#yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me.

[falldogbombsthemoon]

Yall haha, my dad made it so I have wifi access for one hour a day. which I can use from like 14 to 21 german time. So once my mobile data is dead, I will not be active that much ig. So please dont think I'm abandoning yall.

#vent following #its fucking ridiculous. im not a fucking child. neither is my brother #no idea what my dad wants to achieve through that. “so you can relaxe more” yeah no. being on the internet is my fucking coping mechanism. #there is nothing about relaxation there. also he did that so we'll to go sleep earlier. if it really was about that. #he would need to force me to sleep. you cant just change my sleep schedule by that #anyway its fucking ridiculous as i was on a good way of getting to sleep more early but if imma do that now he will think like #“wow. im such a good dad. i fixed all the problems my child could possibly have.” which is absolutely not the case #yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me. #and him not trusting my abilities to be responsible for myself is not helping #and then boom. im feeling shitty but wait haha my coping mechanism is currently set offline. #and like also im in extra stress atm bc school is fucking with me #not only are like a bunch of tests on the way but my fucking anxiety in school is getting so bad. #i cant sit in that facility without feeling like imma have a panic attack any minute #i am in need of fucking professional mental help. and at least one diagnosis. i dont want to do shit to myself. #but in this house hold. emotions are not talked about. feelings are suppressed and mental health is an illusion #i NEED to see a fucking psychiatrist. but i dont feel like i can to my parents about that. and technically i could go without them knowing #but someone needs to educate them. and i mentally cant be that someone #and guess whos sitting in their room crying and writing about that rn. not studying for their tests tomorrow and the day after. #i bet if my parents wouldnt have done that shit with my wifi i would be studying rn #quinns daily yapping post #rather #quinns personal hell