thedumbasswitaphone

[thedumbasswitaphone]

ego really saw squid game and went " fuck I should make one like that for football " and went ahead and did it

[thedumbasswitaphone]

i saw this somewhere and now it's cannon to me so the basterd manegement call kainess "our resident bundle of personality disorders" cuz let's be honest they are

[thedumbasswitaphone]

Reporter: So, Hawks, no one really knows anything about your early life. Where are you from?

Hawks: Poor use of birth control.

Reporter: Wha—

Hawks: *ignores follow-up questions*

[thedumbasswitaphone]

Ango: There is a thin line between bravery and stupidity.

Fukuzawa and Mori:

Fukuzawa and Mori: Dazai and Chuuya use that line as a skipping rope.

[thedumbasswitaphone]

Feeling so called out rn

[thedumbasswitaphone]

dazai making up a whole language with fyodor that no one else can understand is amazing but imagine him using codes that, very objectively speaking, you could crack, it's just that no normal person would ever make the insane leaps in logic that it requires. except for someone familiar with dazai's weird thinking patterns, that is.

i just love the idea of dazai's unhinged antics being dialed up to an eleven when he was in the port mafia, and oda being the only one who simply wouldn't bat an eye at it but chuuya was the only one who would actually get it.

like imagine ango at the end of the jailbreak, his boss saying he should allow himself to sigh and lean back and maybe indulge himself, pat him on the shoulder, tell him what he pulled off reading heart rates wasn't easy and he should be proud for being able to keep up with such a plan

but ango i-drank-with-teenage-dazai-and-also-had-the-records-for-every-soukoku-mission sakaguchi can only remember the time dazai was like using greek sign language through his breathing patterns to communicate from a submarine from beneath the pacific ocean or something, and chuuya could not fathom how no one else could understand him.

and that was the day mori signed off on skk being exclusive partners because every subordinate in the room was crying tears of blood by the time chuuya finished explaining which blood pressure level was warning them about a bomb, which blinking sequence was him conveying the vault password and which series of inhales was just him calling mori a bitch.

(ango also pointedly did not want to think about how smug dazai had looked after the mission when mori confirmed skk would only be each others' partners for efficiency and to maintain everyone else's sanity

or about how when he called chuuya to tell him about dazai's prison break scheme he could only get like 3 out of 276 steps into the plan before chuuya rolled his eyes, said "got it" then hung up and pulled the whole thing off without a hitch.)

[thedumbasswitaphone]

random bnha headcanons because theres worms in my brain. (more under the cut)

- Kaminari, Midoriya, Kirishima, Sero and Hagakure have ADHD

- Kirishima is a gay transman (started transitioning in middle school)

- Midnight is a wlw transwoman

- Shirakumo was pansexual and used he/they pronouns

- Kaminari has lightning scars and does his best to hide them (they're mostly in his back, chest and arms)

- Bakugou genuinely has anger issues and is in the process of getting diagnosed

- Ojiro, Yaoyorozu and Hagakure have body dysmorphia

- Jirou, Bakugou and Present Mic are all either HoH or fully deaf (i.e.: Present Mic has hearing aids and Bakugou needs them as well)

- Uraraka has an anxiety disorder (GAD, likely)

- Iida has restless leg syndrome

- Kaminari gets seizures when he overuses his quirk

- Shinsou, Uraraka, Jirou and Kaminari deal with migraines often

- Shoji and Midoriya have chronic pains

- Mineta got fucking expelled.

- he got his ass beat by like half of the class for the shit he was doing to the girls and some crap he said to Kirishima (who's openly trans)

- Asui, Iida, Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, Shinsou and Yaoyorozu are autistic

- Aoyama is gay and under the nonbinary umbrella

- Bakugou and Midoriya are also transmasc

- Midoriya's first binder was a birthday gift from the Bakugous (Bakugou half-jokingly wanted to make matching All Might binders for them)

- Tokoyami, Bakugou, Jirou, Todoroki and Shinsou often hang out together (either going to Hot Topic or just listening to music)

- the band/Jirousquad play whenever they have free time

- Satou stress bakes (Aizawa has walked in on him baking cakes at 2am several times)

- "... hey Mr Aizawa. Red velvet?" *deep sigh*

- most of the class has nightmares often and it's not new when they're awoken by or run into each other in the middle of the night

- Tokoyami having a nightmare, waking up with a scared Dark Shadow and then deciding to watch TV in the common room VS Asui curled up with a couple blankets on the couch because she also had a nightmare

- Jirou being hyperaware of her classmates' shallow breaths and shakes, feeling bad for not knowing what to do

- Bakugou wakes up the entire dorm by accident because he caused an explosion while waking up from a nightmare

- Koji uses sign language most the time and is semi verbal (autism and anxiety)

- Mirko is a lesbian

- Mr Compress is mlm

- Shinsou goes to sleep at 5am while Midoriya wakes up at 5am

- Shinsou, Kaminari, Tokoyami, Uraraka and Yaoyorozu are insomniacs

- Magne was like a big sister to Dabi (and he misses her. it was nice to know what it would've felt like to be the little sibling.)

