thisishelena

[thisishelena]

"Are you done?"

"Not yet."

"It's been hours."

"Oh, don't be dramatic. I just started."

"Do you see the time?"

"Why should I? I thought you said you are free?"

"Yes, to spend time with you. Not being a hostage like this."

"Be quiet, do you want me to finish or not?"

"You should have finished hours ago."

"I told you, I just..." she finally raised her face from the sketch she was drawing to look at him with annoyance. He immediately broke into a grin, thinking how he has successfully goaded her. He is learning the small things that can rile her up for the express purpose of deliberately doing the very things. He likes to test her patience, ignite her temper, tease her to oblivion. She would always be throwing that look he has come to adore so terribly, brows knitted together, murderous eyes, lips either in a pout or pursed together, cheeks flushed with anger. And he is so glad this tempestuous beauty is his.

It has been 7 months after their marriage, and after a talk with his friend, it became clearer what he should be doing. He would woo her, seduce her, make her fall for him as how he has fallen so helplessly for her, no matter how long it takes. It might be a backwards way of doing things, but things have happened and he needs to be responsible for it. He lets her do anything she wants, tries to talk to her and would rejoice when she is not in a snippy mood. He was puzzled as to how he has been hearing stories of a jovial, kind girl from the others but he and Reese have been seeing a grumpy, hissing cat since the first night but then he realised that her behaviour depends so much on her first impressions of people. He was sorry they had met under such regrettable situation, but he is determined to make up for it.

He watched her hands deftly moving on a piece of paper, sometimes glancing up at him to take note of a feature or gesture, and she would bend down to continue her sketch. The sun room was quiet, save for birds chirping outside, a low song playing in the background from her playlist and the scratch of graphite on paper. It lulled him to remember a few months ago, when they had been avoiding each other the first week they live in the house as husband and wife. He knew he couldn't go on forever in that manner and one night, he decided to knock on her bedroom door. She had opened the door and when he saw that she just had her shower, he momentarily forgot what he wanted to say.

"Oh, sorry. Come in. I'm just dressing."

He stood like a statue. She was already turning away from the door but when there was no motion, she turned back and waited expectantly. She called his name.

That broke his reverie. "Sorry. I'm sorry. Excuse me."

"What is it? Do want to say something to me or anything?"

"Yes. I wanted to..."

"I said come in. I need to finish dressing."

Nobody had dared to instruct him in that manner, in any manner as a matter of fact. But he found himself obediently stepping into her room and closing the door behind him. He started to walk to her sofa set but stopped. This might be his house but this is her private space.

"Hold on." The girl walked past him, leaving a waft of rose in her wake. He watched her straightening out the coffee table and sofa, shoving aside books, blankets and skirts. "Sorry" she mumbled after she's done, and gestured for him to sit. He sat. And looked out while she continued to go in and out of the bathroom. Finally she settled on a sofa opposite him, putting several bottles on the table between them.

"Hope you don't mind," she said while nodding at the bottles. "I need to hurry."

"Why? Where are you going?"

"I'm supposed to be down in the kitchen in about an hour."

"But dinner is not that early."

"Yeah, I have to learn how to make ravioli from Cook."

"Have to?"

"Okay, maybe I dug that hole myself. I must have looked too enthusiastic about his ravioli that he insisted I must learn about it his way. He also said it's one of your favourite things to eat." At this, she looked straight at him. He just managed a "Hmm" because her eyes disarmed him, and also because she just took down her turban towel, letting thick tendrils of dark hair cascade over her shoulders. She rubbed her hair between a dry towel, while using her fingers to separate the locks and air-drying them.

"Sorry, I might look busy but I'm listening."

His attention snapped back at her. "No, I'm the one who should apologise. I didn't mean to catch you at a bad time."

"It's not a bad time at all, if you need to speak, then just speak. I'll listen." She is now brushing her hair with a detangler and leaned forwards, reaching out to a bottle of wet hair serum. He automatically grabbed it first, his arm being longer, and held it out to her. "Thank you," she said, looking at him.

"So I guess, I already know your answer for the question I came here to ask you."

She cocked her head questioningly.

"I wanted to ask if you would have dinner together with me tonight."

"Oh."

"But that's okay. We could do it any time."

"Are you sure? I can tell Cook that I..."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I don't think that can work. He already works here since before I was born, he has more authority in the kitchens than I have in the entire household."

She smiled at that. His heart broke a little. How he wish he could make her smile more often like that.

He continued, "Well, maybe next week then, because tomorrow I need to..."

"Why?"

"Sorry. "Why"?"

"Yes, why?"

He shrugged. "Because."

"You molested me the first time we are alone in the car, you ignored me for an entire week and today you finally came down from your throne to ask me to eat with you?"

There are a few times in his life that Julien was rendered speechless and this is one of those times. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out in reply to her nonchalant question. She is still languidly putting serum in her hair, combing from root to tips with her fingers. The smell of rose permeated the air. She suddenly stopped, her hands dropped to her lap. He noticed she is wearing the lavender silk dressing gown that he bought as one of the new things to equip the room for his new wife. She lifted her head to look at the window on her left but she continued talking.

"I'm sorry. You're probably sick of hearing me say it, but I'm sorry."

He was still quiet, but his mind is racing with the unexpectedness of her.

"I am not trying to pick a fight, I promise. I don't want to fight," she sighed. "It just came out that way, I really need to think before I open my mouth next time."

"But... is that what you really think?"

"Even if it is, there are better ways to express it. I was being without manners, so I apologise."

Her refined upbringing is really showing up in this instance. She might be a spoiled princess with a bad temper but she has finesse and she knows when she is being inconsiderate. The key now is whether she will be contrite about her behaviour or not, and that depends on the person she is being extremely inconsiderate with. Julien gave a silent prayer of thanks that he is getting the contrite girl right now.

"Now, you are the one who might be sick of hearing me say this, but I am sorry too. I am sorry for that night, I am sorry for the week after, and I'm generally sorry for being the cause of this upheaval in your life. I know it has been a lot to you, and I shouldn't have disappeared. I was just... No, there are no excuses. I shouldn't have done that to you."

"No, you can tell me why."

"What?"

"I won't take it as an excuse." She trained her big, brown eyes at him. "You can tell me, why did you disappear?"

"Well, I..." He rubbed the back of his neck, flustered. "I upset you, didn't I? You must have hated me for what I did."

"I don't understand that word. I don't know how could I hate a person. I understand why you did it. I disapprove of it, of course, but that doesn't make you an evil person that I must hate."

He blinked at her.

"I'm not an idiot. I know the kind of life I'm born into and I accept the sacrifices I must make. So we are married. In less than favourable conditions, I might add, but I'm not going to throw a tantrum over things that I have no control over. Well, maybe a little tantrum now and then, if it's one of those days." She tried to lighten up the conversation but he didn't as much as smile. She 'hmph'-ed in her heart and continued, "So how do you want to do this marriage thing?"

"You think this is a sacrifice?"

She gave an audible sigh. "Okay, first thing, we might not last an hour without fighting if you're going to question every single word of my vocabulary."

Julien abruptly stood up, startling her. With one stride, he was in front of her and sat down on the table that was between them. He is much closer to her, and she became aware of the pleasant aroma of woodsmoke that reached her nose. He is quite handsome, she acquiesced. He is taller than her, she came just up to his chin so in this position, they can finally see each other face to face. From her father, she got to know he is several years older than her, but way younger than all the other old lions that sat at the same reigning table as him. He doesn't immediately garner their automatic respect but his presence and demeanour command it. He is silently fierce in his actions, preferring not to resort to violence as easily as his predecessor. Unfortunately that made the others mistakenly think he is soft, but more often than not, he shows that that is far from being the truth. His jawline is sharp, his skin clear and looks smooth except for a faint scar near the corner of one of this eye. His eyes are silver, and the year after his father's sudden death and his donning of the mantle has put a few grey streaks in his hair. A few locks of it fell to his forehead, giving him a boyish air. An image of her fingers raking his hair came unbeckoned to her mind's eye. It was her turn to blink at him.

He wanted to reach out to hold her hand but he is a little scared she will swipe him. So he controlled himself and clasped his hands instead.

"If..." Dear God, did he just croaked? He cleared his throat and tried again. "If you really think you have made a sacrifice, I will try my best to make you see that it is worth it. I hope you don't see it that way, I certainly don't want you to think about it like that, but if you do, I'll make it up to you. I promise."

"No, I misspoke. I didn't mean it that way."

"Selene."

She looked at him.

"I don't want you to be on tiptoes with me. Just say what you want to say."

"But I really did not mean to say that, I just wanted to..."

"Even if you do, it's okay."

"No! It's not!" she raised her voice. "If I say it isn't, then it isn't!" Her eyes narrowed into slits, her cheeks starting to get red. "You don't get to tell me what I mean and don't mean, I told you, we will not last an hour if you want to question my every single word and motive behind each syllable!"

Julien went silent. People say that you will get honesty in two situations, when someone is drunk or is angry, so he decided he should see how this plays out.

She leaned back, wanting to distance herself a bit from his intense gaze. "I know I make mistakes, but you don't get to decide if I should apologise for it or not. That should be entirely up to me! I have asked you, how should we do this marriage thing, and I haven't gotten a single answer from you! Instead, I have had every sentence out of my mouth questioned and probed! I was in a good mood, I didn't even set out to fight with you. You ignored me for an entire week and you think you have the right to intrude in my space at any time that is convenient for you?"

Her eyes are blazing, her chest heaving up and down. The wetness from her hair actually made her lavender silk robe damp and he couldn't help but notice the unmissable outline made by her luscious pair. He caught himself and quickly averted his gaze. Unfortunately, it was too late.

"I see." She said the sentence quietly, but utterly dripping with venom. "I understand now. Dinner, yeah right." She scoffed. She stood up suddenly and stormed into the bathroom. "I need to finish getting ready," she said tersely before closing the bathroom door. Julien was left sitting on the coffee table facing an empty couch, not given a chance to speak but even if he has, he has zero idea of what to say. He rose slowly and walked to the bedroom door. Before going out, he gave a glance at the shut bathroom door. He bit his lips, went out, and closed the door behind him, his mind a raging hurricane.

[thisishelena]

They came back from their trip to Caiazzo uneasy. Tension is brewing since the death of the old bull and even after a year, it has not abated. Nobody seems to be confident enough in his young son taking the helm and holding so much power in his hands, rejecting old advisors but instead surrounding himself with equally young right hand men that he and only he trusts. This is not right. He might be wearing the crown but what's a king without his people? So far, he has shown himself to be capable and intelligent, but he makes decisions slowly and, to be honest, with a lot more care that is warranted in this world. "If he wants to be soft, then this is not the world for him," scoffed many. But businesses are being handled much smoother than usual, people are more cooperative this way. Or maybe they are too unnerved by this new saccharine sweet way of doing business in this vile industry that they simply surrender what is asked of them without a question. Even the officials are less slippery than usual and the police seem to be stone-walled in every case they are implicated in. Yes, things are going smooth for now, but until when?

Reese sits in the library, looking through sheafs of paper. This latest communication brings more worry to him. He thought of going to Julien for a discussion but he didn't want to disturb his boss so soon after his marriage. That reminds him of something. They didn't even go for a honeymoon. The newlyweds just stayed in the house, with Julien working or going out for meetings and the girl spending her time around the mansion. The maids and guards report to him of every sighting of her and he felt like he knows more about her whereabouts than her own husband does. She hasn't been... what's her name again? Oh yes. Selene.

Reese let go of the papers on his lap and leaned back on the plush settee. He put his hand on his forehead, slightly massaging him temples. This marriage is making his already difficult job much more challenging. He simply cannot fathom why would Julien suddenly throw himself into such shackles, especially in such an unstable time like this. Beauty? Yes, Reese admits Selene is a pretty, young thing, with her waist-length chocolate brown hair, dark eyes, red lips and a melodious voice. But beauty like that is a dime a dozen, Julien could have had his pick from all the women throwing themselves at the feet of this rich, suddenly eligible bachelor, so why her? Why Selene?

The library door opened with a loud twist of the doorknob and Reese jumped. As if summoned, the girl herself walked into the space, carrying several books in her hands. Reese was too startled, thinking he had conjured her with his mind, that he forgot to offer her help in carrying the books. She just turned her head to look at him, a little haughtily.

"What are you doing here?" he tried to be civil.

"What does it look like?" Right, no civility from her then.

"Do you need help with those?"

She turned her head away from him and simply said, "No." He watched her as she walked to the bookcases and putting in the books she was carrying, and selecting a few more out, presumably to borrow to read. She was wearing a white blouse and a dark skirt that went below her knees, her dainty feet bare, the toes a bright colour red.

Selene actually had a fright when she opened the library door and saw a man sitting on the sofa. She thought it was empty, it has always been so the few times she came in here. She had come to think of it as her private retreat where she can be alone, as no one ever enters it. Her room would always have maids coming and going to attend to her and guards walking to and fro outside her door. But here, she would come down here in the morning, stayed all afternoon, and only comes out during dinner. Even so, she didn't take dinner with anyone. She just went back upstairs to shower and come down later at night to eat in the kitchen, sometimes with the cook and a few other cleaning girls as well. She is chirpy and smiling with them, they are more relaxed with their new madam in this way. She assured them she doesn't want to get in the way of anything, and she asked about many things and the system in this house so she can do everything herself. Of course the maids are scandalised by this, the madam shouldn't be allowed to even brush her own hair, that's what they're there for but she brushed them off laughingly. She left out the part that she was forced to marry by her Father and her now husband, preferring not to paint their boss in a negative light. After all, according to them, he seems like quite a nice person, aside from being intimidating and "a little scary", as one young maid put it.

Today wasn't going to be any different, she initially thought. She wanted to finish reading this one author she discovered on her first day here in the library, and maybe later this evening, she would go to the pool and at night, she was supposed to make ravioli together with the cook, they had promised the night before. But she opened the oak doors as usual with one hand while balancing her finished books in the other, and came face to face with the man she bit on her first night here. She almost dropped her books but managed to keep a straight face.

