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#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever
toastsnaffler
·
7 months
Text
tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever
#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!
#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved
#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad
#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause
#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided
#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also
#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee
#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested
#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading
#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier
#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!
#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago
#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man
#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever
#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc
#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone
#gn
#.vent
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