#this popped into my head almost totally formed earlier shdjdhsjsjdjs

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

even more of exactly the same

725 words | AU where Scully walks away after the end of Never Again | cancer arc | pre-MSR | tagging @today-in-fic

1.

She leaves. It's as simple as requesting a transfer and the pain of walking out that basement door and not planning to come back. She has her own desk now, and her own little nameplate. Special Agent Dana Scully, M.D.

She almost apologizes, almost picks up the phone when it rings and she knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, who it is, because he's the only person who really ever calls her at home anymore. But she doesn't. It might hurt too much to acknowledge that she walked away from her best friend of four years over a stupid fight, a pointless desk and the point of a needle dripping ink into her skin. A part of her misses him, the part that wakes up panicking and praying she won't find blood on her pillowcase, but another part is still angry.

He has no claim on her. She has no claim on him. That makes her sad.

2.

She ignores the nosebleeds, chalks them up to stress or any number of other perfectly reasonable things, for about two months. She ignores what Leonard Betts said to her until she can't anymore, until the migraines start to interfere with her daily life and she nearly passes out at birthday brunch with her mom. Maybe doctors do make the worst patients and she's not exempt from that. After that, with her mother frowning across a table at her in concern, she finally makes an appointment.

3.

When the results come back and she's standing tiny and barefoot with the x-rays that have sealed her fate in her hands, her own life in her hands, in a way, he's the only person she can think to call. She doesn't even know if he'll answer and she'll be forced to accept it if he doesn't, if he pays her back in kind, but typing out his number is muscle memory.

"Mulder, it's me."

4.

He rushes into the room, palms up confused and a little bit desperate, and when she confesses her diagnosis she thinks he might collapse. She hasn't seen him in over two months, the sound of his voice is the only thing keeping her from crying.

"I'm sorry," she says, and means for leaving him and leaving again now. She never truly wanted to leave, she doesn't want to die. "I'm sorry." It's barely louder than a breath and he's shaking his head, reaching out to touch her and she knows he refuses to believe this, can't believe that she's dying because neither can she even with the proof right here in front of them. She's missed him, shudders at the feeling of his hands on her face, on her shoulders, and he won't stop touching her once he realizes she'll let him.

He asks "Did you know?" and she's not sure what he means, and he must see that and for once understand without her needing to say it. "When you... left," he says, "Was that... did you know?" And she says no, she didn't know then, but she was afraid. She's still afraid. And this time, he understands that.

5.

She tells him, "I have things to finish" as she stands tired in a hospital hallway and prays he'll understand what she's saying. She has things to prove and hasn't that always been the case, wasn't that why she left two months ago? This is her life, but it's become his, too, in some way. They're too firmly entangled and she realizes that now. "For my own reasons."

And Mulder smiles desperately down at her, reaches out to hold her, and whispers, "Come on back." So she leans into him and lets him support her and cries, just a little bit, into his shirt, and he takes her face in his hands and presses a lingering kiss directly over the spot where the tumor is, like he was always going to.

That's the claim he has on her and the claim she has on him is her cold hands holding onto him because right now she needs the support and comfort and because she missed him and missed their office, theirs, because it was never really about a desk anyway. She was just scared, and she still is, and so is he, but it's not in that same angry way any longer.

#title is from the modern leper btw #Lu writes #txf #the x files #txf s4 #dana scully #fox mulder #msr #msr fanfic #this popped into my head almost totally formed earlier shdjdhsjsjdjs #like... the pain and tension of it all #cancer arc my beloved #wait hang on #usermoody #userscully #my fanfic tag mutuals!!