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agentstarkbarnes · 3 years

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To all the boys I've loved before. (Based on the OG movie, not the book)

A/N: There is no love triangle like in the movies cuz I ✨ hated ✨ it in the movie, so the ending is gonna be different. Actually, a lot of stuff is going to be different. Kinda mixed stuff from the books. Also, STEVE is gonna behave like PETER K and JULES is gonna be like LARA JEAN. Ohh damn, this is gonna be chaos xD Credits to Jenny Han, ofcourse! xD

Oh and warnings? MY WRITING. THAT'S IT.

Julia sat in her room, reading The Martian. It was her favorite book as she was a huge science enthusiast. That was Julia, she loved living in her small world. Her world included her parents Daisy and Grant Johnson, her sisters Riley and Katherine Johnson, her best friend Natasha Stark. She was loved by them and was happy with them. Adding to the list was Hayden, Riley's boyfriend who also happened to be their neighbor for about five years. It was just another night. Her mom called her down for dinner. They had dinner and the sisters sat with Hayden in the living room, watching TV. Julia excused herself and came back to her room because she was getting bored of the TV running in the background while Riley and Hayden talked in shushed voices. Riley was her elder sister, the eldest of Johnson sisters while Katherine was the youngest. No one called her Katherine, those who are close to her, I mean. It was Kitty to them, because she's white and scrawny like a cat. She knew Riley was moving to Scotland for college, but Julia felt like she had already gone distant as she was spending too much time with Hayden. She didn't blame her tho, Riley knew it would be more painful for Hayden if she moves away.

Therefore, Julia decided to lie and come to her room, and continue reading her book. When she came up, she still felt a pang when an image of Riley and Hayden curled up in the couch flashed her mind. She felt this was wrong, Hayden was her sister's boyfriend. She thought her crush on him was long gone, when she wrote him a love letter, more like a goodbye letter to Hayden, just like she did to the other boys she had crushes on. The most important thing is, the letters are only for her eyes, she didn't mail them. She tore a paper from her notebook and wrote another letter, hoping it was the final letter she'll be writing to Hayden.

Julia's letters are her most secret possessions. There are five total: Viggo from camp; Steve from seventh grade; Jake from Homecoming; Grant from Model UN; and Hayden. She writes a letter when she has a crush so intense that she doesn't know what else to do. Rereading her letters reminds her of how powerful her emotions can be, how all-consuming.

She then put the letter into the hatbox under the envelope where she had earlier put Hayden's first letter and closed the box. That's it, her feelings are gone the moment she finishes her letter, or that's what she hoped. It has always worked though, don't even ask how.

Riley is flying to Scotland tomorrow, and that meant her last night with Hayden. Julia didn't mean to peek, but she saw Riley and Hayden on the lawn, standing close by each other. Hayden's eyes were teary, so was Riley's. That's when Julia understood they had broken up. She closed the curtains and went to Riley's room to sit down, and talk. Riley came in and told her the same. They hugged for a while and talked all night. "Never go to college with a boyfriend, Julia" she said wisely. She nodded as they slowly drifted to sleep.

The next morning, the family went to drop her off at the airport. Riley said her goodbyes to them and flew away to Scotland. She's gone away, just like that, Julia thought. She had a close bond with Riley, she was more like a mother to Julia than a sister. When they came back home, Kitty and Julia had a major fight in the living room about changing the TV channels and Kitty stormed upstairs. That night was the night before school night. After a few hours of watching TV, Julia went to the kitchen to wish good night to her parents and then off to sleep.

Today was the first day of school. Julia was entering ninth grade, freshman year. Classes went by as usual, it was mostly just introductions and orientations. She had run into Peggy though, right in the morning. "Oh, it's you." she sneered at Julia. Peggy aka Margaret Carter was Steve's girlfriend. They used to be best friends, but post-middle school, for reasons having to do with her popularity and Julia's lack thereof, they are now decidedly not. Much to Julia's relief, she didn't run into Peggy the whole day. She was wondering where her boyfriend Steve was though, but decided to not give it much thought. That was when she got to know from Tasha that Peggy had left Steve for a college guy.

