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kpop-zone · 4 years

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Crossing paths | Jennie

Warnings: consumption of alcohol

Genre: angst, fluff

Wordcount: 1,962

Request: i was wondering if you could write a story with jennie about she being reader's ex from a recent break up and they have the same friends, one day you all hang out to a party but things are still awkward and you're both upset, she drinks a lot and the reader take care of her and they talk about their relationship

One of the greatest things about relationships was that after a while your lives somehow just melt together. You start to have the same favorite places, because you made memories there together. You have the same daily rhythm, because you arrange your schedule in a way that you can spend a maximum amount of time with your partner. And after a while, you even have the same friends because you always go everywhere together, and their friends become yours and vice versa. It was a blessing. That becomes a curse, however, when you break up with your partner.

Jennie and you recently had a quite ugly breakup behind you. You didn’t understand how some people could still stay friends afterwards, because Jennie and you avoided each other like the plague. Which was relatively hard considering that you had been dating for two years and your lives had become one. You had already run into Jennie while grocery shopping three times, because you used to do it together after work. Both of you quite literally ran into each other in the park that you used to visit whenever one of you was really stressed out and needed a break.

And most importantly, your friends didn’t know how to behave around both of you, because they didn’t want to offend either one of you. Normally you would all meet up on Fridays in a bar and have a good time, but that habit died down, because they didn’t know which one of you they sould invite. They started to sheepishly look on the floor whenever they told a story about Jennie in front of you because they forgot that the two of you had broken up. This whole situation was just awkward.

This was the reason why you were sitting quite tense in the booth of a club right now. You were gripping your glass with some high percentage liquid in it so hard that you thought it had to shatter at any moment now, with your eyes fixed on the dance floor.

“Just relax, Y/N. Pretend that she’s a stranger.”

Wendy said beside you, but her well-intended advice was very unhelpful. Pretend that she’s a stranger? If she were a stranger, you would be on the dance floor in a heartbeat, trying to get closer to that absolute goddess. Of course, Jennie and you had broken up, but that didn’t mean that you were over her. She was still the most beautiful person on the whole entire planet to you and the way she was feeling the beat on the dance floor right now was driving you insane.

You had always been different. Jennie was a crowd-pleaser. Popular, although she didn’t even make an effort. She was just naturally attractive. You on the other hand, only kept a small number of friends close to you and were kind of socially awkward. Maybe your differences had been the reason in the end, why Jennie and you had broken up. It led to you fighting a lot, but your last fight was especially cruel.

If you were honest, you couldn’t even remember why you had fought in the first place. But after a while, you just yelled all the things that you hated about the other and it was Jennie that eventually threw in the towel by ending your relationship and slamming the door loudly.

You immediately felt a twitch in your heart, but in the first moment, you chose to ignore it, trying to convince yourself that you weren’t hurt about Jennie’s sudden decision, but glad that you had finally gotten rid of a burden. But as the time passed and Jennie came back to pick up the stuff she had left at your apartment at one point, you couldn’t ignore the weight on your chest anymore.

You were heartbroken, but still too proud to beg Jennie to overthink her decision.

Instead, you drooled over your ex in the club and regretted that you had ever agreed to accompany your friends here. Jealousy bubbled inside of you every time a person dared to lay their hands on Jennie’s hips. Followed by pain when you saw Jennie looking at them with her gummy smile, apparently enjoying the night opposing to you. You wondered what was going on in Jennie’s head. Did she simply not care whether you were in the club too or did she behave like that to punish you?

Jennie knew that her way to get over you wasn’t the best one, but she couldn’t help but drown her sorrows in alcohol. Regret was her constant companion since she broke up with you and she couldn’t even look in the mirror without getting sick of her own reflection. She had never meant to break up with you. You had just always owned the talent to drive her completely insane and the words just fell out her mouth.

