thestarseersystem

[thestarseersystem]

i feel like we don’t always talk about the smaller ways that having a dissociative disorder (and not being “out” about it) can really disable a person— i’m in a choir, and idk how to explain to the musical director that SOMETIMES i am a soprano and have no trouble hitting high notes while other times i feel like i physically cannot sing that high. or how sometimes my guitar feels like an extension of my body but sometimes i don’t even remember how i’m supposed to hold it properly. or in art therapy when i only sometimes have access to my adult level of artistic skill while sometimes i have the skill level of a five year old. my dissociative disorder very much disables me, and this is something i don’t see people talking about outside of the ways that PTSD disables those with dissociative disorders. what i mean is that sometimes i do not have the ability to do very basic tasks. dissociative disorders are developmental disorders, and i am very much developmentally disabled much of the time.

i don’t plan on ever being publicly out about my dissociative disorder in a non anonymous setting. i have a hard time even talking about my parts in therapy even to the clinician that diagnosed me with DID. it feels unbearably vulnerable and not safe to tell people about my parts. i feel like we’re seeing more and more people on tik tok start talking publicly about their DID, and while that may be very helpful for them, i honestly can’t imagine ever being fully out with it like that. keeping it secret is what has kept me safe, it is how i survived the last twenty years of my life. my experience with DID also does not line up with most of the DID content i’ve seen online— and i don’t mean this to invalidate those whose experiences are different than mine, it’s just that it can feel really lonely and isolating to have a dissociative disorder that doesn’t fit with the worlds preconceived image of what a dissociative disorder looks like. this is part of why i typically just say that i have dissociative disorder instead of DID.

tldr: dissociative disorders can really impair basic functioning and i feel like people forget that when they focus so much on the parts of DID that are more sensationalized in the media.

[thestarseersystem]

Hey, you! You who suspect you might have PTSD, DID or another trauma disorder, but you think you didn't experience trauma "bad enough" to have developed a mental disorder from it? Let me suggest looking at it differently:

"If there's smoke, there's fire"

Do you experience symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, memory problems, dissociation, ect? Then yes, it was "bad enough". Maybe you don't remember anything "really bad" happening or you don't "feel like" it affects you, but listen to your body. The body remembers and the body doesn't care if you think it is "stupid" or "weak" to have a panic attack when someone touches you or that you still have nightmares about that thing you saw when you were 4 years old

Trauma isn't what happened. Trauma is the reaction to what happened. So what I'm trying to say is that if the reason you think you can't have PTSD/DID/OSDD/ect is because you didn't go through anything horrific enough for that, then maybe forget about what happened to you for a moment and just look at the evidence your body and mind are showing. And then, most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. You're going through a lot and it's gonna be okay in the end. Take it easy, okay? <3

[thestarseersystem]

You’ve got to forgive yourself for being traumatized and needing to learn how to function again. 

Recovery isn’t always nightmares and depression, it’s forgetting to eat, being scared of what others might see as completely normal things, it’s getting random panic attacks, not knowing how to take care of yourself, not knowing how to live like an adult, even if you’re twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, of feeling like you’re failing to function in a world where everyone seems to have their shit together. 

If you need help, ask for it. Go to forums and ask for advice. Take advantage of community resources. Buy pre-sliced veggies and fruits, eat instant meals if you can’t cook for yourself today. Hire someone. Ask a neighbor for a favor. Buy any item you think might make life easier, even if you feel like you aren’t ‘disabled’ enough to have it. 

Some of the depression posts (ie open your windows, take a shower, go outside, call a friend) are really helpful but they’re not always enough. I’ve found advice for spoonies, people with chronic pain or other disabilities have the best tips because they know what it’s like to be bedridden, out of energy, stuck in a brain fog. 

You may never return back to the energy you had when you were younger and you might always need to use crutches to help you through life. It’s the same with medication. 

Trauma is a real thing that happens to you, it physically alters your brain and it’s alright to have lasting scars. 

You’re not broken, your life is not over and you can still be happy. 

It’s not your fault.

[thestarseersystem]

the time you spent healing is not wasteful and you can still feel sad about the things you missed out on because you took time to heal.

[thestarseersystem]

No one tells you what abuse is when you're a kid, but you know it's wrong. We don't always understand why we're triggered, but we are triggered nonetheless. Our bodies remember, even if we don't.

#post.txt #actually traumatized #actually did #actually traumagenic #im reminded of a time where someone recounted being locked up and 'punished' on a fetish site #and it triggered me so bad i didn't know what came over me #but i told them in graphic detail to fight back and bite kick and beat the shit out of that person #it left me triggered for a long time afterwards #i didn't know if it was just roleplay or not because I didn't understand what that was- that you can just pretend #if I could go back and hold myself i would #i would hold and protect myself until I wasn't afraid of it anymore #no one ever tells you it's wrong that abuse exists- #all you feel is just frustrated and angry... #you were hurt just like that so please don't blame yourself for getting angry over something #that may not even be real

[thestarseersystem]

I know they say that but every alter is traumatized, because the body is the thing that experienced the trauma, therefore every alter that splits comes from a traumatized system. It doesn't matter whether or not you are a trauma holder, you're never endogenic if you're traumatized.

are we the only ones EXTREMELY confused by “Endogenic Alters”???

Like- correct us if we’re wrong, but that’s doesn’t feel very….

