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#with a man... i just don't hate dicks and could theoretically have sex with a man... and like some fictional men are pretty.
girlscience · 1 year
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@people who have a stable sense of self and identity, what's that's like? how's it feel to be beloved by the universe?
#people who say shit like 'i knew i was [insert identity here] when i was 5 or 12 or whatever' i wish i was you#i have been flip flopping on this shit as long as i can remember#and it's not like it's new feelings i'm flip flopping about? it literally like the same exact emotion every god damn time#and my internal idk sense of self really doesn't change much but which piece my brain thinks is important does?#i don't know if that makes sense#like... i would never say that some mornings i wake up and feel zero attraction to women but some days i do think i've made it up#or like some days i think maybe i am attracted to men but i just never want to date or marry or be in any sort of romantic relationship#with a man... i just don't hate dicks and could theoretically have sex with a man... and like some fictional men are pretty.#and i had one crush on a guy when i was like 12... but i also was incredibly jealous of him and hated myself because i was female#and i would never get to be him#but then i'm like does it matter that i don't want to date men? i am not sure i want to date at all?#except i kind of would like to date a very specific tyler of woman in a very specific type of relationship#and i do genuinely think i would love that so much and sometimes i want it so bad i physically ache#but i don't feel that way about men. but the one guy i had a crush on i did when i was 14 or whatever#but also people talk about all these experiences they had as a kid with being gay in the church and how hard it was#and sure i had a hard time but it wasn't very hard to hide it from everyone so like i didn't face a ton of shit other people have#so like does it really count?#maybe i'm just making all of it up and i'm just straight and lying to myself about everything#but i've known i found women attractive since i was very young#and not to be tmi but until i was presented with outside information about sex with men i only pictured myself having sex with women#because the idea of piv sex literally doesn't compute at all in my brain#i genuinely think i would rather die than let anyone stick their dick inside my body#and i used to have legitimate panic attacks about having to marry a man and have sex with him because i felt like i had to#and i know all of this is super super cis centric but i'm going to be so honest. adding in trans identities when trying to figure this out#has only made it significantly more complicated in my brain#and i feel shitty about that but it's true and i don't know what to do about that#and i could keep going on and on about the fact i'm 99% sure i'm stone which also confuses things#because i can find stuff about being a stone butch lesbian but if i am bi.... i have literally never seen anything about being stone#with a man before. literally never.#but also does it matter? because i might be a lesbian since i am very uncomfortable with the idea of romancing a man in any way
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dreaming-marchling · 6 days
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Couple of Marked questions! 1. What is the strawberry thing with glaze that Brian likes that Mia makes?
2. How does The Princess Bride differ in a universe with soulmarks? Are Buttercup and Westley Marks? why does Buttercup think he's dead? Or is this a fantasy universe where Marks don't exist? (is this a weirdly popular fiction genre that some people obsess over and others just don't get - kind of like how soulmark AUs are to our universe?)
3. So I am assuming that gay marriage is not just legal - but like an absolute no-brainer. Kind of like asking someone 200 years ago if a man could marry a woman. They'd be like of course, who would even question it. Which makes those who are weird about homosexual marks even more fringe. Like what percent of Marks are heterosexual vs homosexual? Also I am assuming like IVF or surrogacy are widely used and accepted for homosexual couples to have children. Also I assume WAY higher rates of people identifying as bi or pan - if everyone is taught that their Mark could be any gender from the start. Heterosexual mark counts: Leon/Sarah Vince/Jade Teresa/Anthony Eileen/Patrick Kelly/Earl Couple Vince is buying the house from Family friend who at 20 got temporary custody of 12 year old Mark Jesse/CEO lady (if he's ID'd the right person) Arsonist boy and his mark who got custody from juvie
Homosexual Mark counts: Brian/Dom Miss Mattie/Miss Laurel Maybe the two women at the other table when dom and Brian were on their first date ...I'm sure I have missed some on page couple mentions, especially Toretto extended family. But this comes out to maybe a 1 to 3 ratio for homosexual mark pairings vs heterosexual mark pairings - so 25% of couples are same sex and 75% are opposite. (Yes I over analyze things)
4. How popular is Mark as a given name? or is it like taboo?
I live for you, I truly do.
