#who would hire someone who can't keep a consistent schedule? my only hope is IT but i can't handle traditional college again

[watermelinoe]

i am genuinely so nocturnal it's not even funny. i "fixed" my sleep schedule for the women's fest coming up and now i can't get anything done, i just lay around exhausted and irritable all day until the sun goes down and then i get in bed and can't fall asleep bc i'm full of energy

#and if i take something to fall asleep i sleep for 14 hours bc my body is trying to correct itself ghdkfhdh #i still think it's non-24 hr and not delayed sleep phase bc i cycle thru every possible sleep schedule #but the sleep monitor the doctor wanted me to get was like >$1k and not covered by insurance sooo fuck that lmao #and not to rant but i hate it when people say ''night owls'' aren't real and it's just bc ur on ur phone or playing video games #i didn't have a fuckin smart phone when i was six years old staying up till midnight i just wasn't tired!! #and i have tried everything. i hate ppl being like ''well have you tried-'' yes. didn't work. i have decades more experience w this than u #i know people think i'm just lazy. even more so now that i also have chronic pain. #that i should be able to wake up every morning like everyone else. #i was so excited abt this new sleep doc because he was the first one to say ''why don't you just follow your body's schedule'' #and he had this great care plan too but his team sent me on this wild goose only to find out this device would be over $1k #ppl think wow she doesn't even work like it's not humiliating to see your peers advancing their careers #while you had to give up on your dreams #i'm so lucky to be financially supported by my parents bc i would be dead otherwise #but that doesn't mean i don't feel worthless bc all my hard work in school amounted to nothing #who would hire someone who can't keep a consistent schedule? my only hope is IT but i can't handle traditional college again #it nearly fuckin killed me the first time #but will my online degree even help me #i want to work i want to contribute i want to be financially independent #i wish the rest of the world was wide awake at night like me