The last class was Physical Education. Julia was running on the field with her friend Tasha when she noticed Steve running towards them. "Can I talk to you?" he looked at Julia and she looked back at Tasha and Steve. Tasha gave a nod as she jogged away, leaving them alone.

This was the same Steve, the second non-recipient of one of her love letters. Peggy's Steve, as everyone called. Seventh grade was Julia's first real boy/girl party. Everyone knew that Steve and Peggy, who at the time was still her BFF, only wanted to kiss each other. But they were wrong, because Steve kissed Julia the moment the bottle landed, pointing towards him even though Julia said she could spin it again.

Now here he was, with her letter in his hand. She was confused. These letters were never meant to be sent out. Then how did it end up in Steve's hands? she wondered. He said softly "Look, I wanted to say that I really... I appreciate it, but it's never gonna happen" Steve continued to ramble on. "From what I remember that kiss was hot, you know, for being in seventh grade, and I think it's really cool that you think I have golden specks in my eyes. It's just, Peggy and I are in a really weird place right now. I don't know what you hoped to accomplish. Whoa! Hey, Julia! Wake up, wake up"

Julia opened her eyes and looked up at Steve. She was on the ground, and her guess was right, she had fainted. At a distance, she saw Hayden approaching towards them with her letter in his hand. In a flash, she pulled Steve down and kissed him, making sure Hayden saw them. "Hey! Stop that! Two more laps for you, Johnson!" the coach yelled at her. She blinked back to reality and looked at Peter. "Thank you" was all she could whisper before running back to the lavatory. This was too much for her to handle.

In the lavatory, she ran into Jake holding her letter. "Thought you'd want it back" she smiled as he gave it to her. "This was a long time ago, I don't even remember writing this" Julia played it cool, secretly praying that Jake would buy that. He indeed bought it and kept his smile on. "You know I'm gay, right?" he looked at her gently and Julia nodded her head yes, even though she didn't know. "See you later, Julia" he chuckled lightly and left the lavatory.

Julia went straight home, after school. So much was happening today. She found her dad there, playing chess with Kitty and remembered that he was sending their old stuff to goodwill. "Dad, did you send a hatbox to goodwill?" she asked, trying not to tremble. "Maybe, sweetie, I don't remember exactly" he said, moving a rook. "This is all your fault, I hate all of you" she semi-yelled at the both of them and ran upstairs, leaving them both bewildered. Kitty, however, being the curious one, went upstairs with Julia.

Just then the doorbell rang and she heard Hayden's voice. "Julia, Hayden's here!" her father shouted from the living room. "You never saw me" she said to Kitty as she sneaked out of her window and ran to a diner nearby. This was the diner she regularly visited, so she didn't feel weird running into it. But Steve being there sure felt weird.

"Hey, Johnson" he gave his classic Steve Rogers smile at her. "So what you doing here?" she asked him to which he simply shrugged. "I'm just here to take down one of those chocolate shakes" he said and right on cue, his milkshake arrived. "Actually, I stopped at your house, your sister said you'd probably be here. Look, I just wanna be super clear. I'm flattered, I am, but...Peggy and I, like, just broke up so.." he trailed off. "Steve Rogers, I'm not trying to date you" Julia said and Steve's face was now scribbled with confusion.

She saw his confused reaction and continued to explain. "Okay, um... So here's the thing, I don't actually like you. I just had to make it look like I liked you so someone else wouldn't think I liked them."

"Okay, and who's that?" Steve wrinkled his nose, sipping on his milkshake. "Hayden Skywalker" (sidenote from the author: i'm laughing so hard at this name lmaoo xD)

"Wait, hold on, Skywalker? Doesn't that guy date your sister?" Steve shook his head slightly to the sides, like he was trying to process what she said.

"Yeah... Well, he dated my sister, in the past tense. And he also got a letter, so you can see how awkward and complicated – that one's gonna get if he thinks I like him."

" Whoa whoa whoa, hold on hold on hold on, stop stop stop. I'm not the only guy that got a letter? Wow, you really think you're special, then you find out she wrote love letters to two guys." he scoffed to himself, looking away from her.

"I wrote five actually, so don't go feeling too special" Julia shrugged at him.

"Damn Johnson, you're a player. Who else did you write letters to?"