This is the baked strawberry thing. It's originally apples but you can sub around ingredients for a strawberry version. I've done both apple and strawberry and it's *delicious*
I had a lot of fun with this in the bookstore chapter! I think they definitely have different versions of a soulmate trope or even a no soulmate world trope just like we do in reverse. Brian reads the back of a book talking a world where your Mark is your soulmate's name and thinks about how he wouldn't like that, so I think that's definitely a thing that people write about. Dom also jokes at one point that Hollywood's two favorite stories are clumsy girl finds out she's soulmates with her boss or the "classic" two warriors thing. I'm sure there's a whole dystopian genre about no soulmate worlds, lol. For Princess Bride I bet there's some magical element where you have to say I love you to accept the bond before your Marks come in but Wesley always says As You Wish instead so it isn't until they've lost each other that they truly say it and "complete" the bond. Or something like that :)
I really wanted to write the series in a society where you get who you get and it could absolutely be someone the same gender as you and everyone grows up knowing that. I do acknowledge preferences, like Letty tends to swing to guys and Rome tends to swing to girls and Brian barely swings to anyone but has only had experiences with men, but I think overall bi/pan sexuality is a default. I'm sure there are cultures who don't like homosexuality BUT I'm also sure there are cultures where they don't like heterosexuality. I would say that if someone is being nasty homophobic it's not really because they hate "gay" people (keeping in mind that you're *supposed* to be open to who you get so there should theoretically not be a gay/straight divide the way it is in our world) but because they're saying shit to hurt you. Like Earl with demeaning Brian & Kelly re: sucking dick. It's not so much that he cared Brian was sucking dick in the gay sense but that he was doing something "less manly" by being on the giving end. Just because there's a bisexuality default doesn't mean that humanity doesn't come up with other shitty lines to divide on. Re: Reproduction - you've stumbled onto another of the topics I purposefully do not set in stone within the universe (like the time period, for instance). If people want to think it's surrogacy/IVF/adoption then great, that's how it goes. If people want to think it's a universe that has male pregnancy and female/female reproduction then great, that's how it goes. I'm fine either way and Brian is 19 plus he's nowhere healed enough to even start discussing becoming a parent. Like, for me, that's not even a question they consider until Brian's like 30. I highly doubt I'll be writing him 11 years from now, lol, so I'm thinking I won't ever have to talk about it in story. To add to your list: Mr & Mrs Pearce, Carmen & her male Mark (Dom's cousins), Vince's parents /// Dante & Kaye (Dom's cousins), Becker and his Mark, Leon's mothers, the two guys who owned Myst. That's all I'm currently coming up with BUT!!! Thank you for giving me the place to finally mention: Brian isn't wrong that Dom is Aunts Georg. Dom's family is normal to Dom so he's not explaining them in his POV and Brian has a total inability to handle family conversations/keeping track of their names and connections so I haven't gotten to say that Tony had a lot of sisters and those sisters mostly have female Marks. So Dom's got like aunts squared, lol.
We name kids stuff like Christian here so I think Mark is fair game as a name.
These were a lot of fun to think about, thank you for asking!!
(also, if anyone reads this and hasn't yet voted in the next Marked in Faith poll, it's my pinned post for another few days!)
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kclenhartnovels · 5 years
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🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻-(obvi u don't have to do em all)-🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
119 flowers, Lisa. 119. You think I won’t answer all of these? You’re a fool. I’m a fool. I’m going to answer all of them, and they’re all going to be Wolf at the Gates related so I can break your heart again. Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. I’m putting it all beneath the cut so that not everyone has to suffer through this. Just you, Lisa. Suffer with me.
🌻 Here we go. Let’s go. First of all, WatG is about 18 years old. It’s older than most of tumblr. That being said, I found a fun game someone else did that has first and last lines of characters, so I’m gonna do that with the major players:
🌻 T’ke: “T’ke” and “I haven't lost it yet.”
🌻 Medvetis: “What has this man done?” and “Isthe, don't.”
🌻 Isthe: Is mute, has no dialogue
🌻 Constantine: “I don’t recognize him.” and “Long live the King.”
🌻 Delgos: “You’re supposed to be socializing, Con—my Prince. I’m not sure your father would be pleased about—”  and “May the stars guide his spirit.”
