#weed dependency + risky sx was my escapism go-to in 2022 and now in 2023 it is cartoons and loud music

[oscill4te]

I know journaling is helpful esp if you have memory problems, i always avoid looking back at my journals honestly. but damn.. Reading my 2022 shits been so painful.

2023 genuinely was a much better year even if did spend much of it cooped inside my room, looking at a screen. Hoping for an even better 2024. I know its only October but hey. Im always jumping ahead a few months mentally. It may as well be winter already as far as Im concerned. I want to get this winter over with. I feel very hopeful for 2024 for some reason

#2023 is good its just a very hazy blur. i was thinking not using weed would help but nah. ive always been like this #weed didnt make my memory worse its always been shit it seems #reading these entries like “when did that even happen..?” #there are a lot of things in my life I want to change #im just glad i stopped using weed. looking at my 2022 experiences is kind of... making me feel compassion :( #weed dependency + risky sx was my escapism go-to in 2022 and now in 2023 it is cartoons and loud music #i think its safe to say i am gettint better. im learning to appreciate life again without being high. i got out of an abusive relationship #im focusing on me. maybe to a very unhealthy degree. but im doing things that make me happy when i can. im cooking amazing food #im drawing a lot. increasing communication w alters. working on how to handle my cptsd. im getting better even if it #doesnt look like it #self indulgent but i think i will be happy looking back on this one day. to future E; you got this #and hopefully u won't be doomscrolling in 2024 but even if you are. its so very understandable. lol #only today am i realizing after rereading old diary entries... im genuinely more stable even if it does not look like it #the amount of dissociation it takes for me to stay stable is sad though. id it even genuine stability at that point? im not sure #but im keeping afloat financially. homewise. at work. even if i feel like life is ripping me at the seams sometimes #but who doesn't feel like that #i think its safe to say i am reaching some type of stability. even if it easily crumbles apart. at least it is there.. #txt