thankyouforfuckingupmylife

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

I'm tired.

Why am I so obsessed with my friends’ happiness that I can’t make myself happy? Why do I make so many little sacrifices to maintain a friendship that isn’t anything besides talking? Why do I feel that I must hide the parts of my personality that I hold dear? And when I do show that side of me to others, why do I feel like a nuisance to them? Why must I be so paranoid as to feel like I need to be a perfect friend to keep them around, but could care less about my friends’ behavior? Why must I be so selfless at times that I ignore my own wants and needs? Why do I act like a good friend to nearly everyone when I meet even when they act horribly in return? Why am I so addicted to social interaction that I feel like everything I’ve said feels like it’s worth doing to feel a sense of connection that may only last for a few days? 

Why do I say sorry all the time, even when it isn’t needed? Why do I become paranoid when a friend doesn’t text back very quickly, and why do I feel I have to reply even quicker? Why can’t I be happy with who I am? Why do I conceal my emotions to spare others from having to deal with me? Why do I make myself so miserable when I do these things yet can’t bring myself to stop? Why do I feel like no one would care if I let all this out to them? Why do I hold my anger in and explode in rage on someone who didn’t deserve it? Why do I hold all this shit in? Why is my mind like a fucking pressure cooker? Why do I always feel like I have to deal with all this on my own, even though I know I can’t? 

Why did I take all the blame for the problems in my first relationship? Why did I think she would start trying to make the relationship work after she didn’t the last 7 times? Why couldn’t I assert myself and actually criticize her when she lied to me? Why did I feel like I had to be the one to save the relationship? Why was I trying to be the best boyfriend I could to a girl who wasn’t trying, nearly at all? Why did I consider her smile more precious than my feelings? Why did I continue to spoil her and treat her as best as I could up until we broke up for the 8th and final time? Why would I apologize for expressing my frustration to her? Why was I such a fucking tool for her? Why do I feel like she fucked up my mental health permanently? And why did I think I could deal just fine when I was dating Bri? Why do I feel like these relationships molded me into becoming so goddamn selfless, way more than I ever was before? 

This is the kind of stuff floating around my head every day. I’m constantly thinking and work and family are the only things that successfully distract myself from these thoughts. I’m not suicidal or self-harm prone, just so you don’t worry. This my self-therapy

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

What I Believe in.

The Truth. Compromise. Objectivity. Freedom of expression, including speech. Diversity of opinions. A free and honest press. Intellectual honesty, integrity and consistency. Tolerance. The rights of others, no matter their political leaning or any other factor. Open dialogue. A resistance to authoritarian ideologues. I believe you can be sexist against both genders, that you can be racist against people of all skin types, and that identity politics is regressive and divisive, to say the least.

I believe in a set of ideas and values, not some political party or politician. I don't think in red or blue, left or right. I dont follow a single book of any kind. I'm an individual with my own set of values and ideals, and no one will make me sacrifice them for any purpose.

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

This is ridiculous

Prejudice and racism against black people is being replaced by racism against white people. Our president thinks we need a space force. Many liberals dont care about freedom of speech. Censorship is celebrated and mob attitude prevails, smothering any dissenting opinion in the name of their cause. Everyone they dont like is a racist, Trump is a literal Nazi, and oh yeah, actual nazis are back. Identity politics have taken over the public forum. Ideas mean nothing if they dont like the person expressing them. Respectful, open, productive dialogue is disappearing. Hate has got this country by the balls, and isnt eager to let go. Our country is run by people who believe that the bible takes precedent over the fucking constitution. We can't trust the tv news. Any of them. They create more conflict and hatred everyday. Opinions are now harmful in today's society. My right to freedom of expression are now seen as negotiable based solely based on if my opinions line up with moral busy-bodies. Antifa is going around punching everyone with a camera, calling normal people "fascists" as a way to justify their violence. Our President has thinner skin than an onion. Tribalism is killing our politics, dividing the nation, and is causing political violence.

The left continues to fracture, social media censorship is running amok, and the same liberals applauding this censorship of conservative voices now find themselves banned, too.

Our education system is fucked, social progress is fucked, open dialogue, too. The realm of politics is a complete and utter shitshow. Truth and objectivity are now seen only as convenient tools to help further a political agenda, only to be tossed away when the facts dont support their argument.