🌻 Alastair: “Just a few words. Can you spare the time?” and “I am sorry, but we will have to bind your wrists, in order to maintain appearance.”
🌻 Samantha: “Sir Alastair Lobane, am I right?”  and “Well, that could have gone worse.”
🌻 Valerian: “Mine ran off when I was attacked.” and “Away with you, rogue, before I lose my composure entirely.”
🌻 Kamin: [Not counting songs, because his first and last lines are actually both songs] “Any requests, my Lord?” and “If you would allow it.”
🌻 Jinx: “Pitiful crowd tonight.” and “Anger is all I have left, Delgos. Don't try to take that from me, too.” 
🌻 Ashleigh: “Oh, I can hold my own. Why do you ask?” and “Stay in here to sleep tonight, otherwise the men will raid your bags for scraps.”
🌻 Silas: “Only one word? From Valerian? I didn’t think it possible.” and “Dismissed. Both of you.”
🌻 Aashiq: and “Safe journey, little cousin. Don't lose that bright head of yours.”
🌻 Tallest character: Ash, followed by Medvetis
🌻 Shortest character: Kamin, though narrowly, and of course Constantine is next
🌻 Most popular: Valerian 
🌻 Least popular: Silas
🌻 Smartest: T’ke
🌻 Dumbest: Isthe is the least educated, but Con is the biggest dumbass
🌻 Oldest: Major characters only, Valerian. Otherwise, Silas.
🌻 Youngest: Kamin
🌻 Most talkative: V a l e r i a n
🌻 Least talkative: Not counting Isthe, Alastair
🌻 Since it’s pride month, let’s talk about orientations! Main character first! T’ke: Cis, Aro/Ace (touch-repulsed)
🌻 Medvetis: Cis, Demi-romantic, asexual
🌻 Isthe: Trans, ???romantic ??sexual, canonly has sex with a woman, probably at least bi
🌻 Constantine: Cis, super gay both romantic and sexual
🌻 Delgos: Cis, panromantic, pansexual
🌻 Alastair: cis, heteromantic and heterosexual (and so in love with Samantha)
🌻 Samantha: cis, ??? but definitely in love with Alastair
🌻 Valerian: cis (but honestly more gender-flexible if he allowed himself to be), bi but in denial about it
🌻 Kamin: cis, also extremely gay
🌻 Jinx: Cis but genderflexible, aromantic, pansexual
🌻 In the original draft, Samantha’s child from the first marriage died. But there was no real reason for it, and now she and Alastair just get to keep collecting children and they’ll all star in book 3 whenever I get around to it.
🌻 The original original draft was a short story. A short story. A short story. Save me.
🌻 This story has been around so long, the good news is I’ve been able to develop a lot of the world and backstory, such as:
🌻 Three generations of Vendave Kings and what happened during their rule: Marius, Silas, and Constantine
🌻 Two generations of Cielan Kings and their rule: Antony and Kendrick (after he takes out his brothers)
🌻 Two generations of Reckson Kings: [Ash and Xav’s father which I have not named], then Xaviastriuos and Ashleigh fighting over the throne.
🌻 Tawrivers, which was conquered by Vendave during Silas’ rule
🌻 Jinx is one of my favorite characters to write because she’s so unapologetically angry, bordering on feral. She is passionate and injured, and ready to take revenge because no one else will help her and her people.
🌻 Honestly, Jinx would have joined Medvetis and company in a heartbeat, if Valerian and Alastair hadn’t given them shelter and respect first. They are the only reason she didn’t join the rebellion.
🌻 T’ke has dysthymia, and is touch-aversive due to trauma in childhood. He is also very sensitive to sunlight due to his albinism. He wears so many layers both to protect his skin from the sun, and to hide his scarring as much as possible.
🌻 Isthe is mute thanks to a dog attack in his youth, and the attack led to a high fever for many days that nearly killed him. The infection damaged part of his memory, and as a result he has trouble learning new things. This is why T’ke is never able to teach him how to write. He prefers expressive communication anyway.
🌻 T’ke also gets seasick and it cracks me up every time because he’s so annoyed by that fact.
