#yes this is vaguely about 31 minutos

[bigben-810]

every fucking time i get into something new and it later becomes a hyperfixation , i get a art block . no matter how much i want to draw the characters from the media im into i cant just . pour out an art piece , putting all my dedication and love for this new found interest that will alter and change me forever , giving me a long lasting impact that ill most likely never forget . even a quick sketch of one of my favourites would make me so happy , why xant i jsut do it then ? i cant just keep consuming others media and the offical media forever , so I have to make my own to feed and gnaw off on . this is going to be the next thing that im going to be ONLY thinking about for the next months . all videos / songs related will play endlessly on loop as loud as possible , but not enough to the point I get annoyed . little scenarios of the characters included will play on a little mental projector 25 / 8 . everything will become a reference to it , and will be related to it aswell , even if its extremely farfetched and strange . i will shut about it , and itll be my main topic when it comes to conversinf with others , and if it isnt , then ill zone and tune out , even if i dont want to . my main focus is only that , so why can draw it kn thd beginning ?! i need to let my feelings out , but unfortunately due to fears that pressure me into a corner . what if i mischaracterize ? what if it doesnt look like / similar to canon ? what if it doesnr look likd their most common fanon portrayal / how most other fanartist draw them ? what if it doesnt meet how I see thdm in my head ? and a fuckton more . i already burn myself out before ive even created the drawing , why am i likd this ?!?! i just need to put my index finger onto that cracked 4 year old screen , or my stolen mechanical pencil from afew months onto that cheap , 2 year old paper , turn my eyes and most of my brain onto autopilot , leaving only the creative parts and the side thats producing all my thoughts revolving arounf my fixation , and let my brain guide my finger , not letting my eyes fully comprehend what in the fucking world im even creating .

but i cant because i already had an art block in my last hyperfixation : """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" )

#yes this is vaguely about 31 minutos #and also somewhat of obs #i drew alittle drawings of bodoque and i was so fucking happy like wtf i need to eat my own shit #then i tried drawing juanín and got so disappointed because i didnt kneo how to draw him #i was extremely distraught throughout thd day since #i still am #why am i like this #vent but not really #likd its me venting but also like im not #does that make any sense #how do you edit tags i want to say that im also going to like try and draw juanín againg i cant take thiz overbearing sadness #xD