#why couldn't you all have met the sweet immature aqua who made sex jokes and who's only worry was petty drama ?

[angeltism]

not 2 keep posting literally Only Vents (and like 1 normal thing once a day) but it's nights like these I reminisce about my abuser and wonder all that "what if"s

all the sui tw/cw tags r because of shit I wrote in the tags

#➳ valentin vents #and yes i am purposefully triggering memories by listening to my playlist of songs i had full blown panic attacks and mental breakdowns to #or would listen to while it manipulated and turned me into his own little puppet while i felt disgust and. so. unsatisfied. #i hate that you all know me as who i am now #i hate that this is the me you have to see #why couldn't you all have met the sweet immature aqua who made sex jokes and who's only worry was petty drama ? #why couldn't you guys have gotten attached to him ? he would have been a better friend and partner than this aqua . #this aqua cries xerself to bed every night even if things are theoretically fine and makes her life miserable for no reason #he's selfish and always demands more and more and then plays the victim about it #she shouldn't exist . this vessel should have died a year ago when it met the person — the monster — who ruined it . #the asshole who killed innocent sonia and left his body to be possessed by the worthless maryne #i should have done it . i should have gone and chugged all those pills instead of just cutting contact . maybe he would have felt remorse #maybe I'd have saved so much money and tears and not have wasted the time of those who got to know this current '' being '' #but I've always been too much of a pussy to do something like that #oh well #i guess I'll just have to wait until the universe decides it's my time since i guess . idk . dad would miss me a lot . maybe some irls woul #too ? and mom and grandma . yeah I'll . uh . not chug an entire bottle of whatever random pills i can find in my cabinet . #i still need to get married some day . and at the very least I'm not dying a virgin lmao #ugh angways aqua stfu time go cry in uur bed like uu always do stop telling people online how uu should have killed uurself a year ago n #sharing tmi about uur trauma !!!! #tw sui mention #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #tw sui talk #cw sui mention #cw sui ideation #cw sui thoughts #yea