🌻 Valerian has severe agoraphobia, and after he was harassed by bandits in the beginning of the book, he never leaves Angaroth again. Samantha goes in his stead whenever he has to represent the area.
🌻 Alastair has lung problems thanks to his town being razed when he was a child, and severe smoke damage from the fire. It gets progressively worse as he gets older, but he tries very hard not to let it affect his work. 
🌻 Constantine is an excellent swordsman and a terrible horseman. He gets thrown from his horse at least twice over the course of the book. May have been three times. 
🌻 He also almost dies from sickness, gets strangled twice by Isthe, trips up the stairs during a swordfight, and generally gets his ass handed to him over and over again.
🌻 The beginning of each chapter has a journal entry from T’ke. If you take them all out and read it in order, it is a singular letter of sorts explaining his feelings about the whole story.
🌻 Delgos and Alastair have a very quick bromance that stays a strong friendship to the end of the book.
🌻 Alastair is the first person that Delgos comes out to. Unfortunately, Delgos confessing his love for Constantine flies way over Alastair’s head, and the response is more or less “you’re such a good guard, of course you love your king.” Whoops. He tried.
🌻 T’ke makes a binder for Isthe so he stops bruising his ribs with bandages. It then becomes a battle to make sure Isthe takes the binder off every night to sleep so he doesn’t injure himself. 
🌻 T’ke is such the mother of the dynamic trio and he would hate it if anyone points it out.
🌻 That being said, he also spends most of the book making all three of them immune to poisons by gradually introducing them all to it. 
🌻 One of the things that changed very little between initial writes and editing is Valerian’s dialogue. It remains paragraphs, rambling, warm, and ridiculous. I love him.
🌻 I need to make it more clear that Delgos is mixed race from a low-ranking family, because his change from middle child of a merchant sailor to Captain of the Guard speaks a lot about him, and about how much Constantine cares for him.
🌻 Valerian has two pet deerhounds that he adores, and are never used for hunting. They just lay all over everyone in the house instead. They were a gift from some nobility, but he never leaves the house to hunt with them.
🌻 T’ke keeps a pet hawk for a good portion of the novel. Isthe is inexplicably jealous of it.
🌻 Alastair gets incredibly attached to his horses, and names all of them after flowers from his mountain home.
🌻 Aashiq is also very attached to his donkey. 
🌻 Uh, let’s see. Book one is technically Medvetis’ story arc
🌻 Book two is Alastair’s arc
🌻 Book three is the next generation
🌻 T’ke’s story spans books 1 and 2. His journals cause book 3
🌻 Alastair’s sons are identical twins. Poor Samantha.
🌻 Seeing how Alastair was raised by a single man makes Constantine think very long and hard about adopting an heir rather than trying to make one by blood.
🌻 Most of the reason why Silas passed such terrible laws was because he was in love with Elophia, Kamin’s mother.
🌻 Kamin is the youngest of three. His two older sisters were taken to Tawrivers for sanctuary, but Kamin was too young to travel so far, so he was adopted by Jinx’s family.
🌻 Constantine and Kamin are about the same age, and should have been King and chief advisor if Silas hadn’t been a raging bag of dicks.
🌻 Constantine’s mother died from complications of childbirth. Silas blamed Elophia for not saving her.
🌻 Kamin was an unplanned child. They didn’t think that they could have any more children after the two girls. His name roughly translates to gift.
🌻 Which, incidentally, is what Nafal’s name translates to. Aashiq adores his son beyond all measure.
🌻 Jinx is not her real name, but it’s what she’s been called since she was a toddler, and she protects her real name as if she could some day go back to it.
🌻 Harper is Kamin’s title, not his last name. He is, after all, royalty.
🌻 Kendrick is Alastair’s cousin. There’s no accounting for family sometime.
🌻 I fixed Patience’s autonomy, and I can’t wait for her to pop back up later in book 2 or 3
🌻 At one point, Constantine accidentally breaks Medvetis’ nose. 
🌻 It probably wasn’t the first time Medvetis had his nose broken.
🌻 Speaking of single dads, Medvetis was raised by one, too! His mother died from the plague that rocked Vendave and its surrounding lands when he was young, and Cohen took over teaching and protecting him. Medvetis loved his father.
