself up about the argument that could have honestly been prevented if he observed your posture and body language and just kept his mouth shut. You wiped away a tear that fell from his cheek before placing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“I wanted to continue giving you your space, but I had so many negative thoughts running through my mind. I was so, so worried about you. Baby I am so fucking sorry—“ you playfully pinched his cheek before covering his mouth with your hand.

“No more apologies okay? Our argument is in the past. I just want you to know what happened and why I decided to return back so soon. If I’m being honest with you, I was planning on staying out until I had to head in to work again but sleeping in my car is not the most easiest thing to do. You hurt me Mark—I know it wasn’t purposely but for a few minutes, I actually contemplated on staying at a hotel or something. I didn’t want to see you for the rest of the night and I hated that I felt like that—even if it was for a split second. I always want you Mark. Every second—every minute—every hour spent away from you is spent thinking about you. What you’re doing, if you ate your meals on time, how you’re doing, if you miss me the way I can’t stop missing you, when I’ll get to see you next—then I got your message and they just solidified the love you have for me. Not that I ever questioned it once in our three years of dating. I’m sorry about the dishes—I’m sorry if I haven’t been myself these last few days but please Mark—I’m not acting this way on purpose. I’m so tired. You’re the only reason why I don’t end up in a mental institution at the rate I’m going. I’ll try to be better okay? I love you too by the way—so much.”

The longer you spoke, the more tears fell from his eyes knowing how you must’ve felt so unhappy while overthinking the argument and just your entire day in general and he just felt so angry with himself. It was one thing for him to think about how much the argument must have bothered you, but it was another thing to hear you confess what had happened at work before coming home to a nagging and complaining boyfriend.

He felt sick to his stomach and it was even more upsetting because he didn’t have the right words to explain just how sorry he was nor did he know what to do to make it known that he was regretful of the entire situation. Your boyfriend didn’t give you any time to prepare; he cupped your face in his hands and roughly connected your lips together. His lips were chapped and dry and tasted like salt from the tears. However, his movements were dominant and quick; his desire and need to kiss you was all that was on his mind at the moment.

He wanted you to feel how much he loved you and how remorseful he was through the kiss. His tongue pushed down all but gently against your bottom lip before bringing it in between his teeth. The kiss continued to deepen the longer your tongues battled for dominance; any anger you held for your boyfriend was completely gone at this point. As much as you loved the way his lips melded perfectly against yours, you were finally feeling the wave of exhaustion re-enter your body and to Mark’s disappointment, you pulled away and placed your forehead against his.

“Babeeeee—“

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

You got up from off of him and reached your hand out in order to help him up. Mark was the definition of a clingy boyfriend—everyone who knew the two of you both witnessed and heard just how possessive he was over you and how he constantly had to be touching on you. But nobody ever complained—it was so adorable. He wrapped his arms around your stomach and placed his head on your shoulder while letting you guid the two of you towards your shared bedroom. You attempted to escape his hold in order to move around freely, but he had other plans and continued to cling to you like a sloth.

“Babe, I have to get ready for bed—“

“You can get ready while I hold you.”

“I can’t take off my scrubs with your arms around me.”

“I guess that means I have to take them off for you—it would be my pleasure baby.” You rolled your eyes and gently shoved him while grabbing one of his shirts and making your way towards the bathroom.

“Baby?” You hummed in curiosity and gingerly smiled at him.

“It’s already 3 in the morning. Maybe you should call in sick. I don’t like the thought of you going to work with barely any amount of sleep and I know we’ve moved on from our argument—but it’s only human for you to think about it again. I don’t want you getting yelled at again if your manager senses that you’re tired. Plus, you’ve been working so much this last month. I know you love your job, but it’s okay to take a well deserved rest once in a while—“

He had a point. Besides Mark, work was your ultimate priority. Sometimes, you put the hospital before your own health and private life. There were occasions where Mark would invite you out with him and his friends, but a lot of the time, you would either be at work or sometimes be called in as you started getting ready. Working so much led to over exhaustion every now and then but no matter how sick you felt—whether it was a cold, the flu or nausea, you would still find yourself tending to patients. It was something Mark wasn’t all too fond of; especially because your boyfriend seemed to be the only one genuinely concerned about your well-being.

As soon as you finished your nighttime routine, you wasted no time making your way towards where Mark was sitting on the bed and crawled on top of him. He gave you a tired yet toothy grin and pulled you close to his chest. His hands returned to your lower waist and he even playfully pinched your butt; earning himself a slap to the shoulder. You brought one of your hands in to his hair while cupping his cheek lovingly with the other.

“I know you don’t want me apologizing anymore, but I just want to say sorry one last time. I can’t promise we won’t argue again—we’re both stubborn as hell—but I promise to be more patient; more understanding. And I don’t want you leaving—you really did worry me baby. I love you so much y/n. I’m sorry if what I said earlier made you question my love for you—but I love you. I’ve loved you for the last three years and I plan on loving you for the rest of my life.” You placed a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth before smashing your cheek against his chest.

“I love you too. A lot more than I get around to telling you. Fine. If I stay home tomorrow, you owe me.” He gently pulled away from you and began wiggling his brows.

“Oh, and what do you have in mind? You know babe, we don’t need to wait till tomorrow, I can give you what you deserve right now. I’ll take such good care of you—“

“I don’t mean sex you horny ass, I meant you make me breakfast in bed or prepare a bath for me. If I’m calling in sick, I want a relaxing day off.” He gave you an adorable pout while playfully hiding his face in between your breasts and whining softly.

“Making love can be relaxing. Come on Y/n, it’s been almost a week since I had your pretty lips around my cock. I’m sex deprived. As much as I prefer you topping me and riding my cock like the professional cowgirl you are, I’ll take the lead. I’ll eat your pussy out until you cry—fuck you till you scream. Might as well you call out for the entire week. I think you and I both know angry makeup sex is the best sex. Don’t lie y/n, you miss having me inside of you just as much as I miss feeling your tight walls wrapped around me—“

“I think I made a mistake telling you to come in here. Go back to the couch.”

#got7 imagines #got7 #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #got7 mark

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murasaki-murasame · 3 years

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Thoughts on Higurashi Sotsu Ep3

In which Higurashi reminds us all that it can be a really good dark comedy when it wants to be :)

Thoughts under the cut.

As expected, this was the final episode of this arc, and things ended up being a whole lot more straightforward than I thought they’d be even after the last two episodes. But it was still executed well enough to outweigh the almost complete lack of surprises.

Basically everything in this arc went the way most people thought it did, and the whole ending to it ended up being pretty much exactly as it was shown the first time around, with no apparent hallucination-based misdirection. Which is a little underwhelming, but it might have just made the story a bit too convoluted if they sprung that sorta stuff on us now.

In a lot of ways I think this arc is an example of how this entire new series really is designed with new fans in mind, with how so much of it is spent on stuff that’s just kinda obvious and predictable to old fans, but I also think this arc serves a somewhat unfortunate role of being an example of a loop going exactly the way Satoko wanted it to, which works out to be kinda boring in practice. But there’s all sorts of hints that starting from the next arc her plans start to veer out of control until eventually she gets completely desperate in Nekodamashi, so things will start getting shaken up a lot more in the next arc.

Though to be honest I kinda appreciated the relative simplicity of seeing exactly what happened in Onidamashi from Rena’s point of view, especially with how much they leaned into the self-aware dramatic irony and dark comedy of the entire situation. The idea of tragedy becoming comedy after it gets repeated enough times has always been a theme in the series, and this really focuses on that, with all of the misunderstandings and miscommunication being extremely obvious, while Satoko has the time of her life watching it all unfold.

In general the direction of this episode was really good at depicting the tragedy and irony of this whole situation, but in particular the part where it kept cutting between Rika thinking that she’d averted the events of Onikakushi and Keiichi and Rena beating each other to death was extremely funny in a really morbid way.

[Also, since a lot of people seemed to get confused by it, even though those two scenes were edited together like that, Rika left before the fight started, since we know that it took several minutes for it to get going. So it’s not like she just happened to not hear any of it while it was happening]

A lot of the episode was still directed really well in a straight up horror sense, though, even if it’s intentionally undercut by the fact that everyone watching it knows exactly what’s going on, and how all of the things people are getting scared about are basically just in their heads. Stuff like the scenes of Rena burying Rina’s corpse in the forest, and then moving it to different locations as she gets more and more paranoid, were really well done, and her voice-acting in this entire arc was incredible at showing how genuinely traumatized and afraid she was.

I thought they’d go over the part of Rena’s backstory where she moved away from Hinamizawa more than they actually did, but I guess they went over it already in Gou. As a reminder, she and her father moved out of the village after the divorce happened, and her existing stress mixed with leaving the village caused Rena to develop Hinamizawa Syndrome and have a total mental breakdown which ended with her going on a violent rampage at her school, and then she moved back to the village after that. I guess it’s not super relevant to what happened in this arc, but it was the cause of Rena believing so strongly in the idea that she’d been cursed by Oyashiro-sama, and Keiichi hearing about the incident was a big part of why he got so paranoid about her in this arc.

And on that note, I guess the idea is that Keiichi didn’t really hallucinate anything that happened in the fight, and the cliffhanger scene of him at the hospital probably wasn’t very important. I kinda expected that the hospital scene didn’t really mean anything, since it just came across as a relatively innocent situation that Keiichi got paranoid about, but it’s a little odd that the entire fight scene just went the way we saw it happen, down to the amount of bloodshed. I guess at this point we just have to accept that when the show starts having extreme amounts of blood splatters and screen filter effects, it’s basically just to make things more spooky, lol.

I don’t really think it’s that unbelievable that he got stabbed in the stomach that many times and survived, though. I don’t think the stabs were very deep to begin with, and in general people underestimate how lethal those sorts of wounds can be, and how long it’d actually take to die from them. On the other hand, they probably could have made Rena’s head injury a bit more intense, but basically any kind of head wound can be extremely fatal, even if it doesn’t look that bad at the time. It’s also still possible that Rena didn’t immediately die and ended up going L5 and scratching her neck out.