Hesitantly, she said. "Jake Puttkammer"

"He's gay"

She gave him a sharp look and a knowing nod. "Yeah, everyone knows" she said, even though she just found out hours ago.

"Who else?"

"Someone I went to camp with and someone from Model UN"

He nodded and got up as he finished his drink. He gave her a ride home and when they reached Julia's home, they both sat in silence. Steve was the one to break the silence. "What are you gonna say to Hayden?"

"Guess I have to tell the truth" she sighed as she fiddled with the hem of her dress. "Hey, what if you didn't tell him?" his eyes lit up. "What?" Julia stopped fiddling and looked at him.

"What if we let people think we were actually together? Just for a little while. And not just Hayden. I mean everybody." She frowned at him, as if she's asking him why. "When Peggy heard you kissed me, she went nuts, and if she thinks you and I are a thing, she'll want to get back together. And you can cover up your crush for Hayden, works for the both of us. Look, you don't have to answer me right away, just think about it, okay?"

Julia nodded and got out of the car, just as Hayden was walking in the lawn. Steve and Hayden nodded at each other, like a greeting and Steve winked at Julia before he left. Julia waved at Hayden and got inside her house quickly.

Next day, after school, Julia went to the lacrosse field just as Steve finished his practice. "Hey Rogers, let's do this" she said in a triumphant tone. They sat underneath a tree, and looked at each other.

Julia started to talk, tearing a page from a notebook. "So, first things first, we need to have a contract so we're on the same page about the rules." "You got rules? Come on, you really know how to zap the fun out of a situation."

"Whatever, we need rules so we can know where we stand. For example, I don't want you to kiss me. You may be the James Dean of this stuff but I've never had a boyfriend before"

"What does that matter?"

"It matters because I don't want all my firsts to be fake. If I'm making out with someone, I'm gonna do it for real."

"But you kissed me first!"

"This is non-negotiable."

"Fine, but people are gonna get suspicious if I don't even touch you."

"Okay, you have a point. How about this? You can put your hand in my back pocket."

"It may be romantic, in the 70s" he said with a hint of sarcasm, and she ignored it.

They then made a couple of rules, where they should to watch each others' favorite movies, Julia should be present at every lacrosse games and parties, and that Steve would write her notes everyday. He also convinced her to come on the Adler High ski trip, which is infamous for students doing the nasty. Oh, and the most important rule, they were not to tell anyone about this fake relationship. So, with that, they completed their contract and closed the deal with a handshake.

A few days after pretending to be a couple, they both were pleased. Hayden didn't bother Julia with the letter, and Peggy was fuming. Tasha was shocked too, but happy for her and promised to kick Steve's ass if he tried anything funny. Hayden talked to Julia though and she brushed it off as an old crush, now that she was with Steve. Hayden warned her to be careful as he said that everyone knew Steve was a player and would find his way back to Peggy.

A few days later, Steve came to Julia's house to pick her up for a party. Just outside the house, Steve removed Julia's scrunchie from her hair and fluffed her hair.

Julia reached for her scrunchie. "Give that back."

"I'm keeping it. I like your hair down. You look pretty. I'll prove it to you. See?" Steve took a picture of her and showed it. She smiled a little. "Fine. But you can't lose it. That's my favorite scrunchie." "Deal. Give me your phone."

"Why?"

"Would you trust me? Alright, you need to make this your new background."

"What's your new background?"

"Girl, Come on. You know I already got it." he grinned as he showed her his wallpaper. He saved the picture he took right now as his wallpaper. "Leggo" he dragged her inside the party.

Peggy gave dagger eyes at them as they entered the party. "I'm going to get us some drinks" he kissed her cheek and went off. She went and sat on a couch, right next to Peggy and her set of friends. He came back with their drinks and took Julia to his lacrosse friends. They talked for a while, it was mostly Julia being awkward and talking with the other guys' partners and smiling at Steve. Steve seemed to take this fake dating thing seriously as well. He kissed her cheek a lot, held her hands and gave her reassuring looks. She felt the warmth but realised it was all fake, so she didn't think further.

