#this sounds SO fucking bad but . i kinda want my in-hospice gma to just GO already . so my life can go back to normal for 3 months

[bbeelzemon]

i already brought this up earlier but god im so fucking constantly irritated with how my household is right now... literally want to just be left alone for like 2 weeks so i can do my own things.. and not have someone come vent about their day at me at all hours or try to make me visit with my cousins ive said maybe 2 words to my entire life or eat dinner on my own terms or not have my entire daily schedule upheaved and then get yelled at when im irritated that my entire daily schedule has been upheaved

All i want to do. Is sit in my room. Alone. Work on commissions. And go make a frozen meal for myself when im hungry. Sleep when i want. Thats it. Is this really so much to ask

#i would still feel this 100% if i wasnt moving out in a few months like this is just a weird fucking time in this house #but GOD if it isnt making me want to move out Literally This Second SO fucking bad HFSJFH #this sounds SO fucking bad but . i kinda want my in-hospice gma to just GO already . so my life can go back to normal for 3 months #like.. shes not gonna get better.. shes already seen everyone that matters to her (my cousins and aunt)..... #every day this keeps up is another day we have to host family during a pandemic.. #or have my parents be stressed from a combination of her dying + having to be around moms sister a lot #which like.... its so much. guys its so much. she lives for drama. and im so tired of everything on that side of the family #and i was never a fan of my dads side of the family either . so. LOL #a part of me does wonder if ill get any inheritance but thats going to be entirely at my mothers discretion #inheritance would be niiice since im moving out soooon.. buut my mom has implied shes putting it all towards house and cards #which like... yeaaah i guess.. im trying not to get my hopes up but it just does sound very nice ;; #even if it was just a token amount... every bit counts.. but it probably isnt likely #my mom: you know we APPRECIATE you SO MUCH this house would FALL APART without you #also my mom: *doesnt give me my full stimulus check and never goes out of her way to actually make me FEEL like im appreciated in any way* #besides just saying it once a week whenever she sees me looking irritated... #my parents: i dont understand why you want to leave? #also my parents: *have placed this household on my shoulders for the past 3 years and never once compensated me for any of it* #this doesnt count as parentification because im the youngest but GOD if it doesnt feel like theyre treating me like a roommate #rather than their kid.. #none of my brothers were ever held to these same expectations i am. gee i wonder why #fucking christ. one of my brothers STILL LIVES HERE and he doesnt have the same expectations i do #if i ever bring it up my moms just like 'oh you know how he is. he wouldnt remember to do this. he wouldnt do it right. etc' #hes almost fucking 30! and you cant hold him to the same expectations youve been holding me to since i was like 19? ok ok ok ok ok #sorry lads we are VENTING today #i know i complained about people in this house venting to me so it is a little hypocritical i guess #but i genuinely feel like a wild chimpanzee right now like the vibes here are just RANCID lately #i have to yell about it SOMEWHERE but if i tell my mom ANY of this she'll just be like #'its a hard time for all of us' 'you know he doesnt mean that' 'this is a lot for us too yknow' #like jesus christ stop INVALIDATING my FEELINGS... you get so mad when dad does it to you but then you do it to me!! #let me COMPLAIN thats all i want to do is JUST TALK ABOUT IT. dont tell me its not a big deal because I KNOW. let me COMPLAIN though