Other than that, we also found out exactly how Rika and Satoko died. Which was also really straightforward as soon as we found out about Satoko being the culprit, but it’s still satisfying to finally see how it played out.

There’s not really much to say about that scene, but it’s kinda interesting how different their methods of suicide are. One thing to keep in mind is that, until the end of Tataridamashi, Rika never actually remembers how she dies, so from her perspective, each time she has to kill herself is probably the first time she has to do it. Which would at least explain why she goes overboard with it to make sure that she dies, whereas Satoko has done this countless times, and remembers all of it, so she’s had the experience to figure out how to do it as quickly as possible.

I don’t want to get too much into it since it’s a touchy subject, but I also feel like Rika’s methods here are almost like a kind of self-harm, whereas Satoko is just doing it as a way to jump to the next loop.

And as a reminder, Satoko’s whole game plan here is to put Rika through a series of loops to wear her down until she accepts staying in the village, and to do that she has to make sure that she can link herself to the ‘same’ Rika across all the loops, which she does by having Rika die first so Satoko can follow her to the next loop. Otherwise I guess Satoko would end up in a loop where Rika doesn’t remember anything after the chandelier incident, and she has to start from scratch to try and mentally break her.

Anyway, I also thought it was potentially interesting that Satoko mentioned Rika being subjected to Oyashiro-sama’s curse at the end, even though nobody was there to hear her. It makes me wonder if, even after meeting Eua and witnessing how all of Rika’s loops went and what actually caused all the tragedies, she genuinely still believes in the existence of Oyashiro-sama, and the idea of being cursed by them. We know that in Nekodamashi she has a whole scene where she yells at Rika about how she’s being punished for wanting to leave the village, but I kinda figured that was just something she was saying to make Rika feel bad.

Now that this arc’s done, I guess we’ll be moving right into the Watadamashi answer arc, which should also be three episodes long going by the blu-ray volume contents. I’m really excited to see how that arc plays out, since compared to this one there’s a lot of stuff in Watadamashi that’s still unclear to me. But I guess we’ll get into that next week.

I know I said this last week, but with how fast the pacing in this arc was, I really wouldn’t be surprised if the third arc just covers Satoko’s perspective on both Tataridamashi and Nekodamashi in five episodes, and then the fourth arc just wraps everything up in four more episodes. It’s entirely possible there’s going to be some sort of secret fifth arc that hasn’t been revealed yet which will take the season to a more standard episode count, but I could also just see it only being 15 episodes long. I don’t think there’s actually a whole lot that needs to be shown from Tataridamashi and Nekodamashi if we just follow Satoko’s point of view, especially since Satokowashi spent a lot of time showing Teppei’s whole ‘redemption arc’, which will impact a lot of how Tataridamashi ended up playing out behind the scenes. And in Nekodamashi we really only need to see a quick montage of Satoko injecting everyone in each loop, and then ending it off with their confrontation in the classroom.

At the very least I think that the only real reason we’d get another full arc after all this, especially if it’s long enough to take Sotsu to around 24 episodes, would be if things start going in some totally unexpected directions once we loop back to the end of Nekodamashi. At that point it’s anyone’s guess what might happen, but if we get a whole chunk of the season that they’re going out of their way to hide, I could easily see it being along the lines of them even more explicitly connecting Sotsu’s story to Umineko, and maybe even Ciconia. I still hope they commit to the idea they seem to be going for with Satoko and Rika effectively becoming Lambda and Bern from Umineko, but I also don’t want it to get to the point where it feels like this stops being a Higurashi anime partway through and just becomes an Umineko anime for the final arc. I'd rather it just end in a way that sets up for a separate series that acts as an Umineko remake or something.

#murasaki rambles #higurashi sotsu

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thoughts-of-a-stagemanager · 5 years

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The day my dream job died

In February I was sitting in a room listening to one my superiors talk about crap that had nothing to do with anything important. I had recently finished a show that wrecked so much havoc on my mental health just the sight of the director of that show made my jaw clench. We had a guest in that room who used to work my dream job. That job, I am not going to say because I don’t want to watch someone else’s dream job die because of me. I’ve always loved theatre and I wanted to pursue Stage Management professionally. At least, that’s what I thought. But as I was sitting in that room, listening to the guest who used to have my dream job talk, I was soon horrified at the stories she told. About how she was treated, how the actors were treated and how crew was treated. As she was talking I felt the metaphorical path of my life I had so carefully paved out crumble beneath my feet and I was falling. I was trying to grasp something. Some sort of hope that I could still get my dream job and be happy doing it. But I had already fallen and landed hard on the rubble of the path. My ASM for my next show looked over at me and saw the perplexed look on my face. She gave me a sheepish smile and just said “it is a big company. Those things happen unfortunately.”

I remember calling my mom that night and telling her everything. I felt so defeated. She simply said “There’s lots of other theatre companies who would want you. You’re really good at your job.”

Call me overdramatic if you must.

But perhaps its because every single show I have worked in my Stage Management career has wrecked havoc on my mental and physical health.

Perhaps its because every single show I have worked during my Stage Management career I only had one director that didn’t treat me and my crew like servants. But with just my luck, during that show I was harassed by an actor.

I remember my first big show I worked, the director was very verbally abusive toward me. Causing me to have a breakdown at least twice a week after rehearsals. It takes a lot to break me. But so quickly, I was beat down to a weak mouse who could barely stand on her own two feet. I remember I went to my boss and asked her multiple times “Why can’t I stand up for myself and the actors/crew because we all know this is wrong?”

She simply said, “It’s not your place. This director is a control freak, get over it.”

This was the biggest slap in the face to me during the whole production. How helpless and silenced I felt because I was new and didn’t know what to do. It was tech week for this show when I started the Tumblr blog. I needed somewhere to vent. During the post mortem for this show the director (who had already directed many shows, but it was their first show at our theatre), said in front of the entire board, designers, everyone, “You know, I was new and (my name here) was new and you know, she’ll be good next time.”

I froze, speechless, tears instantly coming to the back of my eyelids. This director who insulted me, verbally abused me and used me as their scape goat the entire show just wrongfully put me on blast in front of everyone. After I had held up her show on my shoulders with little help from anyone. I looked around the room to see a few designers shaking their head at me in disagreement. However as the ‘new’ stage manager, this absolutely crushed me and made me mad at the same time.

The next show I worked, the director had general ideas of what they wanted, constantly changed things on me (and the designers), then proceeded to use me as their personal assistant while scolding me for being supportive to actors. Yes, you read that right, I was scolded for being a kind and caring stage manager. This director also changed the schedule on me and the actors so many times that it got to the point I just wanted to say, “here is the schedule, you can change it everyday yourself and confuse the actors so they understand its fully you messing up all this work.”

This director would call designers to run throughs then proceed to waste an hour or more of everyone’s time working scenes instead of doing the actual run through causing us to run late. This director would be incredibly rude to my ASM’s and myself right in front of actors. This director threw things like their keys at me. Would respond to me trying to be helpful with “Well duh” or since they changed the schedule so much would respond to the call list for the day with “Uh no, that’s definitely not what we’re doing.” This making it look like to the actors I had no idea what was going on. But I think they [actors] knew. However, shockingly, this director treated me much better than the previous one I had mentioned and now the sight of them doesn’t fill me with dread, because shockingly this show was the best show I’ve ever worked.

I am exhausted. I am so sick of being used as a pin cushion and the scape goat for all the directors and actors I’ve worked with.

I am sick of working with actors who are full of hot air and think they are better than everyone else.

I am sick of working with directors who think so highly of themselves they don’t care who they destroy in their path of building their ‘reputation’.

I’m here to say. I need a break. Stage Management has exhausted me. I am exhausted.

Please, please, please, please do not let this ruin your perception of the theatre world. If you want to be a professional Stage Manager or something else in theatre, go. Pursue that dream. I was simply delt a crappy hand. I worked my ass off yet people continued to treat me like their scape goat, like complete and udder shit and it has not faired well on me. I am still incredibly grateful for the amazing down to earth people I did get to work with and appreciative of the opportunities I had, the things I have learned, the friends I have made and the fun stories I have to tell. I am incredibly grateful for the awesome support team behind me who have helped make stage managing possible while dealing with my chronic illness. I am incredibly thankful for my mom who let me call her and just vent so many countless times. I am incredibly thankful for my fur children who were always a pleasant face to see when I came home. Lastly, I am incredibly grateful for my amazing friends and ASM’s who kept me sane during tech rehearsals and were a witness when things got sticky with vindictive directors.

If I have learned anything from my time as an SM. It’s to speak up for yourself. Call people out (nicely) when they are being rude, vindictive and unfair. Anyone who tells you it’s not okay to speak up for yourself and concerns for your own/crew/actor safety is not someone who you should be working with.

So this is me, signing off. I need a break. I am simply exhausted. I am emotionally, physically and mentally drained.

I am making a career change (hopefully), I got a temp job while tying loose ends in the current city I am living and moving back home next year to pursue a true passion and dream of mine I’ve had since I was six that has nothing to do with theatre. Stage Management has always been a back up plan of mine anyway (ironic, right?). I won’t be gone forever and I’ll check the blog frequently for your asks. I will post funny stories as I remember them or as they are submitted. I’m not abandoning you all. I’m simply stepping down from Stage Management for a while, perhaps permanately if my dream job takes off. I just need some time off from theatre. I need time to heal. I need time to recover.

Thank you all for being the best group of followers I could ever ask for. I’m still here for you. I still look forward to reading your submissions and answering your asks.

Talk soon.

~Admin <3

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xroboticschickx · 4 years

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Hello! Online, I am called Izabella Octavia or roboticschick, but my real name is Abigail McCoy, and I’m going to tell you how a fun hobby turned into a deadly obsession that ruined my relationship with one of the nicest and most amazing friends I’ve ever had.