After she slammed the door, she stood in front of it glued to the spot, realizing what she had just said. She instantly turned around, gripping the doorknob, but her pride forbade her to go back. She was mad at you after all. Slowly she dragged her feet out the building with her heart pulling her the opposite direction, but she let her head win for once.

But now she regretted that decision. When her friends told her to go to the club with them, she instantly agreed. Alcohol and blaring music were the best way to forget all the mistakes she had made. But as soon as she saw you entering the club, her breath got caught in her windpipe. You looked as gorgeous as ever and another wave of self-hatred washed over her.

Without thinking, she downed five shots and they did their job. She was swaying her hips on the dancefloor and the thought of having lost you was just a distant one in the back of her mind. Instead, she imagined that you were still hers. When she closed her eyes, it even felt like the hands on her hips were yours. But when she wrapped her arms around the figure’s neck that was dancing with her to pull them close, she wasn’t met with your scent.

She rapidly opened her eyes and the hungry eyes of some gross guy were basically undressing her and Jennie pushed him away in disgust. But he didn’t give up on his prey. Instantly he laid his hands on her hips again, pulling Jennie’s body against his. She squirmed underneath the touch, but she couldn’t fight against his strength with her petite body.

Just when she was about to get physical, she felt a hand grabbing hers, ripping her out of the embrace of the guy. A new pair of hands found their way to her hips and when Jennie looked up, she was met with your eyes that glared at her in anger.

Although your friends Seulgi and Wendy tried to distract you as best as possible, you kept staring at Jennie. Your jealousy slowly turned into anger and when you saw that sleazebag grabbing her by the hips, pulling her close, all your rationality flew out the window. You stormed up to them, ripping Jennie away from him and wrapping your own arms around her.

Your eyes met and Jennie looked at you in shock. You were about to make room for all your bottled-up frustration, when Jennie’s look suddenly changed.

“Y/N. I think I have to puke.”

She slurred her words, and you pulled her to the bathrooms, not caring about all the people you almost ran over on your way there.

As soon as you got into a bathroom stall, Jennie immediately started to throw up and you stood behind her, holding her hair and running circles on her back with your free hand.

Exhausted Jennie wanted to rest on the floor, but you pulled her to her feet, because you knew that her blindness to all the disgusting things in this club bathroom was only due to her alcohol intoxication.

“Come on. Let’s get a little fresh air.”

You proposed and Jennie let you willingly guide her out of the club, where you sat on the curb. Jennie refexively rested her head on your shoulder and although you knew that the alcohol had lowered her inhibitions, you felt your heart beat faster.

“Do you hate me?”

She suddenly asked and you looked down at her in surprise.

“No, I could never.”

You answered without hesitation and Jennie looked at you with sad eyes.

“But I hate myself.”

Tears welled up in her eyes and you instinctively took her face into your hands.

“Don’t say that. Everyone overestimates their limits sometimes.”

You chuckled lightly, thinking that shewas referring to her drunken state.

“I’m not talking about that. I hate myself for breaking up with you.”

You were left speechless at her words and how pleadingly she looked at you.

“W-what?”

You stuttered, not sure whether you had imagined Jennie’s confession.

“I miss you so much, Y/N.”

Jennie sobbed, letting her head fall to her chest.

“You do?”

You were completely dumbfounded. All this time you had thought that you were the only one suffering because of this breakup. After all Jennie had broken up with you.

Jennie only nodded and you stared at her for a minute, processing what you had just heard before abruptly standing up.

“I’m going to take you home now.”

Jennie was drunk. Of course, in the back of your mind you were thinking that the alcohol made her more honest. But you still couldn’t use her drunken state for your benefit.

So you called an Uber and ordered the driver to bring both of you to Jennie’s apartment where you gave her a lot of water to drink in order for her to sober up. There was awkward silence surrounding you as you were standing in the kitchen and you noticed Jennie glancing at you from the side several times. She seemed like she was waiting for an answer and you considered if she wasn’t even that drunk anymore.

“I know you’re trying to be chivalrous and not to take advantage of a drunken girl, but I want you to know that I meant what I said earlier.”