"What are you doing here?" he questioned. What the hell? Isn't this her house and her library now too? Would he ask the Cook what was he doing in the kitchen? She just gave a clipped reply and proceeded to walk to the bookcases, unaware of his intense gaze on her. She slipped back the books back to their spots and searched for other titles by that same author. "This entire catalogue needs rearranging," she thought in her head. That gave her a small lift in spirits, she would love to start doing that as soon as possible. Titles are scattered haphazardly, genres were being done without, trilogies and series separated, the alphabetical system be damned, never mind the Dewey decimal system. Oh, look. The one title she is looking for is up on that high shelf, away from its companions by the same author. She sighed and started to stretch to reach out for the book. Suddenly a warm presence loom next to her, a hand plucked the book effortlessly from the high rack and floated it into her hand. Her fingers grasped the book instinctively and she turned around while taking a few steps back. The guard was standing in front of her, looking at her intently.

"It's okay to ask for help, you know."

"I didn't need it."

"You clearly did."

"But I did not."

"Okay," the guard let out a long sigh. "I think we have started off on the wrong foot. Can we start again?"

"No, thank you." Selene turned and walked towards the huge library door. Even after it was closed, Reese was still standing there dumbfounded. "What... What just happened?"

Selene closed the door and paced quickly away. Not knowing where else to go, she exited the house through one of the alcove doors and ventured out into the gardens. She walked around until she found a bench to sit. She sat, and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

She remembered that man, he is Julien's guard. He came to her in the dark kitchen where she was sitting the first night she came here. He shut her up by putting his hand on her mouth and in shock, she bit him. She has no idea how angry he must be with her now. Looking at him, it brought back all the feelings she had that night, the rage, the shock, the helplessness, the utter bewilderment of being thrown into an unfamiliar family in an unfamiliar house. She could feel tears welling in her eyes. No, she wiped her eyes angrily, this is not the time for self-pity anymore. She thought she had done good settling into her new life on her own, finding her way around the house, getting to know the people staying and working there, not giving up so much about herself in return. She got to know that after that night, her husband had to go out of town somewhere and she didn't meet him yet, not since that night in the limousine, in her wedding dress. She blushed inadvertently. It has been a week since that night. She thought she could ignore those people who made such unfavourable entrances in her life, but she now realised she cannot pretend forever. She looked at the books beside her, thinking there would be no reading for her today.

"Hi."

She jumped out of her skin. She turned, scared and was greeted by a smiling blond man, but his smile faltered when he saw her eyes wide with fear. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." He held up both his hands.

Selene forced herself to regain composure. She continued to look up at the man. He looks young, maybe about her age, his hair so blond that it looked white under the hot sun. He looked inquiringly at her, and when he saw that she registered his presence, he gave her another disarming smile.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again, looking a little sheepish. She shook her head wordlessly. He raised his black slack pants a bit and straightaway sat beside her. "Whew, kinda hot today, isn't it?" He unbuttoned the top of his shirt and fanned the collar. She still remained silent, but looking at him with slight disbelief. He was looking straight in front of him but now he suddenly turned his blue eyes towards her. "Hi," he said again.

"Hi."

"Oh thank God, I thought you wouldn't speak to me."

"Do I... know you?"

"You don't, but you are about to," he grinned.

She blinked.

"Oh, this is so much better. How can you stand this weather? I have been sweating like a dog since I came here, no, worse than a dog."

"Really? I haven't noticed." He turned to look at her to see whether she was joking or not. Her face seems unchanged.

"You're Selene, right? The Boss' new wife?"

"Mm."

"I'm Maximilian, you can call me Max for short."

"Max."

"Yes?"

"No, you said I could call you Max." she smiled a bit, and he felt rewarded.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked before sitting here. But it's so damn hot and I am still on patrol. Damn him, I just came back, haven't I? Can I even have a sit down or a drink first? No. Max, you're on patrol. Go to the gardens. Just like that!" He fanned his collar more furiously.

"Oh, so you're a guard?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Who told you to patrol the gardens?"

"Reese, of course. Right as we saw the gates. Do I have a say? Nope. So here in the gardens I am, walking around like a stray looking for a bone but suddenly I saw this vision in white, sitting pretty under this lemon tree. So I thought, why don't I sit for a while with this angel? It's rude to leave a lady unattended, anyway."

"Oh, this is a lemon tree?" She looked up at the lush branches over their heads.

"Yeah. It's not in season yet, though. When it is, the ground will turn yellow with the fruits dropping," Max said, gesturing at their feet.

"I see," she said, and went quiet. He turned to look at her for a while.

"What are you reading?"

"What? Oh, this? Just some books I got from the library."

"Why didn't you read in there? It's so hellishly hot out here."

"There was someone already in there."

"Oh, Reese? Yeah, he would always work in there if he is in the house and he's not with the Boss."

"So his name is Reese."

"He didn't tell you?"

"I... I might not have given him a chance to," she admitted. Max chuckled. "Yeah, I can see how you might forget to ask when you have a chunk of his flesh between your teeth."

Her head whirled around, she looked at him in shock.

"He came to the trip with a bandaged hand, and we obviously knew he was fine the night before, so he told us what happened."

"Oh, dear God. What... What did he say?"

"He just said you bit him, that's all." Selene put her face in her hands. "Hey, don't worry. At least we know you're someone not to be messed with," Max continued with laughter in his voice.

"Was... Was he hurt that badly?"

"Hmm, nope. I don't think so."

She fell into mortified silence.

"Hey," he nudged her shoulder. "Don't worry about it, okay? He's fine."

"Max, can you tell him I'm sorry?"

"Me?"

"Oh, you're right. I should say it to him myself."

"No, I don't mean it like that. I mean, you trust me enough?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, you're the Boss' wife and I am..."

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just..."

"Oh, I'm not familiar with all this formalities. So what if I'm the wife? Are there things I should or shouldn't do? I thought I understood how things work here."

"No, of course you could do whatever you want here. I just thought you would be more... distant... with me.

"So I should be distant?"

"No, no," he waved his hands and gave a small laugh. "No, I'm glad you are friendly with me, and I'm glad you trust me enough to give your words to someone else. I think I am at fault, I already had preconceptions of you but I decided to know you for myself before making my own assumptions."

"Preconceptions?"

"Well, yes. Do you know, we were suddenly told that Julien is going to get married a week before the date?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, the household became complete chaos. Everyone had to change plans and routines. Some of the old workers knew your father, the admiral, and they know you as a precocious little girl with a temper." At this, Selene cocked her brows and Max laughed before continuing, "Everyone was so apprehensive, but I thought it was just an overreaction, because when I asked them about you now, nobody could give a straight answer."

She was listening to all this in fascination. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, some said you were studying somewhere far, some said you were already married off, some said your father was forcing you to stay in the house, but some said they saw you on shopping trips, some were even surprised you are even in the country, they could have sworn you were carted off overseas in some boarding school--"

Max stopped suddenly, interrupted by a merry laugh from the girl. She swung her head left to right, her soft and thick hair following her movements. Her laugh was infectious, he couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"How ridiculous!" she said between laughter.

"My sentiments exactly," Max nodded.

[thisishelena]

He feels like it's deja vu. Him looking at her sitting alone at a kitchen table in the dark, bathed only in moonlight. Seven years have passed between that moment and this, and in a momentarily surreal second, he felt like time has never moved from that night. How different the circumstances between the two night though, he thought. His mind strayed back to the first moment he met her, not counting the time she crashed into him like a freight train.

After he overcame his initial shock of seeing someone when he thought he was alone in the kitchen, he approached the sniffling, long-haired girl slowly. He cleared his throat. The girl gasped and whirled behind.

"Sorry. I thought there was no one here."

The girl just stared at him with her big, brown eyes. When there's no response, he continued.

"Hey, are you okay?"

The girl now blinked and shook her head. She looks no older than 20, he thought. What was the Boss thinking, marrying a child? Her dress was haphazard and her hair was in disarray, but it's clear she is the bride from a recent wedding.

"Hold on, I'll get the lights. It's dark like a cave in here, how can you see anything," he mutters while making a move for the light switch.

"Wait."

Oh, she talks.

"No, don't switch on anything. I'm going upstairs shortly anyway."

"You can't go anywhere like that."

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Right. I'm the security detail here."

"You work for him?"

"That's right."

"So why do you think you get to order me around?"

Reese blinked. He didn't know how to respond to that.

"I'll be going upstairs now." She stood up. He could see she was barefoot.

"Wait."

She was just starting to move, but stopped mid-stride and looked at him like she could not believe anyone would stop her.

"Why are you sitting in the kitchen?"

"Why can't I?"

"Are you hungry or something? Do you need anything?"

"No, I just came to the first place I saw."

"Why are you not in your room?"

"I..." At this, the girl flustered.

"Do... Do you know where it is?"

She suddenly burst into tears. It was already too much for her, the week of stress and anger finally broke its dam and all her frustrations cascaded in hot tears streaming down her face.

It isn't easy to shock Reese, he has led a life of violence for years, nothing ever shocks him anymore. But now he is standing aghast in front of this blubbering woman in her ruined white dress and honestly he just wanted to shove her into somewhere as soon as possible. He can't take her outside, her sobs would carry and attract the attention of patrolling night guards. He rushed over to her and put a hand over her mouth.

"Please be quiet. I'll show you to your room. Just stop crying. Can you do that?"

Never in his mind did he expect her to bite full force into his palm, wait for him to withdraw his hand in pain and surprise, and straightaway ran out the kitchen. He ran to follow her, clutching his hand. But once out of the kitchen, he couldn't determine where she went. He peered into the darkness, straining his ear to hear any faint sound, but there was none. "Shit," he whispered to himself. He looked at the time. It's only a few hours until dawn, and they have to move off early to Caiazzo. He decided that she must still be safe inside the house, somewhere, no matter where she is hiding. The entire house has been locked down, there are guards patrolling outside, and out of bound areas are safely bolted shut. She will just need to be a problem for tomorrow, he sighed. He went back to his room, washed and iced his hand, and laid down on the bed, trying to chase a sleep that never came.

Reese's replay of his memories stopped when she moved at the kitchen table. "Selene," he calls gently. She gave a small jump, but turned and smiled at him. "Hi.

Encouraged by her friendliness, Reese went closer. He pulled out a chair and sat perpendicular to her. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Why aren't you?"

He grinned. "You know me, I have never been much of a sleeper."

"Hmm, ' she hummed in response.

His eyes darted to her hands and his good mood disappeared in an instant. Hearing his sharp intake of breath, she followed his gaze and saw the cause of his frown. "Oh, don't worry about this."

"How could I not, Selene." His voice changed to one filled with anguish. He looked at her in despair.

"Reese, seriously, I'm already okay with it. It was my fault anyway."

"No. Nothing you could ever do will warrant what I did to you that night."

"I disobeyed you, got everyone in danger, put everything at risk."

"Still. No, Selene. Don't ever say that again. You did not deserve that, not ever."

"What if I told you I'm used to it?"

He stopped. Continued to look into her earnest face. She is older now, but she has confirmed his initial impression of her to be that of someone who is intelligent and assertive if only a little headstrong. Okay, not "a little". The scar in his palm would attest to the otherwise.

"Used to what?"

"Being manhandled," she smiled a little now. But she tore her gaze from his face and now looked out of the window.

"I don't think I ever told you what happened that night we first met. Do you remember that night?"

It's the most ridiculous question he has ever heard, he thought.

"Anyway, you found me crying, right? That night, in the car, on the way to the house from my wedding, I got my first taste of his cruelty."

Reese just listened, his eyes fixed on her profile.

"I admit, there were very avoidable misunderstandings, and I was being too much. I was only thinking of my own feelings and I disregarded his. It was a horrible change for me but it just have been the same for him too. I was... stupid back then. Maybe even now, I don't know. But."

She turned to look back at him again, searching for his eyes. It wasn't difficult, she is the only thing he is capable of seeing right now. "He forced himself on me too, in the car."

Reese listens, stony-faced.

"It didn't culminate in anything, I fought back and the next thing I know, the car arrived and he yelled at me to go. I... I didn't even know where to go. So I waited until everything quiet down and I went down to the kitchen. And then... well, you know what happened then. "

"Yes...", he started to speak but his throat is dry. He tried again. "Yes, I remember. But then I had to go somewhere and came back a few days after that. Where did you go that night?"

"I didn't notice where I was running to. I only knew I was in some sitting room, there were some sofas. I just slept in one of them until morning."

"You said that was your first taste. Do you mean to say it happened more than once?"

"Yes, but most of the time, it was my fault. If I had just gone along, he wouldn't need to be rough. And he really doesn't know his own strength." She rubbed her wrists absent-mindedly, and a pang struck his heart again.

He extended his hand and slowly touched hers. When she registers his touch, only then he moved further and encircled her wrists but still taking care not to squeeze too hard.

"I don't know what came over me that night."

"Reese, I..."

"No, hold on. I need to get this out of my chest." She fell silent.

Now that she is giving him a chance to speak, he found himself speechless. His thoughts are muddled, his heart beating so fast he can feel it in his ears. He looks deep into her eyes, she has never seen such look of desperation in a man.

"I cannot describe my feelings for you. When you disappeared, when the guys told me you ran away, when we saw you were taken, those few days of not knowing whether you're alive or dead, when I saw the condition they left you in, the only thing I wanted to do was kill. Kill anything and everything that is coming between me being close to you. I would have done so much more for so much less. I wasn't thinking, I was seeing red, all I wanted was you to be next to me again, alive and in one piece. I.... "

He bowed his head. He didn't make any sound, but she could see drops of water falling from his face to the table.

"I was so, so scared that you're dead," he said in a halting voice. "Why, Selene? Why did you go? Why did you leave me?"

She looked at him, her expression unreadable. She lifted her hands from under his grip, held his hand and brought it to her lips. "I'm so sorry, Reese," she whispered.

"No, don't you ever say sorry ever again," he said, his voice a little more forceful now. "Never say sorry ever again. I acted with such dishonour, I don't deserve to be in the same room as you for as long as I live."

"Oh, don't say that, Reese."

He looked up at her, his eyes glittering, such depth of emotions swirling in the two orbs.

"I will never forgive myself for laying a hand on you. I am responsible for that, I'll pay my penance."

"Penance... what? Reese, please..."

He stood up suddenly. And turned to go.

"Oh, you silly man. Please just sit back down."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because as much as I regret what I did that night, God knows, I want to do it again."

