#vika's personal dghda tag

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pararibulitis observation:

the disease flare-ups in both of the brotzman siblings are stress-triggered, but it's sensory-heavy for amanda and emotion-heavy for todd. cases in point,

amanda:

freezes when she goes out on the street;

hurts her hand when she drums;

bursts into flames in a loud & bright store, despite feeling proud of herself for leaving the house;

todd:

gets a burn on his hand in which he held the phone when panicked amanda called him;

chokes when farah leaves him alone and he ends up running into police (while on the run from the government).

though, despite the difference, there's a similarity in that both cases somewhat represent the idea that "what you fear most in yourself, will hurt you (so let go of the fear)":

— amanda knows she's got the disease, so she stays holed up indoors despite hating the boredom, so even mild sensory distortions send her careening.

— todd believes his feelings are not worth examining, so he doesn't, and they boil under until they boil over.

advice for amanda: live your life, even if it's dangerous.

advice for todd: be honest, even if it's inconvenient.

#dghda theory #dghda headcanon #dghda meta #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #amanda brotzman #todd brotzman #dghda #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #kate & kp bullied me into posting this <3

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i love s1 because it's a season where everything is everyone's fault, a gorgeous tangle of blame and shame

the timeloop is patrick's fault because he invented time travel and became obsessed; it's dirk's fault because he wrote patrick a note, intriguing him about the future and letting him know who to seek, and sent the machine back, enabling further time-travel and complications.

farah getting kidnapped is todd's fault, because he could let her in and save her, but chickened out; it's lydia's fault, because she decided to meet an enemy alone and led farah into a trap.

lydia getting kidnapped is lydia's fault, because she acted recklessly; it's farah's fault because she couldnt keep her eyes on her; it's patrick's fault because he kept too many secrets from his daughter.

patrick dying is patrick's fault, because he scared the beast; it's dirk and todd's fault because they brought the beast there; it's farah's fault because she was his bodyguard and failed to prevent it.

but also, no one is truly at fault, because it's a timeloop. it's self-sustaining, self-causing, a self-fulfilling prophecy. it was always meant to go like this, from the very first second which is the very last second. you don't win; this is how it ended. ultimately, it's nobody's fault, but everybody's regret.

#dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #dghda meta #dirk gently #patrick spring #farah black #todd brotzman #lydia spring #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag

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amanda brotzman is a girl who's a she/her dude and dirk gently is a boy who's a he/him girlie. hope this helps <3

#dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #dghda meme #sort of? more like shitpost but ehh i need my tags consistent #dirk gently #amanda brotzman #had a thought about gendered nouns and genders of these losers. #like how amanda's main noun in canon is ''dude'' but she's not a man and dirk is not a woman but by god is he a girlie #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag

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headcanon: in blackwing, bart never let anyone brush her hair because she didn’t like the feeling, the tugging and tediousness, and no one could force her — because she's bart. in order to manage her hair somehow, they would shave it off every month, keeping it in a short buzzcut; the only person ever able to get close enough to do that was osmund priest. the low buzzing and the steady hand movements were one of their older brother & little sister rituals. she never cared for looks, so she took it fine, but the adults cringed (only a little bit, because they never cared for bart) at how it made her look even more like a prisoner than the others.

after getting out she stopped having it cut, mainly because it's a hassle and she can't be bothered; she hasn't done it once in all of sixteen years since. sometimes, when she finds a knot in her hair big enough to be annoying, she cuts it out with the nearest sharp object, and that's why the hair hasn't gotten past her shoulders in length.

#dghda headcanon #bart curlish #osmund priest #blackwing #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #i blame this post on: 1) @generalized-incompetence for giving me osmund & bart fucked up siblins brainrot with her uncaged; #2) @dont-offend-the-bees for having written the kurlish fics i had read yesterday and gotten bart brain wigglies from

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#dghda poll #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #dirk gently #todd brotzman #farah black #bart curlish #osmund priest #the rowdy 3 #amanda brotzman #hugo friedkin #dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #spoiler i'm voting for bart <3 she's my ANGEL she's so beautiful and wonderful and i would take her to every restaurant on earth #and help her kill and gingerly wipe blood of her face...... #farah is obviously the most beautiful and attractive person to ever exist but i'm wayyyy outta her league 😔 not even in my wildest dreams

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webb built his machine in 1886; pararibulitis has run in the brotzman family for 5 generations, and a generation is anywhere between 20 and 30 years, and 5 generations is between 100 and 150 years, which means 1886 fits into the time period of "5 generations ago from 2016". and i'm not saying i'm certain that webb fucking around with the time-space continuum somehow caused pararibulitis, but — who knows?

#dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #dghda theory #dghda headcanon #patrick spring #pararibulitis #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #dghda meta

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for a long time i couldn't settle on a precise timeline of when exactly do dirk and todd each fall in love and then realize the feelings, and what do they do about it, and now i think some things have finally clicked into place

for dirk, it's the instant he meets him. it's a nebulous feeling then, somewhere between boundless excitement about a new friendship and a giddy crush, too large and joyous to be fully examined and understood; it simply is, and it's fuck-off happy.

throughout the next few days, he gets pangs, deep and fluttering and breath-catching pangs, when todd agrees, helps out, acts brave, accepts, when todd chooses him, despite everything; but it doesn't fully settle until that day in the woods. they're so close, having actually great time, side by side; they nearly die together; todd's hands are soft on his face — and it washes over him, crystal clear, decisive, as he sees this man stand before him in full light, open and honest and ugly and trusting and raw, the truth simply reveals itself to dirk: "i am in love with this man. i love him."

but still, it's more of a friendship to him at that point; having a friend is so new, incredible, mind-blowing, and todd's platonic affection is so dizzyingly tangible, and "i am your friend" is everything dirk could have ever wanted in his entire life. he is perfectly, absolutely happy, and honestly doesn't wish for anything else.

then he's alone; he's alone for quite a while, and he begins to want. he fantasizes about what he can't have, and since he can't have anything, he thinks about everything — his desires reach further, encompass more; the dreams grow more frequent, more tender, closer. "he's perfect" with a hopeless, breathy, utterly-in-love edge to it.

and finally they meet, and god, the want does not go away. s1 is a crush developing into a bright, sure love, and s2 is love developing into a lovesickness; s2 is when dirk pines. he casts yearning looks after todd; can't help but think, forlornly, unthankfully, "oh, but what if he kissed me. what if he kissed me. oh, please, please"; reaches out to catch todd's hand and never does; puts space between them, bristle and brittle and too-close-to-something; hopeless. he gets awfully drunk, professes undying love, makes out with todd harder than he ever did in his whole life, and in the morning pushes it all away and under the rug; it was all magic, wasn't real, didn't count — not in the way dirk wanted it to count. and then altogether too many awful things happen, and he mostly worries about that.

when todd is back by his side, it is such awesome undescribable joy, there's no space for anything else; they're alive, alive, alive! and they scramble to stay alive quite a bit, after that. when dust and horror and otherworld strings settle, it's neither peaceful acceptance nor painful longing; dirk is happy, warmly fully brightly soaringly happy, and also hopeful. he wants some things for himself. he's not fully sure how to go about that, but he does, and he will.

***

for todd, there’s not a certain moment of falling; it's all a mess, frankly, a whirlwind, an ugly mix of apprehension and annoyance and hatred and trust and excitement and lies and truth; it's too much to think about. he doesn't have a perfect understanding, or a good label, but he does have a ratty t-shirt, a dry mouth and a swoopy stomach, determination, and some earnest words. "i'm here because i'm your friend," — whatever it might mean between them. it means everything.

then it's even worse of a mess, despair, sleepless nights, running, chasing, some shapeless feeling haunting him, some vague suspicion rising in his stomach, restless, a romance growing and snapping, settling into a soft "lets not talk about it", some vague suspicion tensing in his chest and lungs, something, almost; and then, somewhere inbetween seeing dirk in the middle of some fucking field and losing his mind with delirious glee so badly he just screams, and making an indignant face at the question of "you blew up life for this?" (what, like he wasn't meant to? like there ever was another option? like there's any life worth living that isn't this?) — somewhere inbetween that, it becomes, suddenly and fully, so very clear. he is in love.

it's a simple feeling, one he doesn't examine, because there's not much to examine; it's bright as day, calm, steady, existing. he doesn't feel guilty about it, or conflicted, or pained: frankly, he's got more important things to worry about. he folds his hands around dirk like a hurt bird, gentle, careful, gives him space but coaxes him out, confronts but comforts him, plays their little jokes and gives their grand speeches, stays just behind and dashes forward, saves him, saves him, saves him, with all he's got. he speaks his mind for dirk, honest (almost; to the plea of "why, why, why—", "this is all for amanda" is a good lie, an almost-truth, stable, a reasonable choice). he does, with all his heart, the right thing.

even when they kiss, he almost doesn't feel guilty — if he scrunches his eyes real hard, he can nearly convince himself that it's all magic's fault, that things happen, that dirk has (should have) probably forgotten, that it's alright; that he shouldn't bother his best friend with all these weird feelings when dirk's mentally struggling and that he won't, that it's okay, really. soon enough, he's got much worse things to worry about; and much worse things to actually feel shameful over.

