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Friday the 13th: Ranked

She's on Tumblr again? LONG POSTING? What is this, 2012?

Hi Tumblr. It's been a bit. But I decided it was the best place to talk unhinged shit that wouldn't make sense on other sites, so here we go again I guess. Last time I was here, I was straight. Now I'm uh...not.

ANYWAYS. Today's Friday the 13th, and it just so happens to also be OCTOBER (aka Halloween season). So y'know. Extra spooky.

I feel like there's only one REAL way to celebrate this day. To talk about the slasher of Camp Crystal Lake himself, Jason Vorhees.

I've had a fascination for horror movies since my edgy years from late 2009 through...honestly most of high school (I wore fingerless bike gloves to school every day--I didn't bike to school. I was CRINJ CITY). I remember watching the major slashers like Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, one of my most cringe moments was making a YouTube video about the 2010 reboot of Nightmare on Elm Street and talking about how good it was (15 year old me, for the record, was an idiot).

I know for a fact that I remember watching the original Friday and Friday Part 2. But I'd never seen the other TEN films in the franchise. So earlier this year, I got together with a friend and over the course of a few weekends...

We watched every Friday the 13th film that currently exists (as of posting) and ranked them.

Our Rating System

This was our first time doing a ranking for horror, so we didn't come up with a fun system at the first go around, save for an exception.

For the purposes of consistency of our lists, we're going to use the following rating system: Actually Good. These are the movies that are actually genuinely good watches, with fun characters, good writing, and good sequences. These are the best of the best.

Fun Time 🎉. The movies in this category might not be amazing, but they are still a fun time and are still pretty good watches for the type of horror we're watching.

A Movie™️ . These movies range from almost fun to not boring or bad enough to be lower on the list. We'll explain these as we go.

Why? 🤷. There are movies that take things into confusing territories and make things more convoluted for one reason or another. If it makes us say "Why?" then it's here. No 🙅. These are the worst ones--reasoning will explain.

Caveats

I think it's important to note that while my friend and I love watching horror, we don't think the Friday the 13th franchise is particularly scary. But we were interested becuase the 80s slashers are known to be just fun, and that entices me more than anything. So while these aren't scary when you compare them to modern horror like Barbarian, we were looking for fun times.

Also, should go without saying, but these are subjective opinions.

So with that out of the way...let's do this in order from top to bottom.

Actually Good

Jason Lives! Friday the 13th Part VI

If you watch any of the Friday the 13th movies, make it this one. Part VI is not just a solid slasher movie with great production values, but it's also just a good movie in general.

Tommy Jarvis and Megan are the best duo protagonists we have, with great chemistry. The group of teens we have here are also just fun to watch. People are mostly likelable!

Also the guy who went on to be the voice for Disney's TARZAN is in this movie. Neat.

There's also a ton of great references to other Horror Media because Director Tom McGloughlin is a damn nerd and we LOVE IT. Watch the Dead Meat Kill Count on these. Ya learn a lot.

Friday the 13th Part II

So when it comes to the original canon (aka up through Part IV), this film is the strongest out of all of them. Mostly because of the fact that even though Jason Vorhees doesn't have his iconic hockey mask (which he gets in Part III), the film has straight up the best group of camp counselors/teens in the whole franchise. They're fleshed out more, more sympathetic, and it's just fun.

The only real reason this doesn't top the list is that Part VI is just a better movie overall. There are some weird shot choices, and the cold open is weird and has no pacing.

A Fun Time 🎉

Jason X

Ok, so hear me out. I know the conceit of this movie is WEIRD. It's literally Jason in SPACE. This should be ridicously bad, right?

It's absolutely wild, but the thing about this movie is that it FULLY commits to the crazy concept and it honestly just works. It truly has no right to be as good as it is.

It's not a masterpiece, and it's still objectively wild, but it's a good time.

Friday the 13th (the Original)

It feels weird that the original Friday the 13th movie is in this team, but while this movie is still very good, and still a fun time with great iconic kills; it's still a little anticlimatic and the other films have stronger thru-lines.