Okay, that shut her up good.

"You..."

He quickly turned around to face her, startling her. "I want to do it again. I want to kiss you again. I have not stopped thinking about it, not one second. You have entirely taken control of my life."

She raised one hand and touched her lip gingerly in surprise. That did not help one bit.

"I want to be in you. I want to feel you much deeper. I want to hear the sounds you make. Your sounds, caused by me. I want to take you as my own, I want your body to remember me and me alone. It's not enough that we sleep together, I must be one with you."

He drew in a large, deep breath.

"Do you remember when I said I wanted you to fuck me? I was not lying, I was not exaggerating. That is all I ever think about, for you to fuck me until I lose my sanity. I have been slowly losing my mind over the years, since that damned moment you ran into me like a blind bat, I just want to give myself to you, do anything you want with me, use me, abuse me, just do whatever the hell you please with me. I want... " He stopped, and raked his hair from front to back, a gesture that is becoming quite familiar to her by now.

"I... I don't think I can do it that good."

"Selene!"

She threw herself at him, tried to clasp her hands around his waist but failed to, so she just held as tight as she could. The top of her head grazed under his chin. She could hear, no, she could feel his thundering heart and his heaving chest. She stroked his back with her right hand and shushed like comforting a small child. She alternately turned her face so her nose is buried in his shirt and inhaled his musky smell of sweat and perfume. Reese froze in shock. They both stood there for... it could be minutes, it could be hours. But after some time, she let go and looked up into his face. She dropped her hands and led them back to the table. She sat back in her chair, but he refused to go back to his. Instead, he crumpled into a heap at her feet. Now it was his turn to gather her into his arms, nestling his head in her tummy.

"You know we can't," she whispered.

"I know," he replied just as softly.

She continued to stroke his hair, calming the broken man.

[thisishelena]

Reese just finished his paperwork and just wanted to go to the kitchen to see if there is any dinner left. With luck, there could be a plate of something kept in the humidifier or some bread he could munch with coffee. Then he could sleep because he was supposed to go out very early with his men tomorrow per instructions from the Boss. That's right, he has not briefed them about that yet. But that doesn't matter, they will come the second he calls for them no matter the time. He came out to a commotion near the alcove of the front entrance. Some of his men are already there, seemingly watching something happening out of his line of vision. The housekeeper is there, and so are two maids. What the hell is happening exactly? He heard a shout, it sounded like the Boss. That perked him into attention in an instant and he rushed to the source of the sound, taking long strides to get there quickly. He already formulated a plan in his head, the path he would take, the men he would call, the order he would snap out. But what didn't enter his calculations is a blur of white that suddenly bloomed from between the people in front of him, slammed into his left shoulder and disappeared in a cloud of petals and perfume. He missed his step but managed to right himself at the last minute by clutching the banister next to him. The boy in front of him was not quite fortunate, he was bowled into with full force and fell behind, taking out two other men with him. One of the maids was staring open-mouthed at the direction in which the puff of white disappeared to, clutching to her chest a sorry-looking bouquet of flowers. Oh that must be where the petals came from. He blinked. Bouquet? A puff of white? Shit. Oh shit.

He regained his stability quickly and strode to the outside. The familiar black limousine was parked there, a door wide open. Now the door opposite of that swung open before the driver had the chance to reach it. From there, the Boss himself emerged, his eyes black and his expression thunderous. He approached him, apparently the only one who dares to do so right at that moment.

"Sorry, I forgot you are coming back from the wedding."

"I told you not to come, I know you had to go to Caiazzo."

"No, I mean I was supposed to come and meet her." With that, he peeked into the dark-tinted car. "Did you forget to bring her back?"

"She's here." The Boss seethes. Without elaborating, he walked up to the door, Reese following close behind. Well, as long as he's not hurt, he can focus his attention to something else at hand.

The Boss reached door. His men were already back to standing although the youngest brother still looked quite dazed. He frowned at him. The maids were bowing their heads. "Where is she?" he hissed in anger. The housekeeper pointed upstairs. He raised his foot on the first step but seemed to think better of it. He shook his head while muttering something darkly. He instead turned and walked, somewhat unsteadily, Reese thinks, to his office. It is located in the west wing of the house and a while later, all of them heard a heavy slam from that direction. Now Reese addressed the others.

"Right. I expect we wouldn't know any more than what we do right now. Everyone back to your posts or to your quarters. Andy, lock up as usual before you go on your patrol."

"Yes, sir," the man called Andy answered somewhat bemusedly. "C'mon, Franco," he motioned to his younger brother.

Having dismissed everyone, now he remembered what he came out of his room to do. But he is already in no mood to eat. He went back to his room to prepare for the trip to Caiazzo tomorrow instead. The house descended back into its original peace. It would be the last of it for a long time to come.

The Boss paced along the floor of the study. He wanted a drink so badly but he already drank at the wedding and he has put a limit on himself. The wedding. He sank down on a plush sofa, exhaustion finally setting in his bones. He stared into the dark for a long time, feeling like he has been initiated into a strange, exciting world. "Is this what being married is like?" he mused. He is the lord of a considerable realm, having taken over since his father's sudden death a year ago, and was catapulted into underground dealings made in plain sight. He had to meet his father's previous affiliates and friends, and during one of those visits, he found himself taken by a certain chocolate-haired girl curled up on a large window sill, completely engrossed in a big book on her lap. Her feet was bare, her chest rose and fall steadily, her lips parted slightly, the utter look of concentration bathed in the evening light had transfixed him to the spot. He would find excuses to go to that old admiral's house again, and he would somehow find her in another nook or cranny, curled up with yet another book. Sometimes she would be talking to one of the maids and the first time he heard her peals of laughter, his heart was gripped by an invisible hand. He nonchalantly tried to find out more about here, got to know that her name is Selene, the only daughter of the admiral, a pampered princess with the sweet demeanor of a dove and the raging temper of an escaped demon from the bowels of Hell. Maybe he should have taken the hushed gossip of the people of the house more seriously, not that it would alter his decision in any way, but at least he would know how to manage her a little more effectively. "Manage," he snorted. "I will be able to manage her the day pigs fly."

Reese tried knocking softly and didn't get any response. He opened the door anyway and saw the Boss sprawled on the sofa, looking like he's already fast asleep. That is normal for him, he would work at any hour of the day and the sofa in his study was carefully selected exactly for this purpose, so he would get quick shut-eyes before resuming his work. Reese closed the door back slowly while making sure the code is punched in to lock it from the inside. Now the pang of hunger returned to him. He thought after a shower, he would be ready for sleep but the night's events apparently got him high-strung. He decided to have that bread and cup of coffee after all. He walked into the kitchen and his heart skipped a beat when he saw there was already someone there sitting at the table, sniffling in a white dress that looked worse for wear, chocolate brown hair spilling down her bare back.

[thisishelena]

It has been almost a month since she has assumed the title of wife. The wedding was huge, it had to be, her father explained. It must be known far and wide that she is his, so the protection, security and respect will now extend to her. It will make the transition into her new house and new life easier. She listened to all this unfeelingly. She doesn't give a damn.

Her... husband..., strange as the word is to her, has not been any closer than he was during the times they met at her father's house. They sometimes bumped into each other unexpectedly on the stairs or the hallway, he would ask about her and she would give cordial answers before resuming their way or they would sometimes happen to eat at the same time and so would sit at the same table together. Even so, she would finish first and excuse herself out of the room, unaware of his eyes following her. Is her father right? Is there really no changes in her life? Can she still continue to do whatever she wants to do, even if in this strange and foreign house?

On the day of the wedding, he has asked her the first serious question he had for her. "Where do you want to stay?," he said that night in the car, on the way home from the wedding party.

"What do you mean?"

"You can tell me what kind of house you want. I have been meaning to ask you earlier, so I can arrange it beforehand but I got carried away with work."

"Is this how it's going to be from now on?"

"Pardon?"

"You are going to continue getting 'carried away' with work that you will simply forget about asking something as important as that? Where do I want to stay. Do you mean to say I actually have nowhere to sleep tonight? What about my things? Where was it sent to? Did you even receive my orders? Or did you get too carried away with work too to bother with that?"

His eyebrows raise in mild surprise. That was the most she had spoken to him.

"Your things are at my house right now," he answered calmly.

"And I am not going to stay there?"

"You are, but I just thought you want a place of your own."

Now she turns suddenly to look at him. Her lips are trembling, her eyes glittering with unshed tears. Her face is periodically illuminated by the passing overhead streetlights, the air was tense in the wide cabin of the limousine.

"I am not going to let you do this."

"Do what?"

"Confuse me to the point of hilarity! What do you mean a place of my own?" Her voice raised several octaves. "Of course I'm staying with you, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are. I just thought..."

"And you chose now to ask me that? I am leaving everything I know behind! How the fuck should I know I am supposed to find another house?!"

"Can you please..."

"Does my father know about this? That you want to chase me away? Why the hell are you marrying me then? Why did you come into my life and lie to my father about your intentions? Who the fuck do you think you are? Just what hold do you have over my father?! "

"Quiet, I will..."

That was the last straw for her. "Nobody tells me to be quiet! Nobody! Not even you! I won't---"

He moved faster than lightning. Or maybe anger dulled her senses. He pressed his hand over her mouth. In shock, she managed to swat his hand away. Now both his hands went to her bare shoulders. She wriggled and tried to headbutt him, knees coming up, ready to spring and kick out. He narrowly avoided her head coming towards him, with the sharp, bejeweled tiara. He calls her name forcefully. It somehow ignited her rage further. A high-heeled shoe came flying from nowhere and dropped on his lap. He let her shoulders go and said her name even harder this time. She was pulling back her hand to strike him. He was ready. He caught that hand. And the other that follows it. He grabs both of her wrists in his one hand while his left hand stilled her flailing legs. "Stop."

"I most certainly will not!"

Not having any other way to silence her as his hands were full, he pushed his face forward and planted his lips on hers. The moment they collided, he can almost feel a grip releasing his heart that was there since they shared a chaste kiss during the ceremony this afternoon. At the priest's cue, he flipped open her silk veil, revealing the face that has entered his dreams a few times before, adorned with the sweetest of smiles. But her eyes plainly showed how much she wanted to murder him right there and then. He had to dip to put his face close to hers, it didn't escape his notice that she didn't even bother to come meet him halfway. No matter, he just gave the expected peck to the cheering of the attendees. He pulled back and smiled, her eyes losing just a little bit of that bloodlust, so he went back for another stronger smooch and another kiss on her forehead for good measure, the entire church roaring good-naturedly. Only her father is genuinely worried he might only have a son-in-law alive for the next 5 minutes.

The kisses left him unexpectedly wanting more. This is all very new to him. These feelings, this headiness, the emptiness he has never noticed in his soul before, he doesn't understand any of it. But he is more than ready to explore and experience them, if only his brand-new wife would quit trying to inflict bodily harm on him.

And so he holds both her hands in only one of his, his other hand clamping down on her thighs. He deepened his kiss, experimenting with her willingness. He had caught her mid-scream so her mouth was open, he gave one stroke of tongue along the inside of her cheeks. He could sense her gasp. He adjusted the way his lips fit on hers, and captured the plump red flesh even more completely. He noticed her daringly red lipstick the first time he laid eyes on her when the church door opened, absolutely unconventional for a wedding, but somehow just made his heart constrict funnily. He kissed her now even fully, and when he was sure he had successfully stole her breath, he pulled back. And looked straight into her eyes.

"Can you be quiet now?" Her bemused face snapped back into a grimace and before she said anything, he continued hurriedly, "I mean, can you give me a chance to talk now? It's only fair. You want answers, you must permit me a chance to give them."

Logical arguments seems to calm her to her senses. He made a mental note of that. He has a lot to learn about his new wife. She stared back at him.

"Can I let go of you without worrying that you might kill me? I can't answer any of your questions if I'm busy trying to stay alive."

"Yes," she said through gritted teeth.

He let go of her wrists and thighs. He sat back at the leather seats with a heavy sigh. He leaned back his head, a turmoil raging in his mind and beads of sweat starting to appear on his forehead. He was downright rattled.

"Well?"

Oh, damn this wildcat.

"Hold on, I'm trying to think where to start."

"Start with where I am going to sleep tonight."

"You are going to sleep with me."

She blinked. He turned to gauge her reaction.

"You are going to be with me tonight," he repeated. Her intense expression was a little too much for him, and he looked away. "And tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. I just wanted to buy you a house. Like how I want to buy you a car or a book or a necklace. I am going to be away most of the time, you might appreciate having another place to go to, somewhere that is yours. Your comfort and safety are guaranteed, of course. I will assign you a guard to be anywhere you are. And you are free to move to and fro and about. Tell me what you want, if it is in my power, I'll do my best to give it to you. That's all. That's just all." He said all that while looking out the car's window. They are crossing the main bridge now, an expanse of black of the sea punctuated by bright lights of the commercial harbour in the distance." I... I know this must seem like a shock to you, I just don't want to disrupt your life any more that is necessary."

"Are you going to have sex with me?"

This girl is going to be the death of him, he is sure. He looks slowly at her again. "I nearly died just asking whether I could buy you a house, I assure you that is the last thing on my mind right now," he lied through his teeth.

"But you will expect it sooner or later. I may be sheltered, but I am not an idiot." She knows this could be going in a dangerous direction but she cannot stand all the confusion anymore.

"Well,... I mean.... yes, I guess. Eventually. But..." He decided he might as well talk about it now. Of course he has thought about this. Of course he has considered this. He conjured 300 different scenarios in which he could navigate the topic and discussion, he was prepared for all situations, armed with answers and points of debates. But this is Scenario 301, the one he has never thought of.

"Alright, I wanted to talk about this anyway but I thought you should get settled in first."

"Settled in where? The first curb you kick me to on my wedding night?"

He is physically restraining himself right now. His fists were clenched, he squeezed his eyes in frustration. He wet his lips nervously, not out of fear of her, but of what he is really thinking of doing to her right now.

"I wanted to say...", he started in a low voice, "... that I want to leave that to you. I won't promise that I wouldn't initiate it first, but I will ultimately leave the decision to you."

"If I refuse forever?"

"Then I will remain a monk forever."

"A monk?"

"Celibate."

