#was meant to be a short post lmoa

[dollopheadedmerlin]

Listen, I get Merwaine, I really do

But for me, it is strictly unrequited

Like Merlin, by the time Gwaine becomes a knight, has such tunnel vision for his king (ship, friendship, destiny, whichever version you like) that he wouldn't even bat an eye at Gwaine's advances. Especially since he knows that Gwaine is more loyal to him than to Arthur.

Oddly enough, I think he would be more likely to court someone like Lancelot, because he knows that, for Lancelot, the king and queen come first.

I don't think Merlin could bare to be with someone who didn't see Arthur as more valuable than him.

Because he is so overwhelmed by the need to see Arthur to fruition, that all other value of his life has been sapped away. He equates Arthur with Albion. His life, hell his comfort, is all that Merlin wants for, because if his destiny shan't have revolved around this one man, then the past handful of years was full of suffering and sacrifice for no reason. He has to commit to the idea that Arthur is the answer, and that he will come around to magic without getting hurt, because he's hurt so much already, and Merlin finds himself incapable to harming him, even to further the prosperity of Albion.

Because he's had the chance before! To hurt Arthur! To let him fester in the guilt or the betrayal in order to reach the conclusion that magic isn't the enemy. But Merlin stops him every time because he cannot bear to harm his king. So he lies about Ygraine's ghost. He hesitates to accuse Agravaine. But he just cannot do it. He can't stand for Arthur's pain, even for the sake of the whole kingdom.

At some point along the way, Albion became Arthur. Merlin's goal changed from 'bring magic back' to 'keep Arthur safe, no matter the cost'. And that's why he says to kill Mordred. He cannot see a future in which Arthur returns magic to the land but his destined killer still walks free. He just can't.

So no, he doesn't return Gwaine's affection. He couldn't. Not when he doesn't see how much more valuable Arthur is than anything else that breathes.

#mine #merlin #merwaine #went off #was meant to be a short post lmoa #tho now i kinda wanna see a merwaine fic #where gwaine knocks some sense into him #like MERLIN WTF #YOUVE BEEN FORSAKING MAGIC PEOPLE #FOR TEN YEARS #JUST SO ARTHUR DOESNT FEEL TOO BAD ABOUT IT?? #SHEEESH