Still a good movie, and one that I'd argue that you should still watch because it's the original and iconic, but it's not the best one.

Friday the 13th (2009 Reboot)

So I remember as an edgy teen harping on this movie for being bad (had I seen it? No. Did it matter? Also no). But this is actually a VERY strong reboot. While it doesn't entirely meet the bar of the other movies thus far, it's a fun time that does act as a "best of" of the early films in the franchise.

The characters are also kinda fun.

A Movie™️

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (Part IV)

This is the technically the end of the main story arc of Jason Vorhees--he does die here. Every movie from this point on has a Zombified Jason.

Part IV is higher than the other movies on this list mostly because of the kills themselves--someone gets stabbed while they're holding a banana -- it's wild.

Everything else is kinda meh. Most of the characters here are kinda sleezy and high key horny af, and they're all kind sex pest energy. They kind of suck.

Friday the 13th Part IV: A New Beginning

So Jason isn't in this movie, at all. There's someone else imitating Jason

It's aggressively sleezy and almost pornographic, which isn't

The one main positive this movie has is that it has some very solid characters that very much feel more interesting than most of the characters in the franchise. The kills aren't as good as Part IV, but it's still fun.

Freddy vs. Jason

So I was expecting this movie to be a lot better than it was (for what its worth, it's one of the better Nightmare on Elm Street Movies). It's fine. Not overly worth writing home about per se.

Friday the 13th Part III

So this is an important film that brings us the iconic hockey mask and was also in 3D (because we love gimmicks). Unfortunately, this movie recycles a few kills and the characters are way more one dimensional, and annoying, and there's also some fun problematic racism thrown in.

Why? 🤷

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

This was one of the first movies in the Friday the 13th franchise that BAFFLED me and my friend when watching. According to Dead Meat, they tried to reach out to New Line about doing someting with Nightmare on Elm Street; they refused. So they went, "Ok but what if Jason vs. Carrie White? This slasher franchise needs telekinesis."

Part VII tries to be both a Friday the 13th film and a Carrie film at the same time. It fails at being good versions of both. The teens are forgettable; the telekenetic plotline is interesting but that's kinda not really the point of Friday the 13th, so it's just baffling.

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (Part IX)

Woof. This one is real rough.

This was a movie we kept pausing to see how long we had so we can say "We have NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING".

The movie tries to streamline things but make things more complicated.

The effects are cool, the kills are ok, and the characters are fine. But the structure is bad.

No 🙅

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Out of all of the Friday movies, this one is straight up bad. All of the characters are terrible and have no redeeming qualities. Half the movie doesn't take place in Manhattan, and once there, there's also a fun scene that's essentially SA and it's straight up upsetting. When you manage to make Jason look like a good guy, you know you've got a bad movie.

Final Thoughts

I'll go on record and say that Friday the 13th has more good movies than bad ones in my opinion. You don't watch these movies to be scared, you watch them to have a good time.

So go have fun and watch these movies!

#friday the 13th #I spent way too long writing these #maybe I should do this for every horror franchise i watch so we have a running list #horror movie #slasher movie #tier list

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Some thoughts on storytelling.

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I didn’t know cheetahs meow I’ve always thought they roar my whole life has been a lie

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wow same

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If all of these are real, the jesus christ we are so fucked.

Man yells, “Make America Great Again!” Before shooting 6 people dead.

Man wearing, “Make America Great Again” hat murders 2 strangers for no reason.

A Trump supporter murders 2 police officers because they told him he couldn’t wave a Confederate flag at a high school football game.

Two men beat a homeless man with a metal bar and urinate on him screaming, “Donald Trump was right, all these illegals need to be deported,” When asked for a comment about the incident Trump defends them saying, “My supporters are very passionate. They love this country and they want this country to be great again.”

Trump supporter attacks a Hispanic man and a Muslim student at a gas station while yelling, “Trump! Trump! Trump!”