when dirk swoops back to save his life, radiant, this gets maybe a little bit harder to control. it's still devotion, steeled, forged, but maybe a little more fervent, with grasping touches and unchecked decisions and unfiltered words; affection spills out of him, unbound, bold, feverish, when he looks dirk in the eyes. it's unclear whether dirk sees it or not; it doesn't matter at all.

they emerge utterly victorious. they celebrate, and hold each other, and todd doesn’t have the space anymore to pretend that he would choose anyone, anytime, over dirk. the future before them is unpredictable but so hopeful, so promising, and he feels alright, truly, actually alright; and his inhibitions feel maybe a little bit cracked under the exultant weight of everything, and especially dirk's hand. he'll figure it out, he guesses. honesty is the game.

and i don't know yet what'll happen in my version of s3, but that’s for Sure the season where they confess and get together, though not without drama, obviously — a lot of drama, as is due.

#dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #brotzly #dirk gently #todd brotzman #dghda meta #(i think?) #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #i love me some run-on sentences it's a stylistic choice #ugh i just wanted to jot down some timeline points but it grew into some vague Writing Piece and took 2 hours to write down #and now ive got only 4 hours to sleep before the alarm. good fucking lird #these gay men will be the death of me #writing

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a little dghda hc: out of his vast collection of the literal same jacket in different colors (autism moment tbh) dirk used to wear one per case, randomly/intuitively assigning each a color, because it made the cases (and also the jackets by extension) feel more special, and helped him mentally separate and navigate them; also those are for Presentability, and he often opted for hoodies when doing dirty work. yellow is his favorite one, and he most often wore it in-between cases, in "daily life".

he wore all three in quick succession during the patrick spring case because he wanted to impress his new friend That Badly, so he immediately pulled out all the big cards and played all of his guns at once

(during the wendimoor case he switched outfits nearly every day because he was Incredibly sick of wearing the same jumpsuit for 2 months straight, and wanted to make up for it)

#dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #dghda headcanon #dirk gently #brotzly #(sorta?) #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag

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observation on amanda brotzman, wakti wapnasi, and the "acceptance & commitment" therapy model

so, last december i'd been reading the wikipedia article on "self as context", a fundamental concept from AC-therapy, and i'd noticed some parallels between the ideas it introduced to me & some of the dghda s2 dialogue!

first, a few excerpts from the article to serve as context:

Self-as-context, one of the core principles in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), is the concept that people are not the content of their thoughts or feelings, but rather are the consciousness experiencing or observing the thoughts and feelings. Self-as-context is distinguished from self-as-content, defined in ACT as the social scripts people maintain about who they are and how they operate in the world.

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The conceptual self is a person's self-as-content. A personal narrative, the conceptual self includes objective facts (name, age, sex, cultural background, marital status, occupation, etc.), subjective details (likes, dislikes, hopes, fears, and perceived strengths and weaknesses), social roles (friend, spouse, parent, child), and gender roles (mother, father, daughter, son)

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In ACT cognitive defusion exercises are utilized to demonstrate how thoughts have no literal power over action, thereby increasing mental flexibility. If someone thinks "I am the worst," for example, a cognitive defusion exercise would observe "I am having the thought that I am the worst."

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Experientially, the observational self is the part of consciousness that hears one's inner voice, and sees images in the mind's eye.

now, the dialogue between wakti wapnasi and amanda brotzman, from season 2 episode 5 "shapes and colors", word for word, lifted directly from a subtitle listing website (im only adding names cause the website doesnt have them):

amanda: So you know how my visions work? wakti: Mm-hmm. amanda: Are you the one that causes them? wakti: No, no, no. You see through your inner eye. amanda: My inner eye? Seriously? Come on... wakti: Answer a question... who are you? amanda: Amanda Brotzman? wakti: That is just a noise people can make to refer to you. You're not your name. Who are you? amanda: I'm... from Oregon? I, uh... When I was 20, I-I had... wakti: These are just things that happened to your body. Who are you? amanda: Um, when I think, I hear a voice in my head? I am the brain having those thoughts? wakti: If you're the one hearing the voice in your head, then who are you? amanda: I... am the consciousness that controls the body of, sees through the eyes of, and hears the thoughts of Amanda Brotzman. wakti: That thing, your consciousness, is very special. amanda: The visions that I see, they aren't me. They're just something the Rowdy 3 do to me. wakti: They give you access to something deeper. Underneath your pain, your fear, even your thoughts, there is a power.

and sO, THEY'RE LITERALLY ACTUALLY DOING A-C-T EXERCISES. not saying that this vindicates wakti, cause therapy without informed consent is just mordernized, authority-approved gaslighting — but HOT DAMN i didn't know there was a specific word for techniques she used!!!