- Bakugou is (stubbornly) teaching himself sign language

- Midoriya, Present Mic, Aizawa also know sign language (the Bakusquad are getting lessons from Midoriya)

- Monoma is on the aromantic spectrum

- Midoriya uses wrist braces and needs a cane (All Might and Recovery Girl are trying to get him to)

- Bakugou also needs wrist braces but refuses to get them

- Iida, Todoroki, Yaoyorozu and Bakugou are "Rich Kids With Family Issues" solidarity

- Natsuo used to the dye bits of red in his hair, but as he grew older, the red stopped growing

- it reminded him of Touya and he couldn't look in the mirror for the longest time

- Sero dislocates his shoulders often

- class 1a are banned from playing dodgeball (Recovery Girl had a really busy day the one time they played it)

- Todoroki and Yaoyorozu are gay-lesbian solidarity

- Kirishima, Uraraka, Tetsutetsu and Bakugou are gym buddies

- Midoriya learned English because of All Might

- Bakugou, Jirou, Kaminari and Shinsou are also fluent in English

- Midnight talked to Ashido, Yaoyorozu and Hagakure about their hero costumes and if they were truly comfortable wearing them; they ended up getting they fixed

- Shinsou sometimes uses his quirk to brainwash his classmates into doing self care

- "What're you doing, Sero?" "Oh, not much, just-" "Go drink water."

- Monoma, Midoriya, Kirishima, Denki and Bakugou have imposter syndrome

- if Yaoyorozu is caught off guard, she creates tiny figurines by accident

- Aizawa has had to catch Uraraka with his capture weapon a few times due to her sleep floating

- Shiozaki has extreme religious guilt

- Present Mic does his hair up while in his hero costume out of spite because high school kids used to make fun of Aizawa's hair when he used his quirk

- Kendo is bisexual

- she/they Fuyumi. you agree. reblog

- class 1a has sleepovers sometimes; blanket forts, movies, snacks, everything!

- (Aizawa knows and allows it every time. they deserve and need to be kids)

- sometimes they invite class 1b as well

- Monoma, Shinsou and Midoriya get along well to everyone's surprise

- Kirishima once ran into Dabi while buying hairdye but it was his day off and it looked like it was Dabi's day off too so he just pretended he never saw him grab a box of jetblack hairdye, shove it in his hoodie pocket and leave

- for the sake of his own sanity

- Hagakure can 'turn her quirk off' but only does so when she feels completely safe and comfortable, or when she's totally worn out

- when she did it for the first time around the rest od the class everyone was shocked

- "... is something wr-" "YOU'RE SO PRETTY???,?"

- Ashido, Uraraka and Kaminari hold Shoji's hands while crossing the street (mostly for fun, but he doesn't mind)

- Kaminari absent mindedly braided the hair on Ojiro's tail one day and he just let him

- Koji's bunny is an emotional support animal named Cotton

- Shigaraki decays door handles on purpose just to mess with the rest of the LOV

- he gets bored, okay?

- Aizawa teaches Eri sign language as a surprise for Mic (as well just so Eri has a way to communicate when she doesn't feel comfortable talking)

- Uraraka makes a casual comment about not having enough money to buy something for herself or her parents and Iida, Todoroki, Yaoyorozu and Bakugou hand her their credit cards like its nothing

- she is startled by that Every Time without fail

- Twice and Toga paint each other's nails

- Mr Compress lets Twice borrow his masks sometimes

- Himiko is a vegetarian, funnily enough

- Mt. Lady has chronic pains and stretch marks

- Bakugou has scars and burns from his own explosions (he wasn't born with perfect control over his quirk, and sometimes he takes his anger out on himself)

- Fuyumi and Natsuo's quirks are extremely powerful ice quirks, but Endeavor never bothered to train them and never let Rei teach them how to control their quirks

- while Fuyumi has Frost, Natsuo's quirk is called Subzero; he can lower his body temperature dangerously low and when he does so, whatever he touches freezes

- if he's emotional or focused enough, he can create icicles and wield them

- Todoroki considered dying his hair several times (black was on top of the list but after Dabi revealed he was Touya, he decided against it)

- the LOV took turns helping Dabi dye his hair

- Kurogiri helped Dabi with his staples (the only other person willing to do that was Himiko but everyone agreed it was a bad ideia)

- Spinner sticks around Dabi during winter because he's a human heater

- no one in the LOV liked Overhaul

- like, killing Magne was bad enough. but straight up child abuse? come on

- they know what it's like to be a kid and to be scared and hurt and they don't want that

- Himiko has nervous tics

- Hatsume is autistic and will infodump about her babies to anyone that will listen

- she and Midoriya infodump to each other

- sometimes, Kurogiri's gaze lingers on the morning sky. he finds clouds strangely amusing for some reason

- Aizawa and Present Mic have been together since they were 17 and have been married for nearly six years (they wear their rings on necklaces underneath their clothes)

- they officially adopted Eri first, then Shinsou

- (It's Free Real State Children)

- "I'm having another kid." "That's great, sensei-" "it's you. Mic and I have the papers already."