Basically it's supposedly just an alter that didn't form from trauma which-

A lot of us just formed from extreme stress (as we are prone to overstressing), that doesn't make them "endogenic" it just literally means they chill here knowing they didn't form from some abuse or something but from stress.

Which is completely valid!!!

[thestarseersystem]

Hey it's okay to self diagnose. It's always okay. My blog is a safe space for self diagnosed systems.

I have a VERY strong dislike towards endos, and in my online life I've only ever met one endo who is actually nice, they only self identify as an endo because they don't remember their trauma and are afraid of faking self diagnosed did or OSDD, which is understandable. we still talk to this day since they understand and respect my boundaries aside from asking endos not to interact, and it's someone I can talk to on the other side to get a better understanding of why endos think the way they do.

but now I'm hearing that during their therapy sessions they are starting to remember their trauma and their therapist thinks that aside from the lack of remembering any trauma, that they show nearly textbook perfect symptoms of OSDD, so they might be joining our side of the fence soon.

I only bring this up because I'm curious what other people's opinions are on this, to this day I don't understand why they went with self diagnosing as endo just because of not remembering trauma.

We get everything you mean, we've met someone who said they felt they were DID but didn't want to self-diagnose so they called themselves an ambiguous system (a subcategory under endo).

A lot are scared to not self diagnose because a lot of diagnosed systems will start harassing and calling anyone who self diagnosis several SEVERAL horrific names.

We saw a post of a diagnosed system going after a self-diagnosed and was calling them abelist slurs just because they self-diagnosed after YEARS (6) researching and realizing they fit especially as some of the headmates starting to talk to them that they had trauma.

A decent amount of endos don't realize they have trauma but a lot of others also just want to claim it so they can rp blorbos

[thestarseersystem]

traumagenic systems reclaiming 'fictive', 'factive', etc, is not cultural appropriation.

i genuinely cannot believe it has to be said. i saw a post from a (pro) endo with this awful take, saying that anti endos using the words fictive, factive, fuzztive, etc, is cultural appropriation because endogenics include 'spiritual systems', and using terms from 'spiritual systems' when you're not a 'spiritual system' is culturally appropriating those terms.

holy fuck. do i even need to explain why that's wrong? in every sense of the word? partaking in closed practices and resources, such as white sage and working with a god not open unless you are a part of a culture, are examples of spiritual cultural appropriation.

as far as i'm aware, spiritual systems are not a closed practice. anyone could do it. just like how anyone can """create a system""". and it's so, so rich, saying this and then half of the community then proceeds to appropriate tulpa terminology and refusing to listen to people of that culture when they say that it's wrong to use.

traumagenic systems are reclaiming terms from endogenic systems, just like how endogenic systems ""reclaimed"" (stole) terms such as system hopping, turning a term that's meant for (h)c-did systems into a "ooh fun quirky alter visiting other headspaces!!!!1!" thing.

touch some grass. pet a dog. say hi to a friend. because one has to be so chronically online that they think that the words 'cultural appropriation' applies to anti endos reclaiming system terms. holy shit.

[thestarseersystem]

- amaranth.

#found out adhd first #then i found out i was a system then i found out i had ocd #and then!! a couple years later #i found out that i had autism

[thestarseersystem]

[alt; userbox reads "this alter is bisexual"]

[thestarseersystem]

[alt; userbox reads "this alter is nonbinary"]

[thestarseersystem]

[alt1; userbox reads "this system doesn't force source separation"]

[alt2; userbox reads "this system doesn't force source separation"]

[alt3; userbox reads "this system doesn't force source separation"]

[alt4; userbox reads "this system doesn't force source separation"]

[thestarseersystem]

Usually it's fine, I may feel woozy or nauseous if it's heavy. But there is a disorder (FND or dissociative motor disorder) that happens in which systems may get catatonic from heavy switches or start having tics, shaking or seizures. I've gotten catatonic quite a bit when this one alter would front/switch out. Thankfully she got fused into a co-host, but yeah they used to make it hard to move when we were intensely stressed.

Weird Question: When switching or dissociating can your body still move or do things?

Normally when we dissociate we can do small things, but the reason I’m asking is because when we drive we end up reaching a state that feels like dissociation, but we don’t loose control over the vehicle. Like it feels like I’m locked inside my head surrounded by padded walls while watching the events unfold. I’m not saying this is dissociation but I wanted to figure out what this would be called.

[thestarseersystem]

systems being able to shapeshift wld be SO FUCKING COOL

[thestarseersystem]

y'all know when someone keeps talking about their "quirky" childhood and adult habits but it's just like. textbook examples of a complex dissociative disorder. but you can't just be like "maybe you're a system" bc that could freak them out way too much all at once.

or you'll offhandedly mention a Uniquely System Specific Experience and they go "wait i relate to that lol. it must be from my depression/anxiety/etc" like. uhmmmm. not quite, not quite. time loss and seeing people in your head that grow and change independently of you is not uh,,,,,,,,,i don't think that's anxiety uh,,,,,,,,

[thestarseersystem]

What if I just started going by a different name and pronouns and had different likes and ideas and memories and opinions and presented differently and acted differently... but like I'm still me though... no I'm not a system at all...

[thestarseersystem]

also gonna put this out there cause I got an ask on it:

I support people with low/no empathy. Personally I have very little empathy and it's usually very conditional, so yeah. Having no empathy doesn't make you a bad person, being a bad person makes you a bad person