Mor was the big brother I never had. He was kind, funny, and would listen and be there for me whenever I had a bad day. I first met him after I ended up getting attacked by a bunch of Anonymous people for “romanticizing suicide” when I had just shown my character having a complete mental breakdown (I was in a really bad mood that day so that was part of why my character reacted that way). We had met in a role play in the first Vocaloid server I had joined on Discord. It started as a simple server rp and then it turned into us talking normally in our DMs. I loved talking to Mor. He came up with these funny jokes and would show me so many memes. I showed him some memes in return and it was funny. We also learned a few fun facts about each other, like I learned that he likes knitting and doing those fun embroidery kits that make those really detailed designs. He was also great at keeping secrets too.

Then I asked him to rp. It started off fun, but things started getting worse. My love for rping turned into an obsession. I had been dealing with some very negative feelings and things happening in real life and rp had become a way to escape from the pain, but since it was constant, I felt the need to rp constantly and quickly, and any late replies were met with thoughts like “omg something happened to Mor” or “why is he taking so long?” I instantly assumed the worst just because he didn’t reply quickly and I would freak out and full blown panic, which caused Mor so much anxiety that he asked if we could stop rping. I reluctantly agreed, but what I didn’t realize right away was that his mental state had deteriorated and he was becoming more and more distant. I had figured it was stuff happening in real life over on his end, so one day, I had asked if he wanted space. He said yes, and I left him alone that day, but stupid me didn’t think to ask how long or even just wait until he texted me back when he felt ready to talk, so I texted him, and shortly after, he blocked me. No reply, no saying why, nothing. I was just blocked.

That set me off. Not in an angry way but in a hurt and betrayed way. I couldn’t be mad at Mor, yet at the time, I was upset that he had blocked me and wondered why I wasn’t furious with him. We did talk again for a short while after I had just started my Aviation Technology class, but it didn’t last long. I said hi to him every day and he blocked me again after I apologized for what I had done to make him block me the first time. I still felt hurt, but this time, I was expecting that he would probably block me. I didn’t fully understand how he felt until I started rping with Jade. Jade was a good friend and was fun to talk to, but by then, I was far busier and rping had become less of a priority, which broke my obsession, but unfortunately made my replies incredibly slow. She didn’t like that and she’d freak out the same way I would when Mor didn’t reply quickly. She did know about what had happened before and has said that she wanted to stop rping, which would make me panic as I didn’t want what happened between Mor and I to happen between me and Jade, so I’d reply as fast as I can, which unfortunately drained my energy. It got bad enough to where Jade eventually blocked me, saying that she not only didn’t want to hurt me but she said that “our relationship wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.” That was what finally broke me completely, but it also made me realize entirely just how horrible I had treated Mor and that my love for Rp had turned into an obsession. I told myself that I would not Rp again. I only Rp with a few people, but it’s rare and my responses are always slow as hell.

The point here is that you should never let an obsession grow out of hand, even if you really enjoy it. An obsession can tear you up inside and can ruin any good relationships you have with your friends and family. It makes you make horrible choices and treat the people that care about you so horribly. If you feel like you can’t live without something and have issues with normal irl things as well as keeping friends and someone points out that what you’re doing isn’t healthy, then STOP DOING IT BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. Get yourself some help so that you don’t destroy yourself or others. I had to learn the hard way. Don’t be like me. Don’t let your obsessions get out of hand.

#important #this is not me starting drama or throwing myself a pity party #this is me trying to warn people of the dangers of obsession #i had to spill my guts a bit to give a good example #the dangers of obsession #please dont just scroll past this #not art

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sierratheory · 4 years

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“Like i don't trust sierra bc of the time she came into Luke's life...” that entire ask but vice-versa too!!! people have said sierra dated dylan from flor and now her old roommate karsen too? as with luke, where was her time being single and figuring herself out before jumping into a new relationship? the twitter likes reminded me of how luke & sierra only see “jealousy” and “misogyny” as a h8ters only reason, which isn’t true 😔

Part 2 It's like they're still letting the other person know they're wrong but the difference is that it doesn't hit them. Why does it cause an overly emotional response and a giant need to prove they are wrong? it's a truth the person has been avoiding/ignoring. Luke or any person don't see the truth, they really don't even though deep down they know it is true (this is why emotional abuse is so dangerous and the victim "can't just leave")

Part 3 and that's why getting defensive and simply defending yourself are two different things. I'd like to point what that anon said about Luke's likes missing the point of what was said and this anon called him a 'dumb asshole' (lol) because he's missing the point. Well he may not realise it but he's missing the point "on purpose" his brain is making him miss the point in order to keep the fantasy that the points that were made aren't factual and are actually offensive (sexism)

Part 4 I swear I could write a book explaining every little behaviour he's adopting but what I really want to point out is that I understand everyone's frustration and regardless of what he's going through, Luke should be held responsible for his actions but we can and should emphasize because he's not fine. I'm saying this because he is following a very worrying pattern and even though Arzaylea was a much worse person than Sierra is,

Part 5, Luke is currently in a worse situation MENTALLY and I know this may cause some confusion and I can explain with more details why I'm saying this but it doesn't necessarily have to do with Sierra. I'm not saying she's not toxic. I do believe she's toxic but she's not nearly as toxic as Arzaylea. The difference is the timing. If Luke had dated Sierra first and Arzaylea later things would be much much worse.

Part 6 Luke was in a very vulnerable place, he was really hurt and he got a taste of what a mentally stable, caring, loving partner is like in Sierra. And I'm not saying these are traits that Sierra has or not. But when you get out of a toxic relationship, when you're at your worst a little love, or sense of love can feel like the best thing in a world. Basically it's an "issue" with the rewarding system in your brain. Very typical in people who go through this kind of situations

Part 7 that's why it is recommended to see a therapist or stay away from relationship because this rewarding system can fix itself and go back to normal or you might need some help. It all depends on how you deal with the situation. Some people get over traumatic experiences quickly and some need time and help. Anyway to keep it simple and short: Luke knew for sure (based on my little knowledge and his behaviour) that Arzaylea wasn't good to him but he was in love and he was making excuses to

Part 8 believe she loved him back (maybe she did love him back but had mental issues, drug addiction, I don't know, I can't judge) but he didn't have the time to heal. He's aware of his past relationship being toxic but I don't think he's aware of the effects it had on his mental health. He shows severe signs of being someone who still carries some luggage. Let me explain, I'm sure he's aware of how awful Arzaylea was and that he did him wrong and he deserves better.

Part 9 but for example, if arzaylea told him constantly that he didn't defend her enough, if she guilt trapped him because of it, if she threatened to leave him or blamed him for her mental issues/breakdowns he's most likely still carrying it with him and that's one of the reasons why he's desperately trying to make it right with this one relationship. It's something that's internalised. So yes maybe Sierra doesn't do much wrong compared to Arzaylea and actually maybe Sierra is like

Part 10 'dang I hate this thing someone said' but that's enough for Luke's brain to make a click, bring back the memories, the trauma and go into overdrive. This is an example but can be used to explain why Luke's trying so hard with Sierra compared to Arzaylea. Another thing that makes this relationship "worse" imo is that Luke's perception of reality wasn't accurate when he started his relationship with Sierra because of Arzaylea and now that little bit of love he feels like he receives is

Part 11 just wow and to him it is what real love feels like this is why your sense of personal worth should never depend on somebody else. And now he strongly believe that despite everything that goes wrong in his relationship, that little 1 thing that's going well is more than enough. he's never had that much so his fighting to keep it because it is sad but it's the most loved he's ever felt and he doesn't see why he could deserve more or how it could get better because to him, thats everything

Wheew, this was a trip to put together. You really did write me a book here, anon. But I completely understand what you’re trying to say. I come from a really abusive family, and even now I have issues where I’ll ask my bf if he’s mad at me and he’s like “you didn’t do anything, why would I be mad at you??!” Becuase I’ve been trained to think I’ve done something wrong if someone’s behaviour changes. And while I agree with most everything you said, I don’t think Sierra is unaware of Luke vulnerability due to the Larzaylea fuck show. That being said, I’m not sure if Sierra dated anyone between Alex and Luke. I don’t believe the roommate story, and none of the other mods do either. There’s no evidence behind it. I don’t know who the other guy is so I can’t speak to that. But she did have a lot more time between her and Alex’s breakup and her and Luke’s relationship beginning. Keep in kind she was still touring with Alex after they broke up, and that could have stunted any healing, but I truly can’t say. Time doesn’t always heal everything. And again I can’t speak to that break up, but I think it says a lot that she went on to drag his name during an interview after. As we’ve seen recently with Selena Gomez, she said she always kept quiet about her personal life out of respect. She wouldn’t even air out dirty laundry in her songs, and eventually she decided that her story was worth being told and she didn’t need to stay silent to protect those who hurt her. But she didn’t give an interview painting herself as an angel and throwing exes under the bus. And I think it says a lot that Sierra immediately went to the media, and even since that Alex has stayed mum on the subject.

I agree with the psychological damage points, and that Luke is likely overcompensating, if the relationship is real. Which in all honesty I’m leaning more towards as time goes on, but I’m still convinced even if they do like/love/whatever each other, modest! has some heavy handed access/control over it. And that could be perhaps to avoid a repeat of the Larzaylea mess, maybe they made Sierra sign a NDA, but I digress. Luke may also be convinced that because he didn’t defend Arzaylea, fans thought he didn’t care about her or was a bad boyfriend. It could have very easily been Arzaylea saying “hey you don’t defend me so you don’t love me, or fans see it as you don’t think I’m important enough to defend” etc. I don’t think Sierra is necessarily a bad person, while I’m entirely convinced Arzaylea was a shit-tier human being.

That being said, I do think she’s very aware that she is manipulating Luke, and taking advantage of the psychological damage Arzaylea did. I think that damage also makes him easier to manipulate or control and let me explain why.