Jennie said with a clear voice and you were sure now that she definitely wasn’t drunk anymore. You were standing across from each other leaned against the counters and you looked at Jennie, being reminded how much you had missed all those trivial, daily things like cooking together.

“I missed you too.”

You said with a soft smile on your lips and Jennie let go of the breath that she was holding while anxiously waiting for your answer.

She immediately took a step closer to you, wrapping her arms around your waist. You pulled her as close as humanly possible, savoring the feeling of her body finally being in your arms again.

“Can we please just forget the last weeks starting with the fight?”

She mumbled against your body and you nodded affirmingly.

“I would love nothing more.”

You answered with a smile in your voice and Jennie looked at you.

“I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I swear that I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth.”

Jennie explained apologetically and you kissed her forehead.

“I’m sorry for not listening. I think we both did our fair share of mistakes.”

You admitted with a sight, thinking back about all the tiny mistakes that had led to your argument.

“I forgive you and I know that we can do better. I don’t think the universe let us cross our paths so often without a reason.”

Jennie smiled confidently and you agreed. Some things just belonged together. Spaghetti and meatballs. Yin and Yang. Jennie and you.

#blackpink scenario #blackpink #jennie scenario #jennie #girl group scenario #girl group #kpop scneario #kpop

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huntervillarreal · 4 years

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Tmj Cure With Braces

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Natural Cure Tmj Disorder

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#How Much Does A Tmj Appliance Cost Amazing Useful Tips #Tmj 9

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talabib · 4 years

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How To Build A Better Feedback Culture

If you’ve ever felt your blood pressure rise at the mention of feedback, or felt stressed out at the prospect of delivering it, then you’ll realize how feedback has become a dirty word. Too many of us associate it with punishment, self-doubt, awkward conversations or office power plays. And even when feedback is positive, it can be frustratingly unclear or unhelpful. As a result, our brains have been programmed to have negative psychological and even physical reactions to feedback situations.

But it doesn’t have to be that way! At its most basic, feedback is information and insights that should help us grow. Understanding how others see us and taking advice from our colleagues and bosses are both crucial to our development in the workplace.

So the time has come for us all to make an effort to build a better feedback culture. And, thankfully, it’s relatively easy to do so, once you understand why you have a negative reaction to feedback and can arm yourself with practical tips for a better approach. To find out how to shift your mindset, and to learn how to seek, receive and give feedback better, read on.

Feedback’s brand has taken a hit, but it’s an invaluable source of improvement and growth.

You stroll into work, ready to face the day. Just as you sit down, your boss pops her head out her office door: “I’ve got some feedback for you. Please come into my office.”

For lots of us, just hearing this is enough to set our hearts racing. Our palms sweat and our legs feel numb as we cross the floor to the boss’s office. Thoughts race through the mind: What have I done? Did I screw something up?

Of course, it’s likely that the feedback is innocuous or even positive. So why do we have such an anxious, immediate and forceful reaction to the offer of it?

Feedback has been consistently mishandled. Bad leaders use it to punish or manipulate staff, using brutal frankness with no regard for employee morale. Even good bosses hoard feedback, positive and negative, and then dump it all at once on unsuspecting employees at annual performance reviews.

And it’s not just givers at fault. There’s probably been a time in your life when you’ve gotten defensive in response to feedback, argued the facts, or fought back with a tirade about someone else’s failings.

But this is unfortunate, because feedback, effectively delivered, drives meaningful improvements in business performance.

A 2018 study explored the impact of multiple techniques used in 57 companies in the US to improve performance management. It found the biggest driver of measurable improvement in performance was building a Performance Feedback Culture, in which managers are trained in how to give feedback and incentivized to do so. Unsurprisingly, managers in such cultures provide regular and attentive feedback. The financial gains of the one-third of companies that were best at giving feedback were double those of the one-third that was worst for feedback. Furthermore, the study found that good feedback was the management practice most strongly correlated with employee motivation.

