#they already do so much for incoming ALTs that other adult jobs in the world do not have to do and do not doooooooooooooooooo | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

readysetgaikokujin · 6 years

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Quick thingum about Office Relationships!

HAHA it’s not quick because I don’t know how to police my own writing. But here we go anyway! Under the cut is my opinion about ALTs fitting into the sea of coworkers they’re dashed from straight off the plane and beyond. I include a helpful list, a bit of side-eye, and my own experience. Read on!

I see a lot of ALTs who complain about office interpersonal stuff. It ranges from a very general “meh”-ness to a very real, culture-shock-like hatred of the Japan they’re in. The reasons why are varied and mostly just... people things, imo. For example....

Their coworkers ask them the same questions over and over. Their coworkers don’t talk to them at all. Their coworkers don’t seem to like them. Their coworkers go to lunch without them, or didn’t tell them about a meeting, or wanted to reschedule their welcome party until a month later, or laugh nervously too often for their tastes.

And honestly, I have to wonder how much of that is the coworkers’ fault, and how much is the ALT in question just... waiting to be liked. For no reason. While they continue to be unlikable.

Now I get it, sometimes you try super hard and it still sucks. I am NOT saying that does not happen, BECAUSE IT DOES. It’s a risk with all human relationships that we take.

That is the worst case scenario, I think, yeah? You put in all the effort, you make the cookies, you answer the questions, you pose the small talk, you try and smile and try and smile and they still don’t really like or include you.

But I’m not talking about that. I think if you’re conscious of trying, you’re most likely someone who has tried and done been trying. And I respect that. And you.

I’m pinpointing the people who complain about their coworkers and how “mindless” or “meaningless” it all is, but then wonder why they’re not talked to at the drinking party. I’m side-eyeing the people who post about how they deliberately tell their coworkers lies about small talk questions because they hate answering them. I’m talking about the people who just sit there silently seething (AT ALT-ONLY EVENTS TOO) and then wonder why a) nobody wanted to talk to them and b) why they are unhappy.

I don’t want to talk to a wet blanket, and we share a language. You have to got to acknowledge that it’s not “Japanese people don’t know how to small talk”, it’s more “I MYSELF AM WET BLANKET”.

I firmly believe that you get love back from the universe that you input into it. It takes time, and effort, and it’s sometimes scary or backfires or is stupid. That’s fine! Do it anyway!

“But Sami,” you say. “I don’t know how to.”

“It’s okay, friendo,” I tell you. “I STILL don’t know what I’m doing, because we’re all just adults bouncing about trying to be good at what we do!”

Seriously.

If you get here, and you’re nervous, here is a small list of ways to ingratiate:

1. go to the party if you can make it 2. MINGLE AT THE PARTY, this doesn’t mean drink! Just talk to people! If you haven’t noticed, they are all ASKING EACH OTHER the same bullshit small talk questions, because humans use a script until they get comfortable with each other, or until someone confident enough breaks the mold. And that is okay!! 3. give little presents. Not necessarily expensive ones, but my crew is STILL talking about when I got apple pie moonshine for them, even though I DIDN’T EVEN ATTEND THAT PARTY. 4. bake or make something, if you can do a hometown recipe they’re gonna love having an excuse to talk to you about something other than the seasons, your Japanese level, or the weather. Trust me. Give them more options on the dialogue wheel!!! 5. smile. This is harder when you have a default face that isn’t a nervous smile, I know. My anxious ass smiles all the time =_=;; Just try it out when you give the otsukaresamadesu in passing. I even throw in waves and winks. Someone’s gonna have a stroke someday, I’m sure, but it works. I’ve got a hoard of dudebros who wave back. 6. be patient. With them, with yourself, but mostly with them. You have no idea what kind of ALTs they worked with before you, and some of them might’ve left a bad taste in their mouths. They might have been made fun of for pronunciation in English. They might have been told off for trying to help them look at the schedule. They might feel like all foreigners are prickly, just like you might worry all Japanese people are quiet. Wrong. Give it time and patience. 7. get you some cheddar off of somewhere and make Red Lobster style biscuits 8. involve your JTEs in your self-intro games, so you can learn about THEM too 9. invite teachers to observe your lessons if they seem into English 10. when you get here, see if someone wants to go grab a power lunch with you, cuz it’ll be summer vacay for crying out loud!! If your supervisor doesn’t do that with you, I will drive there myself and take you to kaitenzushi omfggggg

Ten things. Ten things to try.