She giggled out of the blue. His eyes glanced at her.

"You know, I don't really care if you have mistresses."

"Why the hell would I have mistresses?"

"Because men will have what they want, one way or the other, and even if they get it from theirs wives, they will not be satisfied."

"That's quite shallow of you."

"What did you say?"

"You heard what I said. I thought you were quite intelligent, but maybe I'm wrong."

"What the hell is wrong with my thinking?"

"You think I married for sex?"

"Of course!"

"I am not in want of sex," he laughed. "I can get them without wives. Besides, do you think that's even a need for me? Do you worry about getting air? Do you worry about getting water? Why would I worry about getting something that I already get effortlessly?"

"I...." She fell silent. This car ride is getting longer than it is bearable.

"Don't tell me you're a virgin?" he dared to tease her a little.

"What the fuck is wrong with that? And I am not! I have had boyfriends."

"That's not what your father tells me."

"He doesn't know shit about me."

"He did tell me about your suitors."

"Ugh, why are you talking like we're in the 19th century?"

"You don't have boyfriends, you are too busy having your nose in books to have them."

"Alright, I don't have boyfriends. But I am not a virgin! Men have cummed in me before! So don't you think...."

"Okay, enough of that."

"What? So it's fine if you get sex on a regular basis but not for me?"

"Stop it."

"They have had their hands over me, they have put their fingers in me, they have..."

"Quiet, right now."

"I told you, nobody tells me to be quiet..."

He calls her name in a tone that immediately silenced her.

"So you have experience, don't you?"

She nodded.

"Fine, let's see it then."

"Wh--- what?"

"Come on. You know what to do."

She looks at him, agape. She now feels the familiar regret she feels when she lets her mouth run loose and let her words get her into trouble that was completely avoidable.

"Oh, this is stupid." She tears her look away from him, crossed her hands, and looked out of her window. They are coming close to the end of the bridge. He did say he stays near the city, but where in the city? How much longer does she need to endure this sickening car ride?

"No, you don't start fights without finishing them."

Her eyes widened and her heart slammed in her chest. What the hell does he mean? She was about to turn to look at him when she felt his body suddenly come pressing onto hers. When she crossed her hands earlier, her breasts pushed together into a torturous mound and that was what made him snap.

He held the back of her head in position. He then kissed her, a surprised "Oh!" managed to escape from her mouth. His other hand daringly rests on her chest, the weight very apparent on her. He broke the kiss. "Don't fight back, I don't want to be rough."

"You said you won't force me," her voice now small and scared.

"Yeah, I should really think about what I promise to you from now on."

She inhaled her breath. "Don't fight back," he warned again. And lowered his lips again.

His kiss this time is different than before, she thought. The hand on her chest just now is snaking lower. His fingers slipped under and tugged at the opening of the dress. The dress had not been altered to her size, there wasn't time, so it wasn't snug on her. She appreciated the extra breathing room but now it might just be the cause of her undoing. His hand somehow arrived to her breasts, and both of them gasped at the same time. "You feel this?" He pinched her nipple, and she gave a small cry of surprise. "They're hard, it means you are already ready for me." He breathed against her lips, but now he is kissing fervently along her jaw to her ear. He nipped at her earlobe. "You want to know how else I know you're ready for me?" he whispered. Without waiting for an answer, he pressed his palm into the juncture of her thighs. Her surprised cry this time is a little louder. "Hush. If you make any noise, I will find a way to quiet you down."

He wants this to be silent as possible, the driver might be expecting this but he does not like other people to see how he could spiral out of control.

"Quiet." He reached to her hair and dragged the pesky tiara with veil away from her hair. Free from the constraints, her thick voluminous locks tumble down from the bun it was put into and spilled over her shoulders. Combined with her glowing eyes and smeared lipstick over her wet lips, he thought it was the most beautiful sight he had ever beheld. "Oh my God," he breathed out before diving to her chest. He had already released her breasts from the dress and now he gave them his utmost attention.

She just didn't know what on earth to do right now. She lied about being a virgin but it was his fault for riling her too. If she didn't... Her moan came unexpectedly. What the hell is he doing down there exactly? But he did it yet again and another moan tore from her mouth.

She didn't know how her sounds are making him go half insane. She whimpers and calls out his name softly, and he wanted to melt in a puddle. Whether she wanted him to stop or continue, he doesn't know and if she is honest with herself, neither does she.

What is she supposed to do? She thought to hold his hair. Maybe like petting a wild animal down? She snaked her fingers through his thick, long hair. And gave a little tug. Now it was his turn to moan. The sound mystified her. She calls his name inquiringly and tugged at his hair again. His groan was a little louder this time. This is quite interesting to her, but she didn't have time to ponder on the next course of action, because she was feeling something exceptionally foreign now.

His hand got under her skirts. She was short, so even though her dress is long, it wasn't much of a distance to go. Oh, what is he do... And she let out the most glorious of moans. His hands parted her thighs and cupped her sensitive mound from above. The heat seared through his hand. One finger slipped in between her folds and gave one long stroke, that was what broke her just now. Now she is calling his name more frantically, the sound music to his ears. While doing all this, he was whispering in her ear, nose nuzzling her neck and nape.

She suddenly let go of his hair and put both her hands on his chest. The touch fired him more, and now he extended two fingers. She managed a wriggle and was appearing to say something, but he is not in the right frame of mind to comprehend. He suddenly took away his hand, to her relief, but her relief is short-lived. He just wanted to pull up both her legs so that she is now lying down along on the leather seats. The seats are wide, she is not in danger of falling but even if she is, he is already on top of her, anchoring her.

She calls his name again.

"I told you, don't start fights you can't finish."

"But... you just told me that. It's not like I disobeyed you," she sobbed a little.

At this, he looks up to her face. Now he noticed that she was crying. Since when? And she was thoroughly shaking underneath him. Since when?

"I..." she breathed out. "I know, I'm sorry..." She blubbered. "I won't do that again... oh..." her sentence goes unfinished as she felt something hard prodding her between her thighs. Her breasts are already bare and the cold was biting. She is quite properly scared now. "Please...." she cried a little harder.

He stared at her. "Have you never done this before?"

"No... " Tears are streaming non-stop down her cheeks.

"But you said..."

"I know, I lied," she continued, talking between sobs.

"No, wait." He closed his eyes for the longest time, trying to string out a proper, understandable sentence. "I know you were lying before about the boyfriends, but surely you... umm... tried it out?"

"Tried what out? Oh..." she shifted under his weight but somehow it stirred something that tore an involuntary moan from her lips.

"Tried.... this," he answered helplessly. "Kissing? Touching?"

"No... no...."

"Are you serious with me right now? You have never been with a boy before? In your class?"

"God, how dense are you!" Her temper is coming back, thankfully. "I said no!"

"But don't you go to the beach alone?"

"Which alphabet of the word" alone" you don't recognise that you don't know what it means?! Oh get off me!"

"I suggest you stop moving right now if you really want me to stop." He wants nothing more than to thrust into her body right now and it is taking up all his will to force himself to stall. But the way she feels under him, the way she is rubbing against him right now is making it absolutely difficult. But she mercifully stopped. Only now he is more aware of his throbbing, painful erection and how so tantalisingly close it is to the place it wants the most. How gorgeous she looks with her angry eyes, wet lips and hair billowing out from under her. How lush her breasts are, heaving up and down, trying to breathe. Oh, she cannot breathe. He sits up suddenly.

Quick as lightning, she pulled her legs out from under him and scurried to her corner of the car. While he sat with his back to the door, legs sprawling one on and one off the seat, looking at her in bewilderment. She tried to pull up the dress to cover her breasts as best as she could, while he looks on.

The limousine ground to a halt. It sounded like it braked on gravel ground. "We're home, sir," came a voice from the car intercom. She turned to look outside the window and saw they are in front of a tall, double door entrance, opened to reveal invitingly warm interior that is bathed by soft orange light. She looked quickly down her body to make sure she is decent.

"Get to your room right away."

"But I don't know which is my..."

"GO!!" He roared, and she didn't need to be told twice. The door was opened from outside and she practically flew from out the car into the house, knocking several men on her way and raced up the first stairs she saw.

[thisishelena]

She looks into the mirror, feeling like she's watching another girl in another universe. She certainly looks stronger and braver than what she's feeling right now. She swallowed her saliva, thinking about how different her world was a week ago.

She has always known her father's nefarious line of work. She's not stupid; this mansion, the maids, the cars, the jewels, the opulence, the extravagance, the wealth of it all, it didn't come from just "business". She also saw the furtive meetings, the tense briefings, the sinister goings on under the roof, almost always ending in her father sitting contemplatively in the study or in the kitchen. When things are good, it's good. When it's bad, she will always know from her father's demeanour. There will be this... air... of danger coming from him, cowing even his most stoic generals, let alone the lowly subordinates. And the trips abroad. He will either be gone half a continent away but back in under 48 hours, or he will disappear for a few months only for her to find out later that he's only been in the city. Not that she knows when her father even left the house, the only clue she gets that tells her he indeed went somewhere is when she opens the door to her room and she would find boxes and packages, filled with the most wonderful of things, books, dresses, jewellery, trinkets, items of curiosity, candy, perfumes and makeup, wrapped meticulously in tissue paper and ribbons. That would keep her attention for about a week. But other than that, she usually keeps her distance, coming only when she's beckoned, but never butting into things that have nothing to do with her. She's not stupid.

So when a week ago, she was summoned by the father and told her that she would marry, she threw a most dazzling tantrum.

"I.... what?"

Her father's eyebrows snapped together. He is not used to repeating himself.

"I said, the wedding is in a week. Your trousseau is being taken care of now as we speak. But you will decide what you want to bring. You can either take all your belongings, or you will have everything you want bought new for you there."

"Dad."

It was quite some time that she has last called him that. He admits that despite the gifts and orders that he gives to other people to care for her, it is ultimately his responsibility to actually be present as her father. But he just, simply, can not. And she understands that, he can see. He inquires about her from maids, tutors and guards. He does follow her progress, knows that she is a reader, her interest in the sciences, her wish to be in a research group, her distaste for parties, her tendency to stay up late, her long walks along the beach or when she stays out too long in the huge garden doing god knows what, her weakness for lipsticks, her coffee, her rage if she is woken up too early for her liking, her temper if she is denied what she wants when she wants it. She is affectionate and a sweet girl or a tempestuous hellion, depending on who he asks. He thought he got her down pat, and this might be the very first time he has a sneaking suspicion that there might be something else under the surface.

He didn't answer to her indignant tone. Instead he continues to look at her, waiting for the next words from her mouth.

"Dad. I don't understand. A wedding. My wedding?"

"Yes. I thought you would have seen coming. You have met him a few times after all."

Her already wide eyes bloom even wider. Him? "Wait, do you mean..."

Her father nodded, his face adopting the expression of someone patiently explaining something obvious to a particularly slow child.

"I... I didn't know that... What makes you think I want to marry him?"

Okay, so he might finally meet a glimpse of the hellion he has been hearing about all these years.

"I don't think what you want will come into this. You are a smart girl. Surely you know you are not like other girls, who have the privilege to actually choose the way their own lives go."

"No, dad, it is you who seem to think I am like other girls, who stupidly long for marriages and husbands."

"So you don't want to marry?"

"No!" She shouted. Her previously wide eyes now pressed into slits. Her cheeks are red, she looks like she is drawing herself to her full, menacing height, all 5ft 2 of it.

"No! Of course not! I am not marrying him or anyone! You cannot just tear me from my life and expect me to obey your instructions, I am not one of your lapdogs!"

"You are right. You are not my lapdog. You are my daughter and you will do as I say."

"But he....!"

He what? What? Her own train of thought got derailed in the middle of the tracks. Him? Is she and her father thinking of the same man? She noticed him coming a few times over to the house and disappearing with her father into the study. She only stopped to look at him a few seconds longer than usual because he looks different from the other shady characters she usually sees. His height and countenance is imposing, he looks younger than her father but the manner with which her father treats him is like a grudging respect. One day, she was surprisingly called into the study during one of their meetings. "This is my daughter, hope you have a good reason to interrupt her reading," her father had said. The man's mouth quirks into a smile. "I actually do." She had looked at him questioningly, without gracing him with a smile in return to his. He held out something to her. She looked at her father, and took it after she got a nod from him. "I saw you reading a few books about it everytime I'm here. I thought this would interest you. It's newly-published, I hope I'm right in thinking you don't have it in your possession yet."

She had looked at the thick, hardbound book in her hands. She opened and turned over a few pages. After a few moments, she looked up and only now rewarded him with a grin. "You are right. I don't have this yet. Thank you," she beamed. She didn't know at the time that her smile had already doomed her.

"I am not marrying him. Or anyone. Frankly I am appalled that you even utter the word in front of me. And wasted my time. Don't you have work to do?"

"I do, and my work is you, Selene."

"No."

"This is not a discussion, I am just informing you of what is going to happen."

"Well, this is certainly not happening!" She shouted at her father. She swung her hand and knocked a vase from a table. It fell and broke into a thousand pieces. The crash seems to fuel her rage even more. The string of profanities that came from her mouth honestly just shocked her father into silence. She even moved nearer to her father, swung her hand again and swept papers and files clattering away from his desk to the floor. She hit her fists on the table, picked up a lamp and threw it to the wall behind her stupid, dense cruel block of a father. He didn't even flinch. She went on about how she had never asked anything from him, how she had steered clear from his business, how she tried not to stir up trouble even during her teenage years, how she just buckle down and study, refusing a fast life of drugs and vice like her other rich kids friends, how she didn't expect anything a father does from him, how she didn't even bring up her mother, his wife all these while, not wanting to touch his emotions. She has tried all this while to be good, is this the punishment that she gets?

"My darling, I am not punishing you."

The endearment cut her barrage of insults short. She looks at him like a wild animal, chest heaving up and down, she feels suffocated and out of control, her life and her head spinning faster than a hurricane.

"I am not punishing you. I am trying to orient your life for you. I am not going to be here forever. All this might not last forever. Change is inevitable. I am doing my best to take care of you and this is one of the ways. Have I not shown how good my care is to you? Why won't you believe me this time?"