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

Different opinions =/= Brainwashed

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

*disappears mysteriously afterwards like a booty tooty tuxedo mask*

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

Illinois Basketball

While I've been watching the Illini lose 3 of the last 5 games, I can't help but notice an issue with our lack of offense. Despite that, I've never seen as much of a "wow-factor" from an Illinois team in what seems like forever, and Coach Underwood's freshman have a lot to do with it. Smith, Frazier and Williams are all dynamic young players and it's been tons of fun to watch them. So, because of their inexperience, I'm going to pardon them from the bulk of my criticism in this article.

I say this because I believe the key to our season is scoring with consistency, game to game, player to player even. I say that because it seems to me, in most games, that the Illini are always in a position to make up scoring for a player or two who had had down night. Just look to the New Mexico State game from the other night. Finke and Alstork, both starters, combined for only 7 points on the night. This was only partially made up for by Lucas, who had his season-high 14 points and by Frazier who scored 13 off the bench.

Another good example of the lack of consistency from the teams' vets was the game against UNLV. In that game, which could be accurately described as a foul-fest, Leron Black left with an injury after scoring only 2 pts and Aaron Jordan acted as his replacement, scoring 10 points off the bench. However, once again Alstork had a horrendous night and put up a goose-egg.

While I was not disappointed how the Illini played against Maryland, I'm including it in the interest of completion. While Black and Alstork scored 18 and 17 points respectively, Lucas scored only 3 points while Finke had 8 pts, which isn't terrible but it isn't good, either. Mark Smith, however, scored 0 pts all night. In the end, 1 basket was all the difference between winning or losing that slugfest. I'm not putting that game on any one player, mostly because he's a freshman and he's gonna have teething issues early in their career.

All three of those games I detailed were losses, and all three included a veteran player or two having a horrible scoring night. It's obvious that the more experienced players needed to step up more in those games, but as I will explain, this issue of consistency has been prevalent all season.

Leron Black has not been an issue. He is the most consistent scorer on the team, having only one game in single digits, and that was his injury-shortened night against UNLV. Besides that, he's scored more than 10 pts in every game this season. (On a side note, I really wish Black would make himself the leader of this team, a team that REALLY needs one.) If the other starters could be half as consistent in scoring game-to-game as Black, it's possible that we might still be undefeated as they've been in every single game that they've played.

I'll pick on the fan favorite first, Michael Finke. He's been very streaky this season, putting together two 3-game streaks averaging 18.3 and 16 pts per game over those streaks. He ended the first streak with a 2 point game against Wake Forest, and the second streak with a 5 point performance against New Mexico State. You can't expect such a young bench to always bail the starters out if they have a bad night like that. Perhaps Finke's new haircut will help him out.

Finally, on to the player I've been (by far) the most disappointed in this season, Mark Alstork. Simply put, he has been the most inconsistent starter and has not performed nearly as well as I expected. At Wright State, Alstork averaged 19 points, 4.7 rebounds and 3.5 assists per game. So far, his Illinois stats have all been worse. He is currently being outscored by three bench players, including two freshman. Recording 7.2 points per hsnd, he is only scoring half a point per game than Lucas, who is the lowest scoring starter on the team. He has held to under 10 points 9 times playing against bottom-tier opposition such as Marshall, Augustana and North Carolina Central.

Lucas, Finke and Alstork need to become much more consistent scorers if this team wants to survive the close games against Big Ten competition. (Personally, I'd rather see Williams start over Alstork.) Expecting our bench to match the scoring of the starting five every game is unsustainable, especially during conference play.

The Illini are exactly a team leader and consistent scoring from their veterans away from being a top-flight team, and they've got the entire rest of the season to get it right.

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

If an adult has an imaginary friend, it’s psychosis. If a million adults have an imaginary friend, it’s tax-exempt.

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

If an adult has an imaginary friend, it’s psychosis. If a million adults have an imaginary friend, it’s tax-exempt.

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

Focusing on life after death makes some people forget to appreciate life during life.

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

The Biscuit Era has Risen

Oh Trubisky, the entire team let you down last night. No team can win with their rookie QB when they drop passes with regularity and commit such costly penalties. The Bears defense performed admirably, despite more injuries and Trevathan's suspension and kept the offense within one possession of the lead.

This game should've been buried in the first half. Trubisky looked superb on his first NFL drive, connecting on his first 3 of 4 passes and moving the offense well. He was everything Bears fans wanted: an Anti-Glennon.

Trubisky then threw a beautiful 26-yard dime to Tre McBride III, which is where every single Bears fan simultaneously swooned for Trubisky and felt a burning hatred for referee Jerome Boger, as he called a holding penalty on Cody Whitehair, wiping out the play. The officials also wiped out a Jordan Howard TD run later in the game on an extremely ticky-tack holding call, among other infuriating calls throughout the night.

