#this is about talking to my rabbi about my god stuff on thursday

[shoutsindwarvish]

you ever be really vulnerable with someone and it feels good and cathartic in the moment but then the next few days it sinks in and even though you feel 99.9% sure nothing bad is going to happen from it your stomach lurches when you think about it?

it’s reminding me of the time i went to the top floor of a skyscraper and went onto a viewing platform with a glass floor. the odds i’m going to fall and die are extremely low but holy shit is it high up here

#i’ve absolutely had this happen other times but #this is about talking to my rabbi about my god stuff on thursday #puts him on a very very short list of people i’ve talked to about some very specific experiences #probably the sixth person? #like i’ve talked about my family trauma to loads of people (both irl and on tumblr) #this though? this is PRIVATE private. like my partner and best friend and one ex-friend (ex just due to distance) and two priests #(ex-friend was christian and my neighbor and i’d wanted her thoughts on at least some of it) #i’m glad i told him but i feel naked and weird #and feeling anxious that i didn’t explain it right (because words are hard) #i need to stop picking at it #this is literally his job #my posts #realized i’ve told certain edited versions to a few more people #but i’ve only told ALL of it to a very tiny group