The fire in her eyes die down at the sound of his father's uncharacteristically gentle voice. "How... how is this taking care of me? Why can't I just live my life like this forever, even when you're not here? You haven't been here anyway, and I have managed, haven't I?"

"You know perfectly well that is not what I mean."

"I..." She knows what he meant, of course, but it was always a fleeting thought in the recesses of her mind. It would be logical for her father to always have that thought, though, and planning for it. She just doesn't believe this is the best way to circumvent around that.

"I am not marrying you off, I would never dream of pushing you away and it has never cross my mind to throw you out from the house, in case you're thinking of any of that. He can be the next me, securing you a safe and comfortable life, a life where you can continue to do whatever you want to do. I have seen how he looks at you, and he promised me that he can be me, even more than me, even better than me, someone who actually deserves you. And, damn it all to high heaven, I believe him."

She didn't realise she has been crying. She continues to look again at the girl in the mirror, looking stronger and braver than what she is feeling right now. She sniffed, snapped out of her reverie, and proceeded to dab her face with tissues. She wasn't satisfied, she went to the bathroom to splash water on her face. She towels off and looks so much better already. She sat back down and called the makeup artist she threw out of the room back in. The poor man opened the door shaking, but she didn't make a sound as he tried his best to apply her wedding makeup with unsteady hands, keeping up a steely face. He finished, and helped put on a tiara with soft, sheer silk veil on her thick hair. He helped her dress in a tafetta, soft rose wedding dress that she didn't remember picking. Finally she is ready, he cautious proclaimed. She stood up and was about to walk out of the door but she stopped suddenly. She went back to the dressing table, wiped off the nude lipstick the makeup artist had so meticulously applied and put on the most outrageously red lipstick she could find. It glares from behind the layers of silk and she admits however petty it was, she still wants to do something because it is her choice to do so today.

[thisishelena]

It was a few weeks after that eventful night. Things have somewhat calmed down, everyone got back into their routine. Sometimes there would be a flurry of activity, maybe they got a tip or some new information, or some missions they have to undertake to keep up the impression that the Boss is still around and running things as usual. But before, she would be her busybody self, asking and prodding anyone who would have the misfortune to be the nearest to her to be told what was going on. It wasn't that she could help, but she liked to be kept in the loop. She also thinks that's the best way to get close to them, since work is all they seem to be doing all the time. Different members would have different response to her incessant questions. The brothers would take turns filling her in while listening to the briefing, the young man would have given her his absolute attention to the annoyance of the person giving the brief, the second-in-command would answer tersely, the third-in-command would be even more snappish with her, and the leader would just tell her to go to her room. But they would always have moved out together right after the briefing, save for one or two people left behind to guard her.

But now, she couldn't care less. She just spends time in her room, they brought more books and papers for her to work on from the house, she now has a secured laptop with untraceable Internet and she would just slave over it from one morning to the next. Sometimes for a breather, she would open her large windows and sit by the sill to enjoy the air and sounds, but once she catches glance of any of them on the grounds, whether when they were patrolling or going or coming back from trips, she would pointedly get back in the room and closed the windows, pulling the curtains a little more forceful than was needed. If they thought of her to be a bitch, she might as well behave like one.

She didn't care where any of them are anymore, sometimes she would come downstairs and find herself alone in the house and that was the best of times for her, even if she knew one of them would still be guarding outside. Or she would come down and everyone of them would be there but she would just retrieve whatever she wanted to take in the first place and went back to her room without so much of a look at their direction. And not once has she ever dined at the same table as them ever again.

She just took an afternoon shower. She came out towelling her hair and sat in front of her screen, preferring to air dry her body. It was supposed to be noon but the sky is dark with summer rain clouds. She didn't mind that, she has always loved the rain. She noticed a stack of freshly-laundered clothes on the stool by her door, someone must have come put it there while she was in the bathroom. She got herself lost in her reading again, the air heavy with moisture blowing into the room making the curtains billow hypnotically, the sound it makes when it rustles the trees is music to her ears. She reached out for her brush and extended her hand to start taming her hair. Something grabbed her wrist from behind.

She whirled around with a sharp intake of breath. She is so used by now not making a sound that she forgot to scream.

"It's me, it's me."

Her hackles are raised, she stood suddenly and took several steps behind. He grabbed her wrists again to make her stay.

"Don't touch me," she managed to say gratingly.

He let her go instantly, and raised his own hands apologetically.

"Out." She is not interested to know the reason for him being there, she just wants to be left alone.

"Hold on, can I just..."

"I said out," she said through gritted teeth.

He said her name. The way he said it, the way it was uttered from his mouth made her still. It was soft but commanding. She was in no mood to comply, but maybe if she lets whatever the hell this is plays out, the sooner he can leave her the hell alone.

"I just wanted to ask about you."

"I'm still alive, as you can see."

"I know, but what about..."

She waited for his next words. Like she said, she wanted to let this all play out without any contribution from her. She just continues to look at him.

He is withering under that look. He didn't know what made him volunteer to send her cleaned clothes upstairs, he didn't know what made him open the door wider after putting the stack on the stool, what made him step into the room once he hears she's in the showers, what made him stood still in the dark corner, watching her come out with only a towel wrapping the body that has tortured him since that night, what made him dare to finally take a step towards her, what made him take her hand as she was unsuspectingly about to brush her hair. He swallowed.

"I don't take you for an idiot."

"Since when?"

"What? Since forever of course."

"Funny way of showing it, then."

"Look, I don't want to fight. I just..."

"You cannot just do what you did and expect me to have zero hostility towards you or the others."

"I..." His words got caught in his throat. Yes, she is absolutely correct, of course. He sighed inwardly, and decided to try again.

"I wanted to ask how you are after that night."

"I thought I answered you already, I'm still alive."

"What I did was terrible. I genuinely care about what I did to you. This... This is very difficult for me."

"Oh, for you?"

"No, I mean..." He is close to giving up. He gave another sigh, but a loud one this time, and he walked and sat on the bed. Her eyes follow him, unchanging. He sat and put his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands in silence. She didn't know what made her notice that even when he is sitting, he managed to come up to her chin's height.

"I want to say I'm sorry but I know that it is useless."

She didn't give a response.

"But I am, I really am sorry. I'm sorry I did that to you. It was no one's fault except mine."

She now directed her look to the windows with the curtains blowing from the wind, the heavy clouds before now looking close to spilling its contents.

"I am unforgivable. I am not even asking for forgiveness. I just felt like I needed to talk to you. I am not asking for anything from you. And you can ignore me, you can shout at me, you can insult me, you can hit me even, you can pretend I don't exist, but I am only asking for one thing. Please don't send me away like just now."

She looked back at him with mild surprise.

"When you tell me to go, it means you acknowledge me, but would prefer not to have me. And I can't bear that. I cannot..."

He raked his hair again, from the front to the back of his head. She was suddenly reminded of that night.

"I am sorry, you don't know how I wish I could take back what happened. I wanted to cut off every part of my body that has put a mark on yours. I myself don't understand what has happened, I can't imagine how is it like for you. You must hate me so much." His voice starting to break.

"And I am sorry, that we still have to make you stay here. It is too dangerous out there, things are changing in the most unpredictable ways, your death or ours or anyone else's is just going to be the start of something horrible. I would have let you go, go to wherever you please, go to do whatever that you want to do, I would have gladly oblige to your every request, but I simply cannot let you out of my sight for now."

"And so you think raping me would make things any better?"

He looked up at her abruptly. "Is that what you think I wanted to do?"

"Well, you certainly wasn't making me a meal."

"No, I... Oh my god, I cannot think straight now."

"Good."

The silence between them was deafening.

"Do you remember what you said that night when I spilled the soup on everyone at the table?"

He continued to look to the floor. She went on without caring whether he remembered it or not.

"You said you wanted me to fuck you. You said you wanted me to kill you. You wanted me to fuck you until you die because you cannot die by your own hands, whatever that means."

He is speechless. He half thought he dreamed that entire night. He buried his head in his hands.

"How ridiculous, how could I fuck you until you're dead? Will your heart suddenly stop or something? And how will I look like straddling a dead body? What am I going to tell the guys? You are the most intelligent person and the greatest commander I know but when you don't make sense, you really take it out of this world."

He laughed out loud, a strange sound after the tension pervading the air. Even she managed a small smile. She then did something that cut his laugh short and startled him into silence.

She stepped towards him, and knelt at his feet. She put her hands on his knees and peered upwards at his face. He froze. Her touch was light, and dare he say, almost lovingly?

"There is nothing to forgive." She started. "I am not an idiot, as you yourself have pointed out. What would the last seven years even mean if I didn't spend it gathering data on you as a man and as a human being? No, I still don't understand why you did what you did, but that is not going to negate all that I know about you as a wise leader, a loyal follower, and a kind person. In fact, if I am in a more tolerant mood, I would even think that you have a solid reason for doing it and I would have let you." He raised his eyebrows. "Yes, I would not have even stopped you. I would think that it is a means to something much larger than just me and my body. That is how confident I am in you as a strategist and a protector. My protector."

She continued talking and he can scarcely believe his ears at this point, but her soft, lilting voice is so bewitching to him. He didn't realise when did he place his palm on her head, stroking it until the ends of her hair.

"I'm sorry I ran away that day, I'm sorry for making you worry. I will just do my best not to get in your way or the others after this. I am starting to understand something, and I am more interested in thinking about that than weaving in and out of your steps."

He was giving her a look that is very hard to describe. But she found herself unable to look directly into such strong gaze anymore. She rested her head on the side of his legs. She suddenly feels very tired. She wants all of this to be over so she can eagerly look at the future but she also wants everything to go back to how it was, when it wasn't so confusing and crushing to her soul like now.

They both sat together in silence, a boom of thunder erupted, and rain finally fell.

[thisishelena]

They had first come to the house in the dead of night. They arrived two by two to avoid attracting attention and dispersed themselves among the few entrances into the house. They didn't switch on any lights yet, it would be so obvious to anyone living near the area to see the huge two-and-a-half story house suddenly burst into life after almost a decade of being uninhabited. Fortunately the moon was big and full, it was a hot summer night and there were no clouds in the sky, the house had big windows and so the interior of the bungalow had ample celestial lights illuminating it.

He was the last one to arrive, with his second in command. They all gathered in various states of dishevelledness in the lounge room, nursing their different wounds. "Where is she?", he said curtly. Two of them pointed to an armchair in the furthest corner of the room. It was difficult to ascertain what the Boss' wife is feeling right now. Her eyes are wide but steely, she looked hostile and untrusting but she was sitting quietly among them without needing to be restrained. She is most certainly in pain, the bullet made a clean exit but it still tore her flesh on the way out. She was seen swallowing a few times, maybe in an effort to control her pain and fear. He called her name. Her eyes then seemed to lose its glossiness and her pupils focused on that familiar voice. Her face then broke into a huge smile of relief. Finally someone that could help her make sense of the situation. Before she could stand up and go to him, he was already taking long strides towards her.

"Don't move. You're going to bleed faster."

"Don't be ridiculous, how can I not move at all?"

"Just don't move anymore than you have to. You need to lie down."

"Do you want me to not move or you want me to go lie down?"

He looked up and straight into her eyes. Is she really joking at this time? Is she making light of the situation? Doesn't she understand what has happened? Or maybe the shock was too much for her?

She winced and let out a painful moan. He quickly examined her wound. She did a good job of pressing down on it to help stem the bleeding but she needs stitches straightaway. He looked behind to his men and called out, "Is there anyone who thinks he can manage to stand and fetch me the medical kit?"

The brothers started to stand and so did his second-in-command. It was the latter who eventually could walk a little faster and came to him with the medical kit from the car. "Do you need my help?" he asked his leader. "How are you hurt?" his leader countered back. "Nothing I won't survive from." His leader stopped what he was doing and looked straight at him. "No, really. It's just the usual, I can help you now. What do you need? We need to lie her down, don't we?"

His leader nodded. In response to that, he took the kit away from him so he could have his hands free. He is used to think that the madame was far above him, he cannot imagine touching her in such a familiar manner, even in an emergency like this. But his leader is different. He was her personal guard, those were his obligations. He watched his leader slid one hand under her knees and one hand under her neck. He seemed to be whispering something, and the madame's left hand reached up to encircle his neck.

He stood up, and she gave a soft cry of pain. He carried her to the center of the room where the brothers already laid out a makeshift mattress and pillows with the cushions and throws from the sofa around them. He laid her slowly on the soft coverings, her head on the pillow. Now everyone can see the extent of her injuries. Two bullets tore her at her thighs, thankfully missing her femoral artery, and from her breathing, they assumed correctly that some of her ribs are broken.

The leader knelt down beside her, his second-in-command opposite him on her right side. Everybody gathered near her head so as not to block the moonlight spilling from the window overlooking her. He first cleaned the wound and wiped off the blood from her skin. She covered her face with both her hands. She does not know what to expect, this is one of the most horrible nights of her life, but she is trying so damn hard to keep calm. The leader worked fast, the needle going in and out deftly, his second-in-command passing and retrieving instruments without him needing to specify them. All the while, she keeps quiet, only the shaking of her body is telling of her misery and unfortunately it is making his work a tad harder too. He finished the last stitch, his assistant keeps the scissors back after he snipped the thread, one of the brothers picked up the soiled and bloody cotton pads and cloths littering the floor. They simultaneously looked up to her and found that she had passed out.

She woke up a day and a half later. She was on a soft bed in the centre of a somewhat huge room. She stared at the unfamiliar ceiling and thought she had imagined the frescoes on it coming alive. Cherubs flew playfully, tousling the hair of goddesses, the hands of maidens reaching out to pick fruits from trees, nymphs sighing and languishing near ponds. She watched, mystified.

A sudden creak gave her a start. Her eyes darted to the direction it was coming from. The young man whose name she just learned a week ago came in and when he saw her open eyes, gave a surprised "Oh!" He went to her side.

"Hi."

She didn't answer, she just looked at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"I..." She cleared her throat. "Where am I?"

"We're at his old house. We need to hide out here for the time being, okay?"

Hide out? Ooh, now the events of the past few days started to come back to her. There was a break-in, which turned out to be an invasion, there was a shoot-out, she was caught in the middle of it and she was brought here by her guard and his band of men, including this kind young man in front of her right now. They must not be very far in age, and they got along so well together since he came back from an apparently years of mission abroad just a week ago. In another life, they could be a pair of best friends playing games in an arcade or hanging out at cafes and libraries. He seemed to be mouthing something to her.

