#y'all need to know that when I say Yankee it comes out my mouth with clear corners

[ereborne]

Half-asleep, highly distracted, pacing the curb at 4:50 of the AM, saw a Yankee slip on wet grass and fall on his ass, saw him get halfway through his attempt to stand only to slip again and fall on his face, went rushing over--I forgot he was a Yankee, you see--to see if he was okay.  Got back the most indignantly incredulous parroted “am I alright there, baby“ imaginable, just immaculate Spike From Buffy delivery here, babes, this was the most “out for a walk, bitch” out-spit non-question I’ve ever heard.  why are Yankees like this.  He never told me if he was alright. 

#yapping tag #here 'AM' stands for 'ass of morning' #Nick's car broke down but I have the AAA #wolftraps #Tristan Tristan thank you so much for the AAA #I have the AAA so I had to get an uber to him so I could call for a tow #so good news: I did get to hear the uber driver's review of living on Guam #'hot. no good storms. no potatoes. Air Force had the good volleyball court. nice jungle though. volcanic rocks' #that's very nearly a verbatim quote and it delights me. imagine a grizzled chain-smoking man with a crew cut #ticking his head left to right with each grunted judgment #he saw that the tire had come fully off the wheel of Nick's car and gave us this sterling report: 'that won't drive' #his name's Bruce and I gave him five stars and a ten-dollar tip #bad news though: the tire's come fully off the wheel of Nick's car and no we do not know how he managed that one #presumably Midas Tire will let us know later today #also also last time I did this Duncan very tiredly informed me that they aren't New York baseball players and therefore aren't proper nouns #but I have to say that a Yankee is a Some Kind of Guy #alright there's a specific noun state of Yankeeness #there is a Yankee Way that some of these people have About Them #I'm not capitalizing because of the rules of English grammar I'm capitlizing for the rules of tumblr grammar #y'all need to know that when I say Yankee it comes out my mouth with clear corners #like when we say someone is Like That

[coconut-milk-chai]

All you ever did was complain about your life and your shit dad and your crazy ass mother and how shit your childhood was (even tho you had it better than most people in this world and choose not to acknowledge that) and how depressed you are anyways so losing your friendSHIT (see what I did there?) is no skin off my ass, thats why I quit talking to you in the first place so long ago. Couldn’t deal w you, I tried again cause I thought maybe you grew up and matured but nah you’re worse than you were when you were a fuckin git. That kid didn’t even help you. I pray something does bc you need help. 10 years didn’t help, obviously, and it doesn’t mean shit if the person doesn’t try to help or be there for you lmao. And don’t even try to say you were. I have plenty of proof on old cellphones I’ve kept of how shit you actually were as a friend. Get it? FriendSHIT? In case you didn’t catch that earlier, didn’t think ya would cause you aren’t that bright. And if I’m Floridian trash then you’re a fucking yankee ass landfill. Much rather be Florida strong than from up north, cause apparently only lunatics live up there. Get the FUCK off my blog and outta my life bc you don’t scare me either. You never ever have. You’ve tried to intimidate me and boss me around plenty but I’m fucking done. You act all bad and tough but I know you, you’re a little babyback bitch that won’t do shit when it comes down to it. I’ve never done shit to you except distance myself from your incessant complaining and obsession with constant communication. Newsflash: that’s not friendship you obsessive bitch. Neither is talking shit about me to someone who’s clearly obsessed w my life, literally didn’t talk to you for a fucking month and you pulled that shit. I swear if you had a boyfriend and he didn’t give you literal constant attention you’d whine and cry and bitch about it til he left your big ass, then you’d wonder why the fuck you’re single! You just have an obsession problem in general (see: Ashley Purdy, Harry Styles, whatever the fuck that dudes name is from Supernatural, I’m sure there’s been more, not to mention every dude you’ve ever had a crush on). You need to get that checked out by a psychiatrist/psychologist/probably both, dear. Do me a favor and pretend like I don’t exist (like I’ve tried so hard to do with both of you for so long now Jesus FUCKING CHRIST). Like seriously. I’m so sick of this. And you. And YOU. You’re obnoxious as hell, and I’m tired of seeing your shitty indirects about me. Y'all are just two mentally shot out dodo birds that don’t know your mouth from your sphincter. And yes, I told you to eat shit and die. Why? Because it’s an old ass saying. It doesn’t literally mean go die/kill yourself you literal fucking moronic pile of pond scum. It means to eat your words and go. The fuck. Away. But you wouldn’t know that cause you’re too thick in the head to understand figures of speech. I wish I’d never met you or her bird-nosed gangly walking talking dildo.

#you're literally dumber than a pile of bricks #neither of you have common sense #just get off my blog #please #you give me second hand embarrassment