#this goes for disability and ND too I just didn't have room for your guys in the post

[vinecoveredgarden]

Paraphilias are Queer because "Queer" doesn't mean "gay" - it means fucking queer. It means "Society at large doesn't like this thing and it deviates from the norm, often with negative reactions or repercussions".

Paraphilias aren't orientations any more than whether you like blonde women or brunette women is an orientation - it's an attraction, it's a preference, it's a "I like this one".

Saying "Paraphiles aren't Queer because <thing they're attracted to> aren't a gender!" is fucking stupid. Do you hear yourself?

Are trans people queer? Are aro/ace people queer? But being trans has nothing to do with sexuality! And aro/ace people don't even HAVE a gender they're attracted to (in their respective attraction types - loving aces and horny aros I see you)!

Being a Paraphile is Queer because it goes against what society deems "acceptable". This doesn't make a paraphilia an attraction - it just makes it Queer.

You can be the most fucking cishet motherfucker alive and still be Queer for being fucking GNC. Not bisexual, not ace or aro, not agender or non-binary, just not preforming your gender "correctly". In the same vein, you can be the most allocishet on the planet and if you've got a paraphilias, congrats! You're fucking Queer!

#''being a paraphile isn't queer because-'' shut up #shut up right fucking now #go stand in the corner and think about what you did #propara #rq safe #rq #I am so fucking tired #I haven't even been here that long and I'm tired #this goes for disability and ND too I just didn't have room for your guys in the post

[bisexualmaedhros]

22, 32, 39 for the trans ask game?

haha hi rei

this is the ask game they're referring to btw! anyone can send in asks from it still if u specify that's what they're for ^_^

22. do your neurodivergencies and/or disabilities affect your gender?

hm tbh i don't know! i wouldn't be surprised if my anxiety or ocd affected how i realized i wasn't cis— for years, i agonized over wether i was "right" or not, and if being "wrong" would mean i'd hurt the trans community in some way. i know that worry is common among plenty of questioning people, but i later learned it can be exacerbated by ocd and similar disorders. it was to the point where thinking about my gender and trying to figure it out made me incredibly anxious and uncomfortable, sometimes even nauseous.

i hesitated to openly call myself trans up until i was almost 18, when a friend at the time invited me to join a t4t server he was in. you didn't have to be exclusively t4t, but you did have to be trans. that invitation, to me, was kind of like... a reassurance. this other trans person who very much was "trans enough" (bs concept that i applied only to myself, you know how it goes) was acknowledging me as also "trans enough". a lot of people in that server did a lot of fun gender stuff, which made me much more confident in my own sometimes contradictory identity.

i'm no longer in that server, but i did make a friend there in the lovely @/noellegoesmeow, and i'll always be grateful for what i learned there.

ah, i guess i got kind of off-topic... while, after years of research, i suspect i may be autistic, i hesitate to openly and publicly claim that label*. so while i do know autism can affect one's view of gender, i'm not sure if that can be said for me.

(i do think, though, that being nd also kept me from realizing i was dysphoric for a very long time. i've always had a horrible time making sense of and naming my emotions, so i didn't realize what i was feeling was that until i described it to my therapist, ended it with "but i'm not dysphoric", and she was like "ok but isn't that... dysphoria?")

*not against informed self dx, just full to the brim with self-doubt. reread answer to question 22 for example.

32. how do you see yourself identifying/presenting in 5 years?

honestly i don't know! as time's gone on, i've gotten more comfortable with my own ambiguity, and i find the word "nonbinary" is both sufficiently vague so as to accommodate that, but also succinct enough so that i'm not left reaching for a word or categorization. it's a nice fit with plenty of wiggle-room.

i've also lately gotten more comfortable again with terms like "sapphic" and "wlw", which for a while made me quite a bit dysphoric. as long as they're being used to refer to me by someone who understands i'm not fully "woman". i do owe a lot of my joy regarding my contradictions to gnc lesbians, especially those who id as nonbinary and/or use pronouns other than she/her. while i don't share all their same labels, i've found a lot of the ways they refer to themselves have been comfortable for me, too (like using both masculine and feminine terms for myself in the same sentence, eg. "she's a funny guy")

39. is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

i don't really have a preference, so long as they're not awkward about my gender. cis and trans people alike can become uncomfortable when presented with nonbinary identities in general, let alone one that seemingly contradicts itself in their eyes. i think i would be uncomfortable around someone who seemed like they were walking on eggshells trying to get it right. i used to think i'd only be fully comfortable and feel understood with a trans partner, but i don't want to cut myself off that way. there are cool cis people

(maybe it's just a coincidence that 2/3 of my romantic relationships so far have been with trans people. shoutout to @/rei-is-reblogging-stuff and @/oohbrother girls who are gayboys have more fun, i'm told)

#it wouldn't be a me answer if it weren't fuckoff long! #ask game #answered