"Wha... What?"

"I said, are you feeling better? The wounds are healing well. You had a slight fever but it's gone now. He was so worried if you got an infection but thank God you seem to be okay."

"Umm... Yes. Yes, I'm feeling okay. I mean... considering."

"Yes, considering." The smile still hasn't left his kind face.

"Why did you come in here?"

"I just wanted to check on you. I was thinking of passing the time here like yesterday." He gestured to some books and a mug of something he brought into the room. "Oh right."

He reached out to the bedside table and poured water into a glass he turned over from the tray. There was already a straw next to it.

"Here, try to drink a bit."

She did, sipping from the straw he held to her lips. "Oh god, that was nice."

"Do you want more?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay, coming."

She gulped down more liquid this time, it felt so gratifying running down her parched throat.

"That was so much better."

"Can I leave you for a while?"

"What? Why?"

"I need to tell him you're awake."

"Oh. Okay."

He stood up and began to walk to the door. But after three steps, he stopped and turned back to her. He went back to her, brushed her fringe away from her forehead and pressed a light kiss on it.

"I'm so glad you're okay. You cannot imagine how worried I was. I'll come back, okay? Wait just for a while."

She nodded. He gave his usual smile again and went out, closing the door behind him.

She rested her head back on the pillow and once again looked up at the ceiling. This time, no flying cherubs, no frolicking nymphs. She blinked. Her head is in such a turmoil right now. Her gunshot wound isn't helping things one bit. Still no one has spoken to her about her husband. Is he alive or dead? Is he injured too? Isn't he looking for her? Unless... He is the one they're running away from? But that doesn't really make any sense...

Her door opened again and her guard stepped in, followed by the young man. He asked the same questions his man was just asking a few minutes ago and her answers are nothing new. He nodded, apparently satisfied after assessing her condition himself. He then said, "Okay, I really need to go back down and continue my discussions with them. You can just lie down for as long as you want, or you can take a shower if you feel you are able." He gestured to a few things in the room. "Those are your clothes, I managed to bring some and buy some. Those are your books and papers. I assumed they are important because they are the ones wide open on your study table. That's the closet, there are some extra blankets and bedsheets in there, together with your toiletries. You can come down if you feel like it, or I'll ask him to bring your meals up here to you. Can you do that?" He directed his last question to the boy beside him, and he nodded earnestly. He looked back at her." If I forget anything, or you need anything else from the house, make a list. I go back there periodically."

"What? You can still go back there? I thought you staged a coup?"

"A... what?"

"That's why we're hiding here, aren't we? You betrayed my husband and tried to overthrow him. Now he's looking for all of you and you've taken me as a hostage of some sort."

The two men looked speechlessly at her, and then at one another.

"What...." the young man started.

"That's okay," his leader interrupted. "There is much we need to explain to you and don't worry, you will get an explanation. But now I really need to get back down there." He hesitated for a while. "Maybe tonight I'll tell you everything over dinner. How does that sound?"

"Mm.. Okay. Tonight then."

"Good girl. Right. Take care of yourself."

Both of them went down together to the scene of argument that was cut short when the youngest member of their squad ran down the stairs to inform them the Boss' wife is awake. The leader sat back down with a sigh.

"So, as I was saying...."

"It doesn't matter what you want to say. What you're planning is already complicated enough, and now we have to drag the spoiled princess around with us as well? Do you realise how dangerous a position that will put us in?" His third-in-command was getting too loose with his words for his liking.

"She was injured, what do you expect us to do, leave her?" one of the brothers spoke up.

"We could have dropped her at a hospital. Any of his men will find her then."

"Any of his men? We are his men! Or at least, the ones that are most trustworthy now."

"He will come looking for her, do you comprehend that? He is going to look for her and he is going to find us with her and while it is fine that he finds her, do I need to spell out what will happen to us?"

"Yes, he is going to look for her," the leader's sharp voice cut into their argument, "but not for the reason that we think."

Everyone went quiet and looked at him. "It was she who told me about that meeting. She thought it was weird, she pieced it together but she doesn't know enough to understand the repercussions of what she knows. She was the one who read those briefs, she only instinctively know something is wrong, and she came to me. She only needed me to help make sense of what she found out about the Boss, and she doesn't know all that was supposed to be a secret."

"Hold on. So the shooting...."

"It might be staged. It might be an assassination."

"He wants to actually kill her?!"

"Now you understand why we have to, in your own words, drag her around?"

A long silence ensued. "If it was all supposed to be so much of a secret, how did she find out?"

"She had her work from university, she knows the coding to get into the mainframe, and she knows Swedish. So she isn't some airhead princess that we have to drag around, she is actually quite intelligent and might I say, quite sharp-thinking too, especially living in this kind of world."

Suddenly they heard a yell coming from her room. She was screaming out the leader's name.

"There is something.... in the water! What have I been drinking?!"

"But yes, she is indeed spoiled," he continued without missing a beat. "We'll table this for now, tonight there will be a meeting including her as well. We'll try to make sense of all this together."

The men just nodded in agreement. They watched their leader stand and went up the stairs to her room.

[thisishelena]

When she came to, it was already late evening. She could hear the birds coming home, maybe it was their noise that woke her up. She found herself on a cold surface, and in some ceramic containment. It took her an extra few seconds to process she was in an empty bath tub.

Oh yes, she is starting to remember now, if the aches she's feeling all over the her body are not clue enough. She stumbled into the bathroom, closed the door, heard his warning not to lock the door at the last moment and she just didn't have it in her to be stubborn at that point in time. With shaking hands, she removed the rest of her destroyed clothes and climbed naked into the bath tub just to lie down for a while after an entire 30 hours of not sleeping while being on the run. She put her hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs and she didn't realise when sleep mercifully took her.

The noisy din of sunset birds crept into her dreams and prodded her awake. She opened her eyes slowly and tried to remember where she was. When she did, she moved her body gingerly to assess her injuries the way he taught her once. Him. She swallowed her salive the wrong way and coughed and spluttered. "Him," she thought nastily. She tasted blood.

She sat up slowly, looking down at her body. Her wrists are a horrible color of bluish-grey, her fingers feel a little numb, her bare breasts are covered in bruises. There is one long gash over her shin but only a red, angry graze, no blood. Blood. She wiped her lips as she felt something wet there and sure enough, the back of her hands are covered in blood. Only now she can feel the throbbing pain on the lower half of her face.

She drew her knees to her face and hugged them, resting her hot forehead on her legs. She tried some breathing exercises but her ribs were aching too. She took some deep breaths anyway and she could feel herself calming down despite her pain.

The daylight was getting dimmer in the bathroom, and she didn't like to be in total darkness. So she forced herself out of the tub, went into the glass shower area and fiddled with the knobs until she found a nice temperature. She couldn't stand for long, so she took the soap bar and knelt down on the marble floor instead. She scrubbed herself the best that she can, wiping away all traces of blood and rubbed the stickiness on the skin of her inner thighs. Oh god, did she pee herself at that time? She didn't think so, but she made a mental note to check the bed later. Her breasts and nipples felt raw and chafed, so she made sure she didn't go too rough with the soap there. She put the soap bar down, lifted her thick hair and allow the water to rain down on her neck and back. She was in too much pain to reach behind and scrub her back right now, she needs to remember to do it later.

The old house with the old pipes groaned in a way that he remembered when he was small and staying here. He knew someone was taking a shower because the sound of the knobs being turned traveled behind the wall and the creaking of pipes holding the hot water rushing through it is indicator enough. "Finally she's awake," he thought. He looked at the time. She must be very hungry. But could she eat after what happened this afternoon? He sighed, his regret multiplied a hundredfold. He cannot even begin to understand his behaviour, he chastised himself for his loss of control, it was no one's fault except his own. But the clear image of her face, her tear-streaked cheeks, her scared eyes, hands threwn above her head, baring her round breasts in front of his mystified eyes, and then her mouth smeared with scarlet blood came unbidden into his mind. He had no words to describe his condition right now, he felt like he was under a strong spell. I don't understand what I don't understand, he said that to the boy before, and now he simultaneously feels like he is beginning to understand and also not understanding a damn bit.

The humming of the pipes stopped from behind the walls and he knew she was done bathing. But damn if he goes to her right now, she might actually stab him with the first sharp object she could lay her hands on. He continued to ruminate there until the sun actually sets, the room turned dark and left him tortured with his own thoughts. "Tonight is going to be a bad one," he thought.

She stepped out from the bathroom and while she is quite sure he has already left, she still peered cautiously into her bedroom. Seeing nothing, she stepped out, wincing at every fall of her left foot. It must have sprained or twisted somewhat. She wrapped herself in a thick beige towel and sat on the bed. She ran her palm over the bedsheets, but while there is some half-dried wetness, it wasn't pee. Must have been sweat or something. She thought he did tell her there were extra bedsheets in the closet and after a slight rummaging, she found them. But even that short chore left her breathless with pain so she sat her sore body on the armchair instead to try to relax.

Did she nod off? Or was she so lost in thoughts that she didn't notice the passing of time? She opened her eyes and her room is now illuminated by moonlight from the huge bay window. She blinked a few times and started to stretch out her legs.

Three soft knocks on her door made her jump out of her skin. How could she forgot she was still living in the house with those barbarians? "Yes?" she answered, but the word came out as a hoarse whisper, so she cleared her throat and tried again. "What?"

"It's me," said the young man, and her heart softened. "I brought you your dinner." "Hold on," she managed to say. "Hold on, wait."

"Yes, don't worry. I'm waiting, take your time."

"Sorry, I'm coming."

"It's alright, please take your time."

She looked frantically for something to cover herself, but she really is too tired to rush around. "Wait," she said softly again. "I know, I'm waiting, don't rush."

She gave up. She walked slowly to the door and opened it a crack. His kind face broke into a smile when he sees her but turned into a frown when he notices her face. Before he could opened his mouth to question her, she said, "Do you... have any shirts I can borrow? Like..." She took a deep breath. Her chest was starting to hurt. "Like something with long sleeves. I... I don't know where my bag is..."

"Okay, wait here."

He went away but she didn't close the door back. She leaned on the sill, but her left foot was getting more sore. She slid down until she pooled on the floor, head now resting on the wall beside the door opening. After some time, he came back.

"Hey..." He squatted down and shook her gently from between the cracks. Her eyelids fluttered open. He continued speaking softly, "I found your bag, but here are some of my clean shirts. Just tell me if you need more later."

She looked at the stack he was extending towards her blankly. What is she supposed to do with it? He called her name tentatively and she looked up at him with the same puzzled look. What is he doing here?

"Okay, can I open the door, please? I think you're covered enough. I just want to help. Is that okay?"

She continued with the blank look but she nodded nevertheless. He couldn't care less whether this was a valid consent or not, she cannot stay like this forever. He stood up and pushed her door slowly open into the room. He went in to put her bag and the shirts on the bed, and picked up her dinner plate from the floor to be put on the table. He now turned to her, she has drifted off to sleep again, leaning by the door. He closed the door gingerly, making sure her hands or fingers are not getting caught. He wanted to carry her to the bed but he noticed some fresh bedsheets on the covers. She must have intended to change them. He took one look at her to at least determine she could stay put for a while, and after that, he proceeded to change her bedsheets. He worked as quickly as he can, and after that, he went to her. She was gently breathing, a little shallow but even. Something tells him that dressing her would be too much of an audacity, so he just picked her toweled body up and put her slowly on the bed, between the covers. Her head sank back into the pillows he fluffed up for her just now, and in the moonlight, he could see the entirety of her face clearly. Her lips were cut and swollen, there were bruises on her cheeks and neck, her eyelids couldn't close properly. "Was this all from the scuffle yesterday?" the young man thought in bewilderment. "I didn't think I was that rough pulling her away from that car." He looked over her body. Her shoulders are black from bruises encircling her upper arms. "Okay, now that wasn't me," he continued to think. He sighed. His leader *was* quite unhinged yesterday. He saw goosebumps starting to form on her skin, it shook him out of his reveries and the pulled the covers over her until only the top part of her face is showing. She continued to sleep soundly. "Oh, but she hasn't eaten yet," he realised, and a trace of worry entered his head. He let out another sigh, switched on a night light in a far corner of the room because he knew she didn't like to sleep in the dark, and took one last look at her on the bed before he closed the door quietly.

[thisishelena]

He had never felt such white-hot burning rage. He keeps a level head at all times, especially during a crisis, because too many people depend on him for orders and he needs to be aware and present at all times. But such unspeakable rage is making him blind for the very first time in his life and if he doesn't do anything about this, he might just resort to massacre.

He took long strides to her, and even though he swore to himself he would never do it, he reached out and grabbed her wrist. She squealed in pain and surprise but he didn't care. He pulled, and she stumbled forward. Without giving her a chance to correct herself, he dragged her up the stairs, still grasping firmly on her wrist.

"Ow! Let go of me! I said, let go--" she gasped as her knees banged on the steps. She tried desperately to cling to the banisters but he would not have any of that, not right now. He stopped, reached out with his other hand to yank her arm from the banisters and when she let go, he continued to drag her up to the second floor, screaming.

The other guys were watching haplessly near the front door. They have never seen their leader act so violently with her. Only the boy seemed to have an inkling of what is up, but he didn't dare to even try to help her with him. They heard her screams, the bang of a door being shut, and more shouts and screams coming from behind the door. "Shit," one of them said. "Shit is right," his brother countered. They look at each other, unsure of their next course of action. "I think we need to let them sort it out among themselves."

"But shouldn't we try to save her?" the boy finally found his voice.

"Save her?" Several scoffs all around. "Save her from what? He is not going to hurt her, come on."

"So you mean to tell me that that is normal behaviour from him?"

"What does that have to do with anything? Of course he's angry, didn't you see how worried he was all the time she was gone?"

"Yeah, you'd say that, considering the reason she ran away in the first place."

"You want to repeat that back to me, boy?"

"Okayyyyy, that's enough. Come on, enough fighting for one day, Jesus. Let them sort things out themselves. He taught us better than this. We already know our duties, let's just carry on."