But the most important thing to remember is this: You are not coming here as the protagonist of your solo story, you affect everyone’s stories you come into contact with. For better, worse, or absolutely neutral. Once you stop thinking of people as accessories to your life, and people with their own thoughts and actions, the world will be your oyster. Nom nom.

It shouldn’t be that hard. But in talking with military friends, non-JET ALTs, and just expatriates living in Japan... the struggle with immediate and unfounded entitlement is REAL, fam. And it gets old for your coworkers as well as your ALTs in the prefecture. Which is why fifth years like me have gummy old jaws where we used to have toothy ones, because we got tired of gnawing down the same bone of “just stop expecting everything to be about you and how great you are omfggggggg just be nice to people”. This dog too old for that now.

Also, anecdote time, because my office is so hot that if I stop typing I will fall the hell asleep:

I came here with NO Japanese. I was memorizing “osaki ni shitsureishimasu” on the freaking airplane. I didn’t know what yakisoba was, or how to eat ramen, or even how to read most katakana yet. Imagine trying to make coworker relationships when you have to both resort to gestures and helpless looks and all that effort on both sides?? It must have been a pain in the ass for my coworkers cuz I know at times it really was for me!

So I started to take the initiative. I would bake a ton, give out some sweets every month or two, and copy the katakana from an online dictionary to say what the ingredients were. I’d ask coworkers to translate ceremony titles for me, then look up words to listen out for in the ceremony itself. I’d go to all the nomikais and nijikais even if I wasn’t drinking, and I would try to sit with new people every time at the after-party! Even if we didn’t understand each other haha. I would smile every time I got nervous, and I tried my best to absorb as much Japanese as I could in my own way.

Fast forward five years. I can speak okay now. I can listen even better. My coworkers, I feel, know who I am, and not just a “that’s Sami” knowing. But they know my hobbies, my drives, my teasing, and how I like to be teased back. They interact with me easily because I put myself out there to be interacted with, in English or Japanese, doesn’t freaking matter. They’re people looking to reach out. I can understand most everything that comes my way because most things that come my way are things I’ve experienced and beaten, like mini-bosses in my Japan RPG adventure. I can make small talk but the beautiful times are when I don’t have to anymore.

Yes I was here five years. Yes you might have shorter time than that. Yes it is still doable.

So like.... you can totally be a part of whatever school you’re going to be placed in. I say this because I hear of so many ALTs saying shit like “coming here without knowing a bit of Japanese means you’re just a burden” and “you will never be accepted as Japanese no matter what you do”. And to that I just say “well you’re right, but also thhhbbbbbbbpt.”

We all have the potential to be burdens or not, and it ain’t got much to do with language ability Sharon. And my appreciation for how Japan does things doesn’t exactly ingratiate me with Americans neither! So have a stick of gum and calm down.

There you have it. Go forth, be merry, and don’t go around expecting people to love you for being a surly, quiet, asshole who doesn’t share any of their personality with their coworkers. I get it. I had a MySpace once, it’s edgy to not care about what people think of you. But it’s fun to have relationships with people and care about what they think, even if this job is temporary.

#unsolicited advice #incoming JETs #JET programme #JET program #living in japan #coworker relationships #my school is often called the 'drama/manga' school because of the way they interact with me and each other #and its not something im watching #im actively IN IT #i believe you can be too if you have the energy for it #and if you dont?_#don't post on fb blaming your coworkers!#not having the energy to do this stuff is JUST FINE #but putting the entire burden on relationships onto the people who you're working with is unfair and rude as fuck #they already do so much for incoming ALTs that other adult jobs in the world do not have to do and do not doooooooooooooooooo #appreciate!!!!!! it!!!!!!!!#also #this isnt shitty vibes #this is the precursor to having no shitty vibes #preventative non-shitty vibes haha

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itsmyrayeraye-blog · 6 years

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victoriazoey26 · 6 years

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I got a new job, can I still file Bankruptcy?

Yes.

Yes you can.

Does a regular paycheck disqualify a consumer from filing for chapter 7 bankruptcy?