Eventually, a poor decision by Trubisky led to an interception by Harrison Smith inside the Bears 30-yard line. It should have never come down to that play, as the Bears shot themselves on missed opportunities, mistakes and penalties all night. Despite this, I blame this loss on the Bears coaches, especially the OC, Dowell Loggains.

He was too conservative and did not utilize Trubisky nearly enough. Not enough shots down the field, not enough using #10's mobility. Too many screens and short passes for a QB with an arm like Mitchell's. Loggains underutilized Trubisky, it's as simple as that.

I know the Vikings' DBs are superb, but he was carving them up on that first drive. We saw that Trubisky could move the ball against them. I don't know why Loggains didn't take more shots besides he didn't trust his WRs.

On a side note, that 2pt. conversion play was absolutely crazy. Why can't you use more of that genius for the rest of the offense?

And then there was John Fox and his handling of a first quarter situation in which he totally mismanaged a third-then-4th down situation and completely killed our momentum for our first half offense. He's got to figure that out.

In the end, Trubisky finished his NFL debut with 128 yards on 12 of 25 passes, 1 TD pass to Zach Miller and 1 INT. I didn't count the number of drops, but I would guesstimate that there was at least 5 drops by his receivers in that game, and 17 of 25 is what he played like and what he deserved.

Alas, Mitchell's receivers failed him, his OC failed him and the OL could've done quite a bit better, with OT Charles Leno, Jr. allowing DE Everson Griffen to get a strip-sack of Trubisky in the first half.

I'm convinced that Chicago has everything it has ever wanted in a QB in Mitchell. Now it's up to the coaches and players to support him to the best of their ability. If John Fox and co. can't prove they can be trusted with developing such obvious talent, they will be fired. Every single coach and offensive player on the Bears' roster is now on notice.

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

“To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or, that we are to stand by the President. Right or wrong. Is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.” -Theodore Roosevelt

[thankyouforfuckingupmylife]

My first article: Optimism

As a dedicated follower of the Monsters of the Midway, it’s always disheartening to see my beloved Bears slip to 3-13. This record, usually reserved just for the Browns and Jags of this world, now marks a stain upon the NFL’s most historic franchise. Despite this, I am as optimistic now about this team than I ever have been after the ugliest season of Chicago football in recent memory. The reason is that I see a few gems hidden among the waste of a 3 win season. 

Ryan Pace, thank you for this crop of rookies, bountiful with talent. The inspired play of Chicago’s rookies made me giddy all year despite the train wreck that was the Bears’ play most of this season. 

When any of our 4 (!) QB’s handed off to Jordan Howard, it filled me with anticipation of a big gain. Every. Single. Time. His running was by far the best and most exciting element of this season’s Bears team. 1,313 yards and 7 TD’s with a patchwork offensive line. 1,611 total yards from scrimmage and an average of 5.2 yards per carry, an average better than Ezekiel Elliott. His elusiveness rating is 5th best in the league, also ahead of Zeke, according to Pro Football Focus. Howard finished his rookie campaign 2nd in rushing yards, only behind- guess who - Elliott. 

Ryan Pace, take a bow for drafting such a stud in the 5th round. Jordan Howard, welcome to Chicago. We hope you stay a while.

Another reason to be optimistic is the Chi-town front seven, which was much improved from last year due to our 2nd year GM’s offseason signings of Jerrell Freeman and Danny Trevathan, as well as Akiem Hicks who was an absolute beast at times this year. Teamed up with Pernell McPhee and upcoming star Leonard Floyd, the future is bright for our Monsters of the Midway, as long as they can all stay healthy. 

Another couple of rookies really impressed me this year on the defensive side. Nick Kwaitkoski was all over the field towards the end of the season, hitting some opponents harder than his name is to spell. And then there was the Cinderella rookie this year, Cre’von Leblanc. Undrafted Rookie Cornerback out out of Florida Atlantic, His 5′9″ frame held him back very little, making acrobatic plays on passes against receivers half a foot taller than him. Although Cre’von did make some boneheaded rookie mistakes over the course of the season (see: Packers Week 15), he flashed some great potential. 44 tackles, 2 INT and a pick-six was more than was ever expected of him, but he delivered.

There is a lot to be excited for Bears Fans, and Ryan Pace and his 2016 draft class has a lot do with it. And no, I mean more than just a high draft pick.

#chicago #bears #monstersofthemidway #NFL #football