The gang begrudgingly broke apart and went to their respective posts per their last assignments. Maybe it was fate that all those posts are stationed outside the building.

Upstairs, after the door was slammed shut behind them, he flung her to the floor. She was more affronted than in pain, she screamed at him to get out from her room.

"YOUR ROOM?! YOU MEAN MY HOUSE?!!"

"FINE! THEN LET ME OUT OF YOUR DAMN HOUSE!"

"LIKE FUCK I WILL! SIT DOWN!"

"NO!"

"I said...." His voice turned dangerously low. "Sit. The. Fuck. Down."

"I am already down on the floor, you stupid man. You threw me here," she hissed, looking up at his frightening figure with eyes bright with unshed tears.

He let out a yell. He picked her up by both her shoulders and flung her again but this time on the bed. Her body hit the headboard and her head bounced from the wall behind it. She gasped more in surprise than in pain, but the pain wasn't anything too trifle either. But the shock made her sit still and quiet, which is all he ever wanted her to do. His chest was heaving, his rage very well-documented on his face, he was clenching his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white.

"Why the fuck did you run away?" He tried to speak as measured as he can but it is getting more difficult by the minute.

She didn't answer immediately, her head was still reeling from the slam to the wall. She blinked and a few tears escaped from her eyes. She tried to take in a breathe before replying.

"ANSWER ME!"

"Wait..... I can't..." Her voice was small. But he is done feeling sorry for her. All he did was because of that. He feels sorry for her life, what she had to go through, her family, her father, her husband, that damned husband of hers, his Boss, he tried to be patient with her because he could see why she would act so precociously but her having so little regard for her life when he is spending all his waking hours figuring out a way to keep her alive is starting to wear him thin.

"I said, answer me."

She still keeps her mouth shut. He wouldn't be surprised if his heart decided to stop beating there and then, his blood pressure is certainly through the roofs now.

He turned and walked to the door. She looked up hopefully, thinking he wants to go out. But no, he just went to bolt the door and turned back to her. "Shit," she thought silently. He strode to the bed.

"Alright. If you can't understand why I said you need to stay here, maybe I'll just show you."

Again, she has no reply to that. What the hell is he talking about now?

"Do you have any fucking idea what will happen to you out there? Do you have any fucking idea why I am so adamant on keeping you in here? Do you have any shit damn fucking idea?!"

She could only manage to look at him without talking. The slam really knocked the wind out of her. She raised her arm to wipe her tears hastily. He has never been rough with her, never. Of all people, he is the only one she thought she could trust with his gentleness. She behaved outrageously sometimes, screamed like a banshee, destroyed properties, spoke with such venom, downright refused to comply even with the simplest instruction just because she felt like it. Sometimes being a bitch is the only way for her to assert her wants and the method worked very well throughout the years, it never crossed her mind to change her attitude. But he, he has never retaliated. Not one cross word, not one look of disgust, she mused that there must not be one angry muscle in him. No, he has never been rough with her. It is enough to shock her into silence.

Suddenly his look changed. He looked at her with eerie calmness, like a man with only one single thing occupying his mind and his body was moving automatically according to the instincts of a million years of humanity. His eyes were trained on her but they were emotionless, in all of her seven years knowing him, he has never seen him like this. But then again, there are so many things she has just come to know in the past few days, and she wonders how did she get through her life while such things were going on under her nose.

He reached out to unbuckle his belt. He loosened the top buttons of his shirt. He does all this wordlessly but his tall, slim build is vibrating with anger. He began to move towards her but there was only half a second of hesitance when he suddenly stopped, took a deep breath, both hands raking his hair from front to back. But when his eyes were on her again, the blank look came back to his countenance. He climbed on the bed, pulled both her arms up to the headboard and fastened his belt that he pulled out from around his trousers to bind her wrists to one of the wood slats.

Now she could manage to find her voice. She said his name plaintively. He didn't answer. He just proceeded to rip the front of her dress until her brassiere is exposed. That jolted her into quick alertness. "Hold on, what are---" He bunched up the ripped shreds of her dress and pushed it into her mouth. Now fear is starting to creep into her mind.

He slung one long leg over her trembling body and straddled her, clamping his thighs hard to make sure she cannot move anywhere. She began screaming but the sound is muffled by the makeshift gag. He put one finger to his lips and stared menacingly at her. That got her to stop, but now tears are starting to stream from the corners of her eyes.

"I ask again, do you have any fucking idea what could happen to you out there?" His voice was low, but with a snarl. After some time, she shook her head weakly.

He simply broke the straps of her brassiere, and he moved down her body. First, he nuzzled her neck roughly. She was startled, she turned her head away from him. She didn't know what could he possibly want to do there and the last thing she expected was to feel teeth. Her tears ran down faster.

He moved his mouth down, and next she felt hot lips clamping around her nipples. She wanted to gasp but she couldn't inhale any more air. His hands were roving up and down her chest and torso, finding her breasts, squeezing them, nuzzling them, letting them go, only to suck her nipples so strongly she arched her back the most that she can with his weight on top of her.

Oh my god, what could have possibly possessed him so? She is really afraid for her life now, and she has never been frightened of him before. Another bite clamped her right nipple, and she moaned unexpectedly. No, her own body is betraying her. This is certain not what she wants to do now. But he is much bigger and heavier than she is, and she cannot even find the energy to buck and throw him over the bed. And her hands. Her hands that were chained to the bedpost struggled in vain to escape, but the belt was tight and the more she struggled, the tighter the belt seemed to be. She looked up to her wrists to gauge whether escape is possible but his harsh voice brought her back to reality.

"Don't you even dare to fucking try." She looked back down and suddenly his face was coming closer to hers. He snatched the wad of now drenched ball of cotton out from her mouth and threw the soggy piece away. He captured her mouth, placing his lips over hers and just kissed her the way he had dreamt of doing for seven years. His right hand was pinching her chin, his left hand was stroking her hair back from her face. It wasn't until he tasted something metallic in his mouth that he finally pulled away.

She drew in a large, shaky breath but his hand clamped down quickly.

"If you scream, I swear I will do something much worse and you won't even have a voice to scream with. Do you fucking understand?"

She nodded quickly, and he lifted his hand. She gasped for breath, and coughed a few times. He must have done something a little stronger than he intended to do, because her lips are torn and blood is flowing from the cuts.

That snapped him back. The haze from his eyes cleared. He looked at the ruined girl under him and quickly got up to stand beside the bed. All his anger evaporated in an instant. He quickly untied the belt that was restraining her hands. And then he stood back and watched as she got up quickly and ran to the bathroom.

"Don't lock the door," he still managed to remember to say. And she miraculously listened for once. Now alone in the room, he is unsure whether to go or to stay. Maybe his face is the last thing she wants to see at this moment, so he decided he should go out from her room. He picked up the torn remnants of his shirt, his belt, and opened her door. Thank god his men are all stationed outside. He rushed out, but he made sure she can hear the door click so she knows it's safe to come out.

He entered his room and felt his knees buckle under him. He sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. "Oh my God, what have I done?"

[thisishelena]

Oh, but there’s no pleasure in resisting. So go ahead and kiss me 🫦🫀😮‍💨

[thisishelena]

She came downstairs at around 2 a.m. The entire house is quiet but she knows the house is far from sleeping. Some of them might be guarding outside, some might be patrolling, some maybe catching an hour or two of nap before waking and being on duty again. Sometimes she would see one or two of them snoring gently on the couch, some of them reading, some of them talking quietly outside where the wind would help sweep their voices away. But tonight, there is no one downstairs. The entire floor is dark, save the kitchen light. She stopped for a while at the foot of the stairs, craning her ears for any sounds that might hint where any of them are. When there is none, she ventured further, walking faster towards the kitchen, her wide-leg silk bedroom pants flutters around her ankles with her quickening pace, and she heard a faint *clink* of glass. She froze.

The anxiety was too much. She turned swiftly to run back up the stairs but a voice called out, "Come back here." Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest. It's him. Could she maybe stay quiet for a while until he thought he imagined her coming down? Or dare she inch her way to her room and pretend she didn't even come down in the first place? Or could she--

"I know you're there. I said come back here."

She let out a sigh of exasperation. She grudgingly turned back and walked to the kitchen until she can see him at the table near the window, looking out into the quiet night, a small glass of whisky in front of him. She walked further until she's near the table when he said, "Sit."

"I know, I'm about to sit. I don't need that order from you."

At that, he turned his head to look at her. Did she imagine a trace of mirth in his eyes? But his face is unsmiling. He watched her pulling out a chair and proceeding to sit. There was an unusual pang in his heart as he thought that she is used to people pulling out chairs for her and now she is doing it herself, whether out of necessity or spite, he cannot even begin to guess.

"What are you doing down here?"

She didn't answer straightaway. She looked out of the window as well, taking in the moonlit scene. Her silk, short-sleeved top is crinkled, her hair is tousled, as if she had tossed and turned in bed waiting for sleep that never came and she finally gave up. Little did he know that he is close to the truth.

He called out her name softly but he wasn't prepared for the jolt he felt when she abruptly turn and rest her eyes on him. "It's late. You should be sleeping."

"I think you should know by now I'm not going to easily do what I'm supposed to do."

"Yes, I am well aware of that and I accept that you are going to make my life as hard as possible but this is pure biology. It's late at night and human beings should be sleeping."

"Well, this human being can't sleep and she just wants to have something hot to drink and maybe sit somewhere else besides in that depressing room."

"Would you like to sit in my room instead?"

Her eyes widened. Even he himself can't believe those words were automatically uttered by his mouth. But he decided to play it cool and pretend he was purposely needling her.

"You know, getting me angry might be enjoyable to you guys but it's getting old honestly. And frankly, rather childish."

"I was just making conversation. Trying to banter like two old friends."

"Hah, banter. I'm surprised you even know the word."

He didn't quite understand this but he chose to be quiet.

"Like two old friends..." Her voice was soft. "How long have we known each other?"

"About 7 years."

"7 years..." She trailed off. Both of them are perfectly aware of the circumstances of their acquaintance. He didn't reply anything back. Two of his fingers were rubbing lazily over his whiskey glass. He is quite content to let them sit in this comfortable silence forever if it meant he could be this close to her.

"What is on your mind?"

"Pardon?"

"You're sitting here alone, drinking. Is there something on your mind?"

"There is always something on my mind. Several things all at once, in fact."

"Are you thinking about me in particular?"

He raised his eyebrows.

"I mean, like what to do with me? What is next for me? Where should I see myself in the future? Where are you going to deposit me next?"

"Deposit?"

"It's okay, I'm quite used to that already. I just want to have an idea of where I'll be, that's all."

He again exercised his control to stay silent in front of her.

"I mean, that's what you're going to do with me, right? You're going to send me off somewhere. I don't think you can send me back to the city. You can't send me back to my husband, for some reason, or you'd have done that already. You can't exactly leave me here forever. And you certainly won't let me leave on my own volition. So," she leaned forward, eyes locking with his, "where are you going to deposit me next?"

"I'm not depositing you anywhere, you will be wherever I am." His calm words masked his bewilderment.

She gave a little chuckle. "You expect me to seriously believe you could actually stand to be with me forever? You're dying to get rid of me as quickly as possible, I just want to know your rough plans so I know to arrange my days."

"I'm not 'getting rid' of you, where are you getting these ideas from?"

"Stop talking like that."

"Talking like what?"

"Like I'm some sort of bimbo who listens to a gaggle of girlfriends who dish out on some mundane gossip and opinions on other people's lives. I don't 'get ideas', I actually analyse situations and come to conclusions. Damn it, damn it to hell."

There it is. There is that short temper rearing its head again.

"Of course I don't mean it like that. I was just taken aback. You say that like you expect that from me, but that thought never crossed my mind even once. I swear."

"My father abandoned me, my family abandoned me, my own husband whom I was abandoned to now has abandoned me as well, I don't have to go very far to reach the conclusion that you're going to abandon me too. I'm not being pitiful, I just want to know your plan in advance."

"This is really quite disturbing. How on earth could you think I would abandon you even for a second? I'm sorry if you are impatient with my slowness to understand it all but honey, if you could just try not to bite my head off for a second, I can't simply hear something as absurd as that and continue the conversation."

The endearment slipped past his lips so quickly that neither he nor she could quite believe they heard it in the first place. Fortunately both decided to ignore it and the meaning it bears for the time being.

"This is a waste of time." She started to stand up. "I keep on having to explain myself and all my questions questioned back. It's really quite exhausting. Congratulations, you just might have driven me tired enough for me to be able to sleep."

In the fashion that he is already quite used to by now, she left the room angrily, her thick hair bouncing with every furious step that she take. He knew better than to call her back, or worse, pulled her hand to make her stay, even when every cell in his body is screaming out to do so. After a few minutes, he heard her bedroom door being closed shut. And he was left alone, again, in the dark, with all the unspoken love that is threatening to burst his heart to shreds.

[thisishelena]

Thinking about how amazing it'd be to have Bruno either edge me or overstimulate me with his mouth for exorbitant amounts of time

anon, you're so right. bruno is very patient when it comes to things like that; making you come undone is one of his favourite things, but making you beg him to let you come undone might just edge it out. as if he didn't already enjoy using his mouth on you enough already . . . watching you begin to squirm and get heated up and whimper his name is just encouragement to make sure that this lasts as long as possible.

. . . cancel anything he's supposed to be doing today. he's a man of responsibility, and he started this, so he's going to end it! eventually.

[thisishelena]

"I don't think I can do this any longer," he said to the young man in front of him. The boy's eyebrows furrowed. Sigh, he can't stop thinking of him as a boy. To him, he was still a street urchin he picked up, rescued from homelessness and took under his wing. He trained and taught the boy all he knew, he made sure he went to school, made sure he is not in want of anything, made sure he knows enough to defend himself and defend other deserving people, in hopes that he in turn will rescue someone else from the horrible life on the streets. Right now, the boy was staring at him with furrowed eyebrows, his usually strong, calm and collected protector seemed so helpless and out of sorts.

"What do you mean?" the boy broke the silence between them.

"I don't know, I can't be objective in this job anymore. I am not myself, I can feel it. I can feel myself slipping away from my core. I don't understand this, I don't even understand what I don't understand. So..." he stopped to let out a heavy sigh. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Well, I understand. It's because of the betrayal. You have been so loyal to the Boss all your life, of course you would be disoriented if all that changed so suddenly."