TW - ALCOHOLISM, SUICIDE, VERBAL & PHYSICAL ABUSE

My dad was an alcoholic, and he committed suicide when I was very young. Because my mum left him, because he was becoming more abusive. Unfortunately instead of being the wake up call she wanted it to be, he shot himself and left her a note that said “I hope you got what you wanted”. Now, needless to say, this fucked my mum up really bad. She has never recovered. She has thrown all her emotions into a box, she is very clinical and doesn’t let her emotions control her. Which can be good sometimes but she’s very distant and cold. That being said, my mum married my step dad about 6 years after my bio dad passed away. She was not healed, let me tell you. She never sought counselling and is not on any sort of medication. My step dad was like the perfect man, before they got married, he cooked, he cleaned, and he was okay with the fact she had two young kids, one in elementary school and one just starting high school. But after they got married and he had control, oh everything changed. He isolated her from all of her friends and even her family. He was and still is verbally abusive and on occasion he can be physically abusive, but it’s rare. To her and all of his kids, including my sister and I. If he doesn’t get his way he throws a tantrum, calls everyone awful names and says awful things. He needs to control everything. While I love my step dad because he helped raise me, he is a controlling abusive person. And while he has a lot of psychological damage himself I’m not going to get into that, but know that he has a kind heart, and he does love my mother and he would die for her. But when he loses his temper he says horrible things. And he knows about the abuse my mum suffered at the hands of my bio dad, and how she has never healed. My bio dad told my mum she couldn’t cook, and if she ever left him he’d get the kids even though he was a raging alcoholic, couldn’t hold down a job AND she was doing all the child care on top of a full time job. Like she had the daycare ladies prepared to call 911 if we didn’t show up at daycare when she was out of town for work, but I’m off track here. The point I’m trying to get to is my step dad would abuse my mum, and use things my bio dad did or said to her, to hurt her more. An example of this is, if my mum tried to walk away during one of my step dads yelling fits, he would say “yeah, walk away just like you did with [my bio dad’s name]”. Because he knows she blames herself for leaving him, and she thinks his death was her fault. My step dad knows my mum will never leave him, because of what my bio dad did when she left. He could burn their house down around them and she wouldn’t leave.

With that story I would like to say, please don’t judge my mum or either of my dads. You don’t know the whole story and I don’t want to share all of it. I’m using it as an example because I know it well.

The point in trying to make here, is one it’s very VERY common for people to go from one abusive relationship to another. Because abusers can recognize the signs of a victim, and those who were abused, when treated with even a small amount of love, or kindness often see it as a very big deal. They tend to think they are worthless or don’t deserve it, as they’ve been told many times over. Two, believe it or not, being abused before can make people more susceptible to being abused again. This is because of the reasons mentioned above, they think they are worthless, or are wooed by very small acts, or both. And three, that the new partner can and often will use personal things about the abuse they suffered from someone else, to control or hurt their partner more, becuase they know it’s already a deep seated pain. And while I’m not saying Sierra is for sure 100% doing this, it is very easily a possibility and she could be doing some of it without knowing. Just because a year, or 5 or 10 have gone by doesn’t mean the person has healed, and sometimes new partners open old wounds. This has been a whole TEDtalk sorry y’all. Also disclaimer if anyone comes into the ask box saying rude things about my family it will be deleted and you will be blocked.

#red replies #ask #anon #i need you guys to know this took me over an hour to put together and write my reply to

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superstarjeonghan · 4 years

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The “Rona” (Entry # 2)

It’s been a while since I’ve written an entry, and let me tell you that there has been a lot of things that happened over the past couple of months. I’ve been having less breakdowns, which is amazing. I’ve also been going out with friends, keeping up with school, spending more time with family (there is actually an unfortunate situation that happened, that led to that instance but I’ll talk more about it later), and surprisingly, I’ve met a couple of people who ended up becoming some of my closest friends.

It’s 2020 now. Which I thought was great, because 2019 was a shit storm (refer to “the_void_entry_1”). Oh, but little did sweet tiny me know that 2020 is far worse. I mean it started out well. I’ve been coming to class regularly (the shear strength that I had to have just to make myself get out of bed is enormous, but I had to do it for the *gags* “learnings”). It was all fun and games, cause the only reason why I attended classes in the first place was to go see my friends and learn something (I guess) to pass the courses. Then out of the blue, I started to like studying again, which is surprising even for me. I got the hang of the lessons, I had answers to engineering problems that I never knew I could do, and I started doing projects and papers days before the submission, which is big because I am a huge procrastinator.

Everything was going well, up until the “rona” showed up. (I call it “rona” short for “corona” please don’t let it confuse you with my friend who is also named Rona, she’s an amazing girl and I adore her, anyway.) Countries and cities all over the world were declaring lockdowns left and right. I thought little of it because I didn’t want another panic attack coming my way, but the situation got bigger and bigger, until our country declared a nationwide lockdown. Grocery stores were packed with people bulk buying canned food, toiletries, and basic necessities, classes were suspended which forced them to do online classes, and streets were guarded heavily with law enforcement officers, soldiers even. First I thought “Online classes, cool. It’s easier to pass the courses when we take online exams because, the internet answers everything!” (yeah I know that’s a shitty thought, but at that time I didn’t know that thousands of people are going to die, and I’m not mentally stable to handle that. Also, the internet does not answer everything, I still had to do manual solving to answer those tests cause the professors made it super hard, I thought I was taking the board exam! *flailing arms angrily*)

As days went by I got super anxious because it finally sunk in that my parents were medical professionals. They need to work. They are required to. I started to worry, but I can’t show that I’m worried because my little siblings are going to worry too. Plus, I’ve always been like the strong independent woman that they’ve come to love but my oh my, this strong independent woman is going to puke because of anxiety. I “tried” to show them that I can handle things in the house when they (parents) are gone. And I told them (little sis and little bro) that everything is going to be okay. “No need to worry.” I say to them as I held back my screams of terror. It’s so damn hard to pretend to be strong in front of your younger sibs! (Panganays rise up!) But we need to do it. I need to do it, because mama raised no bitch.

Stuff about my friends on the other hand went, okay? I guess. I got to hang out a lot with some of them, but my original friend group… Let’s just say that I haven’t had the time to catch up. Not just on stories, but also on studies? Maybe because I’m way behind them now. They’re taking up higher studies while I’m still stuck in my current studies. It’s my fault, though. I am clearly fucked up and I can’t keep up with what society wants students to be in this day and age. I’m a slow learner, I guess. I give up easily, and that I know is true. Long-story-short, I fail a lot of subjects because I lack self-control and I’m dumb as fuck, that’s why I haven’t graduated yet. Now that I think about it, I’ve been studying for 5 years, non-stop. I take classes every semester, even during the summer, I try to enroll for school, and yet… I’m still here. But I guess that’s for another entry.

But, something did happen this year that made it a lot more bearable. Remember the people I said that became some of my closest friends? Well, kids. This is the story about how I met your mothe– (How I Met Your Mother reference!!! I’m so sorry, I’ve been binge watching a shit ton of series to appease the mental breakdown, so please bear with me.) This is the story about how I met the… uh, I don’t know what to call this group, but the group chat name varies from “GYULISANATICS” to “PUSSY GANG”. I’ve met this people online, through stan twitter, and they are one of the funniest people I know. I adore them so much, and I just want to protect them at all costs because they are so precious (even though they are completely savage when it comes to twitter fights). I’m going to talk more about them in a separate entry (I think I’m going to call it “the_gang_entry_3”) because there will be a lot of interesting and hella funny stories to tell about this people. Anyway, I’ve been inactive on stan twitter (on social media in general, like literally the only two apps that I open now are Netflix and YouTube) and I feel like I’m missing a lot. I kind of want to jump in on their conversations but I’m afraid that I wouldn’t know what they’re talking about and I’ll just feel out of place. Like my original friend group (stated in last paragraph).

There was this one time not too long ago, where a feud started on stan twitter where the “gang” was pulled into and everything was in chaos. That time, I was just in bed binge watching “Why R U”. When the last episode ended, I turned on my twitter notifications (I turn off twitter notifications when I’m watching so that annoying notification tab doesn’t pop up) and immediately, my phone started vibrating non-stop. I got notification after notification after notification. So I decided to check stan twitter, and OH. MY. GOODNESS. I didn’t know why my timeline was flooded with selcas (a “selca” is a slang for “self-camera” which originated in South Korea, it is also known as a “selfie”). I checked my DMs and the chat was going crazy. I didn’t understand what was going on so I called a dear friend named Din. I asked her what the heck is happening. Why does my timeline look like that one scene from Spongebob where all the tiny Spongebobs in his brain were running around, panicking, and everything else is on fire? She calmly explained it and told me everything. Sparing no details. That one and a half hour conversation was full of opinions on who we needed to side with. At that time, I really wasn’t sure on whose side I’m on, because everything was still so confusing for me even though Din tried to explain and re-explain everything when I tried to ask questions (and they were a lot, sorry Din.) At that time, the mother in me really wanted to say something, like give advice or tell them that everything is going to be okay, and that they don’t need to listen/mind the people that show them hate (which I know they already knew, because they are strong women as well). But I couldn’t, and I don’t know why. A part of me thought that maybe the thing that I’m about to say is going to rub off in a bad way? Or maybe they’ll think that I’m just being active because of the fact that there is a fight going on and I’m just in it for the “tea”. So I didn’t say anything. Even though I told them that I was going to say something. Now I don’t know if they’ll ever get to know the reason why.

This fucking lockdown got me so fucked up that I’m overthinking the littlest of things.

Well, that’s it for entry 2. I’ll write again soon.

Lastly, I do hope that help is given to the people who need it the most. And remember that it’s okay to not feel okay amidst these series of unfortunate events. There are always people out there who can listen to you… who can help you. Don’t be afraid to reach out.

(I haven’t proofread this entry so if there are any mistakes, I’m sorry. Lol)

#diaryblog #it's been so long #this took two pages #i'm sorry if it's long

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the-skooma-den · 5 years

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Holy shit, I’m finally done with the latona siblings

So here he is! the tall slutty middle sibling

Full profile is under the readmore

and here is a link to the profiles of the other 2 Latona siblings

Name:Jo’Thera Latona.

Age:24 at the beginning of the main plot. 27 or so by the time of Elswweyr

Race: khajiit. Cathay specifically

Class: Necromancer

Personality: A genuinely pleasant young man with a dangerous temper.

