thiscityscreamsyournamee

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

File Name: The Bolter 🤍

Pre-order the new edition of THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT with an exclusive bonus track for a limited time on my website now

https://taylor.lnk.to/thetorturedpoetsdepartment

📷: Beth Garrabrant

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

All’s fair in love and poetry… New album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. Out April 19 🤍

store.taylorswift.com

📷: Beth Garrabrant

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

All’s fair in love and poetry… New album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. Out April 19 🤍

store.taylorswift.com

📷: Beth Garrabrant

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

Sam Lansky has such a wondrous way with words, and I’ve loved reading his pieces for over a decade. If you’ve ever been around him, you know he’s just the best type of person: Curious. Interested. Hilarious. Intriguing and intrigued. I have tRuSt iSSueS when it comes to interviews but I couldn’t be happier that I did this one with him. I was blown away to see quotes from people I adore and admire like Stevie Nicks, Greta Gerwig, Shonda Rhimes, Phoebe Bridgers, Natalie Maines, Kenny Chesney, and Lucian Grainge. I was so happy he spoke to fans Madison and McCall who were so eloquent, loyal, and kind. I’m really reflecting on this year, and all the years that led up to it. Can’t say thank you enough times. 🥲

https://time.com/6342806/person-of-the-year-2023-taylor-swift/

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

It’s a new soundtrack 💙 Here are the back covers and vault track titles for 1989 (my version) I can’t wait for this one to be out, seriously. Thank you for playing along, sleuthing, puzzling and making these reveals so much chaotic fun (which is the best kind of fun, after all 😜) 

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

The Eras Tour has been the most meaningful, electric experience of my life so far and I’m overjoyed to tell you that it’ll be coming to the big screen soon 😆 Starting Oct 13th you’ll be able to experience the concert film in theaters in North America! Tickets are on sale now at taylor.lnk.to/TSTheErasTourFilm. Eras attire, friendship bracelets, singing and dancing encouraged 🫶 1, 2, 3 LGB!!!! (iykyk)

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

It's my 6 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

yayy

#6 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone #Spotify

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

Surprise!! 1989 (Taylor’s Version) is on its way to you 🔜! The 1989 album changed my life in countless ways, and it fills me with such excitement to announce that my version of it will be out October 27th. To be perfectly honest, this is my most FAVORITE re-record I’ve ever done because the 5 From The Vault tracks are so insane. I can’t believe they were ever left behind. But not for long! Pre order 1989 (Taylor’s Version) on my site 😎

http://taylor.lnk.to/1989TaylorsVersion

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

I’m VERY excited to show you the back cover of Speak Now (my version) including the vault tracks and collaborations with Hayley Williams from Paramore and Fall Out Boy. Since Speak Now was all about my songwriting, I decided to go to the artists who I feel influenced me most powerfully as a lyricist at that time and ask them to sing on the album. They’re so cool and generous for agreeing to support my version of Speak Now. I recorded this album when I was 32 (and still growing up, now) and can’t wait to unveil it all to you on July 7th http://store.taylorswift.com

PC: Beth Garrabrant

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

Really thrilled to tell you this!! Mexico, Argentina and Brazil: We are bringing The Eras Tour to you this year! Sweet angel princess Sabrina Carpenter will be joining us on all of the shows! Visit taylorswift.com/tour for more information on your registrations, pre-sales and on-sales.  

LOTS more international dates to come soon, promise!”

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

THIS IS YHE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

It fills me with such pride and joy to announce that my version of Speak Now will be out July 7 (just in time for July 9th, iykyk 😆) I first made Speak Now, completely self-written, between the ages of 18 and 20. The songs that came from this time in my life were marked by their brutal honesty, unfiltered diaristic confessions and wild wistfulness. I love this album because it tells a tale of growing up, flailing, flying and crashing… and living to speak about it. With six extra songs I’ve sprung loose from the vault, I absolutely cannot wait to celebrate Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) with you on July 7th. Pre-order now at http://taylor.lnk.to/SpeakNowTaylorsVersion 💜💜💜

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

september, it's been rough

the piercing sound of the rain

makes it harder to sleep at night

the cold air that stays inside

the balling fist, the blanket is not enough

staying awake halts my escape

when the rain pour i go with it

the dread, the grief, the desire

filling the room, higher tides

writing a farewell speech

is not going to help me either

i still need to explain it

to you, after you read it

the last mornings were never the same

and the next mornings will stay that way

i lost count of the past few days

bothers to know one face is missing

yesterday i watched a ball game

it only reminded me of past love

and there the question lingered for years

"why is it never meant to be?"

all the people i've been with for months

with faces i still need to familiarize

met someone they told me was out of their mind

the only person who has called me pretty

i will never be like them

in fact, i never thought i'll be like me

in a plane different than where they want to see me

why is it never meant to be?

tried to confront my past

tried to forgive the past

when choices were all mistakes

when i was feeling my feelings for the first time

and looking back nothing changed

it's the same lonely place

it's the old rusted cage

but all the faces slowly fade

and that was not even the most painful yet

it's the fact that i'm alone in all these

sometimes i dream of a shoulder

of a hand, when it starts to get colder

because God i'm so broken

even tape couldn't put me back together

even my hand bleeds if i pick me up

even God is tired of me

and whenever i feel so much behind

i imagine better things must be coming my way

but why is it only me behind

surprisingly only me

the dreams i suppose to see

gets blurry every year

it's darker tonight and I ask,

"why is it never meant to be?"