Trump supporter stabs a black man unprovoked because he was holding hands with a white woman, tells police they need to release him so he can attend a Trump rally that night.

Trump supporter attacks Muslim woman at airport.

A Trump supporter punches a 70 year old protester in the face.

Trump supporter arrested for brutally beating protester.

3 Trump supporters arrested planning terrorist attack to kill Muslims.

Trump supporter confuses an Indian man for a Muslim at restaurant and says, “Things are different now, I don’t want you sand n*ggers sitting next to me.” Before attacking the man.

“We got a new President you fucking f*ggots.” Men yell as they attack gay man.

Trump supporters track down and brutally beat an artist because she made a painting of Trump with a small penis.

Trump supporter who sucker punched protester: “Next time, we might have to kill them.”

Trump is asked to comment on his supporters brutally beating a black man, he responds with, “Maybe he should have been roughed up,”

“You fucking gorillas and baby monkeys, We voted for Trump. Trump’s building a wall, beaners, and you’ll be going back to where you belong.” Man yells at black elementary school children unprovoked before he swerves his car at them attempting to hit them.

Trump supporters beat black man so badly he’s hospitalized for concussion and call him the n-word.

Trump supporter pepper sprays a 15-year-old girl point-blank in the face after another Trump supporter groped her breasts, shouting “n*gger lover” as she attempted to run away.

Trump supporter walks up to a black man in the middle of a downtown area and says, “Donald Trump will deport you.” Before punching the black man.

“Trump is going to win and if you don’t like it I’m going to beat your ass,” Trump supporter yells at random black woman outside of convenient store.

Man attacks and kicks Muslim airport employee shouting, “Trump is here now, he will get rid of all of you.”

In 8 months Trump supporters attacked protesters at 20 different rallies.

Trump supporter tracks down a local Latino Democratic political candidate and tries to run him and his elderly mother over with a car. (The Latino candidate is also a former marine.)

“This is for Donald Trump!” man yells as he runs up a Latino person and punches them in the head.

Trump supporter goes to Hillary Clinton rally to disrupt the event, ends up punching someone when asked to leave.

Trump supporter punches, chokes and slaps protesters on video during rally.

An angry mob of Trump supporters brutally beat and grab a mans genitals because he held up a, “Republicans Against Trump” sign.

A Trump supporter yells, “Get your black kids out of here. Do you even have a job? Do you know what a job is, n*gger?” Before physically attacking a black man who had come to the hospital to get help for his sick 2 week old daughter.

Local Republican Politician sexually assaults a woman by, “grabbing her pussy.” and then says he is allowed to do it because now that Trump is president he doesn’t have to be politically correct.

Canadian man who was a vocal Trump supporter both online and in person goes into a mosque and murders 6 people.

Trump supporter physically assaults Comedian on stage for making Anti-Trump Joke.

Man yells, “Trump” while beating African immigrant cab driver.

A Trump supporter is arrested for burning a Mosque down.

A Trump supporter sees a car has pro-gay bumper stickers on it and then follows the car, waiting for the 75 year old driver to get out before brutally attacking him while screaming, “My new president says we can kill all you f*ggots now.”

A Trump supporter is arrested after brutally attacking gay men outside a McDonald’s. Witnesses describe the aftermath as, “There was blood everywhere.”

A Muslim refugee gay rights activist is kidnapped and raped by two men in retaliation for, “Trump being mocked.”

A Trump supporter is arrested on terrorism charges for building bombs he was going to use to kill Muslims.

Person spray-paints a transgender veterans car with the word “Trump” then sets it on fire.

A Trump supporter attacks two Muslim women and tries to push over a stroller with a baby in it while screaming, “Get the fuck out of America”

A Trump supporter tells a random Muslim woman he sees on the street, “I’m voting for Trump because he said he would send all of you terrorists out of this country.” Before attacking her.

Man shoots out the windows of two businesses from a car while shouting, “Hail Trump.”

