#total waste of a box but yk whatever

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

yall would not Believe the level of 'just ate the floor' i achieved today

#so im packing right. and the room im storing the packed boxes in is at the end of the hall #so i just push the boxes down the hall at light speed and sprint over the threshold into the room #BUT. but. #i. forgot to tape the bottom of the box #the very heavy box. thankfully full of blankets #so im sprinting this box down the hall #it hits the threshold #And Stops In Place #so naturally i trip over the box - my knee goes through it #i kinda flip over it so that my upper half hits the floor #my hip is hooked over the side of the overturned box #my legs are up in the air like im doing a cartwheel #absolutely unprompted #IT WAS REALLY FUCKING FUNNY OKAY #it didnt hurt at all which is a huge plus - i didnt even get a bruise! #luckily im Very good at breaking my own falls on the very rare occasion they happen #but man. i just laid there laughing my ass off #total waste of a box but yk whatever #ill try to recreate it in Scribble Form later #had to do a lil somersault thing to get off the box i was lowkey stuck.... #i mean i can only imagine what happened. i went down so quickly...

[munamania]

just because im watching an emotional scene. im going to rant about my father now. apologies

he’s insane. sooo right we have mice. shocker. he’s kinda somewhat willing to take care of the traps thank god. but there is literal blood like mouse remains under our sink that he just. didnt wipe up. and i was like hey uh dad. were you gonna like. get that. (yk bc a normal person would probably like wipe it up naturally after taking care of it.) and he was like what do u and your mother have some kind of problem ive told her a million times that she cant take boxes out to the mudroom and she needs to just bring them to me and i was like ok. so what does this have to do with the literal mouse guts though.

and he was like well if she’s gonna be like that im not taking care of it and i was like ok word well thats not a productive way to think abt anything (barely holding back going insane bc this is how it’s been in this house for a billion years) and he said well im not gonna be productive if shes just gonna be counterproductive

he frequently blames us. mostly my mom but both of us. for this house being so shit. my mom has literally had three foot surgeries in the last few years like she was not mobile and he didnt give a fuck abt helping her out like she’s fallen and we had a new puppy right after the one surgery and he just didnt take care of it so that she wouldnt have to get up yk. he is RETIRED!!!!!!

and furthermore he only takes care of the outside of the house like the yard and whatever. my mom (and i) do the cleaning if it can ever get done. we’ve had a broken cupboard door for years. he frequently leaves pots on the stove until literal mold grows on them if we dont get them. we had a leaky pipe that made our kitchen cupboard disgusting for years and rendered half of the sink unusable and if we said anything about it he’d scream at us for using the sink lol. we cant leave our fucking toilet water running rn lest it like flood the basement and he refuses to get it fixed. so! we have to only turn it on if we can while using it or fill up a bucket to flush

this is not even digging into his health issues that have caused this house and our furniture to be. godawful shit constantly. and the amount of money it’s wasted. and the amount of money he keeps away from my mother.

meanwhile im supposed to just be like. what normal? toward him? try to have a normal relationship? a healthy one somehow? he has the emotional capacity of a three year old. and all of this is just. like. idk. i have to just not argue with anything otherwise he starts yelling and i get like sooooo anxious so. did i mention one time we didnt speak for a week. and one time i literally went to my uncles house bc he was talking to me like i was 5 years old over something stupid and wouldnt just let it go. and i just sobbed and tried to call my mom. typing this all out sounds insane anyway i remember i had this insane callout last year like that’s my bad truly but that was on a day where i was a total airhead bc i had a huge fight w my dad so misdirected um energy idk. whatever lolololol

it’s hard bc. he does take care of us kids yk. financially. and i know he somehow in his own little ways like........... loves us. so i feel guilty constantly for not trying more but like. what. idk

#abby talks #i might need to go back to therapy. my last therapist was chill but when it came to my dad she was just like #ah well he's a narcissist what can u do. like i mean. yes what Can i do bestie