Still need convincing of feedback’s value? Consider that, despite feedback’s bad rep, the most common complaint that experts hear in their lives as management consultants is that people don’t get enough of it. A 2018 global study of employee engagement led by Officevibe found that a full 62 percent of workers wanted more feedback, and 83 percent appreciated it, whether it was positive or negative.

People want good feedback, and developing a good feedback culture makes sense for any organization. But before we can build such a culture, we first need to understand why we are currently getting things wrong.

Feedback can seem threatening and often triggers anxiety and stress.

So why, exactly, do we get so worked up about the prospect of feedback? The answer lies in our brains and our evolutionary past.

If you’ve had negative feedback experience in the past, then an offer of feedback – even one that later turns out to be positive – will kick off what’s known as a fear response in the primitive part of our brain, the amygdala. That response is an evolutionary adaptation to perceived threats. It was helpful, even essential, thousands of years ago – if you saw a saber-toothed tiger coming, your fear response would trigger a wave of reactions. Your face would flush, and your mouth would dry out as blood was diverted to arms and legs, readying you to run. Your heartbeat would accelerate, pumping blood to fuel action.

Today, however, it’s profoundly unhelpful when it kicks in in response to something like an offer of feedback. Recalling past negative experiences of feedback, your amygdala responds. Suddenly your body and mind go into overdrive. Primed for survival, reason and emotional control go out the window. The result? You are unlikely to recognize, appreciate or properly process any of the feedback your boss tries to give, however reasonable it is.

So if you find yourself with heart racing and palms sweating, what can you do to keep yourself level-headed and ready to process feedback properly?

Well, one great way to stay calm is to give attention to your body. Our brain can only be active in one of its parts at once. Onset of the “fight, flight or freeze” mode comes from brain activity in the amygdala, or the primitive brain. However, focusing consciously on your physical sensations, like the feeling of your feet on the floor, requires your prefrontal cortex, or your wise brain, to be engaged. Deliberately focusing on your physical body is a great way to dampen that primitive, scary brain behavior.

So if you find yourself getting stressed out, try the relaxation technique known as 4-7-8 breathing. Inhale silently through your nose, counting to four. Then hold your breath for seven seconds, which will slow your heart rate and help you relax. And then exhale for eight seconds.

Of course, while helpful in the moment, this technique won’t solve the problem in the longer term. For that, we all need to embrace better approaches to feedback.

To grow, we need clear and specific feedback and a growth mindset.

If we want to change feedback for the better, then we need a new definition – a vision, even – for how feedback should be.

Feedback should be defined as information that is both specific and clear, and that is either given or sought exclusively to help people or groups grow or improve.

Let’s unpack that a little. Firstly, feedback needs to be specific and clear. Feedback like, “Just keep doing what you’re doing,” or “Watch what Janie in sales is doing, and follow that” is no real help to anyone. Clear information is the best way to inspire action.

Secondly, feedback should not just be given, but also sought out. To benefit from feedback truly, we can’t just wait for it: we need to ask for it. And finally, feedback should be entirely focused on aiding growth. Why bother offering it if not to help someone develop or change? Feedback should never be used as a weapon, or to demonstrate power, but always with the purpose of helping someone improve.

Something that can help you change your attitude to feedback is to adopt a growth mindset. Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist at Stanford University, has written that people with a fixed mindset believe their inherent qualities, like intelligence or talent, are fixed traits, and as a result, they don’t invest in developing them. Those with a growth mindset, however, see talent just as a starting point, and embrace both a passion for learning and mental resilience. Dweck’s research found that those with a fixed mindset ignored negative feedback, even if it was useful, whereas those with a growth mindset sought feedback, and regarded criticism as a learning experience.

The more you can adopt a growth mindset, the more likely you are to be comfortable with feedback, and the more you can learn from it. So try to be alert to how you are responding to challenges in the workplace.