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Corden | Meyers | Kimmel | Colbert | Conan

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THIS

If you’re using the terrorist attacks in London to try and push your political ideas or islamophobia, fuck right off.

No, we do not need guns in the UK. The availability of guns wouldn’t have helped the situation, but made it 100 times worse. Those terrorists attacked people with knives. Imagine the absolute fucking carnage if they’d been able to shoot.

No, the policy of ‘keep calm and carry on’ does not demonstrate our weakness. It’s the ultimate act of defiance against terrorism, which by it’s very definition attempts to disrupt our lives and make us too afraid to continue. I agree that action must be taken, but our refusal to submit to fear is one of the things I am proudest of about our country, and in all honesty, what else is there to do? Action is being taken against terrorism - MI5 stop dozens of terrorist plots each year. But if we can’t eradicate the cause of this hatred and violence, terrorism will never end. We can’t catch every terrorist. Someone will always slip through the cracks.

No, Muslims are not the problem. Muslims are not terrorists. Terrorists are extremists, whose actions have nothing to do with the faith that they falsely swear allegiance to, for Islam is a religion of peace, and Islamic extremism is nothing but a perversion of that. Having seen Trump’s tweet about his ‘Muslim ban’, I have never been more furious. That ban is not an anti terrorism measure, but a policy of racism and islamophobia, and I speak for the majority of Britain when I say that we want nothing to do with it.

Now is not the time to argue, to profess ignorant political ideas or to perpetuate racism. People have died. Have some fucking sympathy. Let us grieve.

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Hey look this is applicable again. #ItsMarch1st #AndItsCheese #NextToNormal

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jfc what an amazing photo

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this is stomp dog it shows up to stomp away sadness

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How i feel a lot.

when a post gets more notes than you expect it to

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Dance for Nerds: Why I do it.

I’ve mentioned a few times on this blog that I’m a little weird as a person. I’m quirky, kinda sarcastic and obnoxious, and I make more pop culture references than I probably should (and I’m honestly not entirely sure how many people get my jokes) But when it comes to my craft as a choreographer and performer, I’m the weird guy who doesn’t get exclusively get inspired by the works of other choreographers before me. Why? Because I’m nerd of my senior class. When I got to college, I was a broadway nerd (I’m less of that now), and as the years went on, I became a gaming journalist and a hardcore nerd (I mean I made a post about choreography coming from Dungeons and Dragons...that’s peak nerd right there). 

The major change in my life came with my roles at Zelda Universe. I started as a guide writer and in a turn of events that I did not expect, I ended up becoming the Media Director and an attendee to the Electronic Entertainment Expo (aka E3, the big event for the Gaming Industry). Going to E3 as a member of the press drastically altered how I compose myself because it forced me to step up to the plate and make myself seem professional. It was very weird the first year I went to E3 (2015), but by E3 2016, I felt comfortable calling myself a gaming journalist. As an artist, it also is incredibly interesting to talk to the developers of the games themselves and ask them what their process was and some of the reasoning behind their choices. My recent favorite is getting the chance to play Outlast II, a sequel to 2013′s surprise horror hit. During the demo, there was a particular jumpscare that got me so hard it actually made me scream in the middle of the show floor. When talking to the devs, they told me that that specific jumpscare is triggered by how fast your turn the camera, and NOT by touching a door, which allows the tension to continue to build up until you unwittingly set it off. That is genius. 

Sadly, I’ve also gotten a lot of shit for being a dancer that plays video games. I’ve been told by a handful of family members (as well as a few faculty members at school) that I am not prioritizing myself and should be taking more inspiration from dance. Which is unfortunate because I feel like we don’t look at video games complexly. I’ve gotten so much crap for this that I’ve become really good at explaining why being a dancer who plays video games is valid. And because I am currently sitting on a flight for three hours: I figured it would interesting to write about it.

