#thid took 2 minutes to make not even kidding

[ii-cant-word2]

best pairing ever <3

#no but #who would cook what the fuck #“ANOTHER MICROWAVE DINNER? STRIDER. YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS. ACT LIKE IT.” #“no man this is like the only kind of food ive made in my life” #“THAT'S JUST DEPRESSING.” #thats the stupid conversation they would have #homestuck #davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #homestuck shitpost #low quality homeshit.... #thid took 2 minutes to make not even kidding

[t-millz]

Day 3

Day 3 of feeling like this. I'm not really sure whats going on at this time of point in ny life. I'm not sure how to feel. What to think. What to do. How to keep busy. If I'm ever going to get over it. If hes ever going to come back home to me. If I'm ever willing to take him back. If he loves me as much as he had promised. I just keep thinking. And pictured everything that had happened. And I know I shouldnt but I cant help it. "She had half of me and she ain't even half of me" and beyonce is right. My heart is shattered. I don't know where to go. Where I can go. What to do. I dont know anything. I know I'm lost. I'm cold. I'm exhausted and I'm fucking broken. And I have no one. I have always had no one. I have a thing where I surround myself with shitty peoole and then I surround myself with people who I know are going to break me down to nothing. And I dont knkw how to stop it. I dont know how to stop this from happening. I dont knkw how to think. I dont know if the man I love, the man in supposed to marry in 2 weeks, meant everything he said.

Am I good enough?

Was I good enough?

Why wasnt I fucking good enough?

He doesnt love you dude, youre bat shit crazy. You drove him away

You deserve this.

You just had to ruin thid one mill didnt you

You had to push him away into another girls arms

Why couldnt he love you like you loved him

Whats wrong with me?

One more time. This one a little deeper because your fingers didn't shake and the blade slid

I have so many thoughts, so many situations I keep playing in my head and I just dont know where evertthing went wrong. He blamed me for everything. He never took the blame from anything. What else is he hiding? What do they have that I don't? Is it because I'm terrified of having kids and then the man I'm supposed to love and supposed to be a family with wakes up on day and doesnt love me??......just like you did? Is it because I waited so long to marry you? At least make arrangements? Because I was 18 when you asked me. We are to young. You bave zaid it many of times. Or is it because you wanted to go out amd get hammered because I didnt like when you went out and ignored me? Or is it because you broke my trust left and right. And never told the truth unless I nagged and nagged. Why was I never good enough for the truth? Yea I know I would get angry but I would rather you be TRUTHFUL then to save me from being mad for an hour or so until I collect my thoughts. Why wasnt I good enough? Why isnt my proof good enough? Why did you need a way out instead of being honest with me? You were miserable? I was miserble. I was trapped in my own head amd when I would tell you I'm juzt going though shit or I juzt have alot on my mind you would blow it off and let me be alone. And when I gathered my thoughts all I wanted was to talk to you. My god the minute I opened my eyes I was excited to see a text from you. Maybe you called me and I missed it. Maybe you woke up one night and realize I'm not on facetime and you would call me. Thats what I lived for. You. I lived for you. Day in and day night. You. For 3 of the best years of my life. And I know you couldnt love me like I fucking love you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry you dont know how exactly how hard distance is, how hard being married to a liar is, you know whats scary? Is when people tell me " better you didnt marry him cause then it hurts ever worse" I am happy that we didnt marry. Why? Because you would have. And all I wanted to do was live with you. Wake up to you. Go to sleep with you. Have a dog or 3 with you. And all you saw was fantasy that everything was going to work out and there wpukd be no money problems and we can afford that 700+ rent each month with your friend that only wants to go to school without a job and quits the job she gets with in 2 weeks. But there wouldnt be any problems. And fights nothing. Yeah right. The only thing that woukd be different is the distance. The uncomforablness we had. The longing we had. And you lost it. You always did just lose it. And you came back. And I took you back and I shouldnt have. I knew this was going to happy. I knew you walked away from me a while ago and I couldnt admitt it. And you reassured me that you love me and you're not going anywhere. But where are you now? I'm thinking about cutting my hair. Because you like it long. I am not them. I will never be them and they will never ever fucking be me. It hurts when the man you love more then yourself loves everything but you. Everything you accused me of, is everything youre guilty of. And I'm so sorry for trusting you again. I'm so fucking sorry for trusting you more this time. I knew it was to good to be true. I am a roller coaster. Sometimes I am up and some times I am down. And I dont know how to control it besides be by myself and thats what I need now. Is myself. I didn't cry today. Not once. I started off on day three because I needed time to collect my thoughts before I attempted to open up to you. You are thr star to my light stell. You have always had a piece of me. And every time I gave you more and more until there was nothing left of me. And now you have a whole new shell. You built me and built me. As high as possible and pulled my pieces like jenga. Its 6:22 am and I'm okay. I will be okay. And I dont know if you know this but i hope you dont come back to me.