If you find yourself saying, “I cannot do this,” try to remind yourself that you just can’t do this yet. Comparing yourself negatively with your colleague Sarah’s people skills? Make a commitment to ask Sarah for some networking tips, and remind yourself that improving in this area could bring real results.

Connection, trust and taking notice are the essential foundations of a positive feedback culture.

To build anything that’s durable, you need stable foundations. A positive feedback culture is no exception.

The first step to building the foundation of a better feedback culture is to connect with people, since listening to them and understanding them drives trust. And trust is vitally important to feedback. We pay little attention to feedback from people we don’t trust, and a lot of attention to feedback from people we do. So invest time in really connecting with your colleagues. Spend focused time with them, and when you do, make sure your head is in the game, and make an effort to consider their viewpoints and their ideas positively, without judging them.

If you need a little nudge in the right direction, try to follow the 5:1 ratio established by renowned marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman. He found that the key to a happy, stable relationship was for a couple to have at least five positive interactions with each other for each negative interaction. Translating this to the workplace, consider how much better your coworker relationships would be if you dramatically stepped up the ratio of positive connections with each other.

The next step is simple, but hugely important. It’s noticing. Noticing is observing things or people as they are, without judgment or emotion. What does this mean in practice, and in the context of feedback? Well, it means that instead of waiting for an annual performance review to gather observations secondhand, we are always tuned in and paying attention. It means that we focus on the present moment, and as a result can always share clear, factual insights with our colleagues. As a result, the quality of our feedback conversations will be transformed. Previously you might have said, “Hey, I’m pretty disappointed. We had an agreement to get that done on time.” But when you practice noticing, you focus simply on details that you have observed, instead of focusing on blame or judgment. So instead, you might say, “So the tracking details show we were four hours behind on Friday. I believe we had an agreement that you would give me a heads up on any delays; is that correct?”

When you practice noticing, your ability to give helpful, regular feedback will increase dramatically. Do this, and you’ll notice the true, positive power that feedback can have. But some of us will need to go and actively seek feedback, so let’s consider how best to do that.

Seekers of feedback should be specific, and seek multiple sources.

If you want your performance to improve, then stop waiting for feedback, and ask for it. If you do, it’s likely that you’ll see results. In a recent Forbes article, leadership consultant Jack Zenger talked about how research shows that organizations that embrace asking for feedback, rather than simply giving it, see better performance and stronger teams.

So why not kick-start a step toward a better feedback culture in your organization by seeking out feedback for yourself? Here are a few tips on how you can become a great seeker.

First, make sure that your ask is focused. Research shows that feedback givers are likely to get stressed out if we ask them something broad, like “Can you tell me how I’m doing at the moment?” A better approach is to be as specific as possible. If you have a big presentation coming up, and you know that sometimes your delivery can waver, you could say to your manager, “When I present to marketing today, could you keep an eye on my body language and audience eye contact? I’m a little concerned that I’m pacing too much, and not connecting.” That gives your feedback provider a nice, clearly defined request, and in turn gives you actionable and specific information, rather than some general comments about how your presentation turned out.

Second, think about how you can get your feedback from multiple, diverse sources. That’s because the more sources of feedback you can gather, the more you’ll learn. And if those sources are diverse, you are more likely to get a fair picture of your performance than if you’d just listened to one manager. Her perspective may be valuable, but it is just one perspective, after all.

So think about who else could give you useful feedback. A great but often overlooked source of honest feedback is our immediate peer group. All too often, when we seek feedback, we seek it from our managers or leaders. But your peers are probably the people who know you best, working with you day by day and seeing both your best and your worst sides.

A recent study by recognition solutions provider Globoforce found that peer-to-peer recognition is almost 36 percent more likely to affect financial results positively than manager-employee recognition alone. When we bring everyone into the feedback conversation, we benefit from a richer chorus of voices.

Ask the right questions and keep control of your emotional response to make the most out of feedback you receive.

Even if you’re the one receiving feedback, it doesn’t mean that you can just sit back and listen. You also have work to do if you want to get the most out of the situation.