His lack of care of those opinion of him makes him almost eerie to be around. To be in front of someone who has absolutely no need or your approval can make one feel lost, and this is a man who revels in that. He likes to confuse. Once again though, let it be emphasized his friendliness and kindness is genuine, freaking people out is just a bonus for him.

He takes a more relaxed approach to life than either of his sisters.The situations they find themselves in may be life or death, but hey it's rarely their lives in danger and having a bunch of corpses around is generally a pretty good thing for him.

Backstory:

The younger adoptive brother of the Vestige Ava (most know her as syke).

He was born in a big town in the southern part of Elsweyr for the most part a completely normal kid. Only thing abnormal at first was his very early and clear talent for magic (which as you can imagine, makes a toddler even more of a pain in the ass to deal with).

Then around the age of 5 or 6 he started to develop some unusual fur markings, not just any fur markings. These were markings associated with the Dark moon.

A khajiit who choose to take those markings as tattoos is considered a blasphemer but to develop those markings naturally? No that had to be a bad omen. Especially combined with the ridiculously early talent for magic. (In reality the stripes mean nothing and were just an unfortunate coincidence, as was the magic)

So his own family cast him out, left him in the street. He was able to survive on his own for a long time, but when he disappeared one night without a trace? No one looked for him.

At 11 years old he was kidnapped by a necromancer and was being held with the intention to eventually sacrifice him in some dark ritual or another.

He was there for a few weeks before a very young Ava snuck into the cave. She had only recently been made and Official member of the brotherhood at 15 years old (rather then just some kid who hung around cause her parents were members) and this was her first real far away from home mission. Not just some small time thief that had wronged a petty noblemen or permanently settling a debate between 2 local merchants but a real, and very dangerous mission. She was of course excited.

In the Lair of the Necromancer (AKA some shitty cave in the southern part of elsweyr dressed up with skulls and shrines) she was surprised to find some kid locked up in a cage, or rather she was surprised to find a living kid. He was skinny, didnt look to healthy, but definitely alive. She quickly dispatched with the necromancer and when Thera told her he had no family and nowhere to go, she decided to take him with her back to the gold coast.

Ava’s foster mother,her biological bosmer aunt Lara, was surprised to say the least. Normally her younger daughter was the one to bring home strays. She listened to the boys story once, got as far as “My parents kicked me out when I was 5” before deciding that she now had a son.

Thera spent the rest of his childhood on the Gold Coast with his 2 new sisters, Almost immediately becoming as thick as thieves with Nia, Laras biological daughter, a bosmer only 1 year younger than him. His New older sister Ava had also been adopted by Lara, though they were actually biologically related. Ava was Lara’s niece and when her parents died it seemed only natural for Lara to take her in as her own. Ava was an Imperial, though she took heavily after her bosmer father and Khajiit grandfather.

He looked up to both Lara and Ava immensely and emulated them as much as he could, especially Ava. Though aware of many of her flaws from the beginning he looked up to Ava as his savior, his older sister and one hell of an assassin.

If there was one thing Thera picked up from his new family it was their sense of irony and drama and quickly decided to pick up learning necromancy himself. He was encouraged to follow this interest by Lara, they were a family of dark brotherhood assassins after all, It’s not like a necromancer would stain the family name or anything. Besides Lara was quite the mage herself (as was most of the Latona family) and encouraged magical interests of any kind. He’s always proud to say that he even managed to teach his sisters a thing or 2 about magic.

He spent his years on the Gold Coast completely refusing and rejecting Khajiit culture. They abandoned him, he would abandon it. He spoke in first person only, suppressed his accent as best he could and would never be heard spoking Ta’agra. He even went out of his way to learn a bit of Bosmeri so he could speak with his sisters in their native tongue. He wore nothing even resembling anything to a Khajiiti style.

He only took the prefix Jo’ to his name because he liked the Irony of having earned the title through his use of profane magic. Also his friends and family could call him Jojo and that's just fun.

He joined the training Nia went through everyday to join the brotherhood (as did Ava before she officially joined) and was allowed to join a few years later at 15 years old. He took to large swords (and very large staffs) and flashy magic, after all not everyone wants quite quick assassination sometimes you want everyone and their moms to know this person is dead.

About a Year later, Nia ran away.

Of course the whole family was devastated, Lara more than anyone else, but Jo’Thera was hurt in a special way. He knew something the other two would never quite figure out, why she did it. Nia never wanted to join the brotherhood and although she would never tell anyone but Jo’thera. She didn't think the other 2 would have understood that she DIDN’T want this, Jo’thera was aware that they absolutely would have.

He had the objective standpoint that the others did not.

He was heart broken, but kept it to himself, not wanting to add fuel to that fire. He didn’t get mad until Nia started running her mouth and trashing the rest of the Latona family. He was spared the worst of it but he was still furious.

After Nia left he and Ava had grown closer. They were friends before but now they were damn close to inseparable. Ava had by this point lost pretty much her entire family...twice and while her mother had pulled away after Nia’s departure he refused to leave her alone.

He was one of the only ones who really had the pulse on Ava’s slow but steady mental breakdown.

He was also the only one who didn't just assume she killed herself after she disappeared and never stopped looking for her.

The moment he heard rumors about an odd Imperial woman running around Alinor he rushes his ass over their to look for her. He is completely correct and she is alive...though it took awhile to track her down. He didn't catch up to her until she was about to leave Valenwood for Reapers March, after she had found Nia.

Jo’thera had stated before that he was more loyal to his family then the brotherhood, so when Ava said she wasn’t sure of she wanted to go back he was fucking read. Ripping up credit cards hes fucking ready. Well, after she confirmed she had no intention to let their mom think she was dead forever. She just wanted to “stay dead” for a little while. She just needed a break, and he could respect that, even if he doesn’t entirely approve of the how. She may not have been to the point of killing herself, but any idiot could see she was on her way to a complete mental break. She needed this in a way.

His reunion with Nia broke his heart all over again. He was pissed and he let her know and didn’t hold back. Though they both followed their older sister after they all reunited the two of them didnt have a real conversation until Ava had left to try and regain her soul in cold harbor.

He may not forgive Nia completely, but they could at least have real conversations again. It's a start.

#skooma rambles #jo'thera #hes big hes chill and he raises the dead #and is also a himbo #he doesnt come in until later in avas story and the main plot in general so this one is a bit shorter #hes far less stubborn and prideful then his sisters so i think hes a good balance for them #unless it comes to anything in elsweyr where ava ends up the more chill one becausehe is just as bitter as his sisters #just about different things #also this is him dressing more casual #i didnt feel like the usual armor he would wear in battle showed his personality as much #his secret shame is that hes actually blond

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terrisha-of-the-abyss · 5 years

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My worst teacher ever!

Okay so I've had so many fucked up teachers (-_-) I lived in a rural area, so far off the beaten track, that if someone screwed up badly(but not enough to be fired) they got sent there, so we had a lot of jilted and surly twats, we also had a lot of teachers new fresh out of university and a few close to retiring or with disabilities but still wanting to teach, those ones were generally nice and pretty cool. Generally the rules were a bit more lax for the teachers since they had already messed up but were being given a second chance, and that lead to some great(but strict) teachers, since they were there as a punishment and they wanted to get out of there and back into their old jobs asap,(we had a lot of teacher turnover) but there was also a lot of shenanigans; teachers busted by students having sex in classrooms, teachers thieving, taking drugs, openly perving on highschool girls, etc...

But despite all of that in my whole school career(primary and secondary) there was only One instance where a teacher at our school actually got fired although they called it "Permanent Leave"... we did have a couple who had mental breakdowns and quit.. but thats different...

Anyway it was in my 10th year of school, he was an English teacher and he was one of those older middle age crisis types (cheesy gangsta wannabe, band t-shirts, shorts hanging low, baseball cap backwards, cheap rapper bling and he was obsessed with ponchos). He tried so hard to seem cool and hip.. but he was just so creepy.

And he barely lasted a year.

He was openly bias and judgemental in class, favoring the academically inclined/more wealthy kids and snubbing the kids who weren't at the top of the class/less wealthy(going so far as to kick them out of class. Then he'd do a complete 180 outside of class and try to be all best friends buddy buddy with everyone like he thought he was the most favourite teacher in the school. He really wasn't. (¤_¤)

I was one of his favorites (unfortunately..) I think its because I had a lot of smart/wealthier friends and he though I was really "smart". I was on the higher end of poor and yes I was kinda smart but I hung out and got along with a lot of people, it was a really small town and everyone knew each other since preschool so we all got along for the most part and we all hung out often.

I was also one of those quiet artsy types, I doodled in my note books to help remember the content of the lesson.. He latched onto that like a maggot on rancid meat. He would go through my school bag pulling out my art books and rummaging through my stuff! And would give me Word Art to colour in and draw on as homework! Hell I remember one incident where I threw my phone at him to get my art books off of him.. that he had grabbed from my bag during someone else's class!(we left them in a seperate area to the classroom)

Who the fuck does that!?

I had to get a fucking padlock for my school bag!

And the really sad(annoying) thing is, I actually enjoyed English class before he showed his nasty face. That year we were meant to be studying Shakespeare and Chaucer and all of the old English books which I've been reading since I was little and it was my year to shine! But he made me feel like a fucking toddler with his "colour in the pretty picture" (○u○)

That his classes generally consisted of watching movies/music videos and slacking off(not so great since we had really big important tests at the end of the year that decided our futures...) and him having hissyfits if anyone objected.. I spent half the time skipping his class and hiding out in the library.

Really didn't help that he had a real short fuse, trowing tantrums and screaming at anyone who questioned him..

I remember one big incident towards the end of year, I dont know what caused it since I wasn't part of the class, but I saw the ass end of it as I was walking past on my way to the library. He was having a massive tantrum screaming his head off, purple faced and throwing anything he could get his hands on. Including a chair that hit one of my bffs and knocking her down in the middle of class, seeing this I knock on the door, giving the excuse that bffs mum wanted her and was waiting at the main office(our parents were really close so one of us delivering messages like that was normal) I got her out of there and took her to the nurses office because the chair had cut her arm and reported what was happening to the main office(he didn't get the sack for that, but it definitely added fuel to the fire) when bffs mum was called in to pick up bff she stormed right over to the fucktard and tore him a new one(shes short but holy crap she's fucking scary) he steered clear of bff and her family(me included as extended family) after that.