If you’ve read this blog with any frequency, you’ve undoubtedly seen numerous posts about bankruptcy reform and the means test. Indeed, much has been written about the means test, the vaunted gatekeeper to chapter 7 bankruptcy protection implemented by Congress as part of BAPCPA in 2005. Under the “new” law, families that earn above the median income in their state must pass the means test in order to qualify for chapter 7 bankruptcy.

It is possible to file for chapter 7 protection while earning a salary

Will a new job give you a failing grade on the means test and prevent you from filing chapter 7 bankruptcy? Likely, no. First of all earning a salary doesn’t automatically preclude anyone from qualifying for chapter 7. Only individuals and families that earn more than the average in their states must pass the means test in order to qualify and often do. A job at a professional services firm, Like J.P. Morgan, that pays a higher salary, will make the path to bankruptcy harder than a job at Walmart that doesn’t pay as much. However, keep in mind that the income guidelines for chapter 7 look backwards.

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Qualifying for chapter 7 looks at past earnings

In addition, if you’ve had a prolonged period of unemployment even a new job with a high salary shouldn’t pose a means test problem. This is because the means test deducts allowed expenses from your current monthly income (average income over the last six months). If after expenses you have very little “disposable income” you will qualify for chapter 7. The six month look back period allows your period of unemployment to be averaged in with your new salary in calculating your current monthly income. For example, if you have recently landed a job that pays $100,000 annually but have only been working for 2 months, you will likely still qualify to file for chapter 7 bankruptcy because your average income over the last six months (which will include four months of no salary) will put you below your state’s average income. The means test can be complicated, if you have questions, it is wise to consult an attorney. If your attorney advises you that your income is too high for chapter 7, chapter 13 bankruptcy may be a good option.

Don’t Sell Property to Avoid Bankruptcy

Don’t cash in your 401(k) or sell your property to avoid bankruptcy. In the last several months, I have had a large number of people in their 50s and 60s contact me about filing for bankruptcy. In a lot of ways, this recession has hit people in this age group the hardest. Between the layoffs and the tough job market, a lot of people are really struggling. And even when someone is lucky enough to find a job, oftentimes it is at a significantly reduced salary.

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The bad economy has caused people to file bankruptcy who didn’t expect to

The fact is that the recession is causing a lot of people to file for bankruptcy who never thought they would. While the recession is is undoubtedly a sad turn of events, I am also seeing an even more disturbing trend. Namely, a lot of them are selling all of their property in an effort to stay current with their bills and avoid filing for bankruptcy. By the time they come to me, they have already gone through everything they own. While these efforts are always well-intentioned, they are catastrophic for their finances. In a lot of cases, people are selling assets that they would otherwise be able to keep if they would have thought about filing for bankruptcy a little sooner.

Chapter 7 divides assets into two piles

When you file for chapter 7 bankruptcy, your assets are divided into two categories: exempt and nonexempt. When you file for chapter 7 bankruptcy, you get to keep your exempt assets and the bankruptcy trustee has the option of taking and selling your nonexempt assets. This distinction is vitally important because in most cases, your retirement accounts and equity in your home are exempt. The amount of the exemption varies from state to state, but the point is this: do not sell exempt property to pay debt that can be discharged in bankruptcy.

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Example – mistakenly cashing in a retirement account

For example, let’s say you are in your mid-50s and are having financial difficulty. If you sell your retirement account to keep your head above water and pay credit card bills, you are literally selling your retirement years. Do not liquidate your retirement account to pay off credit card debt, or other debt that can be discharged in bankruptcy. This is especially true when you do not have a lot of time to start saving for your retirement again.

The bottom line about Bankruptcy

Do not go into denial about your financial situation. If you are thinking about selling your retirement account for living expenses, that is a pretty good sign that you should be thinking about filing for bankruptcy. But the only way you can know for sure is if you talk to a skilled bankruptcy attorney about your situation. A bankruptcy attorney will be able to listen to your situation and help you decide if filing for bankruptcy is right for you. Exemptions vary from state to state, and not all debt can be discharged in a chapter 7 bankruptcy. Therefore, be sure to talk with an attorney so you can make an informed decision. But please, do not sell any exempt assets to keep up with your daily living expenses until you have had a chance to talk with a skilled attorney.

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If you have a bankruptcy question, or need to file a bankruptcy case, call Ascent Law now at (801) 676-5506. Attorneys in our office have filed over a thousand cases. We can help you now. Come in or call in for your free initial consultation.

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