First of all, there’s the obvious answers of storyline, art-style, and music. There are plenty of video games that do an incredible job at creating a plot arc that is gripping and engaging. For me, some of the memorable games that do this incredibly well are The Last of Us, Bioshock, Bioshock Infinite, most of the Legend of Zelda titles, and most recently, The Last Guardian (which I still have to finish, but what I’ve played I’ve enjoyed). These are games that have a great score, and have story-lines that make me connect to the characters and find things to use as inspiration. 

Then you have those games that also force you to make specific decisions that do have impact. Telltale is prastically know for this in their titles, but the one that’s had a lasting impact on me was Undertale. Undertale’s art-style mimiced that of Nintendo’s Mother/Earthbound series, and had an incredible, multi-faceted story that wasn’t afraid of being fun and kid-friendly one minute and then actively trying to fuck with your mind the next (there are even some movments near the end where the game takes a page out of Eternal Darkness and Arkham Asylum and crashes on purpose, just for good measure). The game also boasts a fabulous score, and it was one of the very few games (if not the only game) that I found a personal connection with. But what set the game apart from other RPG-style games was the primary mechanic of either sparing every enemy you meet or killing anything that crosses your path. The Pacifist and Genocide runs give two entirely different experiences and completely alter how NPCs view your character. Genocide goes one step further as well and activates a permanent flag in the game’s files upon completion, which alters the outcomes of future True Pacifist and Genocide Runs unless you go into the game’s files and delete the flag yourself (which is not as easy to do for the Steam version). This moral choice has so many different implications and is a very brilliant way of showing that every action has a consequence, which in dance, is an important rule. 

But those aren’t the reasons why I play video games. There is one reason that outshines them all, and it can be consended into a quote by Robert Frost.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" -Robert Frost

 If the countless hours of YouTube, Film, and Video game have taught me anything in the 22 years I’ve been on this Earth, it’s taught me that pretty much everything related to media shares a common aesthetic: life in motion. Whether it’s in the depths of outer space in Star Trek, a Deathclaw in Fallout 4, the Demogorgon from Stranger Things, or just two people chatting in a Starbucks, the act of existing in the world naturally evokes movement. Life doesn’t stop. Ever.

In video games, this is amplified depending on the game. Every character and enemy model has to have a specific way of traversing through space. Sometimes that’s as easy as using a reference (like spiders are common in games but they all move like actual spiders...also...fuck spiders). But in the cases of original enemies, somebody has to create a model and then think “Ok...so how would this character traverse through space?” Once you have that, then there are the specific and subtle nuances that all the characters should possess like Idle animations. That is all movement. 

Case in point: look at the idle animation for Team Skull Grunts in Pokémon Sun and Moon.

Now this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in a Pokémon game. Easily. It’s so dumb that it’s absolutely hysterical. However, as dumb as it is, when I think of Team Skull now, I immediately start doing these arm gestures. I now associate Team Skull with that movement. As ridiculous as it is, it’s still movement.

Mankind is currently living in an era in which technology is evolving at a rapid pace. There is so much media in our lives we are pretty much drowning in it. As a result, everything can connect to movement, regardless of sentience or whether or not we can actually see it.

As a citizen living in a country where everything is about to drastically change come January 20th, the arts now have an important role to serve our society and create meaningful work. If we look complextly at the video game industry, we come to realize how much goes into it and how much you can use as a jumping-off point for anything. 

And that is something I intend to do--I am interested in deconstructing current media and technology down to a series of movement principles to create work (either performed live or produced as films) that not only references the culture, but also comments on it as a way of showing the complexity of modern existence through technical and natural movement. I’m also interested in utilizing technology like Twitch to create work that puts control into the hand of the audience. 

Maybe I’ll figure out a way to make this work...or maybe I wont. But it’s worth a shot. 

#everthingisart #videogamesareart #dancenerd #moderndance

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The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are things you get ashamed of, because words make them smaller. When they were in your head they were limitless; but when they come out they seem to be no bigger than normal things.

Stephen King, The Body (via plumeandparchments)

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