"It's not just that."

"Not just that?"

"No. I have seen this coming for quite some time. His methods, his execution, his decisions, have all become so barbaric. There was always something quite sinister beneath his charismatic exterior. I have known that for quite some time, but our organisation needs an anchor, someone to gravitate to. With the kind of power and influence we have amassed, can you imagine if there is no crown over that throne? "

"People are going to fight for an empty throne."

"And it won't be a mere fight. It will be a bloodbath."

"That is why you haven't tried to stop him before?"

"I... I tried to steer him away to more civilised methods. I tried to coax some grounded considerations into his judgment. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But over these last few years, I cannot even get into his head anymore. And ultimately, the inevitable happens. Where can we find him now? Where did he run to? Where is he hiding?"

The boy didn't give any reply, knowing full well it was all rhetorical. He is beginning to understand the reason behind his leader's actions.

"And he isn't even running and hiding to distance himself away. He is plotting revenge. He will not let this betrayal go unpunished. This is absolute disrespect to him, he is going to come for blood."

"Not to mention we have his wife with us."

The boy scarcely finished his sentence when he was startled by a bang on the table by his leader's fist. "That!" he raised his voice. "And that! That is another thing! I could have gone through hell and back, no, I *have* gone through hell and back. The organisation wouldn't get this big if I am felled down just by the Boss being away! We couldn't have total control over this region if I wither away under the Boss' patronising finger! I could betray him a hundred times and none of you would have been any wiser to it. The rise and fall of the Boss and organisation is in the palm of my hand. No! That is all child's play to me!" He is getting more agitated by the minute and the young man felt like he was seeing a new side of him. "But that! That... girl! She is destroying me! She has been destroying me little by little over these years, she has been destroying me since the day I set my eyes on her. And worse, she doesn't even know it! It's not like she planned it! She went through her life like a queen in a castle, getting along with everyone, smiling and hissing and spitting and laughing and getting into a temper and being her mischievous self to everyone, making everyone fucking worship the ground she stomps her feet on when she doesn't get her way, and she does all that without even realising how her very smile destroys me completely!"

Now the young man is agape. He considers himself to be quite quick in the head but this is totally making him dumbfounded. He honestly cannot even begin to formulate a sentence in response to that explosion of passion he has just witnessed from his leader. His usually calm and collected leader. His leader, who is quite plainly and desperately, in love with the Boss' wife.

[thisishelena]

"I don't know what you want from me! You took me away from everything that I knew! You whisked me away and you think I'm going to look all wide at you like some kind of savior, you bark orders at me, I don't even know head or tail of anything and you expect me to obey mindlessly, but that is exactly what you think of me, don't you?! Mindless! Why did you do that? What do you want me to do? What do you want from me?!"

"I want you to fuck me," he said quietly. She was just inhaling her breath to release another barrage of words but it got stuck somewhere in her chest. Her eyes slowly went wide. She forgot her own language but she managed a small "what".

"I want you to fuck me," he repeated simply. "I want you to fuck me until I am unable to breathe. I want you to fuck me until I forget my own name. I want you to fuck me until you kill me. Kill me, bring me the death I've always wanted, give me the release that I've always wanted but I can't bring myself to even seek for it because the day I set my eyes on you, you took away all my free will to live or to die. So I decided that it is you that should take my life. I want you to fuck me dead. That is what I want." He said this all in his usual matter-of-fact way, like when he laid out plans or discuss strategies with his men. It would be easier if he said all that like a lovelorn youth or a man ravaged by passion so she could counter that with equal rage, but when he said that like he was telling her to stay put in the room while the shooting was going on downstairs, she was at a loss for words.

"I....," she started. "Umm... won't I be charged with murder though?"

Now it was his turn for his eyes to get wide. He cocked his head in disbelief. "Is that really your reply to all that?!"

"No! It was... It was a question, that's all. I... It just came into my mind. I don't...." She was flailing in her head. "I'm sorry, okay. I don't know..."

The air hung thick between them. Her heart was beating so fast she could feel her fingertips vibrating. This was so antithesis to all that she has known, or thought she had known, about him. And he knew perfectly well she's married. Hell, it was her husband that entrusted her to him as her guard. But all his actions throughout these years and especially these last few weeks have shown her how important loyalty is to him. She herself had gotten so used to his presence; while her husband is like the sun and people were orbiting him and looking at him as their leader, her guard is like the moon, shining when his time comes and even when it's day, she knew he is always there. The events of the past few weeks are already confusing enough, what.... what is all this then.

While all these thoughts race through her head, she didn't even realise she was looking at him with the face that he had come to adore so terribly. Her brows are furrowed like she's examining a weird specimen under a microscope, eyes blinking so innocently, her cheeks getting redder as she digested his words one by one. But as embarrassed as she was getting, her brown eyes were still transfixed on his face. It was when she start to wet her lips to speak that he abruptly decided he should walk away without getting a response from her, at least not now. Looking at her now moist, red lips, he is not sure he can trust himself with her right now.

"I need to get down to the guys," he stood up so suddenly that she gave a little jump. "As usual, just stay in your room and call me... call any of us if you need anything. Of course I will inform you if there are any important developments."

"Wait, I..."

"It is for another day. It's late now. You should sleep. And I have to patrol."

She didn't answer, she just watched him march to the door and open it to go. He went out and closed the door without a second look at her. She blinked. "What the hell." She heaved out a strong breath. "What the actual hell."

[thisishelena]

"Go ahead, take my breath away"

✤ Shinazugawa Sanemi x reader

✤ Sanemi missed you when you were away; however, he won't admit it as easily. You'll have to wait for your insomnia for him to let you know.

✤ Fluff, slight suggestive content (implicit making out at the end)

✤ I recommend listening to u. by niteboi while reading for a better experience :)

✤ Word count : 1860

Another endless night was awaiting you. Except that you didn't know that yet. You just returned from a mission, and your boyfriend, Sanemi, was on a week-long break that Oyakata-sama had given him. He wasn't too fond about it though, considering that you were on a mission for the first three days. The only thing he could and would do during those days was training, to relieve the loneliness and frustration of not having you by his side. Sanemi was also slightly (hugely) worried about you, never knowing when you could get hurt or not. He would just try and get those thoughts out of his head by repeating moves of the wind breathing over and over again, and thought it has always been a relief for him to watch you walk into his estate safely when returning from your missions.

Of course, he wouldn't admit that easily that he missed you or that he was worried; but he would however lighten up after so much time without you. People would notice it from time to time, and would question him whenever a smile would appear on his lips when he saw you from afar. It did happen once with the insect pillar, who happened to pass by "Shinazugawa-san, why are you smiling ?" And when she did, he at first freaked out and denied everything. Shinobu made him think that she bought his explanation, but then she would see you afar and understand the reason behind such a bright smile.

You just came back today, and were more than pleased seeing Sanemi again. Even though you were better than him with words, it wasn't the easiest to tell him that you had missed him either. It wasn't a question of pride, it was more a question of anxiety regarding the response and/or the reaction. You already told him, but each time, it would just get you and you'd have to fight yourself over again.

You arrived at his estate and headed straight to his residence, even if the injuries on your body were begging to be patched up. To your eyes, the only medicine you needed right now was Sanemi. Three days, 72 hours, isn't that long, but there was just something about him that you never felt with anyone that led you right into his estate the second you returned. You didn't tell him when you were coming back exactly, just to keep that little surprise effect. The mission area was near Tokyo, so you happened to stop there to go buy him some Ohagis, at the best shop there was.

You opened the sliding door quietly, put your sword down and walked silently before putting down the sweet package on the kitchen table. Then, unexpectedly, a huge blow of wind went through every part of the house. You just knew where he was at that moment and what he was doing. On his side, Sanemi had sensed the sugared ohagis in the kitchen, especially with his sharpened senses.

He didn't pay much attention to it for now, knowing that Genya would sometimes drop them by. However, today was not the case, the pillar just didn't know it yet. You used your full concentration breathing to sneak through his senses since stealth was one of your specialties, and sat on the rock behind him, wanting to see how long it would take him to notice your presence.

It was only when he spinned with one of his techniques that he saw you looking at him, while his eyes widened a bit. He was afraid he just hurt you with that technique, since it's one who hits a large range of space around. You were too good for that though, and he pulled back his attacks to avoid having a destroyed house anyways.

He landed back on the ground and gazed at you before opening his mouth "When did you arrive ? I didn't notice" saying so. "Probably half an hour ago, I waited on that rock for at least 20 minutes while watching your flawless techniques" you answered, a light grin on your face. "So your way of greeting me after coming back from a mission is stalking me while waiting for me to see you ?" he said jokingly. "I wouldn't say stalking, but yeah kind of" you replied, elated to see he didn't change. Sanemi walked over to you before kissing your forehead, replying he'd greet you properly later.

"I'll gladly take that offer, Nemi. I also brought you some Ohagis on the way back" you added, before going back into the house. Sanemi smirked at your words and was so glad you were back home he was almost going to end his training. However, he wanted to avoid being seen like he just wanted to be by your side (although that's all he really wanted), so he decided to practice 10 more minutes before stopping.

When he finally entered the house after a while, Sanemi saw you writing your mission report in order to send it to the headquarters. He decided not to bother you for now, and stared at your gorgeous features before you caught him, some red of embarrassment covering his cheeks. You chuckled and went back to your report while he angrily left to shower. Before he arrived at the bathroom, he heard you say "Nemi, I'll be going to Shinobu's mansion after to have my injuries checked, I forgot about it, but I should be back in no time."

He then asked as if it was obvious "Why didn't you get it checked when you came back ? It's not good to leave them like that, you know" he stated. You sighed before playfully saying "Well, maybe I just missed you during my time away and I just wanted to see you." Hearing you say these words made his heart skip a bit and flustered him so much he didn't (couldn't) reply and shut the door before water dripping down was heard.

You laughed at his reaction while being a bit panicked, not knowing where you found that confidence. You were sure that if he asked you to repeat it while looking him dead in the eye, you probably wouldn't be able to do so again. You were at the same time regretting these words and amused by it, a rather uncommon mix of feelings, but at last, it wouldn't have been useless.

For the wind pillar, your words made him happy, and to say the least flustered. He was still under a certain state of shock and the blush had now covered all the surface of his cheeks. It was all fun and games when he was the one teasing until you gave it right back at him. That he couldn’t handle it well face to face, but oh how he loved it.

He just found it so attractive that he had never been able to hide his flusteredness. And especially when it was you, the person he deemed most beautiful and perfect in the world, he just died each time. He was at least glad to have some time alone to gain back his composure before your arrival to tease you even more.

Shinobu saw you arrive at the butterfly mansion while she was studying, and immediately scolded you for not coming as soon as you could, since some of your stitches had actually opened again. Luckily, they weren't serious ones, allowing you to lose only a minimal amount of blood.

"Ara ara, y/n, it's not because a certain white haired hashira is on your mind all day that you need to neglect your body and health like this. Please be more careful next time alright ?" she said, a tint of anger in her voice. You laughed. "Sure, I'll be more careful Shinobu, thank you for your help" you smiled lightly and left, heading back to Sanemi's estate.

He had finished showering and was chewing on an ohagi, wondering what to say when he'll see you. The sun had already left the blue sky and was replaced with the moon when you came back with some take-out. You put down your sword, took off your haori and headed to the kitchen where you found a quiet Sanemi in the middle of the living room staring in the void, before his purple eyes met yours.

"Hey, why were you staring at the void ?" you asked, while he got up. "I was just thinking of something" he replied, and since you knew he didn't like when people tried to force him into spilling the truth, you just left it there and invited him to eat dinner.

Then eventually came the night, and something was on your mind. Since the moment you came back, you noticed he hadn't kissed you once. On your forehead, sure, but did you do something wrong ? Were your words too much ? All these questions started to flow in your mind, making you unable to sleep even if you shut them down. And you weren’t just trapped with your thoughts, you weren't tired at all.

You barely got any sleep during the mission but your eyes didn't even feel heavy. You kept moving around trying to find a comfortable position to sleep, but it wasn't working and you were seriously starting to get annoyed, when you heard Sanemi's voice out of the blue "Can't sleep ?" he asked, so you turned around to face him.

"Yeah, my mind doesn't want to leave me alone," you replied, while admiring his pretty features the moonlight was reflecting. "Then, I might have an idea for you. It might be damn time that I greet you properly, no ?" he said, flirtatiously. It seemed that he had figured the exact way to tease you back and to keep his word. You sat up, starting to know where this was going and he did the same.

"Well, what may your idea be ?" you asked teasingly. You were answered with no words, just a few movements of his. Sanemi had pulled you on his lap and was resting his hands on your waist, and you definitely knew where this was going and you were far from complaining.

You put a hand on the side of his neck and the other in his white locks, and when you thought he was closing the gap between your lips, he went to your ear and seductively said "Go ahead, take my breath away."

He finally gave you what you wanted. A deep but sweet kiss. He then stayed true to himself and bit your lower lip, to let you know what he had in mind.

The kiss got more and more intense, but your respective lungs were needing air, so you pulled away from each other, breathing heavily. Sanemi rested his head on the crock of your neck and quietly said "I missed you too, hope you liked your greeting." You smiled at his words and replied while laying down together again "I loved my greeting, but I love you more." Sanemi smiled in your neck and whispered "I love you too..." before finally entering the world of dreams with you.

a/n : I loved this idea so much— I saw it once here on tumblr so it inspired me (basically the "making out to go to sleep") and it didn't help me sleep for my part since my insomnia got the best of me but I hope you liked it!

©kurtenshi2, do not steal/repost/re-write my works, and do not re-use my ideas.

MASTERLIST

[thisishelena]

elusive, enigmatic, epiphany

Author’s Note: don’t be a jerk. 🤗 PLS SEND REQUESTS (here)!

elusive, enigmatic, epiphany

Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader

Word Count: ~2,600

CW: explicit language, mild sexual content, traumatic references

Request Fulfilled: Hi! I really love your sanemi fics ! Can I request a bully sanemi who bullies his s/o and then suddenly falling in love with her?

~additional info here, image found here~

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