maybe it's the cold, sickening rains of september

maybe it's the lump on my throat, in my lungs

maybe it's the grief for everything died inside me

maybe this is the only thing meant for me

i looked around and thought

i'm just a tiny spec of the universe

if i go walk off the earth

will you find me

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

been in a bad place mentally for the past days, self-esteem is low, financial troubles, physically and emotionally tired dahil hindi ko na kaya na ako lang nagtatrabaho samin pero wala naman akong choice, and now one of my dogs is dead

ni hindi man lang siya nagpaalam sakin

ang daya-daya na ng buhay

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

Midnights, the stories of 13 sleepless nights scattered throughout my life, will be out October 21. Meet me at midnight.

Pre-order now: https://taylor.lnk.to/taylorswiftmidnights

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

it's about to rain

it's about to rain here in Cuenca. it's getting so cold and I'd only want to wrap a blanket on myself all day. I'm absent from work today because my neck and backaches are killing me. it's the first time I wasn't at work and had no worries about the things I'd be missing out on.

but it's 4pm now and it's starting to get dark. and the worries are starting to bother me again.

it's my seventh month on that company this December. still haven't been evaluated. I don't know if they'd still want to regularize me. it's not like I'm "un-performing" as an employee. but maybe underperforming if we're going to base on that fucking scoreboard that doesn't even show my hard work. I'm always so tired and burnt out but when you translate that into numbers, it's still not enough. never even had the chance to prove myself through required presentations of my finished accounts. other people always get to present my presentations. and they always get to take the credit for my hard work. and when they decided to give my task to the other employee who's older in the company and who might do it better than me, it didn't do any good for them. she had more of a hard time than what I had.

it's three months this December since I tested positive for the deadly virus. and after I recovered I started living my life with more and developed anxiety. I always wake up in the middle of the night just to scare myself and think of the possibilities of getting the virus again. I'm always so scared of the idea of taking a bath and suddenly not being able to smell the soap. or eating my breakfast and suddenly not being able to taste the food. and every day I get nervous and wake up shaking from my bed.

I don't want all that to happen again.

my quarantine days were the worst, most depressive days of my year. it was the time there was nothing to distract me from my miserable self and present state of life. there were lonely and deadly silent nights where I couldn't stop myself from thinking about how I failed myself and everyone around me after I graduated college. about how maybe all this time I was a loser. a weak, pathetic quitter. there was a bright future ahead of me, they said. and now I work at a job I hate where I let people scream at me and look down on me just because the system of the company failed them. and I couldn't leave because I still remember how I struggled to find a new job after I resigned from the last one that didn't do me any good either. last year I was thinking about how I was a wasted potential. this year I don't even know if I really had that potential at all. I did cry a lot of times on my quarantine days. it wasn't physically exhausting no matter how much my head ached. it was more of a mental situation.

it's been roughly three years since my father almost lost his mind. he hurt himself from too much burnout. he had a mild stroke but he's all good now. except he's now having more hard times with his eyes. and he had a drastic change too. he struggles in reading and writing and sometimes in speaking cohesively. and he couldn't work for us just like he did before. that happened way before I graduated college. before all that, I've always thought about how we'll both be working for the three of us (with my mother). and then I'll work hard until the day he wouldn't need to work anymore. now it's just me working for them. and it's just two years since I graduated. and I'm just twenty-two. and twenty-two is when you should be starting on building whatever career you dared to dream to build. but now I'm so fucking tired. the pay I get every month is not enough to pay for the utilities and for the food. I couldn't even buy a new laptop to replace this old laptop that shut down on me while I was writing this. I needed to re-write the first half because of that.

gosh, I've always felt like I'm slowly carrying the world. maybe that's why my back hurts. I don't have any idea where I'm heading to. that's why it's scarier.

when I was eighteen, I felt like I'm on top of the world. I felt powerful. I'm smart, creative, hardworking, and I always know what I'm doing and what I'm going to do next. whenever I mess up, I would always know how to fix that. and it always works out.

now that I'm twenty-two, a small inconvenience would make me cry. making a choice would never make me have a good night's sleep. and whenever I mess up, I mess them up even more by attempting to fix them. I know life was never better. but it was a hard day learning how life is actually more difficult than you thought it was. I've felt like every year I don't get old by a year. I just get older, older than I should. it's confusing how it feels like I'm old enough to deal with things, but still feel like I'm too young to deal with the same said things. on top of all that, I feel so fucking alone.

I can't even tell if it's just getting too much today that's why I was writing this. I've always felt like it's always too much, and this is just one of those rare times I start addressing it again.

I'm scared I wouldn't stay longer in that company. although I know to myself that it's unfair that I won't. I work hard and do my job the best I could. I'm scared to get the virus again. although I know it wouldn't be fair for me given the circumstances. and the circumstances are that I am poor and my parents are old and I can't afford to get sick.

but life is sometimes fucking unfair, isn't it?

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

napag-iwanan na naman na ako e. di ko na hahabulin kasi masyado nang malayo

[thiscityscreamsyournamee]

fine i'll quit