- Bakugou, Iida and Yaoyorozu tutor the class before tests

- Kaminari has dyscalculia and dyslexia

- Satou always has snacks on him (especially ones the made himself)

- he keeps an eye on Yaoyorozu and makes sure to give her something if he notices she's looking particularly pale

- most if not the whole class 1a has PTSD (this doesn't shock anyone. Aizawa is desperately trying to get them to talk to Hound Dog sometime)

- Aizawa needs reading glasses and refuses to wear them

- Aizawa and Present Mic & Midnight share custody of Sushi unironically (the cat Shirakumo rescued)

- Aizawa and Mic own other cats (Mochi and Tessie) (it's short for Tshirt, Mic thought it was funny)

- Iida and Yaoyorozu were at Aizawa and Mic's wedding due to their family status, everyone else was clueless to their marriage

- no one was aware they adopted Eri and Shinsou though

- like yeah Aizawa-sensei's taking care of Eri, BUT ADOPTION??

- "oh, Shinsou's in our class- HITOSHI AIZAWA-YAMADA?"

- Aizawa may have only two (2) legal children but by god does he love his other nineteen little bastards.

- Iida made a groupchat for class 1a for "school purposes" but it quickly descended into madness and he gave up

- the gc is now named something incoherent and incomprehensible and there's like seven other chats for different purposes (such as "dekusquad", "bakusquad", "the band" and "is this fucked up or are all parents like this?")

- Iida and Yaoyorozu keep note of everyone's allergies

- so does Aizawa

- Yaoyorozu has a bad relationship with food and often has trouble using her quirk due to it

- Tetsutetsu is a stealth transman (only Kirishima is vaguely aware)

- Kuroiro was extremely afraid of the dark as a child

- Ashido gets acid burns often (they're not too bad and mostly in her hands, but if it's a particularly bad day, she gets burns in her face)

- Kirishima has trouble walking/moving in general when he overuses his quirk

- Present Mic is mlm

- Aizawa is a gay transman

- Jirou and Kaminari are both bisexual

[thedumbasswitaphone]

#Kinnie #Gon freecs

[thedumbasswitaphone]

Dazai hated chuuya

He hated the way chuuya seemed to pull evryone into his orbit

He hated the way he got so easily attached to people despite having people close to him die multiple times

He hated how chuuya burned like a bright flame in the darkness of the mafia

He hated how chuuya thought he wasn't a human

He hated how chuuya couldn't see that he was so amazingly humane

Dazai truly truly hated chuuya

#dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #Dazai's thought on chuuya

[thedumbasswitaphone]

but he looks hot so it doesn't matter

[thedumbasswitaphone]

[thedumbasswitaphone]

This shit really out to get me huh ( I'm a bisexual )

[thedumbasswitaphone]

okay so I fricking love higuchi and I want to give her some trauma cuz ain't no way she doesn't have any given her obsession with aku and the fact that she lives with her sis so my headcannon

Her parents were alcoholic druggies

Her parents gave here and her sister away to an orphanage wen the we're 1 and seven

Due to the big age gap between the siblings higuchi raised her younger sister

She joined the mafia when she was 17

Her sister is 14 and is in middle school

Higuchi and her sis have been placed in some abusive homes and such

Now the non trauma related ones

She actually went to middle school

she loves movies

She argues with her sister over cereal

She Loves hot chocolate, it's her fav drink

She doesn't usually get drunk but when she does someone has to put a leash on her

She see's tachihara and gin as younger siblings

She had dress-up play dates with Elise where she is asked her shopping

#higuchi ichiyo

[thedumbasswitaphone]

i belive with my entire being that femzai would have the same hair if not 1 inch longer hair then normal dazai and would wear the same clothes as well and she would be flat as well cuz let's be honest this is dazai were talking bout the only thing diffrent between femzai and normalzai is that femzai has a girl's first name that's it

[thedumbasswitaphone]

Reblog In 5 seconds for good luck

[thedumbasswitaphone]

i was thinking bout akutagawa and dazai's relationship in dark era when I realised something in the scene where dazai punches and shoots akutagawa most people tend to regard it as abuse , while it is undoubtedly abuse they're in the mafia and before dazai punches akutagawa he tries to explain but akutagawa being himself talks back and disregarded what dazai was trying to teach and maybe it was the fact that dazai had a reputation to uphold in the mafia because until akutagawa disrespects dazai in front of the other mafia members he doesn't punch him also it is implied that dazai had tried to teach akutagawa to not use rashamon to kill evryone at reflex and now the same thing akutagawa had refused to listen to dazai about had failed on of his plans wich put some shade on dazai's reputation as someone who's plans never fail

[thedumbasswitaphone]

ao3 is down ! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