🌻 Oh! Apparently I have a wealth of single dads. Valerian more or less raised his daughter alone, as his wife’s schizophrenia got so bad she confined herself to her room for fear of hurting them. 
🌻 Silas theoretically raised his son alone after his wife died, but let’s be real, Silas didn’t do any raising. The servants did. 
🌻 Delgos was raised primarily by his mother and older siblings; his father was at sea most of the time.
🌻 T’ke was raised by Khalid and the rest of the merchant caravan, and they ruined him. 
🌻 Isthe was raised on the docks with the other street orphans, running with a group of kids and probably one or two pseudo-adults that kept them in line. I have no idea what happened to his parents, but it’s likely they died at sea.
🌻 Delgos really wants to have kids, and Constantine is slowly warming up to the idea. They will likely end up adopting later, and have the discussion about it in book 2
🌻 T’ke hates children. He actually just generally hates people. 
🌻 Medvetis wouldn’t mind having kids, but he would adopt and not have them naturally. As much as he would want kids, he doesn’t want to have sex.
🌻 Isthe loves kids. He loves people. Kids usually find him weird.
🌻 Isthe is also incredibly lucky at gambling, specifically dice games. I guess it balances out his poor luck when it came to the dog attack.
🌻 Isthe isn’t his birth name! He refused to let anyone know his birth name after he was attacked by a dog; he thought someone had used it to curse him. So, he made up a new one.
🌻 Delgos has a tattoo of the Runnemede lion on his chest. (Constantine thinks it’s incredibly hot)
🌻 Isthe gets a tattoo of Medvetis’ wolf on his arm at some point.
🌻 Kamin, of course, has his stars on his cheeks.
🌻 Jinx has the stars on her neck, plus another tattoo in her lower back
🌻 In the dark!AU, Delgos has a tattoo of the Cielan dragon instead :D
🌻 Speaking of defining marks, Medvetis has freckles and it is the most adorable thing
🌻 Also defining, Jinx’s red, red hair.
🌻 Ashleigh’s full name is true Reckson style: Ashleigh en Crowenne Brighton di Reckson
🌻 Originally, Wolf at the Gates and Dragon on the Mountain were one big book named Vendave because I had no idea what to title it. One big book. Thank god I had the sense to cut it in half.
🌻 Book 3 has nothing written on it yet, and only a vague idea of what the heck I’m doing with it.
🌻 Book 2 needs major rewrites but it’s not on the next “to do” list
🌻 I have no idea what any of the characters’ birthdays are, even though Medvetis turned 18 during a battle in the book.
🌻 These dumb kids are all so young in the book, it’s no wonder they suck at everything.
🌻 That’s a lie they mostly just suck at emotional stability and the ability to compromise.
🌻 Literally half the plot would fall apart if they all just sat at a table and talked it out.
🌻 All of the plot would fall apart if Silas hadn’t been a raging bag of dicks when he was alive.
🌻 Honestly I’m so mad that he just died in his sleep. He deserved a worse death and a shorter life but unfortunately the author let him get away with all of it. Damn it.
🌻 I thought a lot about cutting all the songs in WatG, but you convinced me otherwise. And no other beta readers were bothered by it. 
🌻 Have I mentioned yet that I had the best beta readers for this book? Because I had the best beta readers for this book. They were SO helpful.
🌻 I’m both tired of editing it, and very excited about editing it.
🌻 I’m debating on commissioning someone to make a map for me because I don’t want to, but the book really needs it. I have a rough sketch, but that’s it.
🌻 A part of me wants to go back and rewrite the book as pure medifant, instead of low fantasy, but I don’t want to develop a complex magic system, and it would change too many things. I just want it for the aesthetic really.
🌻 That being said, it’s heavily implied throughout the book that T’ke may really be magical, which is fun in a no-magic world. 
🌻 I was able to weave in some of the Ekanti “magic” though, including healing songs and tattoo work! 
🌻 Valerian is slightly magical too in that it seems like he doesn’t need air to keep talking. He just goes without ever pausing for breath.
🌻 When Samantha married Alastair, she takes Valerian under her wing too, and tries to keep him from getting beheaded by the crown, or at least getting his tongue removed.
🌻 Speaking of, an assassin later in the book has his tongue removed. Gross.
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