So many kids were reporting him and trying to get him gone, but things really came to a head at the end of the year after the results for the HSC* came back. Thanks to Him everyone in his class failed the HSC, including graduate aged students who needed the HSC to get into university. Since about 2/3rd of the school failed the HSC the Board of Education sent someone to investigate what had happened.

It was a really big deal, kids were called in to be interviewed (those in his classes and some outside for confirmation) All of us were given an intensive 2 week course by another teacher and a second chance to sit our HSC (a very big deal! board of education never allows do-overs!), but in the end many of us barely scraped a pass and its affected our chances of getting into university and future career paths. Several in my year dropped out and others moved schools.

Thankfully it was the final nail in his coffin and he was gone for good, I moved after that year(for unrelated reasons) so I dont know how things went in the next years aftermath, but I hope the kids in the years to come never have to deal with something like that happening to them!

*Quick explanation of what the HSC is...HSC stands for High School Certificate. In the last 3 years of high school students take 3 HSC tests(that we call the HSCs) to prove we are ready to move onto the next year of study. There are 3 tests in the HSCs the students must pass to achieve the minimum standard and recieve our HSC– reading, writing and numeracy.

Each years HSC qualifies students for new opportunities:

Recieving the Year10 high school certificate means that you can go onto years 11 and 12 or drop out and go to TAFE(aka community college).

Recieving 11 & 12 qualifies for University entry although the qualifying courses change depending on how high you score in those tests.

So years 10, 11 and 12 are really full of studying and prep for those tests because they are so important to our futures.

#teachers #bad teacher #school stories #worst teacher ever #worst teacher #storytime #true story

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missmentelle · 5 years

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Post #1000 (FAQ)

When I started this blog a few years ago, I couldn’t have imagined that it would grow as quickly as it did - and I definitely didn’t expect to make it to a thousand posts and beyond! I’m so grateful for each and every one of you who has sent in asks, reblogged and liked my posts, or sent me messages and replies. I really wouldn’t still be going if it wasn’t for you.

So in honour of post #1000, I thought I would take some time to answer some of the most common questions that I get about me, my blog, and the issues that matter to me!

What should I call you? Miss Mentelle?

You can call me MissMentelle, Miss Mentelle, Miss, Mentelle, Ment, MM, or just M. Really, call me anything you like, none of those are my real name.

What kind of education do you have in mental health? Where did you go to school?

I have a Bachelor of Arts Honors degree in psychology, from a large public research university in Canada. I’ve completed a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology (concentration in forensic psychology) from a fancy private university in the USA. I’m also a certified rape crisis counselor in NY state.

Have you ever actually worked in mental health in real life?

I sure have. I volunteered at a suicide hotline and a walk-in mental health distress centre as an undergraduate, and then after graduating I spent two years working with homeless and high-risk inner-city youth in a large Canadian city, doing counselling and psych testing. I then both worked and volunteered at a rape crisis centre in NYC. My hands-on experience working with mental health has mostly been made up of extremes - I have personally dealt with or been present for overdoses, gang fights, suicide attempts, sexual assaults, underage prostitution, psychotic breakdowns, and one instance of gun violence.

Are you a psychologist?

I am not. I am not qualified to give anyone a diagnosis. I am qualified to administer and score psych tests, but I am not qualified to interpret the results. Becoming a full-fledged licensed psychologist is a major goal of mine.

Why did you start this blog?

When I was working with homeless kids, we had a constant, ongoing problem where many of the kids had absorbed extremely unhealthy ideas about relationships that caused many of them to enter or stay in life-ruining relationships. No matter how hard we tried to counter these ideas and teach the kids about healthy relationships, it never seemed to make much difference. I was required to maintain separate “work” social media accounts that the kids could use to communicate with me, because that was the only means of communication that most of them had, and once I started seeing their social media feeds, it became pretty obvious that most of them were getting their information about love, sex and relationships from incredibly damaging posts being shared on social media. I couldn’t compete with that kind of influence as their mental health worker. So I decided to go online myself, and start creating healthier content to teach kids about these things, not as their worker, but as a blogger. It grew from there.

Why do you always spell words like “centre” and “cheque” so weird?

I’m Canadian. You can pry my British spellings from my cold, dead hands. “Cheque” in particular seems to really bother people, but I promise you, that’s how non-Americans spell it.

What’s your real name?

Nice try, person-who-is-clearly-trying-to-steal-my-identity.

Do you do anything other than mental health?

Of course! I’m a writer in real life, and I’ve published stories in several mainstream anthologies. I also do stand-up comedy, write for a major comedy website, and run a true crime podcast.

Can I send you an ask?

You definitely can!

What can I ask you about?

Pretty much anything that you feel comfortable asking me - I’ve answered questions about depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, personality disorders, romantic relationships, school problems, friendships, family relationships, parenting, pregnancy, sex, sexuality, and pretty much every mental-health-related topic in between. If I don’t know the answer, I will do some research and try to find the answer, or point you toward someone who does know. I also answer personal questions about myself, my schooling and my experiences, as well as general questions about how to break into this field as a career.

Are you LGBTQ+?

Yes. I am a bi-romantic ace woman. I openly date both women and men, with no strong preference either way. I am not out to my parents, as most of my long-term partners happen to be male, and that’s not a conversation I want to have with them until it’s strictly necessary. I routinely blog about what it’s like to date while bi and ace and closeted, and I’m happy to answer questions on that topic.

Are you mentally ill yourself?

Sometimes. I have OCD that is mostly mild/dormant, but it occasionally pops up again when I’m stressed, and it can lead to me spending hours in obsessive thought-spirals where I endlessly worry about things I have no control over, instead of doing anything productive. My OCD makes me believe that I will cause bad things to happen if I have “bad” or “wrong” thoughts that I don’t immediately balance out with “good” thoughts, and even though I know that’s completely irrational, my brain doesn’t agree. I also have ADHD, which I’ve learned to manage, and Tourette’s, which was extremely embarrassing for me as a child, but has gotten milder with age.

What topics do you know the most about?

My master’s degree is in forensic psychology, and that’s what I know the most about. My specific areas of expertise are conduct disorder, anti-social personality disorder, oppositional defiant disorder and other severe childhood behavioural problems, psychopaths, paraphilias, the relationship between psychology and crime, FASD, and the ongoing suicide crisis among First Nations youth. I almost never get asks on any of these topics.

Can I request a post on a certain topic?

You sure can! I would love to know what my followers are actually interested in learning more about.

I sent you an ask weeks ago and you still haven’t answered! Do you hate me?

I don’t! I get a lot of asks, and unfortunately, I have a pretty full schedule that doesn’t leave me enough time to answer all of them in a timely fashion. I do answer all asks eventually, but it might take me a while to get to everyone, and I thank you all in advance for your patience.

What can do to make sure you answer my ask?

I get to everyone eventually, but I do get to some quicker than others. There’s no guaranteed way to ensure a quick answer, but you’ll probably get a faster reply if you’re asking me a question that I don’t see very often. I’m also faster to reply to asks that give me a specific question (”Where can I find resources to learn meditation?”, “What’s the difference between a PhD and a LMHC?”) than I am at replying to more vague asks, or asks that don’t really ask a specific question (”I’m sad”).

What topics do you get the most asks about?

It varies over time, but in general, the most common asks I see are variants of: “I’m trying to set boundaries with my friend but they aren’t listening”, “I’m sad but I’m not sure what to do about it”, “I need to tell my therapist something but I don’t know how”, “I’m not sure if this relationship is healthy”, and “I went through a breakup and I’m having a hard time getting over it”. I’m happy to keep answering these kinds of questions, but I encourage you to read through my archives a little if that’s the sort of issue that you’re facing.

I’m just starting out as an advice or mental health blogger! Will you promote my page?

Probably not. I get several requests like this per day, and I don’t really have time to vet everyone who asks me this to see if I’m comfortable recommending you to my followers. Plus, most of the blogs that send me requests like this are run by people who don’t have any mental health credentials, and unfortunately, I’m just not comfortable endorsing mental health blogs that don’t have some sort of professional education or experience behind them.

Can I send you a private message?

Of course! You should know, though, that I’m worse at responding to private messages than I am at responding to asks. Unfortunately, many of the people who have sent me private messages in the past have done so with the expectation that I will provide ongoing mental health support for them or that I will talk them through an ongoing crisis, and I unfortunately don’t have to time to do that for everyone who wants it. I’m a little bit wary of private messages for that reason, but I do still read and answer them.

Why do you write such long posts and answers?

I was that kid in elementary school who asked if “3-5″ pages was a maximum, or if I could write more than that. I have never grown out of being that type of person.

What should I do with my life?

I don’t know. Sometimes I barely know what to do with my own life. I can point you toward resources to help you figure stuff out, but I can’t tell you what to do - you’re the expert on your own life, not me.

How do I get therapy?

This is actually a really hard question for me to answer. It depends on your individual situation, as well as your financial resources, geographic location and insurance situation. Most of the time, I just don’t have enough information to give you an answer. I can tell you about some online resources and telephone hotlines that you can try, but you’re probably going to have to do your own research about how to access long-term professional mental health services in your area.

Should I break up with my partner?

I can’t really give you a straight answer to that either - I don’t know either of you, and I can’t make such a huge decision for you, especially when I only have a couple hundred words of backstory on the relationship. I can tell you whether the relationship sounds healthy or not, based on what you’ve told me, and I can tell you some general information about situations that might cause people to break up, but you have to be the one to actually make the decision about whether or not to pull the plug.

I don’t like my medication, should I stop taking it?

I’m not a doctor and I can’t answer that. Stopping medication suddenly and without medical supervision can be dangerous - if you are having issues with your medication, you need to speak to a doctor about it as soon as possible.

I want to be a psychologist! How do I do that?

