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tainted-liquor · 22 days

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˖ ࣪Everything I Needed To Be ʚɞ

Pairing: 1610Miles x BlackFem!Reader

TWs: Miles is basically going thru ghost grief, right person wrong timing, mentions of death, Unhealthy (NOT toxic,) relationship habits, emotional immaturity.

Genre: ANGST!!! (There’s a fluffier version coming soon I swear)

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Four days had passed since you had last spoken to Miles, your boyfriend. You’re not even sure if boyfriend is the right term anymore. The boy you had once grown to love for his nerdy and alluring demeanor suddenly became inimical and detached. There was no longer a look of ever-lasting love behind his warm and auburn eyes, but a gaze engulfed by rage The arms that once lazed around your shoulders found themselves drilled by his sides. It didn’t take a Harvard degree for you to put two and two together, and it tore you apart limb by limb.

Miles had stopped loving you, and there was nothing you could do about it.

You sat with your head pressed against your painfully cold window pane, clutching your oversized teddy bear as you counted the raindrops speckled across the glass. Your eyes were wet with tears, your beautiful face ruined with trails of salt and emotion. It had been a whole three days since you neglected to fulfill your daily needs, such as eating and sleeping. The wind banged its fists against your window, whistling tunes of torment as you sniffled through the silence.

You tore your gaze off of the outside for a moment, staring off into space as the candlelight from your nightstand flickered across your features. Its warm embers painted your skin, taunting you with its deep flames that once reminded you of passion and romance. You sighed, exhalation shaky as you turned to your phone. No texts. No calls. Nothing.

But when you went to run your hand across your face, that familiar ding rang through your ears as you turned to face your phone screen. Your eyes practically squeezed your phone, flipping it over to read the little message Miles had sent you.

“Hey.”

“Can you open the door”

Read 8:27 PM

You grunted, shuffling to your feet and hoisting yourself off of your plush pink bedsheets. You pried yourself off of your fluffy teddy bear, sighing softly as your expression immediately sank further than it had before. There were only two things about to happen.

He was about to break up with you or tell you that he was sorry.

And deep down, you prayed that he would break things off. Maybe he wouldn’t be as cruel to keep dragging your heart along the abrasive pavement and bury you away with the love he once had for you. The last two months have been nothing but agony, and you prayed whatever divine god or goddess ruled would mark the end of your teenage romance.

You scuffled down the carpeted stairs of your apartment, wincing at every creek and crack that resulted from your intentionally delicate footsteps. Miles knew you were sensitive, he knew you would crumble like bad pottery under the slightest change in tone. So why had you become the object of his disdain? You bit back the tears that lined themselves along your eyes, carefully pulling back your front door to reveal your boyfriend. Your face found itself numb, paralyzed with your desolate frown. There were bags under your eyes that could carry 175 dollars worth of groceries; to put it short, you looked like a beat dog.

“Hey…” you muttered, pushing back the door and allowing Miles full entry into your home. His face softened as soon as he got a clear view of your face, but quickly resumed its drained expression.

“Have you been crying?” He asked, completely ignoring your greeting as he got closer to your face, squinting directly at your eyes.

“Nah, nah I’m straight. My eyes water when I yawn.” You fixed your face at the speed of light, rubbing your eyes and stretching your arms up towards the heavens. You plopped down on your couch, bringing your knees to your chest as you rested your head on your shins. Miles shifted somewhat close to you, maintaining about an inch or so of space before sighing to himself.

“Did I do something? You haven’t texted me in like…a week,” He began, hunched over with his hands folded in between his knees. The room flooded with uncomfortable silence. It was suffocating; it felt like you were drowning on land, your limp and sea-sick body thrashing violently against the waves of reality.

No matter how nerdy, sweet, and charming he was.

Miles was just a boy.

“Are you…serious?” You asked, raising your head from your slouched posture to look at him with watery eyes. He sucked his teeth before sucking in an unnecessarily deep breath.

“Can you just tell me what I did? I don’t wanna do the whole—”

“So you can distance yourself from me. Not texting me in almost a month, STOP ACTING LIKE MY BOYFRIEND ENTIRELY, but me not texting you in four days is enough for you to show up at my door on bullshit? Yeah no, get the fuck out before you wake my mama up.” You spat, blinking away the tears as you stood up from the couch.

“Nah, nah nah nah nah nah, come here I’m not doing this tonight. You talking bout I’m on bullshit but you out here crying in the dark?” Miles groaned, quickly getting up to follow you to your back porch.

