#who fuckinf cares whatever ik I dont mean all the shit im thinking anyway im just in a piss poor mood !!!!

[toastsnaffler]

why does being at my parents make me feel so physically ill. theyre not even HERE.

#I can feel my lifeforce draining away I cant do anything and I keep crying randomly for no reason. trapped in the torture labyrinth #i just want to fucking work out. but i cant and my head hurts and im giving up and walking onto the railway track behind the house #I think I just deal rly badly with change + transitions even if thats just travelling which is a shame bc I actually like travelling #and I like spending time w my family but theyre not even here rn anyway so #zero executive function turtle on its back type shit going on here and im so!! lonely!! i need a thousand year long hug #dies and dies and dies and dies and djes and dies and #except its fine like its rly not that bad. and being in the flat is its own different but not necessarily better type of insane #like okay my brain isnt working here. but what have I been doing the last couple months there. exactly lmfao #the problem rly isnt even being here its just me. but idk how to explain that to other ppl bc theyre just like well dont go home! #u dont owe anything to ur family! like not to be rude but shut up. that might work for u but clearly u understand nothing abt me #or my relationship with my family. like yeah i complain abt them + being at home but ur perception of that is heavily biased #bc im not going to complain to u abt u or how mentally ill i get in the flat. am i now. exactly. they all probably think im fine lmfao #or if not fine then like. coping alright. instead of being in survival mode half the time #who fuckinf cares whatever ik I dont mean all the shit im thinking anyway im just in a piss poor mood !!!! #im going to shower. and then go get smth to eat. and find a movie to watch. and hopefully ill feel better then #and if not well theres always tomorrow or next week or next month itll pass #urgrjhfhdhh #.vent #sorry everyone if ur reading this im blowing u a big kiss for being so tolerant of my dumbass ranting ty