The good news is that there’s an easy way you can make sure that every feedback session really works for you – you just need to ask the right questions.

For example, if you feel like you are getting too many vague, woolly statements, ask for specifics. Try asking, “Could you share an example of when you noticed this?” And don’t be shy to ask about the impact of the behavior in question. Asking, “Could you explain the impact that had on the team?” is a great way to get to the bottom of why you might need to change a behavior. On the other hand, sometimes feedback givers complicate things by covering too many issues at once. Asking, “What’s the single thing I should be doing more of?” is a great way to help your feedback provider gently come to clarity.

But often when we receive feedback, we let our emotional reaction to the feedback cloud our perceptions of the giver’s intentions. When your manager clumsily calls you out on a PowerPoint typo in front of the rest of the team, you assume she wants to embarrass you in front of your colleagues, because that’s how you feel. In reality, she probably had no idea it would touch a nerve, and just wanted to let you know so you could correct it for next time.

A great way of avoiding this trap is always to assume that your feedback givers have positive intent and that the person to whom you are talking is trying to help, not harm.

There will, however, still be times when feedback is hard to hear. And that can be really unhelpful, because one single negative thought can often take over our brains, pushing anything positive out of the picture. Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema has shown that when a single stressor kicks in, the resulting bad feelings unlock a wave of other, often unrelated, negative thoughts.

So if one tough piece of feedback kick-starts a downward emotional spiral, regain control by asking yourself a few questions. What is true about what you heard? What do you think is biased? And, crucially, how can you use this to progress? Reflecting carefully on these questions will help you shift from punishment to progress.

Knowing yourself and focusing on frequent, bite-sized bits of information is the way to give truly valuable feedback.

Maybe you pride yourself on being straightforward and frank. Well, that might feel like harshness to someone more sensitive. So let’s take a look at the last step of a good feedback process: getting to know yourself. Because your own personality, approach to working life and communication style influence the feedback you give.

So make sure you reflect on how you do things, and understand that sometimes you might need to adjust your tone or your approach.

You should also make sure you are absolutely clear about your intentions when you go to give feedback. That’s because sometimes our reasons fall short of our goal: to help other people. If you are feeling angry about a missed deadline, or bruised from a badly performing project, and wanting to share a little blame, stop for a second. Ask yourself, Why am I really giving feedback? Is it to help this individual’s growth? Or am I really doing this for my own purposes?

So now you’ve got the right attitude. What practical steps can you take to make your feedback top-notch? Well, a good way forward is to focus on giving frequent, bite-sized insights.

The more frequently we share, the more all of us learn. A study of schoolchildren showed that their learning was more effective, and their performance better, when they received feedback before, during and after a learning process, instead of just afterward. It seemed to give them time and space to reflect on their new learnings as they absorbed them. Well, we adults are no different – and, according to experts, research suggests that giving informal feedback at least every two weeks is best.

Maybe you are thinking, “Heck, I don’t have time for feedback sessions every two weeks!” Well, the good news is that you can keep things bite-sized. Try to give just one suggestion or goal that the receiver can focus on. All of us are bombarded by millions of pieces of information each day, so our processing capacity is at its limits. Keeping things small and manageable seriously increases the chances your feedback will be acted upon. And remember that the easiest way to start is by simply noticing all the great things that are happening around you, and feeding back to your coworkers what a positive impact they are having.

So here’s one final piece of advice: spread more positive feedback. According to leadership consultant Jack Zenger, research shows that managers are actually less effusive and have less impact when it comes to sharing good feedback than they think they are. So even if you think you are giving out positive feedback, give a little more.

For too many of us, feedback is a dirty word. When we think of feedback, we think of something gruesome. But it doesn’t have to be. When it’s done right, feedback can be the best driver of personal and business growth. By learning to make feedback frequent, fair and focused, we can minimize the fear and anxiety we feel about it, and turn it into a positive force for improvement.

#How To Build A Better Feedback Culture

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