#dghda meta #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #amanda brotzman #wakti wapnasi #mental health #dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #that's the thang i was talking abt in the tags to my last reblog! i've completely forgorren abt it since i wrote it down 😢

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miscellaneous Sound of Nothing headcanons with @generalized-incompetence from, like, exactly a year ago

me: btw i fully believe that dirk fell into a pool and thats why he woke up in None of the clothes he wore the previous night

ppl just crowdsourced his new outfit bc he was so so so wet and pathetic and cold

kp: Something happened, he's too clean

He was glittered at some point

me: definitely the glitterest person at the party

he probably kept shaking glitter out of his hair for the whole next week

#went to look for my farona notes to maybe really pass the blunt to the public #but instead i found the insane ashen triad convo (should i share that too btw?) and This #we've had so many great conversations it's so nice talking to u! #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #dirk gently #dghda headcanon #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #dghda

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thinking about dirk and farah parallels... i think what's similar between them is that the thing that makes each of them special, their powers (holistic detection and one-woman-army skills) are something that they haven't picked for themselves, that was forced upon them from above (dirk is an angel of the universe's will, and farah is her father's daughter), was demanded they cultivate to unreachable perfection to the (dis)pleasure (dissappointment, disgracre) of their father/-figure (try again, svlad; try harder, farah) — but also it is something they reclaim, and accept, and make theirs within the bounds of the agency. dirk can't help who he is but he chose calling himself a detective, and farah can't help who she is but she chose to open a detective agency. dirk finally has people who can keep him company on inevitable adventures, farah finally has people who appreciate her hard work and skill. they do not change their natures, but instead find — build — a space where they can be accepted; celebrated, even. loved.

there's a post by generalized-incompetence, about how todd's character growth goes along the "take control of your life" message of the show, and farah's along the "you can't control everything" one; repentance vs acceptance. and i agree! i think the two of them as dirk's friends represent the two halves that he, as the story's protagonist and thus the embodiment of everything, must try and balance within himself. it's about the complementing influences, inspiration vs assurance; and i think dirk really is a good influence on farah. being around him helps her accept both herself — feel needed, wanted, validated, accomplished, stretch the muscles she's spent her whole life building — and also the world around her. farah is (less now than at the beginning) a control freak, and every misfortune, big or small, she perceived as a personal failure – she's responsible for people she loves, they depend on her, if patrick gets hurt, if lydia gets hurt, it's her fault, her fault, her fault; she must be in full control of the situation! but with dirk she suddenly finds that she cannot. if he is meant to survive, he will be miraculously saved, and if he's meant to come to harm, he will be bizarrely wounded; dirk moves along a path in the sky larger than life, and farah can only hope to grasp at it, not reign it in. the best she can offer is support; the best she can offer is her best, not perfect. if she is to stick by dirk, the wild, godawful, unpredictable, incomprehensible, incredible dirk, she is to accept that she can't control everything. and so she does. it's not an easy change (the time travel was hard to fit into her worldview, and she still struggles — is still on her path), but a necessary one: she is, after all, one of the imperfect, free, wonderful freaks.

that she makes dirk happier is obvious: he is but a fountain of love, and it spills out of him freely with every bob of his head. but it's important to me to remember that he, too, makes farah happy, genuinely and deeply. there are many opinions in this fandom — about as many as there are fans — on who farah is, what does she want, how does she feel about the agency, and what does the future hold for her; i, personally, am a firm believer that she belongs at the agency. she still has to figure herself out, of course, to complete her arc and grow into herself, unbidden by expectations and blooming (and that's a whole another micro-essay unto itself, so let's table it for now); but joining, funding, opening the agency wasn't a rash decision, or a stepping stone, or a burden — it is a place where she can be, is free to be, wants to be (herself). a place she carved out for herself and her people: a freak hub, where she's the second-in-command freak. i think she's as much glad to be there, and instrumental to "there" existing at all, as todd is. in general, i view all three of them as integral, inseparable, experiencing equally intense affection towards each of the others (even though the flavors may vary from romance to queerplatonic bond to friendship (in that order: brotzly, todd&farah, dirk and farah; yes, i am rather predictable)), supporting equally strong and meaningful relationships. the three of them are a little family, and they all love each other very much :3

#dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #dghda meta #dirk gently #farah black #i need to write more about dirk's and farah's relationship it's So beautiful and important #agency trio #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #the point Might have gotten away from me but i tried my best #anyway dirk & farah ily

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mona hc: she takes her title of a holistic actress Very seriously, and prides herself on believeability of each role she perfoms, so it's very important that people use correct pronouns depending on the form: an old man mona goes by he/him, a chair mona must be refered to as it/its, and so on. she's a girl, he's a boy, it's an object, mona's anything mona wants to be!

so like, if mona's being a doorstopper, and someone, knowing that the doorstopper is indeed mona, refers to it with she/her, it's gonna be upset at them >:(

in short: mona uses she/he/it/they pronouns, but those are extremely context-dependent and can't just be used interchangeably willy-nilly. if mona's out of sight, the best call is to use either the pronouns that fit the last form people remember it taking, or she/her because the black-haired girl is her chosen "default" state

#mona wilder #dghda headcanon #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016)

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TELL ME ABOUT ASSISFRIEDKIN!!! I assume it’s friedkin and lt assistent?

yeag themst! i was promising myself i would someday make a Proper most (and even kept a similar ask as a reminder for myself, sorry i never got back to you tumblr user dykebarbie, i SEE U and APPRECIATE YOU), but i just never have enough energy/motivation for that (maybe i should've changed my blog name lmao, but also i love assisfriedkin :3), SO. instead.

i'll hand you this mcfucking google doc that was meant to be a collection of resources for me to make a post from. tysm for asking, genuinely, and have fun! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rLpDet6hLlWWxq4c9NIe63BZ5KdCcUfNw5QOkcGt33U/edit?usp=drivesdk

also if im bothered enough times there's a chance ill finish the outline for that au where friedkin is replaced with an alternative friedkin from a timeline where he wasn't a bad guy (i call that alt!hugo au), and that makes both him and mike have soooo many kinds of existential crises <3

oh also both kp (@generalized-incompetence) and phoebe (@clockworkcheetah) have assisfriedkin hcs — guys, would you mind sharing, or adding screenshots/links of old stuff?

also kp i beg of you to link that library fic of yours, i love it so so much :3 :3 :3 my fac thingie, my comfort read!!

#vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #dghda meta #(<- in the doc that i linked. so it counts) #hugo friedkin #lieutenant assistent #michael assistent #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016)

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(timestamp: aug 14 2022, as i was watching the show for the first time in my life) (original wording slightly edited for clarity)

out of s1 bart and dirk, i think only bart is "a leaf on the stream of creation": she truly doesn't give a fuck! absolutely unbothered! dirk, i think, is a drowning man in the stream of creation.

he still goes where he is meant to go, but By God he doesn't like it, and tries so so so hard to hold onto any person he can. "please lend a hand? please save me? please? i'm so fucking alone and soon i'll be taken further down this river. please? please? please?"

and The Agency (him, and todd, and farah) is a boat going down that river: a tattered, tiny, really shitty boat, with a leak in the bottom, and they've lost one of the oars — but hey, a boat's a boat!

by which i mean, they're still getting thrown around and nearly killed and shit, yadda yadda yanno the drill, but. a boat's a boat. a friend's a friend. it's shit, but he's not drowning anymore.

#vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #dghda meta #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) #dirk gently #the agency trio #dghda #i THINK i haven't shared this on tumblr before. please excuse me if i have!! and link the post if you can (dont have the time rn to check)

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this fandom needs more weird and niche rareships. assisfriedkin, farona, mona/hugo, priest/adams, brotzman/estevez fans RISE UP i love eeeeevery single one of all so madly

honestly sound off your rareships in the notes i wanna see what yall got

oh and bonus round: people who hadn’t interacted once in canon but absolutely should've been friends (i will preemtpively mention tina & mona from kp's coffeshop au, tina & panto from i think that one conversation we had once, and bart & assistent from electricteatime's fic i havent yet read but heard a lot about)

#vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #ive seen a patrick/dirk fic once btw #didn't check it out bc not my cup of tea tbh but i appreciate the diversity #i hope that person is doing well #also phoebe this post is inspired by you #i will be Rotating that ship in my brain #there's *something* about them help me god

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gonna do a little experiment: i want to get a better understanding of the flow of time in s1/try to view the events more closely from the character's perspective, so what i'm gonna do is watch a day of plot per day - this means taking a few days to watch ep1, at least two to watch ep5, then binging the last 3 in one sitting, then watching the last few minutes of ep8 the next day, you get the gist. i'll be liveblogging the experience in the replies to this post, and then if i manage to come to any interesting conclusions i'll make a separate post once im done

#vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag