#which is FAIR but also ANCIETY

[pleckthaniel]

my head is goign to esplode

#left roommate a note explaining my feelings for him and all #he texted me and asked to talk on the phone #which is FAIR but also ANCIETY #scout talks #lovesick tag

[pathsofoak]

How do you like, fix it when your whole routine is gonna be mush for an entire week? I can't really ask my friends (who arw staying over) to fully up and change how they do things all week first of all becaus like. I have to know. I check the dishwasher I check the paper bin I check the way cutlery and dishers are cleaned up (spoons-knives-forks, deep dishes on top, flat dishes in the middle, from glass, to rimmed, then flat on the top, then my dish because it's smaller), and shit

It's impractical, it's kinda rude to them, and it gives me bad anxiety so like. I have to manage the mental equivalent of the bad sensory(tm) experience all week and uhh how? (More in tags)

#see this stuff isn't usually a problem because then I stay over at their place and my mind is like #'they're in charge' #which brings a whole different kind of anciety called 'what if I get their thing wrong?' #but like. they don't have a thing #anyways I go to bed at 10pm and they do not. so. double awkward #also they ignored me telling them not to head into the kitchen anymore. i can HEAR the doors creak #I'm not having people over again until I can figure this out jesus fuck I've never been this uncomfortable over #like. #literal spoons #and the bathroom sink #they put their things on the wrong side #like the actual wrong side there is a plant above it ans it loses leaves sometimes #but like that was not my reason to sneakishly move it in the morning #that was just the excuse #I really didn't think it all affected me this much lol #and the doors ghhh the doors #open. all. the. time. #and like you could say 'hey just talk to them' which. fair. #but like. I didn't know half these things were a thing until they did it differently? #again with the DOORS #and I told themike this one I managed to COMMUNICATE #'cause I know I can't blame them for the ones I don't know about before it's done wrong #at least I can wind down alone this evening because I can't sleep in my own bed without my stuffed animals #don't as why but when I'm somewhere else it's no problem as long as I can hold something in my hands #but at home I need them and them specifically and I hold them in a specific way and feel the texture of the different fabrics #and all the familiar spots of wear and tear because it soothes me #but it's a little embarrassing to be holding it up to my cheek and be like 'yeah I'm a functioning human look the other way' #I love my friends but dear god please don't offer to stay past friday because I don't have an excuse to say no #and I'm too anxious to tell them the reasons to their face because I've never been in this situation before