On the way home, Steve told her about the fight with Peggy. "It's working Johnson" he said to which she returned a small smile and both of them didn't say anything till he pulled in front of a diner. They talked for a while, a not-pretend conversation, more like a real, heartfelt conversation. She knew about his life, favorite movies, about his friends and he got to know about her interest for science, about her sisters and her favorite food, which is the korean drink from the korean grocery store by the way. Suddenly, Steve asked "Be honest with me. Why haven't you ever had a boyfriend?" Julia hesitated but then started to speak. "Okay. Um... So love and dating? I love to read about it, and it's fun to write about and to think about in my head, but...when it's real..it's scary because the more people that you let into your life, the more that can just walk right out"

Steve looked at her and gaped. "You're right. My dad left us too." He paused. Everyone knew that Steve's father left them for another woman and had a family with her. Steve would never forgive his dad, to be honest those who knew the Rogers family wouldn't forgive him either. After a long pause, he asked. "I think it's funny, you say you're scared of commitment and relationships, but you don't seem to be afraid to be with me."

"That's because it's not real" Julia smiled a little, shrugging. "Yeah..right." Steve said in a dejected tone, unnoticed by her. They then ate the dinner in silence and he dropped her off. In the course of time, Kitty became attached with Steve and Julia got attached with his mom, his brother Owen, his friends and his lacrosse team. Even things with Hayden were smoothing out, they began to hangout after school by their lawns, reading books- just like the old times. At this time, Julia couldn't draw a line between fake and real, and her emotions were getting to her head. She knew Steve was pretty much interested in getting Peggy back. So she called Peter and decided to end the contract.

"Look, Steve...I don't think either one of us thought this was going to go on for this long, but Hayden and I are cool, Peggy's officially jealous, I think that we need to call it."

"I can't believe you're trying to break up with me before the ski trip!" he threw his hands up in air in exasperation.

"We agreed to go on it only if we're together, Steve" she sighed.

"Why are you doing this all of a sudden?"

How could Julia tell that she's having real feelings for the fake boyfriend? That she could feel a connection and feel comfortable in his presence? She doesn't tell the truth, so she tells a lie. "I'll come if Tasha comes"

Back in her home, Tasha and Julia were hanging out, just like everytime. "Jules, why the fuck is Stevie bugging me to come to the ski trip?" she asked. "That's because I said him I'll come only if you come" she giggled. "Please Nat, say no. I don't wanna go" she whined. "Oh I may hate school trips but I won't let you two stay away, especially with Peggy going on the trip, I'm coming to the trip, sweetie" she chuckled and Julia facepalmed mentally.

So, here they are, on the ski trip. Before boarding the bus, Julia saw Peggy talking to Steve and Steve showed no signs of searching for his pretend girlfriend. She sighed to herself and was relieved when Tasha came and put an arm around her shoulder. "Have fun with Stevie" she chuckled as they started boarding the bus. "I'm going to sit with you, Tasha" she said loudly as she wanted Steve to hear too. She sat alongside her best friend and ignored the puppy eyes that Steve was giving her.

They arrived at the lodge and almost everyone changed into their skiing gear and took off to the slopes. Steve was nowhere to be found. Julia shook her head to stop thinking further and sat by the fireplace, reading her books with Jake. After a while, when everyone started returning back, she looked at Steve who seemed to ignore her now. She bit her lip to stop showing any emotion when Jake said "Rogers is waiting for you, at the hot tub"

Julia looked at him with glistening eyes. Was this real? Heck, she was going to go to him. She's no longer going to live her live in her head, she was going to risk it. "Thanks Jake" she muttered as she went to the hot tub to the sight of Steve sitting alone, splashing the water slightly with his fingers.

"All by yourself out here?" she asked him but he looked away from her. "So what, now you're ignoring me?" she added.

"Oh, I'm the one ignoring you? That's funny." "Sorry I'm not a good skier, you didn't offer to teach me." "I'm supposed to be sweet to you after you don't sit with me on the bus ride up here?"

"Shouldn't you be thanking me, that you got to sit next to who you actually wanted?" she said, in a not-so-sweet tone. "For someone who has such good grades, you can be so dense sometimes." he sighed, splashing at water randomly. "What?" "Yeah. I wanted to sit next to you, Julia. I even packed the snacks. I asked Kitty where to find those yogurt drinks you like so much." "The Korean grocery store is all the way across town." she blinked. "I know. So if I went all the way across town to get you something you like,then that means.." he looked at her expectantly. "You must really like yogurt?" she chuckled. She didn't want to get her hopes up. Does he really like her? She smiled to herself at the thought. Steven Rogers is not known to be this kind of guy around any woman, not even Peggy. That was when she realised that he liked her back too.