“So? How the hell would you feel if I started treating you like you treat me? I mean you’re here right now after four days, so obviously you wouldn’t feel good.” You snapped, attempting to close the back door on Miles. He held the door back with his one hand, holding your wrist carefully with the other. “Get the fuck off me, Miles.”

“Cuz you’re not being fair! You know I've been stressed out lately, and it’s been affecting my mood! I just—” Miles shouted, his eyebrows knitting together as he looked down at you from the dark veil of the moonlight.

“I don’t care how fucking stressed you are, stress doesn’t give you the right to treat me like shit!” You yelled, throwing your arms up in defeat.

“Wow, so my stress doesn’t matter to you?” He spat, a face of disgust painting his features as he stood with his arms folded across his chest.

“That’s not even remotely close to what I said! I said stress doesn’t give you the right to mistreat me. Like if you don’t love me no more say that!” Your face was wet with tears as the pressure in your neck grew painful. Your voice was shaky and broken, but that didn’t matter since there was a bigger issue.

“You don’t even know what I’ve been going through! There’s shit that you just don't understand—“

“So help me understand, Miles! Explain it to me! You don’t even talk to me about your day! It’s impossible to understand when you’ve stopped communicating!”

It was like talking to a brick wall. There was nothing you could say that would help HIM understand how you felt.

“I don’t need to tell you everything!” He shouted, sighing as he slid a hand down his face. “God you’re so…you get on my nerves!”

“So when you treat me like shit, go from a literal ray of sunshine to whatever fucking…MONSTER YOU ARE NOW, I’M GETTING ON YOUR NERVES? God I wish I never met your sorry ass! How the fuck do you go from lovey-dovey to basically avoidant and quiet?” You yelled, now garnering the attention of your neighbors, who had turned on their porch light next to you. Your eyes widened as you covered your mouth, quickly shuffling back into the house with a deep exhale. Miles, much to your dismay, was still behind you and seething with rage.

“I was—!” He began, quickly quieting down and making a mindful note of his tone. “I was everything I needed to be. You don’t know what it’s like to be thrown away from everything you’ve known and—…and just THRUST into rejection! To finally be surrounded by people like you, and get told you don’t even belong! I’m sorry I haven’t held your hand when I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE ALIVE!” He whisper-yelled, eyebrows furrowing as his jaw tensed.

“What are you even talking about, Miles?! ‘People like you’” you recited in air quotes, “you mean BLACK PEOPLE? If things weren’t going great at Visions, you could’ve just—“ You began, extending your arms in front of you in defense.

“See? You don’t understand.“

He knew he was being cruel. He KNEW he wasn’t being fair, but he didn’t care. Sure, he may have stopped his dad from dying. SURE, he went on about how he gets to choose what his life looks like, but he was terrified of you dying for just loving him. He already broke his canon with Gwen, and shit came crumbling down when all he wanted to do was save his dad. But when he laid his head down at night, all that played behind his eyelids was your cold, and limp body lying in his arms.

He hadn’t even noticed that he began distancing himself from you until you brought it to his attention. Shit, he couldn’t even tell you how long it had been since you texted him.

“Miles.”

“What?”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

The two of you stood, motionless and silent. You were only about a foot or so from each other, but it felt like you were miles away. The warm but painful tears silently coursed down your face as you struggled to even recognize the boy in front of you.

“You disgust me. And I hope whatever or whoever you deal with next never has to see the borderline monster you’ve become.”

It was quiet, but it pierced his ears like a gunshot. Now it was Miles’ turn to fight back tears, and god damn did he fight. His head hung low as he fidgeted with the nylon fabric in his pockets, attempting to control his uneven and shaky breathing.

“Get out. I don’t want you anywhere near me. Please get out.” You begged, speed walking to the front door as you held it open. The glossy red oak glimmered slightly as the dim lamp illuminated its backside.

“Wait, c’mon please I’ll explain everything, just let me—“ Miles stammered, suddenly snapping back into his right mind as it all sunk in. You hated him.

“No. I’ll never understand, remember? Now please, get out.” You urged, gripping the front of his jacket and pulling him forward, then carefully ushering him out of your house. There wasn’t even any time for him to protest, the door had been closed from the second he was safe from its hinges. And there he was, standing in the cold rain and wind as the world around him continued to spin. There was no time for him in this world, just like how he made you feel.

#atsv #across the spiderverse #into the spiderverse #miles morales #miles morales x reader #earth 1610 miles morales x reader #e1610 miles x blackfem!reader #e1610 miles

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