I’ve answered this question pretty extensively a couple of times, but the answer boils down to this: get the best GPA you possibly can, get as much research experience as possible, take lots of stats classes, register for the GRE early, do lots of research on graduate programs, and don’t be disappointed if it takes you a few years to get in. I think that covers most of my Frequently Asked Questions! If you have anything else that you’d like to know, leave it in the replies to this post, or send it in as an ask! Here’s to 1000 more posts!

#missmentelle #personal #post #FAQ #frequently asked questions #mental health #mental illness #career #school #psychology #grad school

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textsfromtheborderline · 5 years

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Hey, I have a couple of questions; do you think any of the following are related to BPD? Or do I do both because I am simply an horribly abusive human being? (Which I know I am, but still.) #1 - humiliate the people I love in public. I know I do it, I always try to avoid it, but sometimes I slip. I do it with whomever is my FP at that moment. I rip them to pieces publicly and I feel high, 'cos it sorts of shows everybody how intimate our connection is?

Still the horrible abuser over here. #2 - whenever I meet a prospective FP I always feel the urge of showing off the absolute worst of me. How unbalanced I am, how callow, how sexually crass, codependant and full of anger. I think I sort of want them to know how fucking intense I am and match it... ? Or at the very least accept me. Although I know full well I only come off as unhinged. But it makes me high too... is it oversharing to the extreme? (I hate it. So humiliating, but I can't help it)

It takes guts to send a message like this and I admire the fact that you’re being so honest.

Simply put, the FP type of relationship is an aspect of BPD. And so is devaluation, which is the running thread of your message (humiliating people you love in public, but also displaying the worst of you). But you are making your own choices, personally, and they are clearly part of an unhealthy pattern of behaviour. So please don’t conveniently blame BPD, because mental illness is always the context, but never the catalyst, for action.

Let’s take a good, hard look at what you’ve said, since not only is it intriguing, but I think it can help us all learn from your experiences.

Regarding your first point, ripping someone to pieces publicly absolutely does not demonstrate to “everybody” how “intimate” your connection is. It just shows off in public that you are abusive. I bet you do this behind closed doors as well, but at least in public it’s something that’s out there for everyone to see and reaffirm.

I feel very sorry for your FP, current and prospective, yet if I may, I want to offer you several reasons why you do that:

You are “testing” your prospective FP by seeing how much hell you can put them through and how much bullshit you can pile on before they breakdown. Doing it in public is, as you say, immensely humiliating. I suppose that they pass your awful test if they lack the self-respect and backbone to fight back in public. Which is actually what you secretly hope for.

The first reason you hope for this is so that you can dial up the abuse more, in public, because if they fight back then you can somehow give yourself permission to be even worse, despite knowing all along that you are being abusive and provoking justifiable retaliation.

The second reason you hope for this is because you’re obviously self-pitying (as most abusers are) and sub-consciously (or perhaps even consciously) you want to be punished for being a horribly abusive human being. So in front of an audience, you are hoping for someone to step up (including your FP) and challenge you, this time in order to put a stop to your appalling behaviour (which you claim that you can’t do on your own; hold onto that thought). You want to be punished severely for what you have done and are doing; you want justice to rain down on you out of some sick sense of masochistic martyrdom, again arising out of your self-pity.

There is a “connection” that happens between an abuser and their victim, unfortunately, and it’s called trauma bonding or Stockholm syndrome. It’s perverse and terrible. That’s the kind of “connection” that you are referring to.

Real human connection doesn’t thrive off traumatic experiences. It is founded on mutual respect, care, and trust. It’s healthy because it’s focused on the well-being of the people who are connected to each other by virtue of their shared interests, heartfelt emotions, and free will.

Now regarding your second point about “showing off” the “worst in you,” this may also be some kind of test. To see if you will get “abandoned” by your FP when your true colours are on display. Doing this in public too will also give you lots of attention, which depending on your ego functions, may be contributing to that “high” you feel.

There’s really two key elements to this point. Firstly, you are devaluing yourself. Now I’m not disagreeing with you about the fact that you’re a shitty person, but I also don’t think you’re being entirely realistic. You say: “ how unbalanced I am, how callow, how sexually crass, codependant and full of anger.”

These are all decidedly dramatic descriptions of yourself. They still don’t get at the core of you as a person, and so without a clear self-image, you’ll never be able to strive for a stable one. You must know who you are and what you want in order to be happy. Believe it or not, I relate to what you’re saying here. I recognize my own toxic traits, but it’s also why I can tell you that everything you’ve identified as the “worst” in yourself can be entirely unlearned.

That starts with developing a healthy outlook on yourself. Instead of thinking of yourself as always being “unbalanced,” try to think of yourself as working on “stabilizing.” Instead of thinking of yourself as callow (inexperienced and immature), try to remember that you are a work in progress, a dynamic person who is learning, and seek out interesting, positive experiences. Instead of thinking that you are “sexually crass” and berating yourself for lacking some sort of class and sensitivity when it comes to sex, be more careful and caring about your body; take sex and partners at your own pace, and if it happens to be that you enjoy a lot of sex with a lot of people, then at the very least make an effort to do it safely. Develop your self-respect.

And instead of resenting that you are “codependant and full of anger” (both of which I’ve addressed, right here and here), start taking little steps toward independence and processing anger. You’re going to (re)discover a lot of yourself throughout this process, which is essential to developing a healthy, realistic self-image.

You might think this is all semantics, but it’s actually about altering your thought processes. So that in turn, you can start to invest positive emotions in those healthier thoughts.

And if that’s you at your “worst,” don’t you want to live in a way that lets your best shine forth?

Secondly, you want to have control over the situation. As you pointed out, you want your intensity to be accepted and matched-even if it’s at your “worst.” I understand that longing very well.

But I want to point out that Oversharing isn't exactly healthy in and of itself. It’s already “extreme” so to speak because there's already the potential to breach someone's healthy boundaries. What you're actually talking about specifically is being callous with "honesty." You may really be feeling one way in the moment, and things may be happening a certain way in fact, but there is still an appropriate time and place to share your own thoughts and feelings about what’s going on. You’re not respecting that. You’re being “honest” both in an effort to get your intensity out there, but also with a complete disregard for boundaries. That certainly does come across as unhinged, but it reveals a lot too: You associate vulnerability with being “humiliated” yourself. At the same time, being vulnerable makes you “high,” which I take to mean that it makes you feel “good,” so you’d like to keep being “honest” but you don’t want to be “humiliated.”

It’s too bad you have such a twisted outlook on being vulnerable, because when it’s done right, it’s one of the most amazing sensations ever.

Speaking of honesty, the truth is that you can help your behaviour, but you do not want to. That's at the core of you being a horribly abusive human being.

Why? Well, you said so yourself: being abusive gets you "high."

Here’s the darkest truth about abuse: abusive behaviour also hurts abusers, and abusers keep on abusing because they are emotionally invested in abuse.

Back in May, I made an infographic guide for people who recognized their abusive behaviours but were willing and determined to change them in order to live in a healthy way.

And the relationship between willingness to recover and not be abusive versus remaining abusive is something I extensively cover in my own work Between The Lines: Comparing BPD + NPD. I argue that for the most part, personality disordered people are quite willing to recover and learn to live in a healthy way, yet we lack the stigma-free resources to give us the ability to do so.

However, I also note that while resources alone have a positive correlation with willingness to be healthy, they still may not be enough all by themselves. This is due to the fact that most horribly abusive people refuse, that is to say they lack the will, to choose healthy behaviour, despite all the resources that could possibly be available to them.

Why? Well, we’ve come right back around to your admission: because being abusive gets you “high.”

As anyone who has ever been at the very least toxic realizes, there is a kind of thrill, a rush, a sense of being empowered or powerful, when it comes to having an advantage over someone. No matter how slight or twisted or real it may actually be.

Being on the other side of someone’s trust? Someone’s earnest feelings and thoughts? Getting access to their motives and drives, being involved in the sharing of that? Fuck, it’s so seductive and mesmerizing. It is honestly a “high” unlike any other. And abuse is inherently about taking these precious things and using them to your own gain or to cause pain, which then creates a vicious cycle of feeling “high” when you can still have someone’s trust but you’re not longer doing it with their best interests at heart.

So then horrible people like you get carried away in the thrill of that, the emotional investment, and find it almost impossible to stop. But as I keep emphasizing, you certainly can stop and break this unhealthy behaviour pattern.

Why? Because feeling “high” in the moment you abuse someone won’t ever be enough for you. Because it’s not a genuine connection.

And abusers do want a real connection with another human being. The problem is, they lie and fake and hurt their way into it; they manipulate and manufacture that “connection” because they cannot really be themselves and develop a real connection by being honest.

They haven’t developed a realistic, healthy outlook on themselves, because they’ve never fully taken the time to know themselves and be real about all their flaws and qualities.

Right now, that is you. At this time in your life, you are a horrible human being that is choosing abuse as a way to cheat their way into the best life has to offer, without being real about it. That’s pathetic.

Although I appreciate you sending this message, I don’t know quite what you expected to get out of me with it. Were you wanting me to publicly humiliate you? To offer you some sort of vicious punishment, or to reopen my old wounds?

If there’s only one thing you get from my response, I hope it is this:

You don’t have to remain a horribly abusive human being.

#anon #q + a #textsfromtheborderline #wow my hands are shaking after typing this

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twtrv · 6 years

Text

an accurate guide about red velvet

So since so many people are getting into Red Velvet recently, I decided to make a guide to help them out. You know, give yall some slack because learning five names is super hard. A guide accompanied by my half-assed jokes, interesting.

PSA: If you’re only here to stan the girls because of their recent comebacks like Peek-A-Boo and Bad Boy and are going to drop them as soon as they release tracks similar to Dumb Dumb and Ice Cream Cake, leave because we don’t want you here.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get straight to business (TO DEFEAT THE HUNS WHY DID THEY SEND ME DAUGHTERS WHEN I ASKED FOR SONS)

Basic Facts

Red Velvet is a South Korean girl group formed by SM Entertainment in 2014.

There are five members (OT4 stans can choke).

They debuted on August 1st in 2014 with a single called “Happiness”.

Fandom name is Reveluv. Since “rêve” means “dream” in French, the meaning behind the fandom name is that us, Reveluvs, make their dreams come true and Red Velvet gives us their immense love in return, thus the “luv” part. Sometimes they also call us “Luvies”.

Official fandom colour is pastel coral and not red because l o g i c

The fact that they were formed by SM Entertainment doesn’t mean they got a free ride to the top so sit your entitled asses down, thanks.

Now, you see, they weren’t actually supposed to debut in 2014. I bet you must be confused but don’t worry, it is I, your trusty homie, that is gonna help you realize how many similarities every student has with SM lmao plus the reason for their early debut.

2014 was a rough year for our buddy Lee Soo Man. Jessica left Girl’s Generation; Sulli left f(x); Kris, Tao and Luhan left EXO... This, of course, caused a goddamn World War III amongst the fans of the respective groups. They were about to go in front of the official SM building with torches and pitchforks to demand SM to step up their game. To calm the situation down, our amigo SM must have thought: “Welp I sure fucked up. How the hell do I fix this? Wait, I have an idea! Let’s debut another girl group to cover up all the shit that has been piling up for years now!”

And your boi gone and did it. He basically debuted another group despite the number of problems he had to deal with already. This is every student ever, just make another problem to cover up the first one.

Red Velvet debuted with four members; Irene, Seulgi, Wendy and Joy. The “Happiness” music video got 2 million views in a day and was the most viewed kpop music video for the month of August in 2014. See, the queens already breaking records.

However, the original version of “Happiness” was full of controversial topics such as 9/11 being the most prominent one. This caused such hate to the girls that everyone started calling them “flops”. Lmao Red Velvet stays unbothered as the kpop act with the most Billboard charted albums bYE.

Some of you still may be wondering what the hell happened with Yeri. Well, because their debut was rushed and due to her age, Yeri, unfortunately, couldn’t debut with them. When Red Velvet debuted, Yeri was 15 years old so basically a child.

“bUt jiSUnG fROM ncT DreAM dEBuTed wHeN hE WAs onlY FoUrteEn”

Before, there was a law which stated that kids under the age of 16 couldn’t debut.

No need to worry fellow Yeri stans! Red Velvet only released another single called “Be Natural” before Yeri was officially added. The single featured NCT’s Taeyong on it too so if you are one of those fangirls, better go and check it out because your oppar is there + it is an underrated bop.

Yeri was added to the group during Ice Cream Cake era! Of course, many people hated her, acting as if Red Velvet released so many songs and solved world hunger without Yeri. Um, bitch they had two songs take a seat.

Discography and music in general lol

IT IS GOLD!1!!!!111!!

Okay listen, every single song of theirs makes me thot-drop in the middle of the goddamn school. Jesus Christ sunbaenim is shaking.

Albums: Ice Cream Cake, The Red, The Velvet, Russian Roulette, Rookie, The Red Summer, Perfect Velvet, The Perfect Red Velvet.

Queens of naming their albums don’t even @ me.

Listen to every single song if you want to cure your depression, clear your skin, feed your children and harvest your crops. Seriously, all of their b-sides are so amazing and such bops they are worth a listen and you, as a person who chose to stan Red Velvet, deserve to have your ears cleansed.

Another topic that I want to bring up is “the red concept” and “the velvet concept”. It is not complicated. Basically what it means is that they split their concepts into two. The red concepts are more upbeat, catchy and poppy songs such as Dumb Dumb, Rookie, Russian Roulette etc. However, the velvet concept is where they show their mature, more serious ballads. Songs that represent the velvet side are Automatic, One of These Nights, Peek-A-Boo etc.

They filmed 13 music videos so you are going to get attacked by visuals 13 times, good luck.

The members

The most interesting and fun part of this guide to be honest. So yeah, five members and five completely different personalities. Trust me, you’re gonna love every single one of these girls because they all have such amazing personalities and are extremely funny. Get abroad the homo express!

- Stage name: Irene

- Real name: Bae Joohyun

- Colour: Pink

- Position: Leader, Visual, Main Rapper, Lead Dancer, Vocal

- She really is a bae tho we love a powerful woman

- Born on March 29th, 1991; the eldest

- She literally looks five what the fuck

- tiny

- Takes pictures of everyone and everything so that she can stare at them while she does the laundry because she is such a mom

- “Shut the fuck up I am not a mom”

- A GODDESS PLUS TOP VISUAL OF THIS GENERATION NO PRINTER JUST FAX

- loves pussy

- Drinks men tears to stay hydrated

- Forgets names of her kids aka the rest of Red Velvet

- Snorts laundry detergent

- Talk shit get hit

- Silent but plotting world domination with her at the top

- Speaking of tops, she doms bYE

- She survived the World War II and was Stalin's deskmate when they were in the third grade

- xXButtLoverXx

- Likes winning. Who got to the finish line first? Her. Who travelled to space first? Her. Who found the cure for world hunger? Her.

- Actually very talented in everything she does and is a blessing to humanity

- Stage name: Seulgi

- Real name: Kang Seulgi

- Colour: Orange

- Position: Main Dancer, Lead Vocal

- Either as fluffy as a teddy bear or a fucking sex God there is no in between

- Born on February 10th, 1994; second eldest

- hER EYES MAKE ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY

- She, in general, makes me question my sexuality

- also tiny

- “Hello I am the 71st prettiest face in the world”

- First half of the “DD” also known as “Dumbass Duo”

- Someone help her she is lost in time and space

- The type of person to put a red sock to wash with the whites

- Is not capable of doing the splits because she dumb lmao

- How the fuck is one this confused???

- Gets bullied by her members a lot

- A sunshine in human form. You know that sun from the Teletubbies? That be Seulgi

- Her abs make me feel like Kylie Jenner, y’know... pregnant

- “If there’s no food I’m going home”

- THE number one fan of Beyonce™

- Pringles advocate

- She didn’t train for 7 years to have people shit talking her because she is multitalented and leaves people all around the world shooketh

- Stage name: Wendy

- Real name: Son Seungwan

- Colour: Blue

- Position: Main Vocal, English speaker

- Is also a HELLA good rapper

- Born on February 21st, 1994; third eldest

- Used to live in Toronto when she was younger, her English proceeds to give everyone a boner

- the tiniest out of all

- The kpop singer with the widest vocal range (this is an actual fact)

- “S H I N E O N M E”

- So caring it makes me bawl. She literally cooks for everyone and is so supportive it is truly beautiful

- Is actually the one behind the iconic “PARK SOOYOUNG! WHEN YOU SMILE I SMILE TOO”

- If she ever covers your song, you can say goodbye to it because it’s hers now

- A soccer mom

- Also that famous Kris Jenner “You’re doing amazing sweetie” meme

- Rescue her scalp someone pls

- Probably used “WHOMST” once in her lifetime unironically

- The gayest out of all the gays

- She is a boob person and also has a very nice butt Irene knows

- Once stacked a gazillion hats on top of her head because why the fuck not

- Is also a sexy pornstar ... no wait, I meant a “saxophonist”

- Is so beautiful and deserves all the love in this entire world but the world doesn’t deserve her at all

- Stage name: Joy

- Real name: Park Sooyoung

- Colour: Green

- Position: Lead Rapper, Lead Vocal, Mood-maker

- + an actress

- Born on September 3rd, 1996: fourth eldest

- Invented “cute” and “sexy” don’t fight me on this

- TALL (for a Red Velvet member lmfao)

- Has the prettiest profile, God took extra time in crafting such a masterpiece

- Speaking of God... God is real and in a form of Park Sooyoung

- Likes finer things in life such as herself

- If the song “Me Too” was a human, it would be her

- Ruthless

- When she gets scared her soul deadass leaves her body and it is hilarious

- A dramatic bitch

- HAS THE BEST BODY SORRY YALL CAN’T COMPETE

- Can get very angery

- Probably was kinkshamed by someone once

- Is having a mental breakdown at every waking moment

- “Can you stop I’m very sensitive”

- Tom to Yeri’s Jerry

- Just the most amazing human being, an all-rounder and a happy virus

- Stage name: Yeri

- Real name: Kim Yerim

- Colour: Purple

- Position: Maknae, Lead Rapper, Sub Dancer, Vocal, Songwriter

- Is being an absolute savage a talent?

- Born on March 5th, 1999; the youngest

- The other half of the “Dumbass Duo”

- So much sass is contained in this tiny human being

- Plans to take over SM soon one day

- HAS THE MOST CONTAGIOUS LAUGH IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND IT IS SO GENUINE I LOVE IT

- Likes pineapple on pizza cancelled

- The OG Sone

- A mess

- (ง •̀_•́)ง

- Not a big spoon nor a little spoon, she a knife

- Tries her best

- Knows everyone and everything; what a social butterfly it warms my heart

- Likes to read smut so all of you smut fanfiction writers, watch out, she is lurking

- SPEAKING OF LURKING

- She lowkey had a fan account that was all about Girl’s Generation

- A woman we all aspire to be

- Is an actual cinnamon roll that yes, could kill you but everyone loves her because she really improved a lot. WE WATCHED HER GROW UP INTO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SHE IS NOW B L E S S

Popular ships, let’s play a game where you guess which two people are paired up (not like it is completely obvious)

SEULRENE

WENRENE

WENSEUL

JOYRI

YERENE

JOYGI

JOYDY

WENRI

SEULRI

Ending note

On a more serious note, Red Velvet is an amazing girl group that deserves so much more. I hope this at least got you to check them out. If not, your loss lol.

I could use a fuckton adjectives to describe their perfection but trust me, that ain’t enough.

Anyways, OT4 stans can fuck off, don’t comment on this post.

Just love all the girls and don’t point out their insecurities in a rude way mmkay?

This is all from me and I hope you enjoyed and that this helped you and maybe made you chuckle (maybe?)

If there is another question that you want me to answer, ask me because I would love to.

P.S. It doesn’t have to be Red Velvet related because I am trash that stans more groups than the number of bad jokes I made in this post.

Follow for more quality top-notch content.

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