"You're impossible" he bit his lower lip to keep him from laughing.

To his surprise and hers, she got in the hot tub in her nightgown and got to him. The next moment, their lips were connected, and Steve delivered soft kisses, tracing his fingers through her scalp, massaging her head. They withdrew and Julia hesitantly said "Do it again, put your hand on my scalp". And so he did it again, but this time, he held her softly against him with his other hand, kissing her gently as the other hand went to her head.

They got out of the tub, holding hands. "Good night, Julia Johnson" he grinned sheepishly, to which she waved him bye.

The next morning, when she boarded the bus back to their school, everyone clapped as she entered. Confused, she went and sat with Steve and his friends and that's when Tasha whispered to her. "I know you didn't but people are saying that you and Rogers did the nasty in the hot tub" Julia was heartbroken. "Did he encourage the rumor?" she asked Nat. "No, but he didn't deny it either" she pat her best friend. She sat in silence for the rest of the trip back to their town and Steve couldn't see it because he was sleeping on her shoulder. She slept too, to avoid the judgemental looks thrown at her.

"Hey, Julia. I think it's so cool that you came out on the ski trip. Hope you had fun." Peggy came near her, and sneered.

"Oh, I just mean... a lot of girls would be pretty weirded out by their boyfriend sleeping in someone else's room, but you're so trusting... I remember that about you from middle school. God. Doesn't your hair always get so greasy spending three hours on the bus?" she continued talking, taking out a scrunchie to tie her hair. This was Julia's favorite scrunchie which she gave to Steve the other day at the party. "Where did you get that?" Julia asked, her heart sinking. "Oh, Steve gave this to me. Isn't it cute? I love the colors in it. Well, have a nice day." she sashayed away from Julia, leaving her to stand there, having caused a rift in her mind. Steve came up behind her just after Peggy left. "Hi. Ready to go?" he kissed her cheek but Julia moved away a bit. Steve frowned at this.

"Did you go to Peggy's room last night?" she asked, her eyes glossy with tears. "Uh, yeah, but..." "And you gave her my favorite scrunchie? Am I just a joke to you, Steven?" she asked, now letting the tears roll down.

"No, sweetheart you don't understand the situation. Why don't we talk it out, I'll drive you home" he said, his voice desperate.

"You know what, I'd rather go home by myself. And last night was a mistake" she sniffed. "This is over, in every possible way" she let out a sob as she walked away from him. Steve tried running after her, but was waved away by Julia. His heart shattered into a million pieces as she saw her in tears. This was all a misunderstanding, he needed to talk to her desperately. He hung his head and walked back to his car.

It was christmas right after the ski trip so Riley had come home from Scotland. They were having a dinner party with a few neighbors over, and Julia was trying so hard to keep her mind away from Steve and the whole thing. The party was going smooth, everyone were chatting up but then she saw Peter come into the lawn. Julia pulled him aside and looked at him.

"Hey. We need to talk." Steve looked at her, his eyes tired as if he hasn't slept all night. "Not here." "Just so you know, nothing happened between me and Peggy last night." "What happened was that you went to her room in the first place." "Look, Peggy and I dated for a long time. Those feelings aren't just going to go away, we have history." "I'm tired of being second best or fake best. - I don't know." she sighed, tears brimming to her eyes. She couldn't speak anymore as she felt her throat closing up.

"Okay. Look, I..." he shook his head, trying to not look at her crying face. He felt terrible as tears just rolled down her cheeks. "Steve, just leave." she said in a heavy voice. "Can we go inside and talk?" he pleaded. Just then, Hayden approached them closer. "She asked you to leave, buddy." "Hayden, I'm fine. Go back inside." Julia sighed at him. "No, it's alright." Hayden stood by them. "No, no. Are you serious now? This isn't about Peggy and me, it's about you and Hayden! Are you kidding me? This is the reason you broke up with me? You're still in love with this Bon Iver wannabe?" he practically yelled in annoyance. Does she like Hayden? No, it cannot be. Steve just started to realise how Julia was perfect for her, a few weeks and he cannot lose such a girl after finally making a move. "If Lara Jean broke up with you, it's because she's coming to the life-altering revelation - she's too good for you." Hayden glared at Steve.

"You're in love with Hayden?" Riley asked and that's when they realised she came close to them after hearing the commotion.

"No, Riley, I'm not, please.." Julia looked at her sister who now ran inside the home. "Steve, please go home" she looked at him.

"You were never second best" Steve said sadly as he left.

Next day was even worse. Julia and Steve's rumor was now a video- looks like someone took a video of them kissing and spread the rumor. Riley refused to talk to Julia, but she couldn't take it. She finally went to Riley, who was in her room with Kitty and explained the whole thing, including what happened in the ski trip.

"I would never do that to you Riley" Julia hugged her sisters and they embraced each other for a while. "I know, I just got..I don't know" Riley sighed. "I forgive you, and not because the video got released. I truly forgive you because you're my sister. Let's make a pact, no more secrets between the Johnson girls" she looked at them and they nodded. Kitty was a little nervous though. "I sent out the letters, Julia" she said, her lips trembling. "We had a fight before the school day, remember? I did it for revenge, I swear I didn't know this would be a huge problem"

Julia looked at her little sister and the sincere apology. She forgave her, they are sisters after all. The Johnson sisters always have each others backs, no matter what. On that note, Riley reported the video and promised to get it removed. Christmas ended on a happy note to Julia with her sisters, but she still had Steve in her mind. His apology and the sincerity in his words were replaying in her head. Looks like Riley caught this too, because she said that Julia should talk to him and amend things between them. Julia smiled and hugged her sister, thanking her for everything and got back to her room. The same evening, Hayden came to their home and made sure that things are cool between him and Julia and also Riley. "You gotta tell people how you feel, Julia. And not write a letter to yourself and keep it to you" he smiled at them and left after a huge hug from the Johnson sisters, and just like that, Hayden and Julia went back to their old form. They were friends before after all, and now they are again.

She ran upstairs to her room and began writing another letter for Steve, but this time, it was a love letter rather than a goodbye letter. She smiled as she placed the letter inside the pocket of her jacket. She decided to go over to his house and give him the letter and tell him directly about how she feels for him.

Next day, she woke up to the message from Tasha that Steve threatened everyone about the rumor and told them to back off from their personal life. This brought a smile to Julia's face as she got ready fast to drive to Steve's home with her letter. It was snowing and their neighborhood looked scenic. She practically ran to his house and took the letter from the jacket into her hand. Here he was, roaming in his lawn with Owen.

"Hey." he looked at her. "Hi. I have to tell you something." "Okay." "I ran here." she mentally scolded herself, but okay. "Really? Wow, that's... that's... that's great, congrats." he shrugged, looking at her as his eyes spotted the letter. "Thanks." she said, mentally scolding herself again. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's in your hand?" he smirked at the letter. "Oh, uh, nothing." she felt her cheeks flush, as she was trying to hide the letter. "Oh, it's nothing? If you want me to read that, you need to give that to me." he looked at her with a smug smile plastered across his face.

"Um... Can you turn around? I need to read it to you" she said and he did. "Dear Steve, I need you to know that..." I need you to know that I like you, Steven Rogers. And not in a fake way. And so I guess that's all I came here to say." "Whoa, whoa, whoa... Don't I get to say something? The reason that I went to Peggy's room that night, was to tell her that it's over, because... because I'm in love with you, Julia. Only you." he smiled, moving closer to her.

"You're what? - Wait... How do we do this?" she said, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. "What do you mean?" he took her chin in his hand.

"What do you put into a contract for a real relationship?" "Nothing. You gotta trust. You gonna break my heart, Johnson?" he smiled, taking his lips to hers, crashing in for a kiss. It was a warm kiss in midst of a snow and she almost felt like she was in a fairytale.

"Yeah" she whispered as he held her closer to kiss her again. ALSO THERE IS NO JOHN AMBROSE/GRANT SO NO LOVE TRIANGLE. STEVE AND JULIA LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE FUCKING END.

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